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What was he talking about? They’d already had sex. This was supposed to be when he said he wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship and he just wanted to be friends.

She stared at his outstretched hand. “That’s okay.”

His eyebrows slid up. “You don’t want it?”

“It’s not that I don’t
want
it. It’s that...we live in the same small town. If we’re seen in public, people might make a big deal out of it. They might think we’re...you know...dating when we’re not. So...it’d be better to...”

“What?” He scowled. “
Not
see each other?”

He seemed to be getting upset, so she took the paper. She didn’t
have
to call him. He’d probably forget he’d even given her his number. “Never mind. I, um, I have a busy day, but I’ll see how things go.”

He caught her at the door and turned her around. “You’re not upset...”

“Of course not.”

“Good. Because last night was one of the best nights I’ve ever had. Once we got here,” he clarified.

She had a hard time believing last night had been very special for him, but it was a nice thing to say. “Given my lack of experience, that’s shocking.”

“It shouldn’t be, because it wasn’t about performing like a porn star.”

And this wasn’t ending with the brush-off she’d been expecting. “I’d better go.”

He bent his head as if he’d kiss her goodbye, but she pretended like she didn’t realize that was his intention and slipped out. “Thanks again.”

* * *

After walking a couple of miles down the narrow mountain road leading away from the cabin, Baxter had called Eve on his cell phone and had her pick him up. She’d been worried when she saw him, of course, had wanted to know what was wrong, but he’d managed to minimize the situation. Telling her that he and Noah had had an argument because they’d both been drinking and had hit on the same girl was easier than revealing what he’d been hiding since the fifth grade. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Eve. It was just that the fewer people who knew, the better. If his parents ever found out, they’d never speak to him again.

They had a greater chance of finding out today than they did yesterday. He was aware of that. Since he’d lost control and acted so recklessly, he didn’t know what to expect. The image of Noah standing there, too shocked to react, too shocked to even push him away, made Baxter want to weep. Noah probably hated him. The crazy thing was that he couldn’t understand why, after keeping himself in check for so long, he’d done what he’d done. The part of him that was dying to come out had simply tried to bury, once and for all, the front he’d been showing the world. And now he had to deal with the fear of losing his friends
and
his family.

He’d been so upset he hadn’t even gone to bed.

If only Noah hadn’t acted as if it was so much fun to have those girls around.

If only Baxter hadn’t had to watch Lisa climb into Noah’s lap and kiss him so sexually when Baxter knew damn well that Noah felt nothing for her.

If only they hadn’t been drinking.

Over the past few years, he’d been so careful to avoid alcohol when he was in Noah’s presence.

“Shit.” He couldn’t take stewing alone any longer, so he grabbed his cell phone off the side table and called the hotel where Callie and Levi were staying in Hawaii. He hated to bother them on their honeymoon, but he had to talk to someone, and because Callie was the only friend he’d ever confided in, she was his best option. The gay men he socialized with in San Francisco didn’t understand his situation and certainly didn’t agree with his choices.

“Hey,” he said when he heard her sleepy hello. “Did I wake you?”

“Who is this?”

“You’ve forgotten me already?”

“Bax!” There was a pause, and then she chuckled. “I’m out of it. It’s four-thirty here. What’s going on?”

He hadn’t even checked the time. “I’m sorry to wake you. I held off as long as I could, but...”

“Is something wrong?” She sounded worried.

“No. Never mind.” He shouldn’t have disturbed her. She was doing better now, but she’d nearly died over the summer. He needed to let her get all the rest she could. There was still a possibility that her body could reject the new liver. That was partly why she and Levi had had to wait a couple of weeks after the wedding to leave. They’d needed a doctor’s clearance to go so far from home. “I’ll call you later.”

“No, wait! Don’t go!”

He didn’t hang up but the lump in his throat made it almost impossible to speak.

“Are you there?” she asked.

He swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

“You’re scaring me.”

“I told him,” he said.

“You told...” After a brief pause, she seemed more awake. “What are you saying? You told who what?”

“I told Noah the truth.”

Her voice took on a tentative tone. “About...”

