Hope Rising (21 page)

“Are you sure you don’t want me to tell anyone?” Alice asked. “I could talk to Dr. Dupont.”

“No. Please just cover for me.”

Alice squeezed Evelyn’s hand where it clutched the towel. “I’ll be praying for you, too. And I promise I’ll be back.”

Alice’s absence brought the press of silence. The nurses’ building was largely deserted during the day, while those on the day shift worked at the hospital and those on the night shift slept. Evelyn welcomed the quiet, but she hated the feeling of isolation it brought.

The stabbing cramps reached to her knees now. Her muscles felt as if they were being twisted tighter and tighter. She sensed the flow of blood increasing. Clamping her teeth down on the towel, she let out a groaning sob that the material thankfully muffled.

Would Joel still want to marry her if she lost the baby? Wasn’t that his main reason for asking her to be his wife, despite all his tender looks and fervent kisses? The uncertainty filled Evelyn with a piercing loneliness she hadn’t felt since her father’s death. Would she lose Joel, the man she loved so dearly, along with her last tangible connection to Ralph? All her bright hopes and dreams for the future—a future that until this morning had included Joel and a baby—were slipping away and she could do nothing to stop them.

“Nurse Gray?”

The masculine voice penetrated the numbing cloud shrouding Evelyn’s mind. How long had she been lying here on this hard floor? She lifted her eyelids and found Dr. Dupont peering down at her. Alice stood behind his shoulder.

“I—I’m sorry, Doctor.” Had he seen the blood? “I’ll…I’ll be back in surgery…” Her voice faded when he shook his head.

“You will worry about no such a thing.” The dark eyes behind his glasses exuded concern and kindness. “Nurse Thornton told me everything. You have already lost a lot of blood. I am going to carry you to the surgery ward, then we will perform a dilation and curettage.”

Before Evelyn could argue or agree, the doctor gently hoisted her into his arms. “We will have to go through the woods to avoid being seen.”

“What about the…mess?” Her voice sounded so weak and quiet, even to herself.

“I’ll clean it up as soon as we’re done in surgery.” Alice’s face registered her worry as she covered Evelyn with a blanket.

Dr. Dupont carried her down the stairs and outside. The movement jostled her pain-riddled body, but Evelyn gripped the towel in her hand as hard as she could to keep from crying out. The doctor cut toward the trees and into the shade of the forest. Evelyn shut her eyes as dizziness threatened to overwhelm her.

Sunshine on her face and the crunch of gravel underfoot told her the moment they left the woods to traverse the drive in front of the hospital. She expected them to enter the main doors at any minute, but instead Dr. Dupont continued walking.

“There is a cellar entrance that is not used much,” he explained quietly in her ear.

Soon the warm afternoon air gave way to the cool interior of the basement. Evelyn shivered and opened her eyes as the doctor carried her into his now vacant surgery room. He carefully placed her on the operating table.

“Let me rest and I’ll be fine,” she protested. “I—I don’t want you to use any of our new supplies.”

Dr. Dupont came to stand at her side. “You need this procedure, Nurse Gray. Please allow me and Nurse Thornton to help you. You cannot go without this. Not with how far along the baby was and with how much blood you have lost already.” He rested his hand against her arm, bringing warmth to her shivering body. “I told you once you remind me of my Bridgette. Since I cannot help her, please allow me to help you.”

His fatherly tone renewed her tears, but Evelyn felt compelled to say, “I made a mistake…”

The doctor shook his head, his eyes full of compassion. “This unfortunate turn of events today is not because of your mistake. It is what it is, and nothing more. And now we must stop your suffering and prevent something far worse from happening.”

She hated the idea of them using supplies and medication on her that were meant for the wounded soldiers. She hadn’t fought bravely at the front; instead she’d broken the rules. If she’d only gone home weeks ago and bravely faced her grandparents’ disappointment, perhaps she would still have the baby.

But then I wouldn’t have come to know Joel.

The thought brought her only temporary comfort. Her body felt as if it had turned against itself. “All right,” she whispered in defeat. “Go ahead.”

Alice moved to stand at Evelyn’s head. “Here’s the chloroform,” she said in a calm voice.

She rested the mask an inch above Evelyn’s face and applied the chloroform to the gauze. Evelyn forced herself to take long, even breaths. Lying flat on her back heightened the awful pain.

