Hope for Her (Hope #1) (9 page)

"Your dad has some Stags Leap in the cellar if you want a bottle."

"No, not tonight."

When Mr. Waters left, Carrington relaxed.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Everyone is staring at us." She played with her bracelet. I reached out and placed my hands over hers.

"Actually, they are staring at you. You look amazing."

She smiled but held her head down and stared at the table.

"Your dad keeps wine here?" she asked.

"Yeah, most of the regulars do. It's a tradition for FSU alumni. You want some wine?"

"No thanks. I'm not twenty-one yet, but you go ahead."

"Age doesn't matter here."

In the end, we just stuck with water.

Mr. Waters returned with menus and a special appetizer. He made Carrington taste the shrimp before he would leave us alone. It seemed he was fixated on her mouth. She had sexy lips.

"Everything is good here." I placed my menu down, watching her scrutinize it; her face was all scrunched up.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Will you stop asking me that?"

"You seem uncomfortable."

"I don't know. I guess I'm not used to being the center of attention." She placed her menu down. "You may think this sounds crazy, but I've never noticed people noticing me so much before."

"What do you mean?"

"You think these people are looking at me because I am so beautiful. I feel like everyone is saying to themselves, what is Josh Griffin the fourth doing with that black girl."

"That's ridiculous."

"It's the vibe I get. I never felt this back home, but here I am more acutely aware that I am African American. It's a weird feeling."

"No one has been mean to you, have they?"

"No, nothing malicious. It's more a feeling of morbid curiosity amplified because everyone knows you."

I sat back trying to think of how to make her relax. She continued, "What did that guy mean about you defecting?"

"Last year, I went to University of Florida."

"What?" She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest.

I laughed at her expression.

"Okay, maybe it's not me. It's you."

We both laughed.

"I'm sorry. It's not my intention to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Actually, you're the only person tonight who hasn't made me feel weird."

Score.

Chapter Ten

Carrington Olivia Butler

I relaxed as the night went on.

Mr. Waters ogled me like a dirty old man and wasn’t subtle about it. When we walked in, I thought all eyes were on me, but maybe the scrutiny had more to do with Josh.

When we reached our table, the other patrons went back to their dinner, and I found myself checking out the dining room. The walls were covered in pastel striped wallpaper and the floors where hardwood. The room we were dining in had arranged tables for two and couples occupied every table. We were sitting right in the middle.

The linen tablecloths were elegant, but people drank beer and ate seafood with their hands.

During dinner, Josh answered my questions with the most vague and non-committal answers. I picked up that sharing this stuff was hard for him, but I had to give him credit for trying.

The way he studied me—he made me feel special, but it freaked me out. He knew how I was feeling, but he also tried to help me feel more comfortable, which made me like him even more.

Our dinner arrived and we ate slow, continuing our conversation.

"What made you go to FU considering your family's legacy at FSU?" I asked.

"I’m not sure I can explain it in a way you can understand.”

"Try me."

He took a bite of his steak, sat his fork down, and leaned back while he chewed. I assumed when he continued that it would be the same vague answers he’d delivered all night, but this topic appeared to spark his interest. He wanted to share this story.

"Okay. Well, my entire family went to FSU. We have a freaking building named after us. My great-great-grandmother was in the first graduation class back when it was an all-girl’s school."

"That's so cool."

"It's not as cool as it sounds. I don't know. At first I wasn't going to college, and when I finally decided to go, it was too much pressure to follow in the footsteps of generations of Griffins."

"What did your family say when you told them you were going to UF?"

"My dad threw a book across the room and told me what a disgrace I was to the Griffin name."

I smiled and paused to wait for him to laugh. He didn’t.

"My whole family gathered at our place in Miami, and it was like an intervention to get me to change my mind."

He leaned over the table.

"My dad even threatened to take my trust fund away."

He paused after the last statement and waited for me to respond. I remained quiet and tried to keep a neutral face.

"By the end of the weekend, I told them they had convinced me, but I still had every intention of going to U of F. They didn't notice until a month after school started."

"What happened?"

"My dad sent my sister to come and get me." 

"Your sister tried to drag you back to FSU."

"Yeah, something like that, but I convinced her to leave me alone, and I told her to tell my dad that if he let me stay, I would pledge PKP."

"So, the fraternity was more important than the school."

"Not really, but in the long run, I was able to convince him it would benefit me better. I told him that schools dissed each other all the time, but PKP are PKPs everywhere."

"He left you alone?"

"Yeah, but it was more of a control thing. He made me promise that if I went to graduate school, I would go to FSU."

"Are you going to graduate school?"

"No."

"So, if it wasn't some FU—pardon the pun—to your family, why didn't you go?"

"You ever wanted to go somewhere where no one knows who you are. No one had any expectations of you. Someplace you could start fresh."

I could relate to what he was saying. He had no idea how much I understood.

"My parents didn't care where I went to school. They couldn't wait for me to get out of their house."  

"You don't get along with your parents," Josh asked.

"We don't not get along, if that makes sense."

His face remained blank. I got the feeling my issues paled in comparison to his, but I continued anyway.

"My brother is like twelve years older than me, so he’s been out of the house for a while. My parents were done, then I came along, and they couldn't wait for me to leave." I noticed the first hint of compassion in his eyes and Josh's concern touched my heart and made me want to talk. We abandoned our food and the sad look on his face matched what he always held in his eyes.

“That sucks.”

"I can understand wanting to go where no one knows you. My high school class had twelve hundred fifty people in it and every major school in Texas, Louisiana, and Oklahoma had at a least a hundred classmates. The idea of stepping on to a campus with a hundred people who already knew me—awful."

