Hope for Her (Hope #1) (21 page)

"Dad, what are you doing here?" I asked.

He leaned in to give me a hug, and I leaned in but didn't hug him back. I searched my dad's face and for the first time since I could remember, he appeared old, upset, and stressed.

"I had a meeting at the capitol and thought I would check in see how you were doing."

"I’m good. Isn't that what President Carson told you. School’s good. I'm attending classes. Doing the work."

"Yeah, he said you were doing well. That's great."

Dad grabbed my arm and ushered me into a doorway.

"He also heard you were still spending time with that girl," Dad said in a harsh, but hushed tone. I cringed.

"Listen Dad, I know you think Carrington is after my money, but she's not like that."

"Son, girls like Carrington are not the kind of girls you marry."

"Dad, she's pregnant."

Dad hung his head and shook it back and forth.

"No."

"Yeah." I stepped away from him, but he dug his fingers into my bicep and pulled me close to him. I smelled the chicken on his breath.

"Son, you can't be this stupid."

I yanked my arm out of his clutches.

"Dad, I love her, and I want to take care of her and the baby."

A couple of students walked by, and my dad backed up a little and let out a deep sigh. I knew he didn't want to hear it, but with time, he'd understand I was trying to do the right thing.

With the hallway cleared, I pled my case. "Listen, this is the first time in a long time that I've felt connected to someone. I'm excited to build a life with her. She is good for me. If you feel you need to cut me off from the family, that's fine. I accept that, but I hope you don't regret it."

"Son, I think you've got this all wrong. I've never regretted a single thing in my entire life. That is why I am a success, and you will always be a failure."

Dad grabbed hold of my arm again, and it began to hurt, but not as much as his words.

"If you decided to do this, fine. But I am not going to have some nigger bastard child for a grandson. I won't have it. I will not only cut you off from the family, but I will cut you off financially. You will never have the opportunity to take care of your family. Everything I worked to fix will be brought to light. You will go to jail. You will truly be the black sheep of this family. And you know what, no one will care. They will sympathize with me. People will applaud what I tried to do by protecting my son, and chalk it up to another spoiled rich addict not being able to handle the pressure. Now, you want to bring a child into that kind of life. That type of life, where from birth he will realize what a weak, pathetic loser his father is."

As he spoke, my heart raced, and I started sweating.

“Now, son, this is what you're going to do. You are going to convince that girl to get an abortion. You will pay her off and if you need to send her back to where she came from, offer her more. Then, you're going to continue with your recovery, meet a nice girl, and everyone's happy. Okay? Son, you understand what you need to do? "

So many things were running through my head. Carrington was too far along for an abortion. I wanted to tell him, plead my case, but it would do no good. My dad would never accept Carrington, and as a result, he would never accept my son or daughter. My heart deflated. Not by my dad's words, I heard all of this before, but by the finality of it all. My actions insured it was over with my old family and would make life harder for my new one.

If I defied my father, my sisters would be off-limits. I hated him more for forcing me to make a decision about the rest of my life in a matter of minutes.

I realized the truth, and it crushed me. Any amount of good feelings and positive thoughts I had about my future, he destroyed by his words, and I found myself nodding my head as I said, “Yes, sir.”

#

A couple of days after my discussion with my father, Carrington scheduled a late study group, and I found myself with nothing to do. Not a good thing for me. Whenever I found myself alone, I obsessed over the conversation with my father. I studied it, trying to find a loophole in his declaration. But I never found any.

Walking back to the frat house, I ran into my strange new friend.

"Hey, you."

"Josh."

"Right, Joshie, your eye healed."

My chest tightened, and my eyes darted around. "Yeah, it's all right. How have you been Candace?"

"So good. So good. You want to get high?"

The question caught me off guard, and I hesitated. Candace laced her arm in mine and pulled me along. I didn't know why, but I followed her.

We ended up in Candace's car driving to the outskirts of town to her friend's house. I followed her up the walkway and wondered for a second what I was doing here. Then the smell hit me and it was already too late. I needed a taste.

