Hookup List (15 page)

The hookup list girls and my dad were looked in a ferocious battle for mindshare in my brain. As a result, I didn’t notice Dylan as he walked up next to me in the hallway. At least, I didn’t notice him until I felt a searing pain in my mid-section that immediately turned into a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“My balls,” I croaked as I fell against the locker, doubling over and clutching the crotch of my jeans.

“I should give them another slap, you moron,” Dylan said, raising his hand again threateningly. I try to squirm out of the way and Dylan lowered his hand.

“What did I do?” I gasped.

“What did you do? You got suspended you idiot,” Dylan said. “Do you know that Coach Hayworth told me to invite you to the varsity practice yesterday? Yeah, he was pretty impressed with how you played at your last JV game. When you didn’t show up he asked where you were and I had to tell him you got suspended for fighting.”

“Sorry,” I said, still massaging my crotch with my hand. Dylan had a strong backhand. “There were extenuating circumstances.”

Dylan rolled his eyes. “There always are with you,” he said. “You just need to man up, stay out of trouble, and start using what few brain cells you possess.”

“So does this mean coach doesn’t want me for varsity anymore?” I asked.

“At this point I almost wish that were true,” Dylan said. “Fortunately for you, our team didn’t do so hot in our last game. Coach is willing to give you another shot even if you are still an ass. He told me to warn you that…”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” I said. “I’ll be a perfect little gentleman out there.”

“You better,” Dylan said. His hand suddenly lashed out again and lightly smacked my nuts. I collapsed against the wall and slid to the floor in pain. “If you don’t, there’ll be a lot more where that came from,” he said and then he left.

“Some captain you are,” I called after him except the sound just came out as a high-pitched squeak.

“Are you alright?” a concerned female voice asked.

I looked up and saw a vaguely familiar face staring back at me. It was the mouse-like Mandi Page. My mood immediately brightened. She was the right girl for the right time. After the crappy day I had experienced yesterday, corrupting an innocent seemed like a perfect way for me to get retribution on the world. Also, I didn’t think my sore boys were ready for the vigorous lovemaking that girls like Darcy and Morgan had come to expect from me. No doubt Mandi would be more gentle and sweet with the poor guys. She was exactly what I needed.

“I know all about bullies,”
Mandi confided sympathetically. “Don’t let them get you down. You just need to believe in yourself.”

“You’re right,” I said, wincing to demonstrate how much pain I was in. “I just need to try to stay strong. Thank you so much for your support. Oh, it hurts so bad…”

“Do you need me to get a nurse?” Mandi asked, growing alarmed.

“No, I’d be too embarrassed. The nurse is so intimidating,” I said. “Do you think you could just help me to someplace a little more private? I don’t want everyone making fun of me for my, uh, boy issues.”

Mandi seemed to eat that right up. “Of course,” she said. “Do you think the east gym would be okay? Hardly anyone ever goes there.”

“Wonderful, thank you, that would be great,” I said. This was getting better and better. From what I had heard, the east gym was where people liked to go to hook up.

I slung my shoulder around Mandi and limped down the hall with her. I was only half pretending; that jackass Dylan really had nailed me good. When we got into the gym Mandi helped lower me down onto a mat. I laid there clutching my balls and Mandi sat down next to me. She timidly clutched her knees into her chest and looked at me. She seemed to have realized that she was suddenly alone with me and she was starting to look nervous.

“Does it still hurt?” she asked after a moment of silence.

I nodded. “Yes,” I said. “I’m worried there might be permanent damage. Do you think you could maybe check for me?”

Mandi
let out a little gasp and suddenly looked panicked. “What?” she exclaimed. “You mean, look… down there?”

“Yes,” I said, wincing again as obviously as I could. “It’s really not that big a deal when you think about it. It’s just another part of the human body and this would be for purely medical purposes.”

“I, um… don’t think I can do that,” Mandi said.

I nodded knowingly. “You’re shy, I totally get that. I am too. Do you know I’ve never even kissed a girl before?”

“You haven’t?” Mandi asked in a stunned voice.

“Never,” I lied. “I’m probably the only person in this entire school who hasn’t.”

“Well, I, uh, have never kissed a boy before either,” Mandi said.

I feigned shock. “I don’t believe it,” I said.
“You? You’re so pretty.”

Mandi
blushed. It was time to move in for the kill.

“Hey, I don’t suppose… oh gosh I’m nervous. I don’t suppose you might be willing to kiss me?” I said. “I’m just thinking that if we get more familiar with each other you might feel comfortable enough to help me out, you know, medically.”

