Hope Rising (23 page)

Sister Marcelle smiled, but it held a bit of sadness. “I had two younger siblings I looked after and adored. My brother died at four years old, and I have not heard from my sister in years. She felt I was throwing my life away when I decided to become a Sister of Charity. We had always planned to marry brothers, become mothers ourselves, and live beside each other. I hope she has fared well through this war.” She glanced at her hands, then straightened her shoulders. “As I said, I will look in on Louis soon.”

“Thank you, Sister Marcelle.” Evelyn meant so much more than the sister’s help with Louis. Sister Marcelle’s story gave Evelyn a rare look at the woman’s private life and the heartache she hid behind her perpetual smile. “Is there anything else you need?”

Sister Marcelle shook her head. “You may to return to your work.”

Evelyn left her office, but she hesitated beside the stairs. She wanted so much to talk to Louis now, though he was likely still angry with her. Hopefully they could resolve things before she left tomorrow.

Recalling that Dr. Dupont was also leaving, Evelyn went back downstairs. She was needed in the recovery ward soon, but first, she had something to say to the surgeon. She found him in his surgery ward, going over the ledger. He glanced up when she walked in and set his book aside.

“Did you know?” Evelyn demanded. “That I was going to be transferred to the front? Is that why you let Louis take me on that picnic, knowing all the while I was going to have to leave him behind?” Her voice cracked with emotion, and she pressed her hand to her mouth to keep from crying.

“I did not know. Sister Marcelle only mentioned I was being transferred. She did express sorrow at losing her best nurse, too, which I suspected meant you.” He removed his glasses and wiped them on his lab coat. “I allowed the picnic because you needed something happy and pleasant, Nurse Gray.”

Evelyn turned away, her face hot. “I’m sorry. Forgive me for jumping to conclusions. You’ve been nothing but kind. It’s just that…” She swallowed back her tears, but they would not obey. “How can I leave him? He’s as much mine as…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. If she did, she feared the pain of losing her baby would rise up and render her useless to everyone, including Louis.

She heard the sound of the doctor crossing the room. He came to a stop in front of her and took her hand in his. “You can. And you will.”

“But how? I won’t be here to know he’s all right. That he’s fed and warm and happy.”

Dr. Dupont’s eyes glistened with moisture. “I thought the very same thing when I learned the Germans had taken over Bridgette’s village.”

Evelyn wiped at her wet face, guilt replacing her anguish. She shouldn’t complain. At least Louis had someone kind to look out for him, even if it couldn’t be her for some time. The good doctor had no way of knowing how his daughter was faring.

“Do you know what has kept me from going mad with worry?” he asked.

“What?”

He patted her hand. “Prayer, Nurse Gray. At times like these, it is only God who can keep the burden of fear and remorse from crushing us. Do you believe that?”

She sniffed and glanced at the floorboards. Did she believe God would help her and Louis? Maybe not so much her, but she didn’t doubt He would watch over this little boy who’d become as near and dear to her as anyone. Except perhaps Joel.

Fighting the sting of memories when it came to Joel, Evelyn nodded. “I will try to remember that.”

“Good.” He released her hand and offered her a compassionate smile. “I am somewhat relieved to hear you are going to the front, too. They need both our skills and I want our best nurse assisting me.”

“Thank you.”

He returned to his books and Evelyn left the room. She made her way to the recovery ward, where she threw herself into the work of assessing patients, helping others to walk around the lawn, and wheeling others outside in their chairs. The keen attention to her tasks kept her mind from wandering too often to things she didn’t want to dwell on, such as the transfer or her miscarriage.

By the time dinner rolled around, she was ready to drop from exhaustion, though she was glad she’d made it through the past several days without morphine. She would need all the stamina she possessed to be a nurse at the front.

Evelyn entered the bustling dining hall, but to her great disappointment, she didn’t see Louis. She sought out Sister Marcelle, seated at one of the tables, hoping the sister would know where the boy had gone. The head sister informed her that Louis had eaten earlier. Evelyn’s distress cut deeper—she and Louis typically ate their meals together. Sister Marcelle told her she’d talked with the boy that afternoon and was confident he understood the impossibility of accompanying Evelyn to the front.

He must still be angry, though
, Evelyn thought, if he’d avoided eating with her. She finished her dinner quickly, then headed upstairs to Louis’s room in the attic. The two of them had created a nice, snug room, complete with a lamp, a makeshift bookshelf out of crates, and the iron bedstead Evelyn had discovered on her perusal of the top floor. They’d also brought his grandmother’s books, a pocket watch of his father’s, and two of his mother’s quilts from the little cottage to serve as tangible, happy reminders of his family. The room also had a radiator, which would keep Louis warm in the coming cold months.