“You’re doing great, Evelyn,” Alice soothed. She replaced the chloroform mask with the ether one. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Evelyn clung to those words, though she knew nothing would ever be okay again. The happy scenes she’d daydreamed of her and Joel and the baby back home together in Michigan would never be a reality. Twice now her greatest dreams and wishes had been yanked from her grasp. Fresh tears spilled from her eyes just before the anesthesia pulled her down and away from the horror of the morning.

I
brought you some supper,” Alice announced with a hopeful smile.

Evelyn eyed the bread and meat Alice set on the bedside table, then turned to face the wall again. She’d memorized every line and crack. “Thank you, but I’m not hungry.”

Alice blew out a sigh and sat down on the edge of Evelyn’s bed. “You need to eat sometime, Evelyn. Won’t you at least try the bread?”

Evelyn wanted to yell at Alice to go away, to stop checking on her. But even in the midst of her apathy, shock, and morphine-controlled pain, she was conscious enough to keep a civil tongue. Alice had been nothing but kind and solicitous. And so had Dr. Dupont.

After Evelyn had awaken from the surgery the day before, the doctor had carried her back to the nurses’ building and given her strict charge not to leave her bed for two days, other than to use the bathroom. Alice later relayed how Dr. Dupont had told Sister Marcelle and the other staff that Evelyn was quite ill and needed rest.

“Okay,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll try the bread.”

Alice beamed as if Evelyn had agreed to smuggle Sergeant Dennis into the hospital. She handed Evelyn the hard roll, but she made no move to leave.

“I promise to eat it.” Evelyn took a bite as proof. She wanted to be left alone again, to not have to think of conversation, to not have to think at all.

“Good. How’s the pain today?”

Evelyn shrugged. “Bearable.”

What she couldn’t manage was the hole in her heart. The pain there hurt worse than anything else she’d experienced in the past two days. Her baby was gone, leaving behind a deep hollowness inside her. Even her arms felt bereft, as if they, too, were mourning the loss of ever holding an infant. Tears, her constant companion, dripped down her cheeks.

“What can I do, Evelyn?” Alice brushed aside some hair from Evelyn’s forehead and handed her the still damp handkerchief Evelyn had dropped onto the bed earlier. “Do you want to talk?”

“No.” Evelyn shook her head. “I don’t know.” She dabbed at her wet face. “Maybe.”

In between bites of bread, Evelyn told Alice everything—meeting Ralph, learning she was pregnant, discovering Ralph had been killed, her proposal to Joel, and his eventually asking her to marry him.

Alice remained quiet as Evelyn talked. Only her facial expressions, which vacillated between surprise and sympathy, showed what she might be thinking. When there was nothing left to tell, Evelyn wiped away the last of her tears. The tightness in her chest had eased a little at sharing the total burden of her secrets with someone else besides Joel.

“I can’t believe all this was going on and I never knew.” Alice shifted on the bed to rest her back against the wall.

“I needed to keep it that way, although it doesn’t matter now.”

“No wonder you were worried about me and Sergeant Dennis.”

Evelyn nodded. She’d finished her bread, but she couldn’t stomach anything else.

“What will you do now?” Alice asked, her voice full of compassion.

It was the question that had plagued Evelyn since waking from the surgery. “I…I don’t know.”

“Aren’t you still going to marry Joel?”

Evelyn closed her eyes. His handsome face rose in her mind, the hazel eyes, the boyish grin. “How can I? He asked me to be his wife largely because of the…the…baby.” The word cut through her throat and her heart.

“But he loves you. I’m sure of it.”

“He never said it.” Evelyn opened her eyes and peered up at the slats of the ceiling, the underside of the floor above. That’s how she felt—turned inside out with grief, scarred with self-reproach over what she might have done differently to keep the baby.

If she’d refused the night shift or hadn’t carried any boxes, would the baby still be alive? She hated these questions. She could hear Dr. Dupont’s reminder of their futility, but she felt powerless to stop them.

“Besides, maybe losing Joel and”—she couldn’t bring herself to repeat the word
baby
out loud again—“and not being pregnant are my punishment.”

“Evelyn, that’s not true. We all make mistakes. God still—”

“Nurse Gray? Nurse Gray?” a frantic young voice hollered. The shouts were accompanied by the slap of bare feet against the stairs.