Mandi turned scarlet. She took her glasses off and furiously started wiping them on her shirt. “I… I… um…” she stuttered.

That was all the invitation I needed. I leaned in, placed one hand on her cheek, and kissed her.
Mandi jumped in surprise but her warm, soft lips worked just like any other chick’s did. I felt her body gradually relax. I placed my other hand on her back and gently pulled her back so that she was lying down on the mat. I eased myself on top of her and started to move my hand to her chest. Maybe if I felt her up a bit she would be comfortable enough to…

“Wait,”
Mandi said, breaking contact with my lips. “What about Darcy?”

“What about
who?” I asked distractedly. My mind was solidly focused on sex now and once that happened there was little else that could break in.

“Darcy,”
Mandi said, pushing me away firmly.  “You said you have never kissed anyone but Little Miss Aphrodite tweeted about you hooking up with Darcy behind Noah’s back.”

Noah’s name snapped me back to reality. Oh no.
“Tweet? What tweet? Little Miss Aphrodite is tweeting? Let me see your phone.”

Mandi
slapped my hand away from her pocket. “I don’t think so,” she said. “I’ve just realized something. You’re a liar and a complete jerk.” With that she stood up and stormed out of the gym, leaving me to cradle my bruised manhood alone and wonder just how big the impending blow up with Noah and the soccer guys was going to be.

As soon as I got out of the gym I went looking for Noah. I needed to find him before he saw that tweet. When I barreled out into the hallway, however, I saw someone whom I had completely forgotten about: Liam.

Liam’s eyes connected with mine and I saw a confusing mixture of sadness, fear, and anger pass across his face. I froze. On one hand, I still wanted to punch him. On the other hand, my mind was firmly in defense/apology mode.

“I think you and I need to talk,” Liam finally said.

I looked around. No one else was close enough to hear but I kept my voice quiet anyway.
“Really? It seems like after what you did we’d have nothing to talk about at all. I mean, why in the world were you…”

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done what I did,” Liam said. “I take it from your reaction that Sam isn’t gay after all?”

“Gay? What are you talking about?” I demanded. Now I was starting to feel my mind changing to offensive mode again. “How would that have been any better? That would have been so much worse!”

Liam studied me for a moment. Then he said, “Oh my… you’re not gay, are you?”

“What? No!” I exclaimed. “Why would you ever think that?”

“At the party,” Liam said. “You
know, the one at Chloe Walker’s house? You were wearing a pink thong. I didn’t think any straight guy would…”

“I didn’t put it on myself,” I protested. “Some chicks got me blitzed and naked and they put it on and dumped me at the party.”

“Oh. Oh wow. Okay, I’ve got a lot of explaining to do,” Liam said.

We had a long talk. I skipped my next class and listened as Liam told me that he was gay and that he had a crush on me. He told me about his trouble with his twin brother and how Sadie had helped reconcile them. I soon realized that besides Sadie and Liam’s twin Chris, I was really the only person Liam had ever told about his sexuality.

“So, let me get this straight. You’ve had some gay fantasy about hooking up with Sam Queen and decided that, because you thought I was gay, you would do me a favor by forcing the two of us to stay together in a locker?” I said. “Like we would just suddenly realize that we were both gay and decide to do gay stuff right there in the locker?”

Liam blushed. “Something
like that,” he said. “I know it’s pretty stupid. You can punch me now if you want to, I won’t even stop you.”

I shook my head. “I think I’m the last person who should be punching anyone,” I said. “It has come to my attention today in a number of different ways that I am something of a jerk. Apparently I’m also something of an idiot. Look, I have no problem with you being gay, that’s just who you are. How about we put everything behind us and start over again?”

Liam stuck out his hand. “Hi, I’m Liam,” he said with a smile.

By the time Liam and I had finished talking – and dodging hall monitors who were looking for tardy students – I had almost entirely forgotten about Noah. My mood quickly
darkened, however, as I headed down to the locker room to get changed for soccer and recalled that I would be joining the Varsity team for practice today. I started to feel anxious. If I got into another fist fight at practice, Coach Hayworth would give up on me for good. I needed to find Noah and talk him down before practice started.

I hurried into the locker room and immediately went to the area where the varsity guys had their lockers. Maybe I would be able to pull Noah aside and explain things.

When I rounded the corner of the row of lockers I saw Noah. I also saw Bryson.

“Hey there,” Bryson said before I could saw a word to Noah. “Look who it is. It’s the JV gigolo.”

