Home Sweet Home (15 page)

W
hen Andi woke up again in Nate’s bed, she wasn’t the least bit shocked by what had happened. How could she be, when making love with Nate, when being that close again, had simply been inevitable?

And yet what had made being with him so amazing, the real reason his every kiss and touch took her breath away, was because of their connection. Even ten years apart couldn’t break the strong emotional current that had always run between them.

She frowned as she sat up in his bed to look out at the lake through the window.

Unfortunately recognizing the steady strength of their bond didn’t help anything else make sense, and it didn’t mean that things between her and Nate could work beyond one beautiful sunrise.

She was reeling, not just from the most explosive lovemaking of her life, not just because Nate had dared to say “I love you” to her, but because being with Nate meant being a part of his sister’s life. Being with Nate meant being a part of Emerald Lake; it meant she would be tied down, tied here, to one person and one little town. Being with Nate meant letting go of the brass ring and giving up all of her dreams for something bigger, dreams that her father had helped to nurture.

And all of those things terrified her.

Fully awake now, Andi knew she needed to call over to the hospital to check on her grandmother and mother. Unable to find a phone in his bedroom—so different from how she normally slept with her cell phone on the mattress beside her—she found a robe on the back of his door and put it on.

She hadn’t felt shy when they were making love, but as she stepped out into his kitchen wearing his robe, she did.

“Good morning.”

Nate looked up from the stove where he was turning over pancakes with a smile. Madison sat at the breakfast bar reading a book and said, “Hi Andi.”

It was a little bit of a shock to be greeted so casually by the young girl. Was Madison so used to having women spend the night with her brother that she barely reacted?

Jealousy rode Andi like an out-of-control Mustang hell-bent on escaping its pen.

“Your grandmother is doing great, Andi.” Nate’s voice was warm. His eyes were even warmer as he took in his robe over her naked skin. “I spoke to Carol a little while ago, and she said Evelyn was awake and asking for her knitting needles.”

Andi instantly forgot all about her stupid jealousy. Of course, Nate wouldn’t parade women in front of his sister.

Relief flooded her as she leaned against the island. “I wish I could head straight back to the hospital to see her,” she said, but they both knew she’d promised her mother she would run the store today.

“I’d like to come with you tonight to see her, if you don’t mind.”

Andi wanted to throw herself on him, plant kisses all over his face. But he’d already given her so much. Too much. More than she had any right to deserve.

And she was scared. So damn scared.

Andi was about to say something like
Oh no, I know you’re busy
when Madison said, “Can I come too?” She shoved another huge bite of pancake into her mouth before adding, “I really like Evelyn. She comes into our class sometimes to read us books.”

How could Andi say anything but “Of course, you can come. I’d love that. And I know Grandma will be so pleased to see you, Madison.”

Still feeling horribly awkward in their cozy family kitchen, like she was the only piece that didn’t fit in an already-finished puzzle, she started backing out of the room.

“If you don’t mind, Nate, I’m just going to go take a quick shower, and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

But Nate was already sliding a plate of steaming pancakes on the counter.

“Sit first. You need to eat.”

She would have denied it in her effort to get the heck out of there, but her stomach confirmed the truth of its emptiness with a loud growl before she could. Leaving her no choice but to sit down on an empty stool and pour syrup over the pancakes.

“I’m really sorry about your grandmother not feeling good,” Madison said as she forked up another bite. “Nate told me she was coughing a lot. I had pneumonia once when I was a little kid, and it was really awful.”

“Oh, that’s really nice of you,” Andi said stiffly, feeling as far out of her element as she could be in the too-big robe with bed hair, eating pancakes in Nate’s kitchen with the sister he’d raised alone from a baby.

Trying to think of something, anything to say, she asked, “How’s the knitting going?”

She was surprised by Madison’s crooked smile. What a pretty girl she was. And so lucky to have a brother like Nate.

“It’s going okay.”

Frankly, Andi was shocked to hear that Madison had continued at all given how rough her beginning had been.

Nate’s face lit up with pride. “She’s almost finished a scarf.”

“Nate.” Madison’s voice held a note of warning. Clearly she was embarrassed.

“Wow,” Andi said casually, not wanting to make too big a deal out of it but wanting Madison to know how impressed she was. “That’s awesome. I’d love to see the scarf when you’re done.”

Andi took a bite of her pancake. “Oh my god. This is amazing.” She licked her lips again, closed her eyes as she took another bite. Her mouth was half full as she said, “I’ve never had pancakes this good.”

Nate was smiling at her when she opened her eyes back up, but his eyes were full of heat.

And the love he’d professed less than an hour before.

Madison finished her last bite, slid off her seat, put her plate into the dishwasher, then walked out of the kitchen, leaving them alone. Wanting to look anywhere but at Nate, Andi swept her glance around what she could see of his kitchen, living room, and dining room.