“Louis?” Remembrance dawned on Evelyn at the same instant Alice jumped up and walked out the open door.
Louis’s mother was sick and I promised to come.
A new round of guilt flowered inside her. She physically couldn’t have helped him yesterday, but she still felt horrible for letting the boy down.

“We’re in here, Louis,” she heard Alice call down the stairs.

Evelyn struggled to a sitting position just as the boy burst into the room, followed by Alice at a more sedate pace. His hair stood up on end, and his clothes looked as though he’d slept in them. “What’s the matter, Louis? Is your mother any better? I’m so sorry I couldn’t—”

Louis hurled himself across the room, straight at Evelyn. She bit back a cry of pain as he landed next to her on the bed. He buried his head in the crook of her neck and began to weep. Evelyn wrapped her arms around him as she gave Alice a questioning look. Alice shook her head in equal puzzlement.

Evelyn attempted to tamp down his thick, black hair. “What’s happened?” she asked softly.

“She is gone,” he sobbed into Evelyn’s nightdress.

“Gone? You mean…” Evelyn froze, her hand unmoving on his head.
No. Oh please, no.

Louis dipped his chin. “She is dead, Nurse Gray. She died today. I made her drink the tea and gave her blankets and told her stories, but I couldn’t make her well…” His voice broke on a sob.

Evelyn felt incapable of speaking. No words were sufficient anyway. Instead she held the boy tight as regret seared her mind. If only she’d been able to do something for his mother, or at the very least, had been there with Louis through the awful ordeal.

“I’m so sorry, Louis.” Alice sank onto her own bed. “Does anyone else know?”

“
Ma
mère
told me to get Madame Heroux.” He sniffed and ran the back of his hand under his nose. “The old lady came, but she made me leave the room. When I came out, she said
ma
mère
was gone. She sent me for the
pasteur
. He and Madame Heroux talked like I was not there, so I left.”

“Oh, Louis,” Evelyn said, finding her voice at last. “I am so very, very sorry.”

Louis put his arms around Evelyn’s neck, nearly crushing her breath. “Can I stay with you?
S’il vous plaît?
”

“For a while.” Evelyn eased his hold around her throat. “But I’m sure the
pasteur
and Madame Heroux will be worried if you don’t return soon. Perhaps I could…”

Alice guessed at what she was going to say. “No, you need to stay in bed. I’ll talk to Sister Marcelle and see what she advises.”

“Thank you, Alice.” Evelyn sent her friend a look of gratitude over Louis’s head.

Alice gave her a quick smile. “What are friends for?”

Not for the first time, Evelyn felt a surge of appreciation that she and Alice had mended things between them. She would not have survived the last two days without Alice’s help.

Once her roommate left, Evelyn scooted toward the wall so Louis could sit beside her against the pillow. She kept her arm wrapped around him. He laid his head on her shoulder and sniffed again.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come help your mother, Louis.” Thankfully she couldn’t see his eyes; she hated to think of the disappointment or accusation she might find there. “I…got very sick yesterday, and even missed the surgery I was supposed to help with.”

Louis’s head shot up. “Are you going to die, too?” His voice bordered on sheer panic. He needed her now more than ever, with his mother gone. Evelyn rested her hand against her empty womb. Perhaps she needed him, too.

“No, Louis, I’m not going to die.”
At least not on the outside.
“I’ll be back to work soon, but I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

He gave a halfhearted shrug. “It does not matter. She is dead and I am alone.”

His attempt at bravery nearly broke Evelyn’s heart anew. She twisted to face him and gripped his shoulders. “It’s okay to cry and feel afraid, Louis. I did that when my father died and I was almost an adult. But you must never, ever think you’re alone.”

“’Cause I have God with me?”

The sincere question pierced straight through Evelyn’s chest. She wasn’t able to answer in the affirmative for herself yet, but she had no doubt Someone was watching over Louis. Why else would she have met him?

“Yes, Louis. Because God is with you, and because I will be with you as long as I can. And Nurse Thornton and the sisters at the hospital.”

“And Corporal Campbell.”

Tears threatened again and Evelyn forced a cleansing breath through her nose to drive them back. Joel might not want to marry her anymore, but maybe he would keep in contact with Louis.

“I miss her,” Louis said. “It hurts bad, right here.” He placed a hand over his chest.

Evelyn hugged him tight. She could no longer keep from weeping. Her chest hurt fiercely, too. She’d wanted so much to be Joel’s wife and a mother, and now she wouldn’t be either. At least hugging Louis gave her empty arms something to hold.