He laughed but it was a bitter sound even to his own ears. “Actually, I didn’t
tell
him. I showed him.”

“Baxter, what are you talking about?”

“I kissed him, Callie. I—” unable to believe it, he shoved a hand through his hair “—
kissed
Noah.”

This revelation met with stunned silence. Then she said, “Bax, are you drunk?”

“Not anymore.”

“You were? Oh, God.”

“Yeah. Shit. What am I going to do now?”

“That depends. Hang on.” There was some rustling. He guessed she was getting out of bed and going into the bathroom so she could talk without disturbing her husband. “How did he react?”

“It was...sort of anticlimactic.”

“You didn’t enjoy it as much as you thought you would?”

“He didn’t exactly pull me into his arms.”

“You
knew
he wouldn’t.”

“True, but get this, he didn’t shove me away, either.”

“What does that leave?”

“He stood there, Callie. He just stood there, which makes me feel like even more of an idiot.”

“He must have said
something
eventually.”

The way her words echoed told him she was indeed in the bathroom.

“I didn’t wait to hear it. I took off.”

“Where were you when you...when this happened?”

“Gail’s cabin.”

“And now?”

“Home.”

“Have you heard from him since?”

“Of course not. What can he say? ‘I hate you for loving me? I’m completely grossed out by the fact that you want to get naked with me? Stay the hell away?’ He doesn’t
have
to say those things. I know he feels them.”

She sighed into the phone. “Was anyone else around?”

He went to stand at the window. It was getting light outside. He was glad of that, glad the long night was finally over. Not that daybreak made his situation any easier. Now he’d have to face the results of his actions. “No one I need to worry about.”

“Wow,” she breathed. “So...what’s next?”

He glanced around his house. Built in 1894, it was listed on the historic registry, along with a handful of other buildings in Whiskey Creek, and it was spectacular, everything he’d hoped it would be. He’d spent three years restoring it, but now he felt he’d been foolish to remain in such a conservative community, to perpetuate the illusion he’d maintained since he first began to suspect he was gay. His love for Noah and his other friends had held him here, but there suddenly didn’t seem to be any reason to hang on. He needed to sell his place. He could find a condo or other accommodation in San Francisco, where he worked. “I guess I’ll move to the city.”

“Bax, I want you to be happy. You know I do. So if San Francisco will make you happier, I’m all for it. I’ll drive over often. But...don’t go because you feel we won’t accept you for who you are. Give us a chance.”

“Callie, if word gets out, I’ll
have
to leave. My father’s the biggest homophobe in Northern California. I don’t want to be an embarrassment to him.”

“He loves you.”

That was about all she could say. It was true. But that love held him hostage. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing it. “I’m his only son. Every time I see him, we have to go hunting, as much as I hate that, or watch a football game. You know, scratch our balls, beat our chests, talk about how much we love big tits. A few months ago he took me to a strip club, for crying out loud.”

“Your mother didn’t mind?”

“He said there are a few things we don’t tell her.”

“He’s not cheating...”

“No, he’s just trying to make a man out of me.”

“Imagine setting all that aside.”

He recognized the sarcasm in her voice but didn’t react to it. “I can’t imagine it, because I’d be setting my father aside at the same time. That’s who he is.”

“He has to suspect, Bax. The way you look at Noah. I hate to tell you this, but sometimes it’s obvious.”

“Not to my dad. He doesn’t notice how I look at other guys because he doesn’t want to see it. I can hunt. I can fish. I can play sports. I’ve had girlfriends. I pass the ‘not gay’ litmus test. He doesn’t care if I have to pretend.”

“I’m
so
sorry, Bax. I wish...I wish there was something I could do to change that.”

“So do I.” A gunmetal-gray Dodge Ram pulled out of the stream of traffic traveling down Sutter Street and stopped in front of his house, and his heart leaped into his throat. “Holy hell.”

“What?” she cried.

“Noah’s here.”

16

N
oah had never felt more awkward in his life. He wasn’t even sure why, after Addy left, he’d gotten up, showered and driven over to Baxter’s Victorian. His relationship with Bax could never be what it was. As far as Noah was concerned, the very nature of who Baxter was had changed. So what did he have to gain by coming here?

