Horrid Henry's Christmas (3 page)

“NO,” snarled Henry.

“Places, everyone, for the opening song,” hissed Miss Battle-Axe. “Now remember, don’t worry if you make a little mistake: just carry on and no one will notice.”

“But I still think I should have an argument with Mary and Joseph about whether there’s room,” said Henry. “Shouldn’t I at least check to see—”

“No!” snapped Miss Battle-Axe, glaring at him. “If I hear another peep from you, Henry, you will sit behind the bales of hay and Jim will play your part. Blades of grass! Line up with the donkeys! Sheep! Get ready to baaa …Bert! Are you a sheep or a blade of grass?”

“I dunno,” said Beefy Bert.

Mrs. Oddbod went to the front of the stage. “Welcome everyone, moms and dads, boys and girls, to our new Christmas play, a little different from previous years. We hope you all enjoy a brand-new show!”

Miss Battle-Axe started the CD player. The music played. The curtain rose. The audience stamped and cheered. Stars twinkled. Cows mooed. Horses neighed. Sheep baa’ed. Cameras flashed.

Horrid Henry stood in the wings and watched the shepherds do their Highland dance. He still hadn’t decided for sure how he was going to play his part. There were so many possibilities. It was so hard to choose.

Finally, Henry’s big moment arrived.

He strode across the stage and waited behind the closed inn door for Mary and Joseph.

The innkeeper stepped forward and opened the door. There was Moody Margaret, simpering away as Mary, and Perfect Peter looking full of himself as Joseph.

“Is there any room at the inn?” asked Joseph.

Good question, thought Horrid Henry. His mind was blank. He’d thought of so many great things he
could
say that what he was
supposed
to say had just gone straight out of his head.

“Is there any room at the inn?” repeated Joseph loudly.

“Yes,” said the innkeeper. “Come on in.”

Joseph looked at Mary.

Mary looked at Joseph.

The audience murmured.

Oops, thought Horrid Henry. Now he remembered. He’d been supposed to say no. Oh well, the show must go on.

The innkeeper grabbed Mary and Joseph’s sleeves and yanked them through the door. “Come on in, I haven’t got all day.”

“ …But …but …the inn’s
full
,” said Mary.

“No it isn’t,” said the innkeeper.

“Is too.”

“Is not. It’s my inn and I should know. This is the best inn in Bethlehem, we’ve got TVs and beds, and—” the innkeeper paused for a moment. What
did
inns have in them? “—and computers!”

Mary glared at the innkeeper.

The innkeeper glared at Mary.

Miss Battle-Axe gestured frantically from the wings.

“This inn looks full to me,” said Mary firmly. “Come on Joseph, let’s go to the stable.”

“Oh, don’t go there, you’ll get fleas,” said the innkeeper.

“So?” said Mary.

“I love fleas,” said Joseph weakly.

“And it’s full of manure.”

“So are you,” snapped Mary.

“Don’t be horrid, Mary,” said the innkeeper severely. “Now sit down and rest your weary bones and I’ll sing you a song.” And the innkeeper started singing:

Ninety-nine bottles of pop on the wall,
Ninety-nine bottles of pop on the wall,
And if one of those bottles should happen to fall—”

“OOOHHH!” moaned Mary. “I’m having the baby.”

“Can’t you wait till I’ve finished my song?” snapped the innkeeper.

“NO!” bellowed Mary.

Miss Battle-Axe drew her hand across her throat.

Henry ignored her. After all, the show must go on.

“Come on, Joseph,” interrupted Mary. “We’re going to the stable.”

“OK,” said Joseph.

“You’re making a big mistake,” said the innkeeper. “We’ve got satellite TV and …”

Miss Battle-Axe ran onstage.

“Thank you, innkeeper, your other guests need you now,” said Miss BattleAxe, grabbing him by the collar.

“Merry Christmas!” shrieked Horrid Henry as she yanked him offstage.

There was a very long silence.

“Bravo!” yelled Moody Margaret’s deaf aunt.

Mom and Dad weren’t sure what to do. Should they clap or run away to a place where no one knew them?

Mom clapped.

Dad hid his face in his hands.

“Do you think anyone noticed?” whispered Mom.

Dad looked at Mrs. Oddbod’s grim face. He sank down in his chair. Maybe one day he would learn how to make himself invisible.

“But what was I
supposed
to do?” said Horrid Henry afterward in Mrs. Oddbod’s office. “It’s not
my
fault I forgot my line. Miss Battle-Axe said not to worry if we made a mistake and just to carry on.”

Could he help it if a star was born?

Horrid Henry sat by the Christmas tree and stuffed himself full of the special candy he’d swiped from the special Christmas Day stash when Mom and Dad weren’t looking. After his triumph in the school Christmas play, Horrid Henry was feeling delighted with himself and with the world.

Granny and Grandpa, his grown-up cousins Pimply Paul and Prissy Polly, and their baby, Vomiting Vera, were coming to spend Christmas. Whoopee, thought Horrid Henry, because they’d all have to bring
him
presents. Thankfully, Rich Aunt Ruby and Stuck-Up Steve weren’t coming. They were off skiing. Henry hadn’t forgotten the dreadful lime green cardigan Aunt Ruby had given him last year. And as much as he hated cousin Polly, anyone was better than Stuck-Up Steve, even someone who squealed all the time and had a baby who threw up on everyone.