Hooked (29 page)

     He came up to me and put his clothes on the bed an
d
pulled me down on the bed with him and sat me on his lap.  “Please tell me the truth.  I know she has been drinking and she talks a lot when she drinks,” he said turning my face towards his so he could look me in the eyes when he asked me.

     “Cash, I’m sorry
,
but she told me why you guys came to Tennessee.  It wasn’t her fault
,
so don’t get mad at her because I asked her about it.”  I hugged him to me and he put his head on my chest.  I just sat there and held him like that for a few minutes.  I leaned back and looked at him.  “Say something.”

     “I don’t know what you want to hear.  I wasn’t a good person
,
Millie.  I didn’t give a shit about anything or anyone.”  I put my hand up to his cheek.

      “That’s not true and you know it.  You told the police the truth about that young boy because you knew it was wrong.  You are a great person.  You are caring, loyal and protective.  Trust
me,
I wouldn’t love a bad person
.
”
I laughed trying to lighten the mood.

      “Millie
,
I haven’t been open and honest with you about a lot of stuff because I didn’t want you to know about it.  I don’t have the best past and I thought that if you knew about it
,
you wouldn’t think I was good enough for you.”

     “Cash, I –
”

     “
No, let me finish, I need to tell you about it.”  My heart sank at his words because I could tell he wasn’t comfortable talking about it.

     “I used to hang around some bad people.  They weren’t necessarily the mob
,
but they were affiliated with the mob, runners their called.  When my dad left
,
I didn’t care about anything or anyone and it showed.  I blew off school and by that time
,
my mom had started drinking a lot, so when I was at home she was either crying or passed out.  I didn’t want to deal with it
,
so I didn’t.”

     I kept watching him and caught myself trying to reach out for him or cry
myself,
I didn’t know which one I wanted to do worse.  This was all so foreign to me.  I had good parents that loved me and loved each other.  I couldn’t relate to him right now and I wasn’t sure what would be an appropriate response.  I sat there engrossed in every word he said.

     “So anyway, I never did anything too bad
,
but I didn’t exactly stop them from doing it either. 
I started out delivering
packages or cover
ing th
eir tracks
and
they
would pay me, really
well
.  It’s how I paid most of our bills for that first year.
  The second year I was kind of working for them
,
I started pulling parts off cars and rebuilding some of them.  They paid me for that as well.  I was really good with mechanics and that’s how I know so much now.  I knew it was wrong when I was doing it
,
but I really felt like I didn’t have
much of a choice.  I was fifteen years old trying to support me and my mom.  She didn’t have a job then.

     That night when that boy died, it hit me hard.  I knew it was wrong and I knew what I had to do.  The problem with talking to the police, or at least where I come from, is that people see that as a snitch.  I grew up in a bad neighborhood and you are literally in survival mode all the time.  The people I grew up with don’t care who you are, they will kill you for snitching on someone.”

     “Were you in a gang?”  I asked
,
my voice trembling.

     “No, it wasn’t a gang
.
I
t was kind of like
…
I don’t know how to explain it.  A couple of the guys are nephews to mob bosses in
S
outh Boston.  I know you don’t really know anything about the mob because down here in
Tennessee
,
you guys don’t have anything like that, but trust me, everything you’ve seen in movies, is a pretty accurate portrayal.  There
,
they don’t really ask you to do something
,
they tell you.  In that group
,
it’s really hard to go up against them.  Not all the people there are like that
,
but the group of guys I got involved with was.  The cars I told you I worked on…they were stolen and I knew it.  In my old neighborhood
,
it’s normal to find a group of guys and run with them.  There’s a lot of emphasis on numbers.  You don’t want to be walking around alone there, trust me.”  I nodded my head in understanding.

     “So, after I talked to the police, one of the nephews and his uncle were arrested for that kid dying.  I knew it wasn’t going to just go away
,
so I tried to keep my mom protected
,
but that meant they were to going to get me sooner or later.  Sooner came sooner that I wanted and one night, they beat me within an inch of my life.  I was in the hospital for a week.  That’s when my mom decided we should move and try to start over.  My plan was to keep my head down and make it through these last nine months of school until I could go into the military and move my mom to California when I graduated basic training so I could help her with her bills.”

     “But
,
then you met me,” I added so he would know that I was following him.

     “Right, you were unexpected and that’s why I didn’t talk much to you at first.”

     “You mean that’s why you were a butthole to me,” I wasn’t really asking
,
but making a statement.