Maybe nothing. But Baxter had been part of his life for so long, he couldn’t remain angry.

He hoped they could find some middle ground, some way to continue as friends, even if things were a bit uncomfortable for a while. And he figured it was better to get this first painful confrontation over with as soon as possible. If he put it off, or they weren’t able to work through the strong emotions the incident at the cabin had provoked, the rest of their friends would pick up on the strain and it would become a big issue, possibly dividing the whole group.

Learning that Baxter had a crush on him was hard enough to deal with; Noah didn’t want to challenge his other relationships at the same time.

“I’m surprised to see you.” Baxter didn’t open the door very wide, didn’t invite Noah in.

Noah shifted from one foot to the other. He’d never seen his friend’s eyes so red. He’d never seen him this unkempt, either. Somehow Baxter managed to look his typical stylish self even when he had a hangover. But not today. Today he had on the clothes he’d worn last night, sleeves rolled up and shirttails hanging out. And his skin was unusually pale beneath the dark shadow of beard that covered the lower half of his face.

Noah guessed he hadn’t been to bed. “I’m surprised to be here,” he admitted.

“Why’d you come?”

He shrugged. “We’ve been friends all our lives. I guess that’s why.”

Baxter said nothing.

“Does anyone else know?” Noah asked.

He winced. “About last night?”

“That you’re
gay,
Bax. Let’s start with that.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No, I’m not kidding! I mean...” Noah gazed off into the neighbor’s yard before looking back. “Am I the only one who
didn’t
know?”

Somehow the thought of that bothered him as much as all the rest of it.

“No. I haven’t said a word to anyone. Except Callie.” He leaned into the door. “And only because she kept badgering me about it.”

Baxter had spent a lot of time with Callie this summer, while she was sick. Noah could see why he might confide in her, but that made him feel betrayed by both of them, as if they were keeping this great secret from him. Callie was his friend, too. She could’ve warned him. Instead, she’d allowed him to be blindsided.

“You should’ve told me.”

“You didn’t want to know.”

Noah couldn’t refute that, which made it hard to blame Callie, too, so he continued listing his grievances. “
You pretended to be straight!
You talked about girls. You...you played football. You took showers with us. You went skinny-dipping at the water hole whenever we went. Hell, we got laid for the first time on a double date the week we moved into our dorm at San Diego State. We slept with so many girls that year it wasn’t even funny.”

Baxter’s jaw tightened. “Because that’s what
you
wanted. And I was still fighting the truth. Don’t you get it? I wanted to be like you. I
tried
to be like you. I just...wasn’t!”

Noah didn’t know whether to be mad at himself for ignoring all the signs, or mad at Baxter for taking advantage of his determined loyalty. “And you didn’t feel you could level with me?”

“You think I should’ve blown up our friendship years ago?”

Noah wanted to deny that Baxter’s sexual orientation would affect the friendship, but there was little doubt that this would change the whole dynamic. For starters, what they talked about would change. So would
how
they talked about it. “
Is
this a friendship, Bax? Or is it something else? In your view, anyway. I mean...what you did at the cabin...” He couldn’t finish, couldn’t get any closer to The Kiss than that. Thank goodness for Addy. It was being with her afterward that’d given him a chance to put it in perspective. He couldn’t help that he was attracted to her. Maybe Baxter couldn’t help his attractions, either.

They stared at each other for several seconds. Then Baxter said, “Are we really going to talk about
that?
”

“You’re saying we shouldn’t?”

“I’m shocked that you’re willing.”

“I’m here because I’m trying to understand!”

“So you’re going to look under the bed even though you know what you’re going to find will scare you? Don’t bother. It won’t change anything. I’ve got to go.” He began to shut the door but Noah blocked it.

“What do you mean you have to go?”

“I mean I can’t see you anymore. I have a lot of changes to make. They’ll be painful enough without...without trying to fake a friendship with you.”

Noah felt as if he’d just been slugged. “Why would it be fake?”

