Hope for Tomorrow (4 page)

Then one day he realised that he had forgotten his sheath. They were both naked by that time and he assured her that she would not fall pregnant. Fool that she was, she had believed him.

Now, almost nine months after that fateful encounter, here she was, alone in a cramped room, unemployed and about to give birth.

She cursed his name and his velvet words as she cried into her pillow, for this was all his fault.

Martha wasn't prone to self pity though and when her tears eventually stopped, she wiped her eyes and vowed that never again would she shed a tear for Lucien Beaumont. He didn't deserve her tears.

She began making plans. She had managed to put a little of her wages aside each week but the money wouldn't last long and so tomorrow she would start looking for a new job at one of the other factories in town.

The emotions of the day had taken their toll on her and she was just about to go to bed when there came a knock at her door. Her landlady stood there.

“
Out,” she said.

“
I'm sorry?”

“
I can't have the likes of you staying here, this is a reputable establishment.”

Martha begged to differ but there was little that she could do about it.

“
But I've already paid you for the week.”

“
Here.” the landlady gave her a shilling, the whole week's rent even though she had already been here for two of the nights.

“
Fine.” She didn't have the strength for an argument that she couldn't win and so she packed up her few possessions and left.

She had got to know the area over the past few months and there were another four guest houses that had vacancies signs out front but all of them turned her away. Clearly the news of her disgrace had spread quickly.

The sun had set and the evening was growing cold, for it was now almost autumn. She went to the other guest houses that she new of but none of them had any vacancies. She considered asking Jess to take her in for a night but she couldn't risk bringing her friend into disrepute. It seemed clear now that she could not stay in this town so tomorrow she would move on to somewhere new.

She wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders and began to look for somewhere that she might sleep for the night, somewhere a little sheltered and out of the way.

Martha was just about to try under one of the canal bridges, for the bridge itself would provide some shelter, when she felt a terrible pain in her stomach. She gritted her teeth against the pain until it had passed. She had helped her mother give birth to enough children to know what this meant. She couldn't give birth under a canal bridge and so she did the only thing that she could, she made her way to Jess's home and knocked on the door.

Chapter Four

Far from being disapproving as Martha had feared, Jess looked relieved when she saw her friend and quickly ushered her into the house.

“
I was so worried,” she said. “When we heard what had happened, I thought you might do something silly.”

“
I already did something silly, now I'm paying for it.” Martha tried to joke, though she knew what Jess had meant. “I wouldn't have come but the baby is on its way and I just couldn't give birth on the street.”

“
Course you couldn't!” Jess assured her. “You can stay 'ere for as long as you need. I know exactly what these rich men are like, I was in service once too. Hardly a day went by when one of the sons didn't try and corner me.”

It hadn't been like that with Lucien but Martha had more pressing matters on her mind as another labour pain washed over her.

Jess's husband had been hovering in the background but now Jess told him to go and spend the night with his friend. He didn't need telling twice and quickly made his way out of the small house. Martha wondered if his haste was because she was giving birth or because she was shameful but she found that right now, she couldn't care too much.

“
Now, don't you worry,” Jess tried to reassure Martha. “I got four younger siblings so I've seen this a few times before, I know what to do.”

Martha knew what to do as well, providing that there weren't any complications. She asked Jess for a wooden spoon which she bit down on as her pains worsened, for it was late and she didn't want Jess to get in trouble for keeping her neighbours awake.

The labour was the worst pain that Martha had ever known. Pushing was the hardest work that she had ever performed but mercifully it was over quite quickly and nine hours after her first contraction, at 7am on the 3rd of September 1842, Martha delivered a baby girl.

“
Oh, she's an angel,” Jess said as she washed her, cut the cord then wrapped the babe in an old shawl.

Martha was too exhausted to move and quite certain that Jess could take care of her baby so she closed her eyes for a few moments.

“
Here,” Jess said as she approached.

Martha opened her eyes and struggled into a sitting position so that Jess could place the baby in her arms. Jess left the room and Martha looked down into her baby's tiny face and suddenly she felt very afraid.

For so long the baby had been an abstract concept, something that would complicate her life and that Martha would really rather not deal with. Now though, the baby was this tiny little person who was reliant on Martha for everything and that was a daunting situation for a girl who was not yet seventeen and all alone in the world.

