Honesty - SF8 (30 page)

"Really?" The younger woman was somehow shocked by this revelation, and her face reflected her surprise.

"Yes, Dear. Their marriage is quite secure. Neither wants to leave the other, but neither is completely satisfied at home. They’re home together in the evenings, and they spend time with their children on the weekends, but their afternoons are for their personal pursuits."

Catherine seemed to think this was quite normal, but Jamie was having a tough time. "Is…is that enough for you, Mom? A few stolen afternoons, once or twice a year?"

She shrugged her shoulders a bit, saying, "It’s not what I want, but it’s enough to make me feel like someone desires me, Honey. I feel young, and interesting, and attractive when I’m with Giacomo, and for now, it’s enough."

"But wouldn’t you rather find someone in the States?"

Catherine looked rather horrified at the mere suggestion. "Oh, I would never do that, Honey. Not when there was a chance you would have found out."

Jamie swallowed and blinked her eyes a few times, wanting to make sure that she understood her mother’s point. "You…wouldn’t seek your own satisfaction because there was a chance that the gossip would get back to me?"

"Of course, Sweetheart," Catherine said, puzzled that her daughter would even question her logic. "Your respect means everything to me. I would never put that at risk."

Snuggling close and allowing her head to rest on her mother’s shoulder, Jamie closed her eyes, letting the enormity of the sacrifice reach her brain. "I think I understand," she said slowly. "When you’re a parent, you have to let your children’s needs come first."

At Catherine’s nod, Jamie informed her, "I’m an adult now, Mom, and I want you to know that it’s perfectly all right with me if you want to find someone on this side of the Atlantic. I can handle it."

Catherine smiled softly at her daughter and offered up a small tease to lighten the mood. "If I had played my cards right, I would have snared that darling Martin O’Flaherty while he was still on the market!"

Jamie decided to stay in Hillsborough for dinner, feeling like she needed to spend a little more time with her mother. Things seemed fairly normal between them when she finally departed at 8:30, and she mulled over the developments of the day the entire way home.

Ryan was sitting on a chair on the front porch when she arrived, and Jamie smiled to herself as she saw the phosphorescent glow of the laptop casting a pale shadow across her body. One of the things she had always loved about Ryan was her ability to make the most out of every minute—even tonight, when she was understandably anxious about the outcome of the day. Too antsy to wait in her room, she had brought her work with her, somehow feeling less anxious when she was outdoors.

By the time Jamie had turned off the ignition, Ryan was at the door, looking at her with a face full of compassion mixed with trepidation. "Have you been worried about me?" she asked as Ryan wrapped her in a hug.

"Of course I have," Ryan murmured, her face snuggled up against Jamie’s neck. "I knew you weren’t being very forthright and I assumed it’s because your mom was there. What happened?"

"Shit. I’m sorry, Ryan. I should have gone into another room to call you. I…I just wasn’t thinking very clearly."

"It’s all right," Ryan soothed. "You’re home now." She released her hold and took Jamie’s hand, leading her slowly up the sidewalk and onto the porch. "Wanna go inside, or stay out here?"

"Out here, please," she decided. "Can I sit on your lap? I need to be close."

"Best idea I’ve heard all day," Ryan agreed. She sat down on the roomy Adirondack chair and waited for Jamie to snuggle in. After a few minutes they were both comfortable, and as Jamie lay her head against Ryan’s chest she felt some of the fractures in her psyche start to heal almost immediately.

"I don’t know how I would get through all of this without you," she whispered, feeling the rock-steady beat of Ryan’s heart against her cheek.

"Not to be too nitpicky, but you wouldn’t have these problems without me, Jamie. I know that you don’t regret being with me, and you know that I wouldn’t change a thing, but the fact remains that my presence has caused the rift with your father, and I’m very, very sorry for that."