Nate’s home was classic Adirondack with two stories, a large screened-in front porch, and a shingled front. The windows were framed in red, and the rails of the stairs and the porch were beautiful, glossy logs.

“You have a beautiful house, Nate.”

It was the perfect home in the perfect setting. Andi couldn’t help but think Nate’s house was far more in keeping with the lake and the Adirondack Mountains than her mother’s big white house could ever be.

“I dreamed about building this place for a long time.”

Nate had always said he was going to build his own house one day. He’d done it, creating a real home for himself and his sister—so different from the cramped, dingy trailer he had grown up in.

She lifted her eyes to tell him this, and that’s when she realized he hadn’t taken his eyes off of her for one single second. The edge of darkness, the throb of heat—and love—in his gaze, ran little bolts of electricity down her spine. At which point Andi’s heartbeat kicked up so hard and fast she dropped her fork, the tines clanging loudly on the edge of her plate.

“Are you okay?”

Nate could see Andi trying to run from him again, trying to put back distance where they’d just erased it in his bed with the sunrise shining in on them.

“Nate, you were amazing last night. Thank you for being there. Not just for me, but for my mother and grandmother, too.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything, sweetheart. Not one single thing.”

He saw the flare of pleasure in her eyes at the endearment, along with the way it quickly morphed into panic.

“And what happened this morning”—she paused—“it was incredible, but—”

He put a finger over her mouth. “Not yet, Andi. Don’t overthink it. Not yet.”

“We have to think about it,” she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. “About what we’re doing. About the fact that it can’t possibly work.”

Sitting beside her in his kitchen, watching her pull away from him, feeling it in her every word, every panicked glance she shot him, Nate should have finally seen proof of everything he’d thought was true. That nothing had really changed from when they were kids. That she wasn’t going to stick through the hard stuff this time.

Only there was one big difference this time around: he wasn’t going to make the mistake he’d made ten years ago.

The second time around, Nate simply refused to lose faith in the one woman he’d always believed in.

His life had never been easy. Hell, in those early days, weeks, years after losing his parents, he hadn’t known how things were going to work out. All he’d known was that if he gave up faith in being able to take care of his sister and himself, then he would have been lost.

He had to believe he and Andi would work things out, too. He had to believe that together they’d find their way back to love. To a bigger, better, stronger love than they’d had before.

Because not believing it—and having to let her go again—would destroy him.

That was why he was going to believe—and let himself love her the way he always had, every single minute since they were kids.

“Let’s take it hour by hour, sweetheart. Day by day.”

That sweet hope flared in her eyes again before she tamped down on it. “But everything that happened between us—”

“Is all in the past now. You know it is, Andi. We don’t have to go back there again.”

From that moment he’d pulled her into his arms on the carousel, when she’d sobbed out her pain against his chest and they’d both honestly apologized to each other, he’d known that they were done having to go back to eighteen. Back to a place where neither of them had been anywhere near mature enough to know how to love the other person right.

He could see Andi didn’t want to believe him. And that she was frightened by the thought of not using their past as an excuse to keep them apart.

“But in the boathouse didn’t we agree that you have wide open skies and I have flashing city lights? That isn’t changing, Nate.”

“I may have the open spaces of this town, but I also have an empty space inside of me that no amount of blue skies could ever fill. Only you can do that, Andi.” He put his hand on her cheek. “When I’m with you, I don’t feel empty anymore.”

“And you make me feel warm again,” she whispered.

Her eyes opened wide with alarm, as if she had only just realized what she’d said.

Yanking herself back from his touch, she said, “It’s still a mistake, Nate.” Her beautiful blue eyes were sad. Resigned. “Being with you again was beautiful. And even though I should, I can’t make myself wish it didn’t happen.” She slid off her stool, picked up her plate, and held it up like a shield between them. “But none of that changes the fact that making love is still a mistake we can never repeat.”

D
orothy and Helen were sitting on the Lake Yarns porch when Nate dropped Andi off on the way to Madison’s school.

She thought she saw Dorothy’s eyes widen a bit, seeing the two of them together in the light of day, but fortunately the woman was far more interested in how Evelyn was doing than the state of Andi’s love life. Inviting them inside the store, she worked to get Lake Yarns ready for customers as she filled them in on Evelyn’s situation.

That first day she’d had to take charge of store she’d been so lost, had been so far in over her head. A week later she felt that she would be well able to take on another day at Lake Yarns, start to finish.

The only problem was, she couldn’t concentrate. She could barely think about anything but the slow slide of Nate’s hands and mouth across her body, could barely focus on anything but that sweet emotion in his eyes as they finally came back together. And she couldn’t stop remembering how many times she’d called their lovemaking a mistake.

As if saying it over and over could somehow make it true.

