Honest Love (5 page)

“But having kids makes it complicated.”  Melissa interrupted my thoughts.

“How old are they?  I didn’t ask yesterday.”

“I her oldest, Matt is a senior this year…so maybe 17?  Then, she has twins that are maybe 15, Jenna and Jon.”

“Wow, really?  She looks young.”

“Hey asshole!  She’s only four or five years older than you and you have NO KIDS!”

“Thanks for the reminder.”  The ‘kid’ thing was a sensitive issue for me.  I’d wanted them the second I married Abbi.  But excuse after excuse kept us from
really
trying.  Of course, in hindsight, I was grateful.  I didn’t want to share anything with her and she was too selfish to care about anyone but herself.  Still, I would’ve liked to have been a dad.

“Did you hear me?”  Melissa was irritated.

“No, what?”

“I said please don’t be a jackass and repeat this to her or anyone here at the office.  She only lets small bits of information leak out every now and then.  She told me in a moment of weakness, I think.  She was having a tough day and I pushed too much to know what was wrong.”

“Okay.  So, does she know anything about me?”

“As a matter of fact she does.”  Smart ass.  She had a huge grin on her face.

My jaw dropped and I just stared at my big sister.

“Derek, I like her.  You were an ass.  She was ready to drop you and I can’t fit you into my schedule right now.  I had to tell her why you acted the way you did.
YOU
gave me no choice.  If you would pull
this
mess together…” she was waving her hand up and down my body.  “I wouldn’t have to rat you out to people.”

“Gee, thanks Sis.”

“Is it true?  Am I right?”

I took a deep breath.  “Yeah.”

“She could use a friend and so could you.  Maybe spend a little time hanging out.  I think you’d enjoy each other’s company.”

“I don’t want or need you to set me up.”

Melissa slapped my arm and said, “Moron.  I didn’t say I was setting you up!  Just be a friend, not an asshole.  Can you handle that?”

“Yes, and don’t hit me.  I’m a grown-ass man.  Bully.”

“I’m your big sister.  It’s my job.  There is no age limit on torturing you.  It’s best you remember that.”

“Whatever.”  I let out a chuckle.  My petite brown haired, blue-eyed sister barely weighed anything and she was constantly threatening me.  And, yes…I was afraid of her. 

“She’s taking on a lot these next several weeks.  So, make sure you check with her if you want on the schedule every day.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Now, go.  At least pretend to be waiting in the actual ‘waiting room’ when Claire gets here.”  I laughed. 

I felt like we, Claire and I, had found a bit of ‘common ground’ and I liked her.  I guess it remained to be seen if she felt the same way. 

Chapter 7

Claire

My trip in to work the next day was uneventful, thankfully.  I hadn’t slept well again, but I did make it up in time, probably because I was wide awake when my alarm went off.  Sadly, I’d wanted to hear from Jake or my kids, but I heard nothing.  I tried to let it all go.  I tried not to be concerned.  I knew my kids were okay, but
I
wasn’t.  I hated being alone.  Always had.  And now, I’d moved us to a new city with no friends and no family.  Starting over just plain sucked.  I was considering Andy’s offer to leave for a few days.

Sitting in my car, I mustered up the enthusiasm to go inside and treat my new patients.  I was curious to see how Derek would behave.  The other new patients didn’t really interest me, but the distraction of Melissa’s brother was very welcome. 

“Morning.”  I greeted Allison as I walked through the back door to the clinic.  She was in the kitchen just off the hallway.

“You look good.  Have a nice evening?”

“Just the usual.” 
A big fat nothing to do.

“Well, you’ve got a pretty booked day today.  Hope this
martyr
schedule of yours won’t put you into an early grave.” 
Nice.

She waved the piece of paper she had in her hand.  I snatched my schedule and stuck my tongue out as I stomped off to my office.  I found myself looking to see when Derek was coming in.  He was the only patient I’d made a semi-connection with other than Andy.  He was due in at nine o’clock, which meant he was my first client of the day.  My other clients were just in different stages of life.  Most weren’t very social.  Several were in their late fifties or early sixties.  Socializing was overrated in their eyes.  I was feeling anxious and couldn’t decide if I was happy to see Derek or worried about what sort of attitude he would bring with him. 
Oh, who was I kidding?
I wanted to see him.  There was something I liked about being around him.  Maybe it was because I knew he was a little broken like me.  Maybe it stirred something inside me that showed I was still alive and attracted to the opposite sex.  Allison had said it a million times in the last four months.  ‘Not dead, just divorced.’  She was right, but more than any of that, I could see myself having a friendship with Derek for whatever reason.