"Candy cane, where have you been. I haven't seen you in ages. Who have you brought with you?"

"Hi Dano," she said and stuck her tongue down his throat. "This is Joshie."

Dano's short, stocky build of solid muscle screamed steroids. He looked and acted like his own bodyguard. Acne covered his face, and when Candy retrieved her tongue, I noticed the oil from his face had transferred to hers.

"Hello Joshie, you a cop?" Dano said. He smiled but blocked my path to the house.

"No, man, I'm not a cop."

"What can I do for you and Candyland?"

She led me into a room in the back of the house. I surveyed the room and noticed the stains on the dingy futon and a small television sat on a crate in the corner.

"Joshie, can we afford two," she said, holding up two fingers.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out two twenties and handed them to Dano.

Candy squealed, and I smiled as Dano handed her two bags.

"Make yourselves at home," Dano said and left us alone.

Candy plopped down onto the futon and pulled out the works to prepare the hit. I stood and watched. I tried meth before, but it was not a great high. That was what drug addicts did. They tried a drug and decided they didn't like it and then figured it wasn't the drug, it was the experience, and tried it again. We called it addict's logic.

She took a hit and laid back and allowed the drug to take her. I witnessed the calm blissfulness that overcame her whole body, and she melted into the futon and rode the wave. My mouth salivated while waiting for my turn.

She handed me her stuff, and I sat next to her and took a hit. Like any drug, the initial hit was always the best. I leaned back and let it spread over me unimpeded. My mind quieted for the first time since speaking to my dad. I loved this feeling.

I started to giggle, and Candy was giggling next to me. I turned and tried to focus on her, but she swayed all around me. My vision swam, and I pulled myself up trying to concentrate on one thing. She moved up next to me, but my vision blurred. I shook my head, squeezed my eyes shut, and when I opened them, I looked down and saw Candice kneeling between my legs.

Curious as to what she would do next, I leaned back and watched. Her boney fingers unbuckled my belt and unbuttoned my pants. She unzipped my fly with a slow yet deliberate motion.

She reached in and touched me. I panicked for a minute. I had lost all feeling in my dick.

What kind of shit did she give me?

She grinned, and I smiled back, watching her. Her lips looked amazing wrapped around me. I wanted to take a photo, but as I searched for my phone, the feeling came back to my dick, and I groaned as my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Joshua Elijah Griffin, IV

When I met up with Carrington the next day, I felt like my brain was covered in mud, and she asked me what was wrong.

"I saw my father yesterday. He was in town for some meeting," I said. I noticed her body tense at the mention of his name.

"What did he say? Did you tell him about the baby?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah. I figured might as well get it over with."

"What did he say?"

"He wasn't happy, but I expected that. He gave me the whole irresponsible speech, you know. I figured he reacted like any other father who found out his son knocked a girl up."

A frown overtook her body as she placed her head on her folded arms.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. He's upset, but he'll come around. One thing Dad loves is his grandchildren."

The corner of her lips turned up.

I sat down next to her and wrapped my arms around her.

"Listen, I told you I was going to take care of you and I will. I promise."

I was sure that Carrington needed to hear that as much as I needed to say it.

I held her and rubbed my hand up and down her back. I smelled her hair and recognized the sweet smell as unique to my Carrington.

"What do you think my son will look like?"

She lifted her head. "Your son?"

"Yeah, my son."

"What makes you think it's a boy?"

"I don't know. I have a feeling," I said rubbing her stomach.

"I have a feeling she is going to be a girl," she said.

"A girl? Really? I don't know a thing about girls."

"Obviously," she said teasing me.

"So what will our daughter look like even though I secretly still think he's a boy?"

"I hope he has your eyes. You have lovely eyes. I love the little green flecks in your hazel eyes. "

"Aw, thank you." I placed my lips below her ear and kissed her. She giggled. "I hope he looks like you. Your eyes, your nose, your mouth, and your skin tone."