“You’re a good girl, taking over the store for your mother and grandmother.”

Andi looked up from a box of unspun alpaca hanks that she was unloading onto the shelves. She knew she needed to shake off her morning with Nate if she was going to get through the day. But it wasn’t like shaking off a bad business deal so she could make another pitch to another client.

This was her life—her own heart—she was trying to shake off.

“I’m sorry?”

Dorothy put a hand on her arm. “I know how exhausted you must be, honey. I was just saying I know how pleased Evelyn and Carol both are, knowing you’re here keeping the ship afloat.”

The warmth of the woman’s touch helped melt the ice that Andi had forced herself to swallow down in Nate’s kitchen.

“It’s not exactly a hardship, you know, hanging out with knitters all day.”

Her grandmother’s friend laughed. “My how things have changed. And how quickly. You should have seen your face at that first Monday night knitting group.”

Andi was surprised by her own grin and so glad for a reason to do something other than cry. At least for now. “I’m glad I could provide some laughs to the group.”

“Now,” Helen said, “tell us about Nate.”

Andi felt a telltale flush move across her cheeks. “He was great last night.”

Oh god, she thought, may they not realize there was more to “last night” than a trip to the hospital in an ambulance and a friend’s couch to sleep on. But she knew better than to even hope that these women would let it go.

They were knitters. They could execute complicated stitches that made Andi’s head spin just to look at the pattern.

And they could read a blush like a book.

They both leaned in. “Do tell.”

“He stayed with us in the hospital and really took care of me and Mom.”

Both women stared at her with knowing smiles. “I always wondered what he was waiting for,” Dorothy said. “Why he wasn’t married yet.”

Helen nodded. “Now we know.”

Andi’s mouth fell open. “No. He—I—We—” She forced herself to shut her damn mouth before she made herself into even more of a fool.

“You’ve had a difficult night. We shouldn’t be teasing you.” Dorothy and Helen each put a hand over hers. “Give your grandmother our love when you go visit her tonight.”

Before Andi could find her feet again—not that she’d been on them from the first moment she had set foot back in Emerald Lake a week ago—the door opened again. For the next hour, Andi reassured Evelyn’s friends. And when customers from out of town came in, her grandmother’s friends were right there helping them to find yarn and needles, helping to explain confusing patterns, giving their experience to new knitters.

Nate had been there for her last night. Today it seemed everyone in town was joining in.

The stack of get-well cards she had to deliver to Evelyn kept growing, becoming tall enough that she needed to co-opt one of the store’s shopping baskets for them. Through it all, Andi was amazed at the outpouring of love.

Jenny, a pretty middle-aged woman who worked about ten hours a week in the store and had the quickest fingers Andi had ever seen with needles and yarn, came in carrying an enormous vase of flowers. “I ran into the UPS guy outside.”

She put them down on the counter, and after Andi had given her the update on Evelyn, Andi remembered to ask, “How did your son do on the math test he was so worried about?”

Jenny was happy to brag about her kids for a while. “He got a 90 percent. And Susie got the lead in the school musical.”

“They’re great kids.” Andi had met Jenny’s son and daughter the previous week when they’d dropped by the store for a few minutes after getting milk shakes at the diner.

“Susie wants to have a formal knitting lesson with you soon, by the way. She keeps asking me if I’ve talked to you about setting it up.”

“But you’re a much better knitter than I am.”

“I’m also her mother. Trust me, she’s better off learning from you.”

Andi couldn’t hide her pleasure at the request. “Tell her I’d be thrilled to teach her what I know.”

“You’re great with kids, you know. You have the same touch Carol and Evelyn do. All of you are effortless teachers.”

Surprised yet again by the positive comparison to the women in her family, Andi honestly replied, “I’m just trying to keep from running all of my mother and grandmother’s customers away while they’re gone.”

Evelyn’s doctor had made it perfectly clear that her grandmother would not be able to resume her regular hours at the store. No question, Evelyn’s days of running Lake Yarns were over.

“Actually Jenny,” Andi said, “I really need to find someone to manage the store. Are you interested?”

“Very part-time is pretty much all I’ve got right now.” Jenny frowned. “But what about you? I thought maybe you were…”

Andi knew her expression must have been one of absolute horror because Jenny stopped and put her hand on Andi’s arm.

“Sorry. I know you’ve got a big job in the city. I was just hoping that you’d started to think about sticking around. Especially with you and Nate being together.”

“Nate and I aren’t—”

Andi cut herself off before the lie could drop completely. She and Nate
had
.

“How could people be talking about us?”

“You’ve been spotted around town together. At the bar. In his car.” Jenny shrugged as if it was no big deal. “Look, if people are indeed talking about you, who cares?”

Andi opened her mouth to explain all the reasons she cared, but nothing came out.

“Nate’s an amazing guy. You’re a wonderful woman. If anything, people are going to be thrilled to find out that the two of you are a couple.”

