Home to Whiskey Creek (13 page)

“I wish I knew. Group mentality? Peer pressure? Cody could be so persuasive. If he’d told me to jump off the mountain, into the river, I probably would’ve done that, too.” His chest rose as he drew a deep breath. “Do you...do you want me to go to Chief Stacy and confess? Is that why you’re back—to speak up? For retribution?”

Retribution? Not after this long. “No. Let it go,” she said, and closed the door.

* * *

Gail had lent them the cabin. And Lisa had brought a friend, as promised. Yvonne whatever-her-last-name-was—Noah couldn’t remember—was even prettier than Lisa. She seemed to like Baxter, too, which was why Noah couldn’t understand why Baxter remained so impassive. He’d barely spoken during dinner, had drunk much more than he’d eaten and seemed remote as they were sitting on the elaborate deck, making s’mores over a fire pit.

“The view here is
amazing.
” Yvonne smiled at Baxter; she’d been attempting to win him over all night. Not that it had done her any good. “What river is that?”

When she pointed at the gorge below, Noah felt obliged to answer, since Baxter didn’t. “It’s the North Fork of the Stanislaus. It eventually empties into New Melones Lake down by Angels Camp.”

“I love that area.” She leaned forward to check the marshmallow on the end of her roasting fork, giving him and Baxter a generous view of cleavage. Noah felt his body react, but Baxter grimaced as if he
resented
her attempts to interest him.

What the heck, Bax?
Noah thought when Baxter made no attempt to keep the conversation going. They’d brought these girls up here hoping to have a good time. But Baxter didn’t seem to be enjoying himself, and that was ruining everyone else’s fun.

“It’s nice,” Noah said.

“Is this really Simon O’Neal’s cabin?” Lisa stood and gazed up at the giant home, which was cut into the side of the mountain. She’d already removed her shoes and had been brushing up against Noah at every opportunity. Now she came over and climbed into his lap.

“Hey, I was making you a marshmallow,” he complained when he could no longer see what he was doing.

She claimed the roasting fork—apparently rich people didn’t use hangers—and took over. “I’d rather have
you
than a marshmallow.”

“Chocolate was going to be involved,” he teased.

She twisted around and started kissing him. “This is better than chocolate, isn’t it?”

Noah might’ve let himself get swept away. He had no strong feelings for Lisa. Until this very second, she hadn’t even particularly excited him. But he thought he could get excited. Lord knew he didn’t want to think about the things that had been on his mind since he’d stood on that platform last night, crying in front of the whole town. Sex had been the perfect antidote to his pain in college. He didn’t see why it wouldn’t work for him tonight. He hadn’t been with a woman since he’d ended his racing tour.

“You’re on fire,” Baxter said.

“I am,” she admitted, and kissed Noah more deeply.

Baxter cleared his throat. “No, I mean you’re
really
on fire.”

With a curse, Lisa broke off the kiss so Noah could extinguish her flaming marshmallow. “That’s how hot I am,” she said to Bax with a laugh.

Noah expected Bax to make some sort of witty comeback. He had the personality for it. But while his best friend responded, he sounded petulant,
not
funny. “That’s a matter of opinion.”

Before things could get any worse, Noah decided to pull him aside.

“Uh, could you excuse us?” He handed the roasting fork to Lisa. “Make one for me, okay? I like it warm and gooey.” He winked to soften Baxter’s reaction. “I’ll be back.”

“Baxter, would you like one, too?” Yvonne called after them.

“Hell, no,” he grumbled before Noah could drag him into the kitchen.

“What’s wrong with you?” Noah whispered as soon as the French doors were closed. Lisa and Yvonne could see them through the glass but wouldn’t be able to hear.

Baxter motioned to the women sitting out on the deck. “This is what you want? Some...cheap piece of ass?”

“I haven’t had sex in ages. What’s wrong with getting some tonight? Everyone understands the rules. We’re just having fun.”

“Maybe
you’re
having fun, but I’m not.”

