Hope for Him (Hope Series Book #2) (23 page)

I stared at her as she approached and tried to gauge her mood. Her determined jaw and clenched teeth gave me an idea. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and she wore leggings and a baggy sweatshirt. I stood up and felt better if this confrontation happened where I had the chance to grab my child and run. She was six foot for goodness’ sakes. I wasn't stupid to think I could take her. I was scrappy, but she was pissed at me. I didn't have anger to fuel me.

Her eyes were bloodshot and dark. I felt bad because I knew her state had everything to do with Jackson and me.

Jackson never told me what happened, and I didn't ask. It was hard on him. I knew that much, and I could imagine how I would feel if Jackson betrayed me. It would devastate me, although, Jackson and I
technically
didn't get together until after they
officially
broke up. That was the story I was going with.

"Hi, Tiffany." I placed my hand out and hoped the gesture would catch her off guard. It worked; she stared at my hands and moved her hand to take it but then decided against it and settled them back by her side. "You want to sit down." Jack lay on his stomach sound asleep. "Don't worry about waking him; he needs to get up anyway."

"Can we step over there for a minute?" she asked. Four feet from us were a row of benches. I bent down to check on Jack and followed her. She sat first with her hands in her lap. I exhaled and sat down next to her.

Whatever she had to say, the least I could do was hear her out.

After all, I knew what she was feeling, wanting Jackson and realizing she couldn't have him because he cared more about someone else.

#

S
he sighed and slumped down on the bench. Her legs crossed at the ankles. She buried her face in her hands, wiped her tears away, and sniffled. Her bodily functions were creeping me out.

"How can I compete with that?" she asks as she pointed to Jack sleeping sound. He made tiny little pucker noises and turned his head and settled back down. I smiled at my son and turned and found her staring at me. I lost the smile.

"Tiffany, I'm sorry."

"Don't, okay. Don't say you're sorry because you're not. You got him. You won. "

"I'm sorry that you’re hurting because of it."

"Then give him back."

I smirked and played it off as a joke.

She was joking, right? She grunted.

"Tiffany. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman. Why would you want him after what he did to you?" I tried to sound sincere, but I knew the answer to the question. "I'm sorry. That was a stupid question."

"You're right. It was a stupid question." She sat up and turned toward me. "You know he told me about you on our first date. He told me how special you were to him. You and little Jack."

"I didn't know that."

"Yeah, I thought it was kind of weird, but he opened up about you and I thought it was his way of letting me in. I thought he was being vulnerable and I took it as a sign that we were getting closer."

"Tiffany, I don't want to hear this."

"I think you should. I want you to know how he described you."

I tried to speak, but she held her hand up and I shut my mouth.

"He said you needed him. You drew some sort of strength from him, and if we were going to be together, I had to understand that. I had to accept that." Tears fell from her eyes. "You know what. I said no, I couldn't accept it. No way was I going to share him with you. I was not going to share his heart with another woman and I left. I broke up with him and told him to call me when he was over you."

"I didn't realize."

"So, when he came back to me and told me the real reason you two were so close was because of Josh, I gave us another chance. Oh, my God, I'm such an idiot. He used his dead friend to get me back. He said his best friend’s son needed someone to take care of him."

Tears fell down my face.

"Even my family thought I was crazy and they didn’t understand why I was so willing to compromise what I wanted for one guy. In fact, I went to New Orleans intending to tell Jackson we were over. But we talked and he said the right things and I believed him. I thought I made the right choice.” She rubbed her eyes. “I was so fucking stupid."

"Wait, did you say New Orleans."

"Yeah. Why?"

"When did you and Jackson start dating?"

"Last March."

“Last March?”

My hand covered my mouth, and I held the other over my stomach. My insides did a flip flop as my mental calendar made a critical calculation.

She narrowed her eyes and touched my leg. I pushed it away.

"You didn't know?"

I shook my head.