"I figured you were one of the popular kids at school."

"My boyfriend played football, and because of him, I hung out with the cool kids. But I never really fit in. My core group of friends even grew apart my senior year. I was just so ready to graduate and move on. Ready for something new."

Josh reached across the table and took my hand. The expression on his face told me he understood.

“It’s a good thing you met me, then.”

“Why do you say that?” 

“I’ll show you something new.”

We finished dinner and headed back to campus. We parked the car at the frat house, and after we got out, he took my hand and led me down to the street. I enjoyed dinner and liked getting to know Josh. We were so much alike it scared me. He held a lot back, but he was beginning to let me in.

My attraction to him was growing as the night wore on. Every time he touched me, I shivered as I tried to stifle my audible sigh. I liked having his hands on me. The way he took my hand at dinner and the way he led me out of the restaurant with a light hand on the small of my back. Or the forceful, yet gentle, way he took my hand, kissed it, and held it to his chest as we walked down fraternity row.

When we reached the quad, we stopped by the steps. Josh took a seat and I sat next to him. He pulled one of my legs over his and I found it hard to concentrate with his hand moving up and down my thigh, like on the car ride to the restaurant.

"Do I make you nervous?" he asked.

"No. I'm just not used to guys being so affectionate."

"I can't imagine any guy being with you and keeping his hands to himself.”

“You had no problem when I passed out in your bed.”

“I would never take advantage of you, but that was the longest night of my life.”

He leaned over and kissed me. His lips were softer than I remembered. I pushed my leg into him but tried to move it when he responded underneath me. He held my leg close to him and kissed me deeper.

He brushed my hair off my shoulder and kissed my neck. I tilted my head to give him better access, leaning into his kisses. He moved his hand under my skirt more, and it brought me back to reality. I pulled away.

"We better cool it," I suggested.

"I can't help it." He bit my bottom lip.

"Ouch."

"I could taste you all day."

"Why do you say things like that to me?" I moved my leg and sat facing forward.

"Like I said, I can't help it," he said. "I like you. I told you I wanted to be your boyfriend. This is how I treat my girlfriends."

"Well, I don't want to be treated like your girlfriends."

He leaned back and dropped my hand.

"You don't know how special you are?"

"Maybe I don't."

"Well, how about I tell you every day until you believe it for yourself."

***

Josh Elijah Griffin, IV

One date with Carrington Olivia Butler, and I was hooked. She captured my heart and consumed my mind. Her beauty was only the beginning. I needed someone like Carrington in my life. I sounded like a pussy, but I couldn’t help it—I was in love.

She was so open and honest.

I ended up sharing more about my family than I intended. She made me want to tell her stuff. She knew more than she let on, but if someone had tipped her off to the worst, she still went out with me anyway.

When I kissed her this time, she let me. She wanted to be cared for, and she gave me that privilege.

I walked her back to the dorm and headed over to the Pourhouse, a bar across the street from campus where I knew the guys would be hanging out and watching football. As soon as I entered, I found Jackson, Brandon, and the guys gathered around a table in the corner. Brandon waved me over.

Jackson slumped in a chair and took a long drag from his beer.

"Hey buddy. So, how was she?" Brandon asked.

"Who?"

"Carrington?" Jackson chimed in as he stared at me over the top of his beer and took another sip.

"What are you talking about?"

"Dude, that chick you picked up at Broward a few hours ago, that's the chick from the other night. You settled up after she threw up on me."

He high-fived me. The rest of the group laughed and slapped hands, everyone except Jackson. He sat quiet, watching me.

"Dude is she is good as she fucking looks?" Brandon asked. "The shape of her ass is ingrained in my brain."

The guys stared at me waiting to hear the details, but before I said anything, Jackson smirked, stood up, and headed out of the bar.

"Jackson, man, where're you going?" Brandon called after him.

I followed him.

"Jacks, what's up man?"

"You went out with Carrington tonight?"

"Yeah, I took her to Waters."

"You really like this girl or you just fucking with her?"

"Jackson, man. Am I missing something?" Why was he acting like I stole his girl?

He stopped, but then shook his head and kept walking.

"Jackson."

"What?"

"Dude, why are you so pissed?"

"You sit there and let them talk about her like that."

"You didn't defend her."

"I'm not dating her."

"She's just a girl, Jackson," I said, but didn't believe it.

"She's not just some girl."

"Do you like her?" I asked the question, although I knew the answer and it tied my stomach in knots.

He paused before answering.

"Yes, but it's not what you think." 

"What is it?"

"She's special, and I'm pissed off that you don't see that."

I paused before answering. I wanted to tell him he was right. Carrington was smart, amazing, and beautiful. I understood that about her before we met. I saw it in her eyes and in her smile.

If I shared all of that with Jackson, I would be acknowledging his feelings and that wasn't going to happen. I wanted Carrington all to myself.

He got tired of waiting for me to respond and took off again. This time I allowed him to leave.

I respected Jackson. I loved him like a brother. I knew him so well; I could tell when he was lying. I could call him on it, but we both knew I wouldn’t because doing so would mean I might not get what I want.

Chapter Eleven

Carrington Olivia Butler

Since our dinner date, Josh and I have spent a lot of time together. We ate together; we studied together. We did everything short of sleeping together. He pushed often but backed off before I had to tell him. He never took it too far.

Josh and I started opening up to each other more, too. The details of his home life fascinated and frightened me all at the same time. His connection to his family seemed more parasitic. On one hand, they needed each other, but on the other hand, they hated their dependence on one another. He never came right out and said it, but I sensed it the more I got to know him. So when he asked me if I wanted to drive down to meet his sisters, I could hardly hide my surprise.