She found Louis in bed, reading his copy of
Around the World in Eighty Days
. He flicked his gaze at her as she entered the room but didn’t speak. Evelyn sat down on the bed beside him.

“You’ve read quite a bit,” she said, noting the number of pages he’d made it through.

He shrugged, his eyes still focused on his book.

“Are you ready for me to blow out the lamp?”

Louis shook his head.

Evelyn straightened the corner of his blanket and stood, frustration and hurt weighing heavily on her. She couldn’t force him to talk, though she wished her last night with him might have gone differently.

“Good night then, Louis. Sleep well.” She walked to the door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Evelyn?”

Surprise filled her at hearing him use her first name. He’d always called her Nurse Gray. She turned back, relieved to have the strained silence broken. “Yes?”

He shut his book, though he still wouldn’t fully look at her. “You will not forget me, will you?”

Evelyn pressed her lips hard against the rush of emotion crawling up her throat. She crossed the room in three strides and sank onto her knees beside his bed. “Of course not. I could never, ever forget you, Louis. I’m going to write you and I’ll come see you the minute I can. All right?”

His chin wobbled with unshed tears before he threw his small arms around her neck and held tight. “I do not want you to go.”

“I know.” A few tears escaped her own eyes, despite her efforts to appear strong. “I don’t want to go either. But we’re going to make it through this, Louis. We will.”

He drew back and wiped his runny nose on his sleeve. “Will you come back?”

“Yes. I promise I will come back for you.” She hugged him again and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. “Now get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day for both of us.”

Louis slid under his blanket, and Evelyn blew out the lamp. “Good night, Evelyn.”

“Good night, Louis.”

She left his room and shut the door behind her. When she reached the stairs, she sank down and wept, one hand covering her mouth to keep from being overheard by Louis. Once her shoulders ceased to shake with sobs, she dried her face with her apron. She needed to get to bed, but there was something she needed to do first.

Lowering her chin, she offered a quick but fervent prayer. Something she hadn’t done in ages. A prayer not so much for herself, but for Louis.

Please, God. Please let me keep my promise to him. He’s gone through so much already. Please let me make it back to him. I am all he has now…and he is all I have, too.

She studied her hands where they rested in the lap of her well-used apron. She’d used her hands to assess, and aid, and comfort so many soldiers. And yet her greatest happiness had come in using these same hands to love, and hold, and care for the boy in the room down the hall. In spite of all the tragedy she’d experienced in the last month, Evelyn could no longer deny God had stretched out His own Almighty hand to bring her and Louis together, just as Sister Marcelle had hinted at earlier.

Her own plans had never included mothering an orphan boy as a nurse in France, but Louis’s presence in her life had become a beacon in the midst of a sea of sorrow. Could that have been God’s plan all along, to bring the two of them together before they truly needed each other?

Evelyn rose to her feet. Fatigue plagued her body, but something akin to hope had sprouted anew inside her heart. And this time, she didn’t plan to let it go so easily.

D
id you decide what you’re going to do about Corporal Campbell?” Alice asked, handing Evelyn a pair of socks.

“Yes.” She placed the socks inside her suitcase. There were only a few more things to pack.

“That doesn’t sound promising.”

Evelyn went to the bedside table and picked up the envelope lying there. “I need you to give him this.” She held it out to Alice.

Alice glanced at the letter. “You aren’t going to marry him, are you?”

“I can’t.” Evelyn dropped the envelope onto Alice’s bed and resumed packing. She didn’t want to think about Joel right now—not when her heart already felt near breaking at having to say good-bye to Louis and everyone else today.

“Why not? He loves you, Evelyn.”

“That’s your opinion.” Evelyn frowned at the apron she was folding. “Maybe he did, in a way, but there was always this hesitation underlying his words and his kisses. The main reason he asked me to be his wife is because I could provide him with the child he could never have.” A rush of emotion stilled her fingers as it often did when she thought of her baby. She forced a deep, steadying breath. “Since I’m no longer pregnant, our arrangement is void.”

“But you love him,” Alice countered. “Regardless of the baby.”

Evelyn gripped the sides of her suitcase, turning her knuckles white. “That doesn’t matter now.”

Alice exhaled a long sigh, but she gave up arguing, to Evelyn’s relief. “Do you want me to mail it to him?”

“No. He leaves the convalescent home in three days. It wouldn’t get there in time.” An image rose in her mind of Joel striding up the gravel drive, expecting to marry her, expecting her to still be carrying her child. “He’s planning on coming here. Will you please see that he gets it?”

“All right.” Alice picked up the letter and placed it on top of the bureau. “I still can’t believe you’re going to the front lines.”

Evelyn murmured agreement.

“Do you want to?”

Alice’s question made Evelyn turn around. “What do you mean? It isn’t like we have a say in where we’re sent.”

“I know. But most of the nurses here want so much to work at the front.”