"Nope. You couldn’t be more wrong," Jamie said confidently, her head slowly moving back and forth against Ryan’s chest. "If not you, it would have been something else. He’s unwilling to let me make my own decisions, Ryan. I think it’s almost irrelevant what those decisions are. This would have come up at some point, with you or without you. I’m just glad that you’re here to help me through it."

"I always will be here for you, Jamie. No matter what." She wrapped her arms a little tighter around her partner, trying to convey her support through her physical presence. "Do you feel like talking about it?"

"Not much," she admitted. "I’m pretty drained. But I know you’re anxious, so I’ll give you a quick version."

"If you don’t want to, I can wait…"

"No. It’s all right, Honey. You should know this." She took a deep breath and said, "My father didn’t just have you followed. He also sicced his hounds on my mother."

Ryan’s body tensed appreciably and Jamie asked quietly, "You didn’t know about this, did you?"

"No. I know nothing about your mom that you don’t know," she said immediately, feeling a twinge of regret that her partner had to question that.

"Well, the bottom line is that she’s been having an affair in Italy. With a married man," Jamie added, still not quite comfortable with the facts.

"Oh, Honey," Ryan crooned, holding her close. "How awful for you to learn that."

"No, no, I’m okay with it," she decided. "Well, not okay, I guess, but I’m certainly not angry or upset with her." She lifted her head and gazed into Ryan’s eyes, their heads so close that she could make out each individual eyelash. "If I had listened to you earlier, this might not have gotten to this point."

"Huh? Listened to me about what?"

"You told me early on that I shouldn’t be so judgmental of my father’s behavior, Ryan, and if I had listened to you he might not have gone this far. He was trying to show me that both you and my mother have done the same things that he has."

"What a bastard," Ryan mumbled, feeling her ire rise at the man who would intentionally try to poison his daughter’s feelings for her mother.

"Yeah. No argument there," Jamie agreed. "Nonetheless, Ryan, if I hadn’t made such a big deal about his affairs, he might not have felt that he was justified in trying to dig up dirt on both you and mother."

"Jamie, it certainly isn’t your fault--" Ryan began, but Jamie interrupted.

"No, of course it isn’t. He acted with malice, Ryan, I know that. All I’m saying is that I think I pushed him a little by being so sanctimonious about his affairs. It really isn’t my business, and I’m sorry that I made such a stink about the whole thing."

"That’s very mature of you to admit," Ryan said softly. "You’ll always have feelings about the way your parents conduct their relationship, but it’s really not a good idea to take sides. A relationship is just too complicated." She sighed deeply and added, "To be honest, I lost all respect for your dad when I learned he was cheating on your mom. I wouldn’t tell him that, of course, but it really pissed me off."

"I don’t know, Ryan," Jamie said softly. "I really do understand that I should stay out of it—but I don’t know how to learn that kind of information and not get involved." She shrugged and added, "It doesn’t matter much anymore I suppose."

Hearing the defeated tone in her voice, Ryan said, "I assume that you’re pretty angry with your father for having your mother followed."

With a heavy sigh, Jamie admitted, "You know, I think I’ve reached my capacity for anger. I’m no angrier than I was when I went there today. Maybe I’m just numb…I don’t know." She snuggled back down and added, "Maybe he’s finally killed the love I still had for him. He just seemed pathetic today, Ryan. I almost feel sorry for him." She climbed off Ryan’s lap and extended her hand, helping her partner up. "Maybe he should hook up with that young associate and start over. He could start a new family and try to do it right this time." She turned and gazed at Ryan with a look of pure determination. "He might as well start a new family, because he’s lost the one he had."

Ryan was waiting outside of Coach Placer’s office on Tuesday when he emerged to walk over to practice. "Have you made up your mind about taking me this weekend?"

He laughed at her determination and promised, "I’ll let you know after practice, Ryan."

"Just let me know what I have to do to convince you, Coach," she said earnestly. "If you’re worried about the cost of taking me, I’ll even pay my own way. It’s really, really important to me to be with the team this weekend, even if you don’t think I can play."