     He laughed.  “Yeah, I didn’t want to like you or have anything messing up my plans.  Honestly
,
after I thought about it, I didn’t know if those guys would come for me and I didn’t want to involve you.  It would kill me if they got to you.”

     “Cash that’s just silly, they wouldn’t come all the way to Tenne
s
see just to get revenge on you
,” I told him trying to downplay my worry.  I didn’t know who I was trying to convince him or myself
,
but at the moment it just seemed like the right thing to say.

     He got up and started pacing around his room with some of his clothes in his hands.  “That’s where you’re wrong
,
sweetheart.  That night at your basketball game when I left without telling you, do you remember?”

     “Yes.”

     “I left because I noticed those guys.  They came here to deliver a message to me.  One of the big bosses wants to talk to me.  I walked outside with them
and told them
that I wasn’t going anywhere with them and if Rusty, that’s the guys name, wanted to talk to me, he knew where I was.”

     “Cash, why did you do that?  We have to go talk with my
dad;
he will know what to do.”  By this time
,
I started to cry because I was afraid for him.  I didn’t want this Rusty guy to come after him and I was scared he would.  “How di
d they know where you moved to?
  How did they find you?”

     He noticed me crying and came to kneel right in front of me on his knees.  He brushed my tears away with his thumb
and said, “B
aby, please don’t cry.  This was another reason I didn’t want you involved because I don’t want you upset. 
Shh
, please I don’t like seeing you like this.
”

     “I’m sorry
,
but I’m scared for you.  Will you please talk to my dad?” He stared at me a good long minute with his hands still on either side of my face.

     “Mil
,
I don’t want your dad involved either.  He already doesn’t think I’m good enough for you, I think it’s just best if I handle this on my own.”  I was seeing red with his words.  We were perfect for each other, the only problem we had ever had was him trying to handle things on his own and not letting me help.

     “You know what? You are selfish!”  I half yell at him still crying like a baby.  “I love you and I’m worried sick over this and your answer is for me once again
,
to just let you handle this on your own?”

     “I’ve told you about it
,
so I’m not keeping it from you.  I’m asking you to trust me.”

     “Ha!  Don’t you even pull that bull crap!  I do trust you, I don’t trust them.  I’m supposed to what?
Walk around and act like everything is ok
ay
, especially now that
I know they know where you are!
  I don’t think so!”
  I start wiping my eyes around his hands because now my tears are falling extremely fast.

     He put his head down as though he is thinking and then look
ed
back up at me.  “Alright, I can’t stand this anymore.  I don’t want to hurt you
,
so let’s just get through homecoming and I will talk to your dad
,
ok
ay
?  I want to concentrate on you and me tonight.  I have a surprise for you and I don’t want to ruin it with all of this crap from my past.”

     “Okay
,
I can deal with that.”  He stands me up with him at the foot of his bed and hugs me close. 

    
“Millie, I love you more than anything in the world.  I never want to see you as sad as I just did.  It broke my heart
.
I don’t want to hurt you.”

   
“
I don’t want to hurt you
,
either
.
”
I smiled up at him so he wouldn’t feel so bad.  “Now go get in the shower and get dressed so we can go to the dance because I want my surprise.  You know how impatient I am.”  I smacked his bottom as he turned around.

     “That’s not a very nice thing to do to me as I’m heading for a shower, now I’ll have to take a cold one
.
”
H
e smiles his wonderful smile, the one that he uses when he knows he
’s
embarrassing me.

     “Is that all you think about?”  He raises one eyebrow and starts to say something
,
but I interrupt him.  “Never mind, I already know the answer to that.  Just go!” I play yell at him. 

     He turned around as he was about to enter the bathroom.  “I don’t think I got to tell you how incredible you look tonight.  I was speechless when I first saw you.”

     “Thank you
,
now hurry up.  Wait
,
will you at least give me a hint about my surprise?
”
  I ask in my girly voice like I’m asking Santa what I was getting for Christmas.

    
“Come here.”

     I walked over to him and he wrapped his arms around me and picked me up so that my feet were off the ground and I was eye level with him.  I wrapped my arms around his neck and started playing with his hair.  He nibbled my ear and started to kiss my neck. 

    
“Well?
”
I ask curiously, “Are you going to give me a hint or not?”

     “No
,
I just wanted to make out with you for a minute because I knew you wouldn’t let me do this at the dance.”

     I narrowed my eyes at him.  “You little sneak.  Maybe since you got your chance here
,
I’ll just have to hold out on our make out sessions for a while.”

     “You couldn’t do it
,
sweetheart.  I can’t blame you though
,
because I couldn’t do it either.”