Honor (25 page)

Samuel moved slowly forward on the rutted road, the pool of lamplight before him. Honor stumbled, saved from falling by Samuel’s hand. In the silence of night, she could hear her heart thudding in her ears.

Their slow pace countered her desire to run down
the road, calling for the child. Another fear reared up in her—not just that they might not find Caleb tonight in the dark. Maybe he didn’t want to be found. Sometimes people couldn’t bear the changes that life forced on them.

Maybe Caleb had wandered into the forest, unthinking, in a despair as deep as death. She swallowed a moan.
Lord, help us find Caleb.

They pressed on, straining against the almost-complete dark that kept them cautious. The lantern in Samuel’s hand became her guide. What must have been a bat swooped over them. Honor tugged her shawl up over her head and clasped it tightly under her chin.

The chill of the crisp fall night soon worked its way steadily through the layers of her clothing. She shivered. Cold on the outside, terrified on the inside. A wolf howled in the distance and others of the pack joined in, sending chills through her. Had they detected the scent of the boy and his fear? Or hers and Samuel’s?

How long had they been walking? Honor glanced up and saw that the quarter moon had lowered against the starry sky. Her perceptions had become altered: her eyes could detect more and her ears had become sharper, picking up the rustling of every small creature through the forest, the low hooting of every owl, and the rush of unseen wings.

Halfway to Cincinnati, they halted. Honor moved her hand in front of the glow of the lantern to sign. “How far could he go?” Even as she signed, she knew Samuel could not answer. Only God knew.

In reply, he pulled her to him, pressing her cheek against his wool coat, and she welcomed his touch.

Then he signed by the lantern light, “We must go home. We can do nothing more now.”

She held in her crushing despair. They had failed this child. Nonetheless, she turned around with Samuel and began the cold, despairing trek back over the rutted, uneven road. The pointless journey home felt shorter in spite of the miles and even bleaker than before. Would they ever see Caleb again?
Oh, Lord, please.

After stopping to tell Judah they hadn’t found Caleb, Samuel led her inside their cabin and shut the door behind them. Chilled to her marrow, Honor stirred the fire, added kindling and a few slender quartered logs. She rubbed her hands near the awakening fire, trying to warm up. Yet the heat of the fire did nothing to the ice inside.

Behind her, Samuel set the lantern on the mantel and shed his jacket.

Suddenly Honor could bear their separation no longer. Rising, she flung her arms around his neck and pressed her face against him, weeping for the child who had lost his family and was now lost himself. Weeping for all they too had lost.

Samuel froze in place. His wife’s despair over not finding this boy, a deaf boy who’d been with them less than a day, touched him, moved him. He nudged up her chin, intending to comfort her with an understanding gaze. But in the flickering shadows he glimpsed her soft, perfect lips, barely parted.

And in one swift motion Samuel’s mouth claimed hers.
He tried to end the kiss, but instead he deepened it. Any second she’d push him away. But he drank in this stolen moment, yet not tightening his hold, letting her know he’d release her.

Then he felt it, her lips answering his. Exultation roared through him. His wife wanted him. He swept her up into his arms and carried her to their bed. He laid her down gently and went to his knees. He let his mouth hover over hers, asking her permission.

She reached up and guided his head downward, his mouth meeting hers, drawing in her breath as his own. Tears clogged his throat as he chanted silently,
Honor, my Honor.

NOVEMBER 10, 1819

Honor woke the next morning, aware of a lush, sweet warmth. Samuel lay against her, his face on her shoulder and one arm over her. Morning light shone brightly through the windows. She knew she should get up. Perlie would soon bring coffee and breakfast. Instead she gazed at her husband’s handsome face, half hidden against her. She trailed her fingers through his thick, springy hair. Now she knew how it was between a husband and his wife. She blushed, remembering.

Eli clambered down the ladder. “Where’s Caleb?”

Her bliss evaporated. She shook Samuel’s shoulder.

He looked into her eyes, a slow smile registering on his face.

“Eli is awake and wants to know where Caleb is,” she signed.

His smile vanished. He rose and signed to Eli. “Caleb ran away last night. After breakfast we will try to decide how to look for him.”

“He ran away?” Eli echoed. “I want him here.”

“We do too, Eli,” Honor said soothingly. “Now go wash thy hands and sit down at the table for breakfast. There’s a good boy.”

Eli moved to obey, and Samuel rolled away from her and donned his trousers and shirt.

She followed suit, quickly slipping on her clothing, gathering her loosed, tangled hair over her shoulder. After Samuel stoked the fire, she turned and caught him watching her. They exchanged sweet glances.