One date popped in my head. May twelfth. Jack's first birthday was on May twelfth. Jackson and I slept together on May twelfth. I couldn't think straight. Tiffany rubbed her forehead but continued as if she was in my head.

“Really, things were moving along nicely until he got back from visiting you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he came home that day and practically attacked me on the stairs. I thought he missed me so much, but as soon as exams were over, he couldn’t wait to get rid of me.

“After exams,” I said. 

“So when I came to New Orleans, I asked him if he was ready to be with me. He said yes, and I believed him. He was one hundred percent devoted to me until you arrived back on campus."

I stood up and headed straight for Jack. I scooped him up with the blanket and turned to face Tiffany. She had stood up, and she knew she said something wrong but wasn't sure what it was. It didn't keep her from expressing a satisfied grin at my pain.

I backed away watching her for a few steps before I turned around and headed toward my house.

It was a long walk carrying a sleeping baby, but the pain in my arms was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. I walked past groups of students heading back on campus to watch the game in the quad. I saw several Jackson Mitchell jerseys, including the one on my own son mocking me along the way.

How could I have been so stupid? Jackson had slept with Tiffany hours after fucking me. My insides clenched, but I tried to push it out of my head and concentrate on getting home.

It didn’t work. Every minute of every moment over the last seven months flashed through my mind.

Why did I assume that he and Tiffany had met over the summer? I didn't ask the questions. I played back in my head multiple conversations, trying to understand the things he told me about Tiffany, about how they met.

Jackson and I spent the most amazing night together. It was the perfect conclusion to a perfect day. He was so attentive, so gentle; the way he tasted and the way he smelled. It was the second most amazing night of my life, a close second to the night we spent together two days ago.

Now, all of it was fucked. Our time together had no meaning. It was all a lie. I felt duped and ashamed. All I asked from him was to be honest. Why was that too much to ask?

I managed to put Jackson in his crib and get behind my own closed bedroom door before I collapsed on the floor and sobbed.

C
arrington Olivia Butler

I woke up to Jack crying from his room. I had crawled into bed and fallen asleep. I fished my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. It was two hours since we arrived back home.

"I'm coming, Jacky."  I pulled myself up and scrambled into his room. He calmed down when he saw me, but the sight of him with his Jackson jersey on made me sick. I pulled it over his head, grabbed him out of his crib, and sat him on the changing table. I changed his diaper and carried him into the living room and sat him down in front of the TV. I went in the kitchen to fix something for him to eat. Jack picked up the remote and pressed a button. The sound of the game filled the room before the picture came on. It was in the middle of the second quarter and Florida State was losing fourteen to three.

They showed Jackson on the sideline with his head over a binder of photos with the backup quarterback and his quarterback coach looking over his shoulder and pointing things out.

"Mommy, Jackson?" Jack pointed. I smiled, nodded, and went back to fixing dinner. The conversation with Tiffany freaked me out. I searched for a reason not to overreact. I made up a few things, but my mind returned to the same reality. Jackson had sex with me while he was dating her. Hell, he had sex with me the same day he had sex with her.

Why didn't he tell me the truth?

I thought about Candace. How her revelation about sleeping with Josh hurt me. It was because, despite all that Josh had done to me, I thought he was faithful. I was so stupid.

We sat on the floor, Jackson in my lap, and he ate his sandwich as we watched the rest of the game.

Jackson threw an interception in the third quarter and the other team ran it back for a touchdown. In the fourth, they were down by two touchdowns, but Jackson handed the ball off to Jeff. He ran down the field ten yards at a time, but at the goal line, he fumbled the ball and the other team took it ninety-eight yards the other way to seal the win. Florida State lost to number one ranked Alabama and pretty much ruined their chances at a bid in the championship round.

I wasn't going to lie. I was happy they lost. He didn't deserve to win.