“
Why?
That’s the question. Yvonne’s beautiful. What’s not to like about her?
Or is it that you don’t like women at all?
”

Noah knew he’d had too much to drink when that question popped out.

Baxter looked startled, but he quickly rallied. “It’s about time you had the balls to ask me. Maybe I should finally tell you the truth.”

“Stop it.” They were going too far. Noah wanted to reel that question back in before Baxter could answer, before it was too late to retract it. “If you aren’t having fun, we’ll leave. Not that big a deal. I’m not invested either way.”

“No. I’m tired of hiding, Noah. Don’t you see? I can’t do it anymore. It’s killing me to sit back and watch you, to keep pretending I don’t ache every time you touch someone else.”

A strange desperation took hold of Noah. He squeezed Baxter’s arm. “
Think
about what you’re saying—”

“I have thought about it!
Every
damn day! Every time I close my eyes you’re there. Every time I open them, too.”

“Bax, we’re best buddies. We grew up together. I’ll always be there for you and you’ll always be there for me. Don’t...make it awkward.”

“It’s already awkward for me, and you know it. At least see me for who I am instead of who you want me to be. Half the time I feel fucking invisible around you!”

Not only was he cursing, he was screaming. Something had just...snapped inside him.

Noah turned to see if the girls had heard. They were watching them as if they didn’t know what to do. But Noah couldn’t care too much about them. He could tell that his whole world was about to shift. He needed to make sure it didn’t, needed to put a lid on this.

“Bax, look...” He paused, trying to calm down. “You’ve had too much to drink. We both have. That’s all. Don’t do this to me—”

He jerked away. “To
you?
Do you know what it’s been like watching you sleep with one girl after another? To see you look at them the way I want you to look at
me?
”

Oh, God! Did he really say that? Noah knew it was too late, but he couldn’t help trying to control the damage. “Bax, you know me. You
know
I’m not gay. Don’t put me in this position. If you...if you like men, that’s your deal, I guess. I’ll accept it. Of course I will. I would never want to live my life without you. But I can’t... I mean, I don’t feel...”

Baxter filled in as he struggled to find the right words. “The longing I’ve felt? No, I’m sure you don’t. You have no idea what it’s like to be me.”

Noah had lost his buzz. He felt light-headed, but sick. “What can I do?”

“I don’t want you to do anything. I’m leaving.”

“You’re drunk. You can’t drive.” Noah started after him but stopped when Baxter swung back.

“On second thought, since this is goodbye, you might as well give me what you gave her so easily. At least it’ll be something to remember you by.”

“What are you
talking
about?” The girls, watching in such stunned amazement, distracted Noah enough that he wasn’t prepared for what came next. He was too busy trying to think of some way to stop the destruction that was taking place, some way to save their friendship. Baxter meant much more to him than this date or those girls. But he didn’t feel anything sexually for him. He couldn’t even understand how Baxter could be attracted to men.

He opened his mouth to say he was sorry for dragging him up here, to admit that he’d suspected for a while and should’ve been more honest with himself. But the next thing he knew, Baxter was pushing him up against the wall and kissing him with as much passion as Lisa had.

Noah’s first impulse was to throw Baxter off him at all costs. Rage charged through his veins like acid. He didn’t want this kind of contact, found the sexual aspect of it stomach-churning. But pushing Baxter away would hurt and humiliate him. And he cared enough about his best friend not to show how deep his repugnance went. He stiffened, but he neither welcomed nor rejected the kiss.

When Baxter pulled back, he seemed surprised. “Well, you didn’t break my jaw like I expected. That was decent of you,” he said and, head bowed, shoulders slumped, he walked out.

Noah slid down the wall to the floor. What had just happened? Had he really been kissed by a
guy?
By his own
best friend?