Neither of them spoke again, but Evelyn felt a bond being forged between them as they silently cried out their grief together. Sometime later, Sister Marcelle pushed through the partially open door.

“Come in,” Evelyn said. She hurried to wipe the moisture from her cheeks.

“How are you feeling, child?”

Does she know what I’ve been through?
Evelyn wondered, a prick of alarm knotting her stomach. The open sincerity on Sister Marcelle’s face belied Evelyn’s fear, though.

“I promise to be back to work as soon as I’m able.”

Sister Marcelle waved away her words. “I am not concerned with you shirking your duty, Nurse Gray. Far from it.” She stepped to the bed. “Now, young Louis. I am sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. Do you have any living relatives nearby?”

Louis shook his head.

“I see.” Sister Marcelle folded her hands within the long sleeves of her dress. “Then I would like to offer you a home here at the hospital, for the time being.” Louis sat up straight at the announcement, and Evelyn gave his shoulder an encouraging squeeze. To have him here and taken care of was her greatest wish right now.

“If you are willing to continue assisting us in various tasks, I will see that Cook gives you regular meals and you may sleep in one of the attic rooms.” Sister Marcelle gave him a kind smile. “Would that sort of arrangement please you?”

“
Oui.
” Louis glanced at Evelyn. “Can I eat with Nurse Gray and say
bon nuit
to her when I go to bed?”

Sister Marcelle tipped her headdress forward in a thoughtful nod. “As long as you do not disrupt Nurse Gray during her assignments, I have no objection to you taking meals with her. As far as bidding her good night, I don’t believe that would be sufficient, do you, Nurse Gray?”

Evelyn studied the sister’s neutral expression. “It wouldn’t?”

“I think a hard worker and a gentleman such as Louis,” Sister Marcelle said, her mouth twitching with a smile, “deserves to be tucked in at night.”

“
Merci
, Sister Marcelle.” The boy jumped up from the bed and threw his arms around the sister’s waist. Sister Marcelle appeared momentarily startled, but her face softened as she hugged Louis back.

“We must leave Nurse Gray to her rest now, while you and I walk back to your home. I want to share our plans with the
pasteur
and find out when he wishes to hold the funeral.” She offered her hand to Louis, who slipped his small one into hers. “He may also know of a family or two who have lost their homes to the war and may benefit from living in yours. Since you will be here with us, Louis.”

His exuberance had drooped at the news of returning home, but he stuck out his chin in an obvious effort at courage. “I will be back soon, Nurse Gray. Get better.” He gave her a limp wave with his free hand.

Evelyn waved back. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

He and Sister Marcelle walked out of the room, leaving Evelyn alone once more—just as she’d wanted. But the quiet grew large and suffocating. The sooner she could return to her work in the hospital, the better. At least she would have Louis to help occupy her hours off. And she wouldn’t have to say good-bye to him or Alice or Sister Marcelle now. That knowledge eased her anguish a little.

As hard as it might have been to leave these dear people, she would have done it a thousand times over if it meant keeping her baby. If it meant keeping her last remaining connection to Ralph. If it meant keeping her hopes and dreams of marrying Joel and having a family.

Fresh tears coursed down her face as she slid back beneath the covers. She pulled them over her head. Hopefully sleep would block out—however temporarily—the torrent of emotions she couldn’t escape while awake.

Joel strode through the front doors of the château and jogged up the grand staircase. Everything about this private residence boasted wealth—from the fine food to the walls covered with paintings to the large room he and Sergeant Dennis shared.

He reached the landing and paused to catch his breath. He’d attempted running only the last couple of days, but already, strength was returning to his right leg. His arm was on the mend, too, and he’d soon be able to give up wearing the sling. He might be stiff and a little sore at night, even lying on his comfortable bed, but the walks—and now the slow runs—around the grounds were improving his overall stamina.

After traversing the next flight of stairs, he walked down the hallway to his room, grateful he could shave and wash up anytime he liked here. He ran a hand over the stubble on his face, thinking of the night Evelyn had given him a shave. Though he hadn’t realized it at the time, he’d started to fall in love with her that night.

Only seven more days till I see her again.
The thought brought a whistle to his lips. He entered his room to find Sergeant Dennis reading at the desk.

“You spend more time with that Bible now than I do,” Joel teased. “I’d say you need to get yourself your own copy.”