“Do you?”

Alice pursed her lips, then shook her head. “Not now. I’d rather be here, where George can easily find me.”

Evelyn twisted back to face her suitcase. “Would you marry him if he asked, before the war is over?”

“No.” Alice passed Evelyn the remaining pile of clothes waiting to be packed and sat down in their place. “I’d miss nursing, but it’s more than that. I didn’t want to be home while all my brothers were off fighting. Mama’s probably going crazy with all of us gone, but I thought doing my part over here would be better than seeing her fret over the boys. What about you? Would you have been sad to leave all this behind if you had married Joel?”

Picking up her nurse’s cap, Evelyn fingered the material. It didn’t look nearly as pristine as it had in the beginning. “I’m glad I don’t have to be too far away from Louis. But I don’t know that I love nursing the way you do. It’s always been the expected course for my life, with my father being a doctor.” She thought of Sister Marcelle asking her, weeks ago, if she enjoyed nursing. Perhaps the sister had guessed at what Evelyn was only now realizing.

“I don’t regret joining the Nurse Corps,” Evelyn quickly added, “or coming over here to help our soldiers. Look at all the wonderful people I’ve met.” She smiled at Alice, though her mind soon filled with memories of Ralph and Louis and finally Joel.

“What would you do instead?”

Evelyn shrugged. “I don’t know. I enjoy helping people, but I’m not sure nursing is what I want to do after the war.” Maybe there was something else she could do to help others, like Dr. Dupont’s wife turning her home into a refuge for children.

A knock sounded at their door. Evelyn glanced over her shoulder to find Sister Marcelle standing there, holding Louis’s hand. He smiled at Evelyn, but she knew him well enough now to know the action was a bit forced.

“The truck is here,” Sister Marcelle announced.

“I’m finished packing.” Evelyn shut her suitcase and glanced around the room. Her corner looked bare and lonely now. She straightened the hem of her blue coat, hefted her luggage, and faced her small audience. “I guess it’s time then.”

The four of them traipsed outside and across the lawn to the front of the hospital. A few nurses and soldiers called “good-bye” as Evelyn walked past. Dr. Dupont was loading some of his things into the truck with the help of the driver. Evelyn set her suitcase on the ground. Now came the moment she’d been dreading since getting the news of her transfer yesterday.

Alice stepped forward first and embraced Evelyn. “It won’t be the same without you here. We’ll all miss you. Write when you can and I’ll do the same.”

Evelyn hugged her back. “I will.” She couldn’t say more without dissolving into tears, and she’d resolved to stay strong for Louis’s sake.

When Alice stepped back, Sister Marcelle took her place in front of Evelyn. The sister lifted both of Evelyn’s hands and held them in hers. “You have been a gift and a blessing to us, Nurse Gray. Please come visit as soon as you are able. I promise we will not put you to work, at least not right away.” She smiled at her own joke, then leaned close, her next words spoken in a low voice. “God has not forgotten you, child. He is working through you and for you. Remember that.”

Evelyn gave her a grateful smile as the sister moved to the side. Louis raced straight at Evelyn and clasped her around the waist. She ran a hand over his thick, dark hair. After a long moment spent swallowing and fighting back tears, she knelt down to look him in the eye. “Be good, all right? Listen to Sister Marcelle and Nurse Thornton. And don’t tease Cook.”

Louis gave a solemn nod.

“I’ll see you in about a month.”

He threw himself at her again and Evelyn held him tight. “I will pray for you, Evelyn,” he whispered in her ear.

“I will pray for you, too, Louis.” And she meant it.

She climbed to her feet and Louis bravely returned to Alice’s side. The other nurse draped her arm around his shoulders.

“Are you ready, Nurse Gray?” Dr. Dupont asked.

She wanted to say “no” and instead hide in the woods where she and Joel had kissed, where the future had been so full of promise.

Her gaze moved to the great trees bordering the lawn.
Good-bye, Joel.

Even though she didn’t speak the words out loud, a physical ache filled Evelyn at their finality. She wouldn’t be here when Joel came back, when he learned the baby was gone, when he discovered she’d released him of his bond. If only she’d known that evening in the woods the other week was to be their last together. She would have hugged him tighter, kissed him longer, memorized every detail of his face and smile. He might not have loved her back, but he’d cared enough for her to show her that loving someone after Ralph was possible.

With a last look at the hospital and the three dear faces before her, Evelyn turned to face the doctor. “I’m ready.”

When the gray turrets of St. Vincent’s came into view, Joel jumped off the farmer’s cart, too excited to continue on at the meandering pace.

“
Merci
,” he said, giving the man a few coins.