“Holy shit,” he whispered, but as his shock faded, his regret escalated. This was his fault. He shouldn’t have brought Baxter up here. He’d pushed him into declaring himself by trying to force him to behave like a regular dude, all in an effort to perpetuate the illusion he’d been clinging to for so long. But he knew, had known for some time, that Baxter’s sexual orientation wasn’t the same as his. No matter how hard he’d tried to ignore the signs, or talk himself out of what he was sensing, it was always there, wasn’t it?

The door from the deck opened and closed as the girls came in. “Did...did your friend really just stick his tongue down your throat?” Lisa asked, obviously horrified. “I mean...he did, right? I saw him. I saw him with my own eyes.”

Noah covered his face as he struggled to hold down his dinner. He didn’t know what made her think her tongue was any better than anyone else’s, and yet, if he was being honest with himself, he was every bit as grossed out as she was. He prided himself on being open-minded. He respected an individual’s right to live as he saw fit. But...
shit,
he felt as if he’d been sexually assaulted!

“Please go,” he said. “And don’t...don’t ever call me again.”

“I won’t now that I know you’re gay,” she snapped. “Why didn’t you
tell
me you have a boyfriend?”

He raked his fingers through his hair. “I
don’t
have a boyfriend.” He’d had a
best
friend, one he’d known since he could talk, but he was ninety-nine percent sure he didn’t have that friend anymore.

“As if we can believe
you.
” Yvonne rolled her eyes. “What’s wrong with guys these days?” she muttered in exasperation. “
All
the hot ones are gay.”

He didn’t get the chance to defend his masculinity. But he didn’t care to even try. Lisa and Yvonne had no idea how much his friendship with Baxter had meant to him over the years and how much he’d miss it in the future. As far as Noah was concerned, Baxter had become a brother to him. In some aspects, he’d replaced Cody.

Why couldn’t Bax feel the same? Why did they have to turn out so different?

Since this is goodbye....

Baxter never would’ve kissed him, certainly not like a lover, if he’d planned on maintaining the friendship. That he’d take it so far, that he’d let his feelings tempt him into crossing that line, upset Noah more than anything else.

Lisa had been getting her keys out of her purse. When she lifted her head, she said, “I need gas money.”

He blinked up at her. “What?”

“You’re the one who had us drive all the way up here for nothing. I think you owe me a few bucks.”

He’d fed her a nice dinner. That wasn’t
nothing.
“You can’t be serious.”

“I’m completely serious!”

Could he have drunk more than he thought? Because this night just kept getting crazier.

He managed to dig a twenty out of his pocket, which he threw in her general direction. Then he got up and scooped his keys off the counter. He had to go after Baxter, get him off the road before he hurt himself or someone else. They could sort everything else out later. Once they’d both had a chance to...to calm down and sober up.

But then he realized if
he
had his keys, Baxter didn’t. He’d driven. So Baxter must’ve left on foot. He had a long walk ahead of him if he decided to hike back to town on his own, but he had a cell phone. He could call someone. At least he wasn’t going to get into a drunk-driving accident.

“Thank God,” Noah muttered, and sank back down to the floor.

“Grab that bottle of wine, too.” Lisa motioned toward the counter, talking to Yvonne. “I’m going to need it after seeing
that.
”

Her friend seemed a little hesitant. “That hasn’t been opened. We can’t just—”

“Take it,” Noah snapped.

Yvonne hugged the bottle to her chest as she walked past him, but even gas money and a good bottle of wine wasn’t enough to get rid of Lisa without further comment. Her lip curled in disgust as she turned back for a parting salvo.
“Fag!”
she spat, and slammed the door behind her.

14

K
evin Colbert stood behind the bar he’d had Riley Stinson build in his basement. This part of the house was
his
domain, a place his wife rarely visited, except to clean. His kids liked to come down here. So did his football players, because he had a pool table, a big-screen TV with the most extensive sports package available on satellite and the latest gaming system, along with plenty of comfortable seating. It was the perfect man cave. But it was late, even for a Saturday night. His kids were in bed. His wife knew he had friends over; she was upstairs reading yet another book—she went through four or five a week. And his football players hadn’t been invited. Tonight he’d asked only Stephen Selby, Tom Gibby and Derek Rodriguez to stop over for a few minutes—and they’d each reluctantly agreed.