The baby didn't look worried though, in fact she looked quite content as she gazed up at Martha with her big blue eyes. Martha felt the sting of tears as a warmth filled her heart.

“
I won't let you down,” she assured the baby. “I promise.”

“
Come on,” Jess said as she came back into the room and took the baby from Martha. “There's some nice hot water for you to 'ave a wash in then by the time you're done, I reckon this one'll want feedin' and then we can all have a nice sleep.”

“
What about work?” Martha suddenly realised.

“
They can survive without me for one day. I'm a reliable worker, they're not likely to give me place away.”

“
Are you sure?”

“
Course I am. Now go and wash up.”

Martha did as she was told, enjoying the hot water and the feeling of being clean once again. She dressed in a new nightgown then returned to the bedroom. Jess was already asleep on the bed, the baby lying beside her, in the middle. Martha picked her up and unbuttoned the top of her nightgown to see about feeding her. She latched on quickly and suckled for all she was worth.

Strangely, apart from one cry while she was being washed, the baby hadn't made any noise at all. Martha felt a pang of dread as she wondered if all those months that she had spent trussed up in her corset might have harmed the baby but she tried not to dwell on that. She was less than an hour old and it was too soon to start worrying about 'what ifs'; she just had to hope that everything was okay until she had proof otherwise.

“
Hope,” she said softly. “I think that's a good name for my little girl.”

When Hope had finished feeding, Martha placed her back in the middle of the bed between her and Jess, making sure that she was well wrapped in her shawl, then she settled down beside her. She wanted to stay awake and just watch her for a while, after all there couldn't be too much wrong in a world that could produce such an adorable child, but she was too exhausted and soon fell into a sound sleep.

Though Martha protested daily that she should move on, Jess argued that she needed time after the birth to find her feet and so she stayed with them for a week, sleeping on a mattress in the kitchen so that Jess and her husband could have their bedroom back.

Jess tried to talk Martha into staying in Eastham but on the third day, almost more to prove Jess wrong than anything, Martha went to every factory in town asking for work but was turned away by them all. Jess couldn't deny the truth any longer; if Martha was to have any hope of employment, she needed to go somewhere new.

Still, Jess convinced her to stay for another few nights. She was quite taken with baby Hope, as was her husband and as she watched them, Martha couldn't help but think that their own child would not be long in coming now.

Hope remained a quiet baby, crying only when she was hungry and since she was quickly fed, never for very long. Martha watched closely for signs that she might not be normal but she couldn't find any yet. She cooed and gurgled a little, had a strong grip when a finger was placed in her tiny hand and although her eyesight was not good yet, her eyes followed the movement when Martha waggled a finger in front of her face.

She began to relax a little. Perhaps this baby was just quiet; some were.

Jess cajoled and browbeat her neighbours into giving up as much baby clothing and nappies as they could spare for the newcomer and baby Hope soon had her own collection of clothes, hats and shawls, mostly knitted, which she could be dressed in.

Martha was more grateful to her friend than she could ever hope to put into words but after a week she felt that she had intruded on her friend's hospitality enough and needed to start getting on with her and Hope's lives.

She caught the stagecoach north to the town of Petewich where she alighted and went in search of accommodation. Unfortunately the town was booming and guest houses weren't keeping up with the demand. There were only two that had rooms available and both those houses only rented rooms to men.

After spending a night sleeping on the street, Martha had little option but to spend some more of her precious savings and try a new town. She caught the stagecoach east this time and found herself in the town of Lambart.

She found a room to rent but the rent here was higher, one shilling and six pence a week. She had come up with a way to carry Hope with her by tying a shawl around her neck like a sling and placing the baby in there. She wrapped her own shawl around her shoulders and over the sling so that Hope was often not even visible.

She tried the local factories on her first day but even with her recommendation letter from Mrs Lassiter, they were unwilling to take on a girl with a child. This time her excuse was that the baby was her sister and they were orphans but the bosses had little sympathy and simply wouldn't employ a woman who had a baby to take care of, even if it wasn't hers.

Knowing when she was beaten, the following day Martha headed to the working class areas of town and tried to find someone who would look after Hope while she worked.