Allison poked her head in the doorway of my office.  “Hey, Derek is already here and he’s very pleasant.  Hmm, I wonder why?”  She winked and made a sassy turn of her hips as she strutted back toward the front desk, not giving me a chance to respond.

I smiled, took a deep breath and walked to the waiting room door.  “Derek?  Come on back.”  He smiled and stood with his crutches. 
I was in trouble. 

I enjoyed the feeling of finding someone attractive—of noticing someone.  But it scared me too.  I needed to get over the fear.  It was time I take my love life back, not that Derek was interested, but it was just the fact that I was starting to notice
those feelings
again and they had nothing to do with Jake.  I gave a slight shake of my head at the internal conversation I was having while we walked back down the hall to my therapy room.

“What?”  Derek saw.

“Huh?” 

“You just shook your head at something.”  His golden eyes were searching my face and I just stared.  His closely cut beard made his handsome features look rugged and sexy. 

“Oh, nothing.  I was just running through some things in my head.” 
Stop smiling.

“About my knee?  You have some other exercises?”  I almost laughed out loud. 
Sigh.  I missed sex.

I held the door open and Derek hobbled through.  I worked to find an answer to his question.  When I shut the door and turned to him, I said, “I’m looking into some other treatments, but you’re not ready to start them.  We have to get all this swelling to go away first.”  It wasn’t a total lie.  I really had been working on a plan.

“Okay.”  He looked at me suspiciously, but I just smiled and went about getting the room set up for icing his knee and working it on the CPM machine.

“So, what did you do last night without your kids home?” 
Where had that come from? 

My back was turned so he didn’t see my furrowed brows or the long, slow blink I had as my lonely night flashed through my head.  Way to pour cold water on my happy, warm thoughts, Derek.  I tried not to let my shoulders slump at the reminder.  It wasn’t his fault.  His question was innocent.  It just stung.  “Not much.”  I started answering before I moved back to the exam table he was sitting on.  “Just a nice quiet evening to myself.”

“Oh yeah?  Nice.”  He sat quietly as I place his knee into the ice bath I’d made. 

He winced.  “Sorry, I know it’s cold, but we need to get the swelling down.”

“It’s okay.  I’ve done this plenty of times.” 

“I’m sure you have…especially with this particular injury.  Still, ice baths are no fun.”

I stepped away to write the time in my notes and silence took over the room until Derek said, “I have a confession.” 

“Really?  Do I want to hear this
confession?
Were you doing something illegal when you re-injured yourself?”  I laughed and he did too.

“No, nothing like
that
.”  He paused.  “I asked Melissa about you.”  I stiffened, the smile gone from my face.

“She told me a little about you.  Actually, she told me I’d better get my shit in check and be nice to you.”  I looked up to see him smirking and I relaxed.

“Is that right?”

“Yes, she said she’d kick my ass out of here if I was anything other than a gentleman.  I think she means it.  Melissa can be one mean lady.  Scares me…always has.”  Derek laughed and it made me smile.  He was a much more handsome man when he was happy.

“What else did she tell you?”

“Enough.”

“Hmm.”

“Look, she told me plenty.  And this ex-husband of yours sounds like a real piece of work…sort of like my ex.”  The last part of his statement was quiet.

“Well, I have a confession, Melissa told…”

“I know,” he interrupted.  “She told you about me.”

“Yes.”

“Everything?”

“Not sure.”

“You know, don’t you?”

“About…?”

“That she’s my sister.”

“Yes, and I won’t tell anyone else.”

“I know.  She wouldn’t have told you if she didn’t trust you.  She also wouldn’t have put me with you for therapy if she wasn’t certain you could help.  I know my sister all too well.  She’s pretty protective.  So, if she believes in you, I can too.”  Derek smiled and my whole body tingled.  I had a connection to my new home…friends and people who trusted me and understood a little about my pain.