“Have you seen this?” He pushed Adelaide’s front-page story in the
Gold Country Gazette
across the wooden bar.

Folding the paper in half, Derek set it aside. “Look, we all know why you asked us here. So let’s just cut to the chase and get this over with so we can go home. I don’t like meeting with the rest of you, especially after midnight. Someone could see our cars out front and put two and two together—figure out that we’re in a panic and scrambling to cover our asses.”

“And how would anyone do that?” Kevin challenged. “We’ve been friends for years. We have the right to socialize.”

Stephen gave him a look that said he was out of touch with reality. “We haven’t hung out in ages, Kevin. Not since you started thinking you were too good for the rest of us.”

He was the most successful of the four of them, wasn’t he? Although Tom had a family and a reliable job, he didn’t have the public image Kevin had. Besides, Tom was weak, run by his wife. Kevin no longer had any interest in these people but, thanks to the past, he was tied to them whether he liked it or not.

“What are you talking about?” he asked. “I’ve just been living my life. And so have you. It’s not like you’ve extended
me
any invitations in the past decade.”

“No one’s extended any invitations.” Tom shook the ice in his glass. “Why would we? Seeing one another reminds us of what we did, and what we stand to lose if it gets out. At least, that’s what it does to me.”

Stephen laughed as if he didn’t care. “Yeah, well, some of us stand to lose more than others.”

“You think it’s funny?” Kevin kept his voice down. He definitely didn’t want to attract his wife’s attention. She could be oblivious, but that didn’t mean she was outright deaf. “Maybe you don’t understand that we could
all
lose our freedom.”

“That’s unlikely,” Stephen scoffed. “Maybe it’ll cost you your job and your marriage. Tom, too. But I doubt we’d go to prison. They’ve got to prove we did it first.”

“It’s better if we don’t go down that road.” Kevin had been so on edge ever since he’d heard Addy was back he’d scarcely been able to function, and this was only making his anxiety worse. “I’ve looked into it. There’s no statute of limitations on gang rape in California.”

Stephen sucked the foam off his beer. “Is that why you panicked and kidnapped her? Because we all know Aaron didn’t take her to the mine.”

Kevin shook his head. “It wasn’t me. That’s why I called this meeting, to make sure we all understand that kind of shit can’t happen again.”

“Why not?” Derek wanted to know. “I, for one, am grateful. Maybe now the bitch will keep her mouth shut.” He chuckled softly. “I had Noelle deliver a message making the same point. I wish I could’ve seen her face when she found out the necklace she was wearing came from me.
Courage.
I knew she’d eat it up. You gotta love that.”

“You don’t get it,” Kevin said. “If one of us gets caught doing something stupid, it puts the rest of us in jeopardy. Hurting her will only make things worse.”

“You mean hurting her
again,
” Tom said.

“Fine. Again.” He didn’t hide his impatience. “But even you will like this next part,” he told Tom. “From here on out, we leave her alone. If she says anything about what happened at the mine, we deny it. It’s that simple. There are four of us and only one of her. Together we have a lot more friends than she does. Her accusations won’t go anywhere.”

“I don’t want to make what we did worse by calling her a liar,” Tom said.

A flash of anger, and desperation, nearly made Kevin lash out. “Would you rather go to prison?” he responded in a harsh whisper.

“Of course not. I just—I feel so bad.”

“You’ll feel a lot worse if your wife has to live with the shame and embarrassment of what you did, if she has to raise your kids without you.
She
hasn’t done anything wrong, any more than my wife has.”

When Tom kneaded his forehead but didn’t answer, Derek shot Kevin a glance that confirmed he was concerned about Tom’s state of mind, too. They all had to stand together. If Tom cracked...

“We might be able to avoid criminal charges by denying it,” Derek said. “But even being accused of rape will create doubt and suspicion, and that could follow us around for years.”

