Hopeful (12 page)

Junior leaned back in his chair and sighed. “I had thought finding the right partner was going to be so easy. That once I’d decided I had time to date, I’d find the right girl, go courting, and get married. But I’m finding out that it’s not that easy.”

She smiled softly. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

He didn’t know why he was confiding so much to Miriam, but sitting her in the late afternoon on her porch, it felt like he could finally open up about things that he usually kept to himself. Lowering his voice, he said, “The truth is, I don’t think Kaylene likes Mary Kate all that much.”

“No?” She paused, seeming to search for the right words. “Well, to be honest, I think Mary Kate is a wonderful person and a good friend. But I don’t believe that she loves teaching school.” She shrugged. “And it could be that Kaylene’s struggles make Mary Kate frustrated, like she knows she’s not doing a good job.”

“Jah
.
”
Miriam’s words were wise. She seemed to truly understand the situation.

He looked over at her, hoping to catch her eye and share a smile of gratitude. Despite what he’d thought for so long, she no longer seemed too introverted and shy. Instead, he found himself thinking how easy she was to talk to. How comfortable she was to be around.

Instead of thinking she wasn’t perfectly beautiful, he noticed those blue eyes of hers, that they were not only striking but incredibly telling. With one quick glance, he could discern everything she was thinking.

All this time, he’d been missing out on getting to know her better. All this time, he’d been missing out on having a friend like her.

Feeling weary, he got to his feet. “I had better get on home. Thanks for talking with me.”

“Anytime, Junior. I enjoyed it.”

He smiled at her before turning and walking back to his house. But as he started his walk, he realized that Miriam had been sincere in her offer.

He knew, deep in his heart, that she would talk to him anytime that he asked her to. She was that type of person, completely unselfish that way.

What was more surprising was that he’d known that for some time. Though he’d practically ignored her for most of their lives, he’d thought nothing of asking her for help to get Mary Kate’s attention. He’d known he could trust her.

And though it was obvious that she’d thought he’d come calling for a different reason, she’d agreed to help him without hesitation.

Tonight he’d done the same thing again, badgering her for information, asking her for help. And yet again, she’d given him what he’d wanted freely and without expecting anything.

And he’d taken everything she’d given with a throwaway smile and the briefest of thanks.

As he turned the corner and headed toward home, Junior realized that he’d gotten a lot of information that evening. Some of it was about Mary Kate—but far more of it had been about himself.

He really had been trying to parent his siblings. He really had put his needs last for the last several years. Because of that, he’d been tired. And a little overworked. And a bit stressed.

But he didn’t regret a single moment. He was proud of his siblings. And proud that he could honestly say that he’d done the best he could.

And that was something his parents would have been very pleased about, too.

“Judith! Look at you!” her father called out from the back of the store.

Of course, his voice reverberated through the aisles of the crowded store like a bullhorn, signaling anyone and everyone to stop what they were doing and stare at her.

She could have killed him.

It was just after lunch and she’d gathered the energy to walk to the store to surprise Ben. But having all these strangers surrounding her was making her nervous.

She was about to bolt out the door when she saw Ben approach, a huge smile on his face.

“Hiya, love. What a nice surprise! I’m going to go tell Daed that you and I are going for a little walk.”

She reached out and grabbed his sleeve. “You can’t go anywhere. The store is packed.”

“He can handle it.”

She knew he was bluffing, though. When the store was as crowded as this, every Graber needed to be on hand. She was trying to get up the courage to tell him to stay when she felt a firm hand on her elbow.

“Ben, how about I take your wife out for ice cream?” Miriam Zehr asked.

Judith could see the look of relief on his face, but he turned to her first. “Is that all right with you?”

“It is fine,” she murmured. She would have said anything to help him out. But to her surprise, the thought of spending some time with Miriam did feel fine.

Once outside, Judith stopped and breathed deeply. “Miriam, you have perfect timing.
Danke
.”

“Of course. Have you been to the Sugarcreek Scoop yet? The ice cream there is
gut
.”