“Because it can’t be anything else!” he said, and closed the door.

Shocked, Noah stood there for probably fifteen minutes. He expected Baxter to realize that he’d just cut off his best friend. He thought Baxter would eventually calm down and come back and they’d be able to work out...something. But he didn’t, and when Noah knocked again he just yelled, “Go away!”

* * *

Black Gold Coffee was crowded. When the weather was good, Sundays saw an influx of tourists. Like other gold-country towns—Grass Valley, Placerville, Cool, Coloma, Plymouth, Angels Camp—it was a popular stop along Highway 49.

All these towns were a throwback to the 1800s and had a surfeit of old-fashioned, quaint charm, but none more so than Whiskey Creek. Some of the locals complained about the occasional crowds and the lack of street parking, but the gift shops and other businesses thrived on their patronage, including Just Like Mom’s. Today Addy
liked
having so many unfamiliar faces around. Being in the presence of strangers made her feel less conspicuous as she sat in the corner, booting up her laptop.

“Mocha frappuccino!” the barista called out.

She glanced around before going to collect her drink. She was hoping she wouldn’t see Kevin or anyone else this time, and that included Noah. It wasn’t easy, but she hadn’t let herself dwell on being with him last night. There were moments she caught her mind drifting back to what it had felt like to touch him, to kiss him, and she had to reel her thoughts back in. She supposed that was only natural. But she couldn’t see him again. She’d spent half her high school years craving him; that was enough. Noah had commitment issues. That meant she couldn’t have a relationship with him, even if they didn’t have Cody’s death standing between them. Whenever she began to feel wistful, to remember how satisfied and complete she’d felt in his arms, she reminded herself that there was no use crying about something she couldn’t change. Her life was what it was. She had to accept that and do what she could for Gran.

She connected to the free internet while sipping her frappuccino. She didn’t want to stay out in public for long. She just wanted to take a peek at www.SkintightEntertainment.com. For her own peace of mind, she hoped to figure out who’d broken into her bedroom. It could be useless information, or it could help her defend herself later, if she was ever forced into that position again. At least she’d know which of her four attackers had the nerve to threaten her with a knife.

But the website that came up made her regret checking it. It was a porn site—with bondage and rape as a major theme.

The thud of her heart seemed to reverberate in her chest. Had her attacker worn that sweatshirt on purpose? As a way to intimidate her further? Or...

She remembered Noelle standing at her grandmother’s booth during the Homecoming game, inviting her to model for a calendar.

Noelle had given her a URL where she could see what Derek had created so far. She’d put that card in her purse.

She took a few seconds to dig it out so she could visit that site, too.

Sure enough, Derek had some pictures posted. The site said the calendar wasn’t finished, that it wouldn’t go on sale until December 1, but there was a preorder campaign in place, and Noelle’s picture was used as the enticement.

Olivia’s sister wasn’t naked. She was wearing a string bikini, but she was posed on a beach with her knees falling open, her hands on her breasts and her head thrown back as if she was inviting the viewer closer.
A lot
closer.

Could Derek Rodriguez be involved with that calendar
and
the porn site?

Absently fingering her cheekbone, where the worst bruise from her ordeal had yet to fade, she surfed through all the links. There was a contact number for Derek, but no address. Tom had told her he worked from home doing websites but wasn’t very successful.

He certainly seemed more likely to be connected to www.SkintightEntertainment.com than Kevin or Tom. But what about Stephen? According to Tom, Stephen was probably behind what had been done to her. She already knew he had a rape fantasy. Without the spark he’d provided at that graduation party, she doubted Cody would ever have violated her in that way. He certainly hadn’t needed to use her for sex. He’d been sleeping with girls since the eighth grade. Rumors went around the high school all the time that Shania was pregnant, or that she’d had an abortion.

Addy knew it was her innocence they’d been after, and Stephen had taken more pride in destroying that than all the rest of them put together. She’d actually been surprised that it was Cody who’d come back for more....

“Addy, is that you?”

She glanced up to see one of the waitresses who worked at her grandmother’s restaurant, probably the only one who’d been at Just Like Mom’s since before she left.