"We are going to have a gorgeous little bi-racial baby."

We laughed.

I pushed the conversation with my father out of my mind. I would deal with it and him later.

#

Carrington needed stability, and my job was to make her feel safe and secure. I stopped going to class. My concern over the child growing in her belly combined with my anxiety of what to do when my father found out made concentration on school impossible.

Her pregnancy progressed smooth, and we chronicled every moment by taking photos of her growing baby bump. Her growing breasts amused me to no end. The few moments of levity I enjoyed watching and discussing her ever-changing body.

We did all the traditional things couples did when they were expecting a baby. I attended every doctor's appointment. We read books about the birth, and even watched a video, which I was happy to say didn’t scar me for life. We discussed baby names all the time. She went for the movie star names like Zach, Matthew, Keanu, and Seth, and I vetoed them all. I suggested Jenna, Kiaya, and Michelle, and she vetoed them all. We kind of agreed on Riley and Julia, but it changed daily.

Carrington stayed at the frat house every night and the brothers were in on the pregnancy fun, taking bets on whether it was a boy or a girl.

When we went to the doctor to find out the sex, the whole house awaited our return. The guys who correctly predicted the sex of our baby got out of kitchen duty for a month. Those who guessed a girl, would be cooking dinner at the frat house.

Carrington arranged to take her exams a week early; she wanted to have the baby in Texas, and we planned to drive there shortly after.

My professors gave me courtesy calls and left the same messages on my voicemail and in emails pleading with me to return to class or at least sit for the exam. They didn't want to report my status to my father any more than I did.

My main focus and only happiness in my day came from watching over Carrington. I wanted to share this with my sisters and was sad when I wasn’t able to. Jackson tried to be there for me, but he struggled because of his feelings for Carrington.

If I wasn’t with Carrington, I fell into an insane and all encompassing loneliness. I only felt that way one other time before, after my mother died.

As the end of the semester approached, I was losing it. Carrington never questioned me, but I saw it on her face. Her faith in me faded every time I lied to her or withheld the truth. I was biding my time until I talked to my father, again. I needed to try one more time before telling her the truth. My father had time to deal with the news; he might be more open to the idea.

Regardless, I needed to talk to him.

***

Carrington Olivia Butler

A few days before we planned to leave, Josh found me in the library.

"I'm going down to Orlando to grab some stuff and to say goodbye to my dad and my sister." He seemed agitated—more agitated and anxious than usual. He got weird whenever he mentioned his father. It clued me in to leave it alone, but leaving in the middle of exams, Something was wrong.

"When are you coming back?"

"I'll be back tonight, or if it's too late, I'll drive back in the morning," he said.

"You want me to come with you. I don't have an exam until tomorrow afternoon. I could study in the car." I stretched and rubbed by belly, not feeling an eight-hour car ride on top of the fourteen hours we would be driving next week.

"No. There's no need. Plus, I want to spend some time with Erin before I leave and see if I can talk her into coming to Dallas to see the baby when he's born. I would like her to be a part of this."

"Okay."

He kissed me goodbye, his lips lingering on mine for a second before his fingers wrapped around the back of my neck and he pulled me closer for a deeper kiss. His tongue tasted mine and came alive seeking more contact. He pulled away, and as I recovered from the kiss, I noticed his eyes wet. I started to ask him if he was okay, but he kissed me again, a quick peck before he dipped his head, turned, and walked away, leaving me with my mouth wide open and wondering why his kiss felt like a goodbye. I shook the idea out of my head and went back to studying.

I stayed in the library another hour until I couldn’t sit on the wooden chairs any longer.

I put my books in my bag and pushed myself up. The further along I got, the slower I moved. I waddled out of the library and into the clean, fresh sunlight. The sunlight on my face lifted my mood. I grabbed a hot chocolate from the coffee shop in the student union, found a seat outside, and enjoyed the Florida sun. I missed FSU already.