“There’s no help for that,” Kevin said. “The people who really count will believe us.” At least, he prayed that was true. He’d never done anything to his wife that would lead her to think he was capable of rape. But if Addy spoke up, he was afraid Tom would finally cave. Or maybe others who’d been present at the party would start remembering certain details—snippets of conversation or having seen them drag Addy into the other part of the mine. So far, no one had come forward but then, the specter hadn’t been raised. Who knew what would happen if it was?

Stephen finished his drink in several quick swallows. “You’re certain that’s our best course?”

A creak sounded overhead. Kevin waited to be sure it wasn’t his wife, crossing the floor to come to the top of the stairs. When he was satisfied that she wasn’t about to yell down at him, he continued. “As far as I can tell. Think about it. No one’s going to want this to come out, not even the damn mayor.”

Derek nodded. “Mayor Rackham thinks his son could walk on water,” he said. “You saw the tribute Cody received last night. No way would Mr. Mayor want anyone to learn that his son instigated a gang rape. He wouldn’t believe it even if he was told.”

“Exactly.” Picking up the paper Derek had shoved aside, Kevin slapped it in front of them again. “We can’t have any more of this. We have to agree not to touch her.”

“I’m finding it hard to believe you didn’t take her back to the mine,” Tom muttered, staring at Kevin.

It came as no surprise to him that Tom would be the one to say this. His guilty conscience was driving Kevin crazy. Tom was as dangerous to them as Addy. “I’m telling you I didn’t.”

He frowned. “Someone did.”

They all looked at one another, but no one confessed.

“Fine.” Kevin made a dismissive motion. “I can see why no one would want to take responsibility. That’s not necessary, anyway. It’s over and done with. We just have to hope Stacy remains focused on Aaron Amos. But even if he doesn’t, we stay calm. We don’t react. Otherwise, we could really get ourselves in trouble.”

“Kevin, honey?”

Kevin held his breath. His wife was at the top of the stairs. “What?”

“Are you almost done?”

“I’ll be right up,” he called back.

“My wife will be wondering where I am, too.” Tom slid off his stool. “I’ve got to go.”

“So what do you think?” Kevin intercepted him before he could reach the stairs. “Are we on the same page? You’re not going to confess, are you? You don’t want your girls to live the rest of their lives knowing their father was a rapist. You don’t want your wife to leave you.”

“Of course I don’t want that.” Tom looked tired as he rubbed his face. “But you know what hurts the worst? Besides the fact that what we did will never, ever go away?”

Kevin feigned interest, but he didn’t want to hear it. Why agonize over something he wouldn’t bother regretting if there wasn’t any danger of getting caught? It was something stupid they did at a high school party. So what? “I’m listening.”

“I don’t remember enjoying the sex. It was brutal and degrading—to her and to us.”

“You can thank Stephen for getting us into that one,” Derek piped up. “As I recall, it was his idea.”

Stephen slammed down his glass. “Don’t you dare blame me!”

“It
was
your idea,” Tom said sullenly.

He slid off his stool, too. “Cody’s the one who wanted her, but she wouldn’t let him touch her.”

“So you told him to rape her,” Tom said. “Told him she deserved it. Said she’d been leading him on all night.”

“Shut up!” Kevin didn’t like where this was going. “I don’t want to discuss it anymore.”

There were a few seconds of strained silence. They were all laboring under a certain amount of fear. But they had no choice; they
had
to control it.

Finally, Derek picked up his keys. “Why the hell didn’t she tell anyone back when it happened?”

“Because she doesn’t want anyone to know, either,” Kevin said. “See what I’m saying? We lie low and everything will be okay.”

“Sometimes I wish I’d been crushed in that mine instead of Cody,” Tom said.

Shocked by the vehemence behind those words, Kevin seized his arm. “Look, you have to forgive yourself and put it behind you.”

“You have a daughter,” Tom responded. “Don’t you ever think about what you’d do if something like that happened to her?”

“No.”

“Because...”