By asking around she found a few women who might be willing but each one was unacceptable. The first had nine children of her own at home and was stressed enough as it was; Martha couldn't feel happy leaving Hope anywhere she wouldn't be cared for. The second mother had a sharp tongue and said some truly cruel things to her own children while Martha was there. She couldn't imagine leaving Hope with such a callous woman. The final mother was clearly unwell and very weak. She seemed to love her own children but in all good conscience, Martha couldn't place any further burdens on her.

She returned to the guest house for the evening, vowing to try again the next day.

Counting her savings became almost an obsession for Martha because each day she was eating into them without any promise of replenishing them in the future. She was back to eating bread and jam every meal, though she knew that she should be eating better if she wanted Hope to stay strong.

The next day was much like the one before and so was the day after that. She had paid a week's rent on her room so she tried each day to find work or someone to care for Hope while she worked before finally admitting defeat and moving onto the next town.

The next three places either had no rooms to rent to a single woman and child, no jobs available or no one that she would trust to look after Hope.

Finally she got off the coach at a small town called Stoneham. Her savings were almost gone now and so she didn't even bother to look for a room, preferring to keep what little she had left to pay for food until she could find a job. She searched the town for a place to sleep and discovered an alleyway that should give her some protection from the elements each night.

Sadly, a week later she still hadn't found a job and she was beginning to regret her pride in refusing Lucien's offer of money. If it were just herself she could cope but she had someone else depending on her now and she hadn't considered that when she refused his offer.

Unfortunately, whilst she would willingly throw herself on his mercy for the sake of Hope, she had no way of doing so for she couldn't afford the fare home, nor the cost of pen, paper, ink and a stamp.

The nights were getting colder as winter drew closer and if she didn't get a miracle soon, she and Hope would die of the cold before long. At the moment she placed Hope next to her skin each night while they slept and she had just enough shawls and blankets to keep the worst of the cold off them but that would not suffice for much longer.

With little choice, she began walking to the next town, hoping that her luck would change there. The walk took two days and she slept under a tree overnight, arriving in the town after dark on the second day. She set about exploring the town and finding a place to sleep for the night.

Penchester was a reasonably sized town with it's own canal and perhaps half a dozen mills. If she couldn't find work here, she couldn't find it anywhere. Tomorrow she would lie to the masters and tell them that she already had someone who was willing to look after Hope while she worked. She didn't like lying usually but she was getting more used to it and besides, what was one more untruth between friends?

She had less than a shilling left in savings now and if she didn't find work soon, she had resigned herself to entering the workhouse. They were little more than prisons really and she wouldn't be allowed to see Hope most of the time but what other choice did she have?

Her clothes were showing signs of her transient lifestyle now and were badly creased and dirty. Still, she had no other option but to wear them. She did her best to stay clean, washing in streams and canals but she never quite managed to feel clean.

She found a canal bridge that had space below it to sleep and settled down there with Hope. What she wouldn't give for a mattress right now. She could hardly believe that she had been brought this low and with each night that she was forced to spend outside, her hatred for Lucien grew a little stronger.

The next day she went from factory to factory seeking work. The master in the third establishment seemed to catch a glimpse of the pretty girl under the layers of clothes and grime on her face and propositioned her.

Martha was ashamed to say that she considered it for a moment before she walked out of his office. Was that what she would be forced to resort to soon; selling her body?

She went to two other mills that day but was turned away from them all. With little else to do she walked the streets as she did every evening, trying to keep warm. All this walking with nothing but bread to eat was taking its toll on her body and she was becoming very thin. She began to worry that her milk would soon dry up and then what would she do?

The hour was growing late as she crossed the river, heading back to the canal bridge that she had slept under the night before and she was surprised to see a man leaning on the railings, gazing into the river below.

He looked to be middle class but his clothing was dirty and he didn't have a coat on. Something about him, about the way he looked told her that he was troubled.

“
Sir?” she asked, approaching him slowly. “Are you all right?”

He turned to her and it seemed to take him a moment to register her words. She could see that he had a cut on his cheek and a bruise developing around his eye. He'd been robbed. He had grey hair and was clearly getting on in years but his features were pained, more pain than a simple robbery might cause.

“
I... I'm not sure,” he answered.