Until she left him high and dry. Again. Then she’d be the villain. Local girl gone bad. It was just what she’d wanted to avoid, part of the reason she had tried so hard to resist Nate. In a town like Emerald Lake, gossip was as much a part of the local infrastructure as the historic buildings.

Wanting desperately to turn the conversation away from her and Nate, Andi said, “Well, if you think of anyone who would be a great manager, could you let me know?”

“Sure, Andi. I’ll help out any way I can. You know that. But for the record, I still think you’re the best choice. No pressure, of course.”

Considering that pressure was her middle name lately, Andi had to force a laugh she didn’t really feel.

She felt guilty about leaving her family’s store in a stranger’s hands by going back to her job in the city. She felt guilty leaving her company in the lurch by being here in her family’s store.

She’d been pulled in so many directions since returning to town—from Nate, from her family, from the store, from her job, from her new friends—she felt dizzy with it.

Jenny said, “You look beat. How about you let me take over for a few minutes while you get out of here and find something to eat and drink?”

Andi nodded gratefully. Her throat felt raw from the constant talking all morning, the tears the night before, and the in-between when she’d been unable to hold back the honest sounds of pleasure at how sweet it was to be back in Nate’s arms.

She bent over to pick up her bag and a folder slid out.

Her heart stilled.

How could she have forgotten for even a second the entire reason she’d come back to town?

In order to make the architectural review deadline for the month and be a part of the town hall meeting this Thursday, she needed to file the papers today. She looked up at the clock in horror.

The town clerk’s office closed in ten minutes.

The taste of betrayal filled her mouth. This morning she’d been in Nate’s bed. And even if it had been a mistake precipitated by a moment of weakness, even if she’d made it perfectly clear to him that there wasn’t going to be a repeat performance, it didn’t make filing the papers to get the condos under way just hours later feel any less wrong.

Nate would think she was using the condos to lash out at him, to push him away. He would think she was using the condos to make sure he didn’t get too close.

He wouldn’t understand that the condos had nothing to do with what she felt for him, that it was all her own deal. He wouldn’t understand that she’d worked too hard to fail now, that she couldn’t stand the thought of waking up and seeing that everything she’d given up for her career might all be for nothing.

“You dropped this,” Jenny said, handing her the thick folder.

Andi stared at her project plans for a long moment before taking it.

The town clerk’s office was on the other side of Main Street from Lake Yarns. Every step Andi took was heavier than the one before it. And still she continued on, past the grocery store, past the art gallery, past the ice cream shop. She came to a stop at the mayor’s office and looked up at his window.

Never more than at that moment did she wish that she and Nate weren’t on opposite sides of her building project. They’d had to overcome so much from their past just to get to where they were now.

A few seconds later she pushed open the heavy front door to the town clerk’s office and practically walked headfirst into Catherine.

“Andi, I’m glad to see you.”

She was? Andi wasn’t at all sure she managed to mask her surprise in time. Where was Catherine’s cold glare from knitting night when they’d been going at each other in the back room of Lake Yarns?

“I’ve been wanting to come by the store all morning to ask about Evelyn. Nate told me she was awake and wanting to knit this morning, thank god. Any other updates?”

“She’s still on oxygen, but the nurse let her talk to me for a minute.” Andi had to smile at what Evelyn had said to her. “She wanted to make sure I could handle the store on my own.”

“Sounds like the Evelyn we all know and love.”

As they stood together on the sidewalk chatting, Andi could almost think they were friends again. But then Catherine looked down and saw the folder in her hands, the
KLEIN GROUP PROJECT
tab facing out in bold, black letters.

Catherine’s smile fell. It was perfectly clear to Andi just how disappointed she was. “You’re still going through with your plans?”

Andi took a deep breath. “I am.”

“Everyone in town is going to be at the town hall meeting, you know. And they aren’t going to care that you grew up here.” Catherine didn’t look angry anymore, not the way she had last night at the knitting group, but she obviously wasn’t thrilled in the least with what Andi was doing. “It isn’t going to make them any less honest about what they think.”

Andi had loved town hall meetings as a little girl, the way the adults would often yell at each other for what seemed like absolutely no reason. But she’d never thought she’d be one of those adults.

What other choice did she have? If she didn’t file the papers, she’d lose her job. And the truth was, Andi still believed the condos could be good for Emerald Lake. Just as she told Nate that first night at the Tavern, she’d make sure they were.

Finally Andi said, “I’m sorry you’re so upset with me.”

Catherine’s gaze didn’t waver. “I am, too.”

As she walked away, Andi had to put her hand over her breastbone. It felt like something sharp was digging into her chest, piercing her skin, trying to get all the way into her blood and guts.

Ten minutes later she was back out on the sidewalk, holding an empty folder.