Kevin refused to even entertain the possibility. “Because my daughter won’t turn out to be a stuck-up bitch, okay?”

* * *

Noah wasn’t sure why he eventually made his way to Milly’s. He had plenty of friends to turn to—except they were Baxter’s friends, too, and he didn’t feel he could go to any of them. Whether Baxter decided to come out of the closet was up to Baxter. Noah couldn’t out him; a guy deserved more from a lifelong friendship. Besides, he didn’t want anyone to know what had happened at the cabin. He was humiliated by it—and yet he felt the need to talk to someone. He sure as hell didn’t want to be alone right now.

Fag...

He’d never been called that before in his life. He shuddered to think what Baxter would endure if he openly admitted that he was sexually attracted to other men. Imagining the repercussions made Noah angry—angry with those who’d feel superior enough to put him down and, perhaps illogically, angry with Baxter for being vulnerable in the first place. And how was it that Baxter had fallen in love with
him?

He certainly hadn’t done anything to solicit that type of interest.

Taking another pull on his bottle, he stared at Adelaide’s house. She didn’t want anything to do with him. So...why had he come here?

Because he was just drunk enough to ignore his better judgment. He’d sobered up so he could make the drive from the cabin, but as soon as he arrived home, and started thinking about Baxter kissing him
like a lover,
he’d decided he couldn’t handle being clearheaded quite yet. He’d gone directly to the liquor store down the street and had been walking around town ever since, trying to ease the upset that had both his mind and his stomach churning.

When he swayed and almost fell, he knew he needed to go home and call it a night. It was twelve-thirty, too late to pay Addy a visit. He’d scare her by banging on her door in the middle of the night.

But home was beginning to feel like a very lonely place. He already dreaded morning. No matter how much he drank, the reality of what Baxter had done, what he’d revealed, would hit him hard.

“Shit.” He walked away. He only lived a few blocks down. But when he reached the corner, he pivoted and headed back. He might as well
knock.
Addy had her own door. She didn’t have to open up if she didn’t want to.

He tripped as he climbed the porch steps, grabbed for the railing and dropped his bottle. Fortunately, it fell into the bushes and didn’t break, but he cursed as he caught himself.

The noise must have awakened her because the light went on.

“It’s just me,” he said when he saw her peeking out the window.

The door opened, which gave him hope, but she stood in the narrow opening, watching him with uncertainty. “What are you doing here, Noah?”

The porch seemed to be spinning. He put a hand on the door frame to steady himself. “I...” He searched for something he could say to make this moment seem natural, but couldn’t come up with a single reason he should be on her porch.

He’d dragged her out of bed for no apparent reason. They didn’t even know each other that well.

Somehow this had seemed like a much smarter idea a few seconds ago. “I don’t know. Coming here was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

He started to go, but she came out after him.

“You’ve been drinking.”

“Yes.”

She gave him a funny look that he would admit it so readily. “Do you get wasted very often?”

He couldn’t remember the last time. “Hardly ever.” He loved biking too much to even be tempted. “But tonight—” he whistled “—tonight there just didn’t seem to be a better answer.”

She tucked her hair behind her ears. “For what?”

Instinctively, he wiped his mouth as if he could erase the memory of Baxter’s kiss. But it was no use. There would be no forgetting. “I—I can’t talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Loyalty, I guess.” He probably wouldn’t have told her, anyway. He felt too exposed—a lot like he’d felt standing on that podium last night. There was the same telltale tightness in his chest and throat. If his Homecoming debacle had taught him anything, it was that he wanted to avoid so much emotion.

“To whom?” she prompted.

“Never mind. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“Tell me what’s wrong.” She seemed truly concerned.

“Nothing.” He’d screwed up the whole night, first by taking Baxter out with those girls and then by coming here inebriated, making Addy think he had a problem with booze.

Intent on getting as far from her as possible, he turned away. What the hell was wrong with him? He needed to cope on his own. But when she jogged after him and grabbed his hand, he wanted to stay much more than he wanted to leave.