We stared at each other for a few minutes.  Suddenly, I blurted out, “He’s married to the woman he’s loved all these years.  They have a new baby.”

“I know.  She told me.  I’m sorry for what he did to you, but, it’s not pity.  I have no pity for you because know all too well what that feels like and that is not what I think about you.  I feel…”

“What?”

“Angry.  I’m angry that there are more people out there in this world that are as selfish as my ex-wife.”

“Yeah, sucks doesn’t it?”  He laughed at me.

“It does.  I’m assuming she told you
enough
too?”

“Yes, I have to say I’m impressed with you choosing to not completely lose yourself in money and bad choices to get over her.  I think my kids are about the only thing that have kept me from doing something completely stupid…well, there might have been one thing.”  Derek raised his eyebrows and I shook my head and laughed.

I stuck out my hand and said, “I’m Claire.  It’s nice to meet you, Derek.”

Shaking his head, he put his hand into mine and said, “It’s nice to meet you too, Claire.” 

“There, a fresh start.” 

“Sounds really nice.”  Derek held on to my hand a few seconds more, not letting it go as we just smiled and studied each other’s faces. 
Fresh start. 

I was in serious trouble because I
wanted
that man like I’d never wanted anyone before.

Chapter 8

Claire

We went the remainder of the week working through easy rehab until all the swelling was gone around Derek’s knee.  We were getting to know each other a little bit every day.  I enjoyed hearing about his time playing football and he pretended to listen about my kids. 

As I was cleaning up the room and Derek was putting his brace back on his knee, I said, “You know, Matt would probably love talking about football with you.  He’s a pretty great kid.  He was so protective of me when everything happened.  I’m glad he is making a new life here.”  I could feel Derek staring at me, but I didn’t look up at him.  Derek and I hadn’t really talked about the specifics surrounding our pasts.  I felt like we had an understanding, that we knew enough about each other.

“Claire, are you okay?  You can tell me, you know.”  I looked up from where I was cleaning the wet, melted ice off the floor and saw he was holding both hands up in surrender.  “No judgment here.  I hope you know that.”

I stood and said, “I do. Thank you, but it doesn’t do me any good to bring it up.  I refuse to be bitter.  I can’t.  It only hurts me, not them.”

“Man!  I wish I would’ve had that attitude.  I was bitter for so long.  It still creeps up on me from time to time.  It would help if I didn’t see her periodically.”

I took a deep breath and said, “That’s one of the reasons I refused to move to Texas.  I couldn’t risk seeing them. Truthfully, it feels embarrassing to me at times.  Like right at this moment, when a handsome man is in front of me thinking ‘poor Claire.’  I hate it.”  I barely got the words out when my moronic brain registered what I’d said.  I slapped my hands over my mouth and bent my head down.  I felt Derek’s hands on my wrists, pulling them away from my blood-red face, but I still couldn’t look up at him.

“Handsome, huh?”  He laughed.  “Hey, look at me.”  I lifted my head and squared my shoulders.  He was still holding my wrists and I let him. 

“First of all, never have I thought ‘poor Claire.’  I think I would like talking about all my shitty things with you because it might make me feel, less angry.  I don’t really talk to anyone about it.  The guys I hang out with don’t give a shit and Melissa is sick of it, so don’t be embarrassed.  Okay?”  Derek’s hands slid down into mine and squeezed.

“Thank you.  I’m afraid to ask you how much Melissa told you.”  I wanted to look away, but I was mesmerized by the caring look on Derek’s face.  My brain took over and started talking.  “I had to sit and watch
everyone
protect Kaye…everyone but my son and hers, too.  Those boys stepped between two grown men, one being my own husband, to stop a fight over a woman that wasn’t me.  It was necessary because Rob was out of control and had hurt her.  I mean, he gave me this nice little scar on my cheek.”  I felt Derek’s hands tighten around mine, shaking me out of my monolog. 

“Claire…” Derek’s low, menacing growl had me quickly clarifying what I’d just blurted out.

“Sorry, I should have said it was an accident.  I got in the way of Rob’s elbow as he was about to knock the shit out of Jake.  He didn’t even realize I was standing behind him.”