I ignored Jackson's calls and left his text messages unanswered. I asked Kayla to take Jack to her house after she came back from a watching party. She didn't say a word about the way I looked. She hugged me, scooped up Jack, and headed out the door. When she reached the edge of my driveway, she turned and said, "I'll call and check on you later. If you don't answer, I'm coming back."

"I'm fine, Kayla. I'll call you later."

"Bye, Mommy.” Little Jack waved.

I was so grateful Jack had Kayla, considering he was about to lose another important person in his life. I closed the door. I wasn't surprised when three hours later he knocked on my door.

I answered the door and Jackson rushed in, dropped his bags, and wrapped me in a bear hug. He squeezed me so tight. I couldn’t breathe. He kissed my neck and carried me back into the living room.

"Oh, Baby. I missed you." He sat me down and held me tight. "You didn't answer my call. I was worried. Oh, man you feel good."

He pulled back when I didn't respond and my head fell forward, he lifted my chin and the pain and hurt on his face reflected mine.

"Baby, what's wrong? Where's Jack?"

I pushed away from him, but he caught my arm, and I turned back to face him.

"Jackson—” I tried to speak, but no words came out. I didn't know how to say it. I didn't know how to tell him it was over and that he ruined everything. I couldn't say it out loud because if I did, that would be it. It would be final, and I wouldn't have my Jackson anymore.

He pulled me toward him and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed his hands down my back. One of his hands made its way under my shirt, but when his flesh touched my flesh, I regained my resolve and pushed him away.

"Don't touch me."

The pain in his eyes scared me.

He held one hand out in front of me. "Carrington, calm down. It's okay. It's me. You're okay. You're safe, now."

"What?"

"Tell me, where's Jack?"

"He's with Kayla."

Jackson let out a huge sigh of relief, but he didn't approach me. He held his throwing hand out in front of him as if he needed protection from me. I wanted to break his million dollar fingers.

Oh, my God, he thinks I'm having one of my episodes.

Maybe I was. Maybe this was all in my imagination, and it wasn't real. In real life, Jackson and I were together and he was mine. In real life, Tiffany didn't exist. This whole thing was one big horrible nightmare and I needed medication or fucking shock therapy to come out of it.

I moved over to the couch and sat down. The look on his face almost convinced me, but even if it was a dream or a psychotic breakdown, I had to ask the question.

I cleared my throat. It was raw from my sobs earlier. It tried to speak, but no words came out. I exhaled and tried again.

"Last May, on Jack's birthday." He lowered his hand and tilted his head. "When you fucked me on Jack’s birthday and again the next morning, did you think about her. Later that day, did you fuck her and think about me? Was it your grand plan to take advantage of both of us, or did it just happen?”

I watched Jackson’s reaction as he cringed from each statement. He stood straight up. He ran his hand over his face and took a step forward, placing both hands on the back of the couch. I felt a sense of relief myself. Based on his reaction, I wasn't having a breakdown.

I am very much sane.

I sat back and waited to hear his explanation.

#

J
ackson Latre Mitchell

I figured the worst thing that could happen to me today was losing a game. I was wrong. I was about to lose my heart, and I couldn't think of a way to stop it.

I lowered my head. I couldn't look at Carrington. I couldn't see the disappointment in her eyes or I would have broken down for sure. If I could keep it together, maybe the answer to saving this would come to me.

"How did you find out?"

"Tiffany told me."

"That bitch,” I whispered.

"You dated her."

I chuckled and stood up straight. Carrington scooted back into the couch and tucked her legs under her, settling in for something, my explanation. She wanted me to tell her something that would allow her to forgive me as much as I did.

Think, Jackson.

I walked around to the front of the couch and took a seat. It was a good sign, she let me in the door and she allowed me the chance to explain.

"You believe her."

"One hundred percent. She didn't mean to tell me. I don't think she had any idea what a lying cheating ass she was in love with. I sure didn't."

"Carrington?"

"Don't say my name and don't try to put this on her. You cheated on her, with me."

"No, you're right. I did but can I say one thing."

"What?"