“I haven’t had a chance to go yet.”

“It’s time you went, then.” Miriam started walking at a brisk pace. Judith wondered if she was anxious to get to the ice cream shop or if she was trying to get Judith away from the store.

While Judith concentrated on keeping up, she tried to recall the last time she and Miriam had chatted. Gretta had worked closely with Miriam at the Sugarcreek Inn for years. And since Joshua had courted Gretta forever, their paths had crossed many a time. Miriam was also good friends with Lilly Miller, who had been their next door neighbor for a time.

Miriam glanced over her shoulder and bit her lip. “Are you okay? Am I walking too fast?”

“Not at all. I was just thinking about our connection. How you worked with Gretta and Lilly.”

“We seem to all be connected one way or another here in Sugarcreek,” Miriam agreed with a shy smile. After they crossed one block, the new store’s sign loomed. “Here we are.”

They went into the brightly painted shop and both ordered ice cream sundaes. Then, because the day was so nice, they elected to sit outside at one of the shiny white tables arranged on the side of the building.

Judith hadn’t had any appetite to speak of, but that first bite of caramel topping and dark chocolate ice cream tasted heavenly. “This is so good.”

Miriam lifted her spoon filled with vanilla ice cream and hot fudge sauce. “I agree.” With a pleased smile, she took another bite. “It’s a treat, for sure.”

“So, what have you been up to? It’s been a while since we’ve talked.” Judith didn’t want to state the obvious . . . that she’d been avoiding church and all social gatherings since the miscarriage.

“Me? Oh, nothing too much. Working at the inn.”

“How are things at the restaurant?”

“They’re good enough, I suppose. How are you? I heard about your miscarriage. I am sorry, Judith.”

Judith looked at her in surprise, shocked at how matter-of-fact Miriam sounded. “
Danke
. It’s hard, but with God’s help, things will get better.” Eventually.

“You are right about that, about Got helping us through each difficult moment. Sometimes I forget that.”

“Lately, I have too.” And that shames me, Judith silently added.

Miriam studied her face, looked at her dish of ice cream, then, to Judith’s surprise, pushed it away. “Lately, I’ve been feeling like nothing is going right for me. I’m tired of being a waitress. Even more, I’m kind of tired of waiting and hoping for some man to fall in love with me.”

Judith didn’t dare offer a platitude. She’d heard enough of those over the last few days to fill up a kitchen sink. Instead, she offered a question. “Do you have someone in mind?”

“
Jah
. But he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“I’m sorry.”

Miriam shrugged. “I know my problems don’t compare to your loss, Judith. I don’t mean to sound like I think they do. But even so . . . I kind of have a constant pain in my heart. It’s hard, hoping things will eventually change . . . but then they just stay the same.”

Judith looked at her ice cream bowl. To her surprise, she’d eaten half her sundae. Now that it was half-melted, she pushed it away, too. Then looked at Miriam.

Miriam had made Judith remember that they all had their share of struggles to bear. While she was longing for children, Miriam was still longing to find love and companionship in her life. It made Judith thankful for the blessings she did have, namely a man like Ben.

With that in mind, she reached out and gently squeezed Miriam’s hand. “
Danke
. Thank you for sitting here with me. For reaching out. You made my day better.”

Miriam waved an embarrassed hand. “Judith, I’ve been sitting here telling you my problems!”

“
Jah
, but they’re important, too.”

Miriam smiled. “I have a feeling we’ll both get through this rough time with the Lord’s help . . . and a whole lot of hope.”

“Indeed.” And with that, Judith picked up her spoon and took another bite. It would be a shame for all that chocolate and caramel to go to waste, after all.

A
fter she said good-bye to Miriam, Judith walked back to the store, where Ben was waiting for her on the front porch. Though he was leaning indolently against the front wall, his eyes were sharp. “You look better.”