The old man tipped his worn cap at Joel and clucked to his pony. Joel walked toward the hospital, but at the drive, he picked up his pace. Two weeks away from Evelyn had felt like two years. He couldn’t wait to touch her beautiful face and kiss those wonderful lips. In a short while, she would be Mrs. Joel Campbell. He broke into a jog until he realized he didn’t want to arrive for his wedding sweaty and smelling.

He slowed his steps as he neared the hospital. No place, except home, could be dearer to him. And to think how he’d despised being here at first.

Outside the main doors, he paused to straighten his cap and jacket. He’d taken extra time this morning shaving his face and combing his hair, in hopes of looking his very best on his wedding day.

Here we go.

Nerves mixed with eagerness in his gut as he opened one of the doors and stepped into the grand entryway. A sister glanced up from her spot at a table in the corner.

“May I help you?” she asked, her French accent thick.

“I’m here to see Nurse Gray. Evelyn Gray.”

The sister frowned. She probably didn’t approve of a soldier requesting an audience with one of their nurses. But everything would be made proper in a few hours.

“I am sorry, but Nurse Gray is not here.”

Joel fell back a step. Had Evelyn gone to see the village preacher ahead of him? “I’ll wait then.” He scanned the entryway for a chair.

The sister stood and came around the table. Joel realized, as she came closer, that what he’d read as possible disapproval had become sympathy. “Nurse Gray is not coming back. She was transferred three days ago.”

Transferred? The word bowled him over with all the strength of a tank. Evelyn was gone? “Did she leave a note of some kind?”

“Not that I am aware. I am sorry.”

Joel was conscious of waving away her apology before walking back out the doors, but he felt as if he were moving through the thick mud at the front. Evelyn wasn’t here. He moved down the drive, heading back the way he’d come, but he hadn’t gone far when he stopped and looked around. What should he do now?

He stared at the gravel underfoot. What about their plans? What about
his
plans—to tell her how much he loved her? Evelyn had feared this very thing happening, but their marriage was supposed to prevent such a transfer. Removing his cap, Joel ran a hand through his hair. Why would she leave without a word to him?

“Corporal!”

Joel spun around to see Alice hurrying toward him. His relief at seeing the other nurse revived his strength. He met her halfway up the drive. “Where is she, Alice? Why didn’t she send me word?”

Alice gripped his arm as she caught her breath. “She knew there wouldn’t be time. She only found out the day before she left.”

“Where did she go?”

“To the front.”

A prickle of apprehension crawled up Joel’s spine. Typically the nurses were kept out of harm’s way, but he didn’t want to think of Evelyn anywhere near a battle, especially being pregnant. Couldn’t she have told everyone the truth instead of leaving, especially since he was coming to marry her and make things right?

“She told me to give you this.” Alice held out an envelope.

Joel glanced at it. Something in her tone and the way she wouldn’t quite meet his eye made him want to decline taking the letter. “What happened? Did she change her mind?”

“You’ll have to read her letter.” Alice pressed it into his hand and gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. “When you’re done, come around to the back of the hospital. We can at least feed you. Louis will want to see you, too.”

Joel managed a nod, then crossed to the trees at the side of the drive. He dropped to the grass and tore open the envelope. Curving, feminine handwriting met his gaze. His heart beat faster with uneasiness as he began to read.

The cold hand of shock wrapped itself around Joel’s neck and he swallowed hard. Evelyn had miscarried her baby? The thought of her in pain tormented him. Had she kept her pregnancy a secret during the ordeal? Had anyone helped her?

Joel shook his head and gripped the paper tighter. What was she thinking? He loved her, with or without the baby. Didn’t she know that?

Reality crashed over him like a wave. Evelyn didn’t know the extent of his feelings for her. He’d held on to them as tightly as his guilt and had lost the woman he loved because of it.

Without really thinking, Joel wadded the letter into a ball between his hands. His jaw clenched with frustration and hurt, but the feelings roiling through him soon gave way to gut-wrenching remorse. For Evelyn, for himself. Resting his arms on his knees, he hung his head in defeat. He’d come back with hope and excitement for the future. He’d never suspected that future had already slipped between his fingers.

“Corporal!”

Joel lifted his head to find Louis running toward him. The sight of that familiar face would’ve solicited a smile from him if he hadn’t just read Evelyn’s devastating letter. The boy slowed when he reached Joel’s side and stuck his hands in his trouser pockets.

“Hi there, Louis.”

“
Bonjour.
Can I sit with you?”

“By all means.” Joel gestured to the grass.

Louis sat down, his shoulder resting against Joel’s arm. “Did you hear she left?”

Joel didn’t need to ask who the boy meant. “Yes.” He discreetly set the crumpled letter in his pack, out of sight from Louis. “Did she say when she’ll be back?”

“In about a month. I wish she was still here. Nurse Thornton does not tuck me in like Evelyn did. But I am trying hard not to tease Cook and to work hard.”