Samuel moved to her, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her. Then he left to help Judah take care of their stock.

Honor blinked away tears of relief, of joy. She and Samuel could not be parted. They had become truly husband and wife.

Then she recalled a little deaf boy lost and alone in miles and miles of forest, hungry and feeling unwanted, and she blanched.
Father, protect him. Help us find him.

After breakfast, with Judah at his side, Samuel headed to the barn. He nearly had his shop set up. While Honor drove toward the city to search for Caleb, Judah would help Samuel lay the groundwork of his forge and its chimney. Having someone working beside him who was learning to
communicate through sign gave him a feeling he hadn’t experienced since his brother’s death.

Uppermost in his mind, however, was what had happened last night when he and Honor had arrived home. He didn’t know how to feel, how he was supposed to feel. But making love had altered matters between them.

She’d been sincerely distressed over the child’s abandonment and his flight. That had drawn Samuel to her in a way he hadn’t expected, made her approachable, open to him. Why didn’t she look at Caleb and despise him for his deafness as others did? Despise Samuel as others did, for that matter?

Samuel kept reliving moments from the night before. Holding Honor in his arms had been an experience like no other. He’d waited for her to hold back or to stop him. But she had welcomed his touch with a shy eagerness he’d found irresistible. He still had difficulty believing that Honor, a lovely woman of strong character, really wanted him as her husband. But the facts appeared to confirm that she did. The only worry now was, would they find Caleb?

He entered the barn and, with his hands propped on his hips, surveyed all the progress they’d made. A metal-topped workbench, buckets necessary for water to keep wooden tools from igniting, and in the center of the room, the beginnings of the mighty forge that would melt sand into liquid glass.

Nevertheless, his concern for Caleb overlaid both his satisfaction with the workshop and his joy and confusion about last night. The boy had suffered the same fate he had.

Distant memories of the morning Samuel had himself
wakened to a silent world flickered in his mind. He’d been angry and terrified, frustrated that he couldn’t hear his mother’s voice. But both his mother and father had loved him enough to hold him close and find a way to communicate with him.
I was blessed.
The thought startled him.

Judah tapped him on the shoulder, also startling him.

Samuel grinned. “Let’s get started.”

Judah nodded with understanding.

Samuel’s mind shifted back to Honor. He wished he could have asked her why she’d welcomed him last night, let him become her husband in the most intimate way. But he couldn’t frame the words, couldn’t bring himself to test the still-uncertain waters between them. And for now he was content to be accepted, whatever the reason.

Before Honor left to search for Caleb, Royale came in to gather the breakfast dishes and halted, giving her a thorough look-over. “Something different about you.”

Honor blushed, hot and no doubt vivid red.

“I see,” Royale said with a knowing expression. “You know Judah is courting me?”

“I like him.”

“Me too.” Like girls again, they both giggled. Then just as suddenly they stopped. “I pray you find that poor boy.”

Royale’s heartfelt sympathy poured through Honor. She paused, pressing her lips together to keep them from trembling. “Thank thee.” Honor helped Royale with her chore and walked her to the door, discussing the day’s work ahead of them. “I must go and alert people that the deaf
boy belongs to us. If somebody finds Caleb, he couldn’t tell them where home is.”

Royale nodded solemnly. “I be praying.” She left with the tray of dishes to wash.

Honor prepared herself to face the world and soon was driving the team away from home. After alerting her neighbors about Caleb, Honor drove down Lebanon Road, first away from the city and then toward Cincinnati.

At the few cabins she passed, Honor climbed down and asked if anybody had seen a boy around Caleb’s age. No one had. Each regretful comment and promise to watch for Caleb brought her nearer to tears. How could she have foreseen that he would actually run away?

Finally she had to turn home. She couldn’t believe that the child could have walked in either direction this far in the dark last night. She’d been terrified with a lantern and Samuel at her side. She returned, hungry and thirsty, to Sharpesburg.

As Honor passed their neighbors’ cabin, Charity ran out. “Did you find the boy?”

“No.” Honor wrestled down her own despair. “I feel so helpless.”

Charity clasped her hands together. “I’m praying he’ll come back.”

Surprised by the woman’s sympathy, Honor tried to smile but was afraid she did a poor job. “Thank thee. I have to get home.”

When she arrived, Samuel and Judah came out of the barn and Royale, Eli, and Perlie from the kitchen. She knew from their expressions the boy hadn’t returned while she was gone. She choked back helpless tears.