I suppressed a groan and stood my ground. “Noah, I need to talk to you,” I said.

Noah’s eyes flickered in my direction but then he shut his locker and, with his head hanging low, he shuffled away. He looked like a man who had just found out that his dog died.

“Noah!” I said. I tried to follow him but Bryson planted a hand firmly on my chest, stopping me in place. “You better take that hand off if you want to keep it,” I growled.

Bryson pushed me back. “Oh, so first he’s stealing girlfriends and next he’s making threats. This kid is something else.”

“Get the hell out of my way or you’ll be crapping out teeth for a week,” I said.

“I think it’s time for you to learn a little something about team loyalty and how to respect your friends,” Bryson said.

Hands suddenly seized me from behind. “What the…” I started to yell. Someone slapped a hand over my mouth. I tried to yell angrily but the sound was muffled.

“What’s that? I can’t hear you,” Bryson said. Then he walked up to me and punched me as hard as he could right in the stomach.

The air shot out of my lungs. I gasped but the hand over my mouth made it hard to get air back in. I felt the edges of my vision start to blur.

“Come on, pick him up,” Bryson said.

“I don’t know if you should hit him again,” a voice from one of the boys holding me said. I didn’t recognize it. “He might get sick or something.

“He deserves it,” Bryson said. “Come on, pick him up.”

I felt arms hoisting me up. I wanted to puke.

Bryson readied himself for another punch and then suddenly David walked into view behind him. David was wearing his running shirt and shorts for cross-country practice.

David took one look at what was happening and, without breaking stride or even saying a word, instantly flowed into action. He took three quick steps forward and hooked his arm around the arm that Bryson had cocked in preparation to punch me. David then pivoted, swung his hip, and ducked down. Bryson’s eyes opened wide in surprise as he rolled backwards over David’s back and then slammed down into the bench between the rows of lockers.

David didn’t even spare Bryson a second glance. Instead, he whirled around and rushed directly at me. There was a surprised intake of breath behind me and suddenly hands released me. I fell to the ground and David leapt over me. I heard shouts and exclamations of pain and turned around in time to see two soccer players flying through the air and crashing into lockers.

“What the hell, man?” Bryson said angrily. “What are you doing? We were teaching this little punk a lesson.”

“Actually, I think I was teaching you a lesson,” David said. “You think
it’s okay to pick on people? Fine. I’ll pick on you and see how you like it.”

“You came at me when I wasn’t looking,” Bryson sputtered.

“Well now you’re looking, so if you think you can take a state champion wrestler, by all means pick your lawn fairy friends up and let’s go again. This time I won’t be so nice.”

Bryson looked frustrated. “We’re not the bad guys here,” he said. He pointed at me. “That ass hooked up with Noah’s girlfriend behind Noah’s back.”

“I see,” David said grimly. “Well, let me worry about that. You’ve done more than enough. Get to practice now or I’m going to explain to Coach Hayworth what I saw down here.”

“Why do you care anyway?” Bryson said.

“First of all, I have a natural aversion to people who bully others because of their own insecurities,” David said. “Secondly, I believe that everyone should have the right to go to school without having to worry about, say, getting jumped in the locker room. Finally, my father has just told me that Nate is my brother – like, my actual biological brother – so now he’s my younger sibling and if you mess with my younger siblings, well, simply put, I will do everything in my power to destroy you and make your life miserable. I’m pretty stubborn. I can’t say that I’ll win every battle but I can promise you that if you hurt my siblings I will come for you and keep coming for you with every ounce of energy that I possess. You will never be able to relax or stop looking over your shoulder. I will make your life a living hell.”

Bryson blinked in surprise and looked back and forth from David to me. “Okay,” he said. “That’s really messed up but for some reason it actually makes sense to me.” Then he left.

David and I turned around and the other two players scrambled to their feet and darted away as well. Then David looked at me.

“Uh, I’m not sure what to say,” I said.

“That’s because you’re an idiot,” David said. He shook his head. “Get changed and go to practice. Then meet me tomorrow in front of the west entrance at 6:30 AM tomorrow morning. Actually, make that 6:00 AM.”

David started walking away. “Wait,” I called after him, “what are you talking about? Why?”

“We’re going running,” he called back over his shoulder. “We’re going to go for a long, fast, hard run and you’re not going to like it. You better show up and be on time. If you’re not, I’m going to come to your house to get you, and trust me when I say you’re not going to enjoy that.”

Then my brother disappeared, leaving me alone to work through no shortage of confused thoughts.