He shook his head, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to refuse her. "Okay, Ryan, let’s go over right now and measure your vertical leap. If you can show me that you still have any explosive power in those skinny legs, you’re on."

When they arrived at the RSF, she ran a few easy lengths of the gym and bounced around a little bit before she did a few deep squats. She exploded out of a couple more squats and pronounced herself ready. Dipping her fingers in the blue chalk she made her first mark on the wall. Concentrating fully, she crouched down a little and began her approach. She exploded from her mark and propelled herself towards the wall, brushing the surface with the tips of her fingers before she landed softly. Coach Placer gave her a puzzled glance as he pulled out his tape measure, then he called Erin over and asked her to confirm his measurement. Ryan just stood there grinning with a satisfied smile on her face.

"O’Flaherty," he finally said, "I don’t know how you go from being critically ill to improving your leap by two inches in less than two weeks, but if it works I want the whole team infected!"

She gave him a happy smile as she revealed, "Losing twelve pounds made a big difference in my leap. I feel much lighter and more explosive. I’m going to try to play at this weight and see if my stamina can hold up."

"Well, we should have an indication by Saturday night," he said with a twinkle in his eyes. "Erin, make sure Ryan’s on the roster for this weekend."

Her exuberance got the best of her and she performed a flawless standing back flip in front of the startled coach. "Don’t break your neck!" he yelled. "You’re going to be the death of me, Ryan!"

"Nah. If I haven’t driven my father mad yet, you’re safe."

As they snuggled together later that night Jamie slid her hand around to cup Ryan’s breast. Taking a tender nip of a pink earlobe she teased, "You’ve lost a substantial amount of my favorite assets, Sweetie. What are we going to do about that?"

"Are they really smaller?" Ryan asked as she looked down, finding herself unable to judge.

"Yeah, they really are. I can get one all the way into my mouth now," Jamie said as she wiggled an eyebrow.

"It felt like you were trying to suck my ribs out of my chest," Ryan gently chided, reaching around her shoulder to flick the tip of Jamie’s nose with her index finger. "You were quite the voracious little lover tonight."

"It was funny," the blonde said seriously, her face pensive. "It felt a little like making love to a different body. Everything felt a little strange." She let her hand slide down Ryan’s still moist body, pausing occasionally to consider the changed contours. "You were still you, of course, and you acted the same, but you felt so different that it was odd. I know every little part so well—it’s going to take me some time to get used to the new topography."

"Would you be willing to live with the new look until the season’s over?"

"Sure, if you want to stay this light. But why would you want to? You told me that 200 is your ideal weight, and you’re a very, very long way from that."

"200 is my ideal for lifting weights, looking muscular, and having power. I generally try to get up to around that before the AIDS Ride. But volleyball rewards quickness and jumping ability much more than power. Even though I’m weak right now I felt like my first step was quicker today. I think I’m going to try to play at this weight and see how it goes."

"That will give me an excuse to go buy you new bras." She clambered over her partner’s sweat-slick body and grinned widely at her. "And you know how I love to buy you lingerie," she whispered.

"I don’t know why you enjoy it so much," Ryan reasoned. "You never let me keep it on for long."

"It’s kind of like having really pretty wrapping paper on a present. It really dresses up the gift, but you can’t wait to get that paper off and get your hands on the present," she said with a big smile, her hands roaming all over her big live present.

"You’re incorrigible," Ryan said with a smile as she felt her lips being captured in a sultry kiss. "And that’s just how I like you."

Wednesday dawned foggy and cold, and the tall figure in the dark gray suit had to occasionally wipe the condensation from his eyes as he walked along. It was a good walk from Jim’s apartment to Nob Hill, but he hadn’t considered taking a cab. He was rising so ungodly early lately that he was usually looking for ways to occupy the long hours before dawn. A bracing walk fit the bill, and as he neared his destination he was pleased to note that it was past six.
He’ll be up by now
, he decided.