“Hi, Luanne.”

“It’s been a long time.”

They’d talked on the phone now and then when Addy had called Darlene or Gran at the restaurant, but Addy hadn’t seen her since returning to Whiskey Creek. “It has. It’s great to see you. Are you off today?”

“I usually spend Sundays with my kids, but...my mom took them to Disneyland for a few days.”

“That’s nice of her.”

She winced as she indicated Addy’s eye. “Whoever attacked you did a fine job of it, didn’t they?”

She smiled. “They could’ve done worse.”

“I guess so. You must be healing well to have such a good attitude.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Will you be coming into the restaurant soon?”

She closed her laptop. “Tomorrow, as a matter of fact.”

“Oh.” She hesitated as if she had more to say, but seemed to reconsider. “I work tomorrow, too. I guess I’ll see you then.”

“Luanne?”

She turned back. “Yes?”

Addy studied her. “Was there something else you wanted to say to me?”

Her gaze slid to the floor before rebounding. “I just...I felt like maybe I should warn you that Darlene might not be happy to have you...get involved.”

“In running the restaurant?”

“She’s been doing it pretty much on her own lately.”

“I’m not planning to take her job, not if I can help it.” Even if Gran agreed to sell the restaurant, the new owners might need Darlene to remain as manager. “I tried to make that clear when I called to tell her I’ll be returning.”

“I know. But...” She smiled. “Never mind. I’m sure everything will be fine. See you then.”

Adelaide watched her go. Was Darlene going to give her trouble?

Maybe she had more problems than she’d realized.

* * *

Was it just yesterday that he’d thought he’d been enjoying himself a little too much? That he needed to get serious and grow up?

What had happened with Baxter showed Noah how quickly life could change. Gone was the feeling that he had things too good. As darkness fell on Sunday evening he felt slightly bereft, unsettled, even torn. He wanted Baxter to stay in Whiskey Creek, but he could see that wouldn’t improve the situation. Baxter would still crave something he couldn’t find here, and he deserved the right to pursue what would fulfill him, like everyone else.

It didn’t make Noah feel any better that Addy hadn’t called. He’d never dreamed that, after last night, she wouldn’t be eager to get back in touch with him. They’d had such a great time. He’d never had to worry about being blown off like that.

“What are you doing here?”

He blinked as his mother confronted him. He’d been reaching for the door when she opened it. “Don’t my parents live here?”

“The parents you rarely visit?”

“What are you talking about? I see you all the time.”

“You wouldn’t even talk to us at the game the other night.”

“I wasn’t in a particularly good mood.”

“You don’t seem to be in a great mood now. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He scowled as he moved past her. “What’s for dinner?”

“You came to eat?”

“Sure. Where’s Dad?”

“It’s Sunday.”

“I know.”

“So he’s playing golf, like always. You went with him a couple of weeks ago, remember? But he should be home any minute.”

Noah lingered as he passed several pictures of him and Cody that were hanging on the wall. Baxter was in some of those photos, almost as if he’d been raised a member of the Rackham family.

“Is this about Friday night, honey?” she asked, her voice softening as she came up behind him.

“I don’t want to talk about Friday night.”

“It’s okay to mourn your brother, Noah. If you’d let yourself grieve, maybe the pain would go away.”

He put his arm around her. “Use your psychology degree on someone else, Mom,” he said. “It’s been years. I’m fine.”

“Losing a twin is harder than losing a regular sibling. They’ve done studies.”

“I’ve been through it, remember?”

“So that’s all I’m going to get out of you?”

He wanted to say more, but he couldn’t tell her or anyone else about Baxter. He’d come here for the distraction. Sitting at home, obsessing over the Big Revelation wasn’t helping. It was only making him feel worse. And then there was Addy. He wasn’t any more comfortable with rejection than he was with grief. He’d been tempted to stop by her place instead. She’d been a hell of a distraction last night. One he could go for again. But he hadn’t gotten her number, although he’d given her his. He’d never imagined he wouldn’t hear from her. He’d given Addy her first orgasm, for heaven’s sake.