She had to smile. Leave it to her husband to get right to the point. “Actually, I feel better.” She shook her head in wonder. “That Miriam has a way about her. We’ve hardly said much to each other in weeks—our paths just don’t cross all that much—but now, talking to her? It felt like she was my best friend in the world.”

“If she made you feel better, she’s my new best friend, too.” He winked as he walked down the front steps to meet her.

She stepped to his side, happy to have the twenty-minute walk home, just long enough to stretch their legs.

After they’d gone about halfway, he spoke. “Judith, I think we could use a little vacation. Why don’t you do some thinking about where you’d like to go?”

“We don’t need a vacation.”

“I know, but it might be nice to get away.” He brightened. “We could go out west. Colorado might be fun. Remember how we always talked about seeing Pikes Peak? We could do one of those Pioneer Bus trips.”

“All right. I’ll look into that.” But Judith already knew she wouldn’t. She didn’t want to go away; she wanted to reclaim herself and her life. And she could only do that right there in Sugarcreek.

“Well, even if we don’t take a vacation, I think we should go spend a few days at your parents’
haus
.”

Judith frowned. “I already told Mamm I didn’t want to leave you.”

“I said
we
, Judith.”

“You want to stay there, too?”

“Uh-huh.” Looking sheepish, he said, “I’m sorry, but I could use a little bit of your family’s craziness right about now.”

“Anson
will
drive you crazy. Probably within ten minutes of our arrival.”

He chuckled. “Maybe. But my little Maggie will make up for his peskiness.”

“My little sister has you wrapped around her pinky.”

Ben smiled. “That’s no secret.”

Judith pondered the idea of going to her parents’ house while they walked another block. Looked at the terra-cotta pots filled with bright purple mums in front of one person’s bungalow.

And watched a trio of schoolchildren chasing one another in their front yard. They were Englischers, but their antics were as familiar as some of her memories from growing up.

By the time they’d stepped onto their front porch, Judith knew that Ben’s idea was the right one. “All right, then. Tomorrow at work, tell Daed that we’re going to come stay for a while.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you changed your mind. I’ll tell him that we’ll head over tomorrow evening. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“
Gut
. Now come here and hug me,
frau
. I love you.”

Stepping into his embrace, Judith closed her eyes and gave thanks once again for her husband. Ben knew her so well. He spoiled her and always put her first.

And . . . sometimes he even knew when to ignore everything she said and take charge.

“I love you, too, Ben.”

“I know,” he whispered, pressed his lips to her neck. “I promise, I know.”

No matter what might be going on in her personal life, Miriam was eager to lend her help to Kaylene Beiler.

From the moment Mary Kate had told her about Kaylene’s struggles, Miriam knew that she would be willing to do anything to help the little girl. She had never had a difficult time in school, but she could only imagine how difficult it would be for a tenderhearted young girl.

She knew from experience what it felt like to be teased mercilessly when one was a little different, after all.

When Miriam walked inside the old whitewashed schoolhouse, the smells of glue and crayons and pencils surrounded her . . . as did the stuffy scent of kids and tennis shoes and grass and snacks.

It felt like taking a giant step back in time.

Even if she’d been led into the building blindfolded, she knew she would recognize the place in an instant. Childhood memories were very strong, she supposed.

A glance at the chalkboard brought back memories of standing at the front of the class, solving sums. The rag rug by the windows reminded her of the stories Miss Hannah used to tell. The rows of neatly lined desks? Sitting behind Judith Graber . . . and mooning over Junior Beiler, who sat one row up and two rows over.

Mary Kate was chatting with Kaylene at the front of the room. And since they looked to be deep in conversation, Miriam took her time walking to the front of the room. With a smile, she read the bulletin board, filled with all kinds of information about assignments and activities that were planned.

Oh, but it all sounded so familiar!

Picking up a few dropped pencils, she noticed an overflowing pencil sharpener. Pencil shavings littered the counter and the floor around it. Unable to help herself, she carefully emptied it and then set it back in place.

Then straightened a stack of books. And gathered up a pile of papers, neatly fastening them with a paper clip she found next to a pile of chalk.