“No, I—”
“Just get in,” Rowan growled. Astrin gave him a calculating look, then turned to open the door. As he gripped the door handle, he noticed a shadow detach itself from the deeper pool near the door and froze.
“Rowan….”
“What?” Rowan snapped.
“There’s someone here.”
“There are always—Oh shit.”
The shadow stepped into the light and revealed itself to be Melissa. “I hope you weren’t intending to leave without saying good-bye.”
“What? Aren’t you going to try to stop me?”
“I have spoken to your mother, Astrin. She sends her love.”
Astrin nodded, knowing everything was going to be all right. Melissa approached him with unhurried grace and lifted his chin, looking into his eyes.
“Don’t let pride bring you down. My brother is a fool but not a cruel one. You must tell him when you fade.”
Astrin’s eyes widened, but he nodded silently. Melissa kissed him on the forehead. She then turned her attention to Rowan, her face grave as she walked around the car with measured steps.
“You’re not going to stop us?”
“This is your destiny, and no one can escape that. Take care, Rowan… and take care of Astrin.”
“You’re going soft in the head, Melissa. There are times when I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t need to. Just take care of him. Your destinies are entwined. Don’t mistake stubbornness for strength. He will save your life more than once, but you will not save his unless….” She shook her head and looked sad. “No, I cannot speak of that. It comes or does not come. Just be open, little brother.”
“Is this one of your messages, Melissa?” Rowan asked, a serious expression clouding his eyes.
“It is something I know.”
“What about Ragnor?”
“I’ll take care of Ragnor. He’ll be angry, but he’ll understand.” She held out her hand and pressed something into his. “This will help. Use it wisely. Be careful.”
Rowan accepted her kiss to his forehead, then watched her walk away before looking down at what she’d put into his hand. He smiled and got into the car.
Astrin slipped into his seat and stared out of the window as Rowan started the car and pulled out into the light of the rising sun.
T
HE
J
OURNEY
B
EGINS
T
HEY
TRAVELED
in easy companionship through the early morning as the sun rose, although Astrin spent most of the time asleep and Rowan in deep contemplation. He couldn’t make much sense of what they were doing.
Somehow he’d been caught up in Astrin’s certainty and had simply followed him. Wasn’t that what Melissa told him to do? He glanced over at Astrin, who was utterly relaxed, one arm folded across his stomach and the other trailing at his side. His face was turned toward the window, so all Rowan could see was a shimmering sheet of white-gold hair. Rowan bit his lip.
He was supposed to be taking care of Astrin, but he didn’t really think Astrin needed taking care of. Quite the opposite. He looked like an avenging angel.
Rowan sighed. His feelings toward Astrin had changed and changed again over the time he’d known him. At first he’d hated him, then was disgusted by him, then he pitied him. He’d grown to respect him but was still irritated and annoyed by him. Then there was that strange… something, and now… now he didn’t know how he felt. The feelings changed like the wind, from one to another. He sighed again.
Astrin stirred and murmured something in his sleep. Rowan frowned. He was supposed to take care of him, huh? That wasn’t going to be an easy task, for lots of reasons, not the least of which was, half the time, he didn’t even want to take care of Astrin. By the time the sun was high, they were well on their way, and Rowan was getting tired and hungry. Since they were driving through countryside, he looked around for somewhere to stop. He spotted a grove of trees just off the road and pulled over, bumping across grass until the car was beneath the shade of the trees.
The bumping woke Astrin, who sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Where are we?”
“We’re in the middle of nowhere, but I’m hungry and tired and this seems like a good place to stop.”
“Couldn’t you have found somewhere that wasn’t in the middle of a field?”
“I suppose I could have, but then you wouldn’t have had anything to complain about.”
Astrin gave him a hard look, then sighed and got out of the car.
Astrin walked out of the shade of the trees and lifted his face toward the sun. Rowan watched him as he fished for the food bag in the back of the car. Astrin’s hair was on fire and he seemed somehow stronger, more powerful. Rowan experienced that strange feeling again, a tightening in his stomach that puzzled him. It was almost as if Astrin made him nervous, but that was just ridiculous.
“Astrin,” he called softly, for some reason reluctant to disturb his reverie. Astrin turned, seeming somewhat dazed. “Are you hungry?”
Astrin grinned. “Yes. I am very hungry.”
“It’s not a feast, I’m afraid, just some bread, cold meats, and cheese.”
“I don’t care. I’m hungry enough to eat cardboard.”
Sitting with their backs to the tree, in the shade of the spreading branches, the boys shared a companionable lunch, still speaking sparingly.
“You haven’t eaten very much,” Rowan commented as Astrin carefully wrapped the remains of the cheese and meat in greaseproof paper.
“I’ve had enough.”
“Melissa said I have to take care of you, and you’re never going to recover your strength if you don’t eat well. You didn’t eat your breakfast either.”
“I….” He sighed. “I don’t know…. I’m hungry, but when I eat, I feel sick.”
“Then you should eat little and often. I’ll make sandwiches so you can nibble on them as we drive. Here, have this apple for now.”
“If I’d wanted an apple, I’d have taken it,” Astrin grumbled.
“Just take the apple and try not to choke on it.”
“Gee, thanks,” Astrin mocked as he took the apple and bit into it. “Please… don’t bother with the sandwiches. I’ll be all right.”
“Yeah, right, whatever.”
“Just put the bag back in the car. Don’t bother with those sandwiches, because I’m not going to eat them.”
“Please yourself,” Rowan said mildly, continuing to sandwich meat between two buttered pieces of bread.”
“I
do not
need taking care of.”
“So you said.”
“I won’t eat the sandwich.”
“If you don’t, I will.”
Tossing his hair, Astrin strode around the car and slid in behind the wheel. Smirking, Rowan wrapped the sandwich in paper and stored the bag in the back of the car.
“Okay. I’m ready to go now.”
“Fine. Get in.”
“No. I do the driving, you ride over there.” He nodded toward the passenger side.
“I’ll drive.”
“You spent the whole morning asleep, and you still look tired. Until you start eating and get strong again, I’m not going to trust you to drive.”
Astrin glared at him, then turned the key and the car purred into life. “You can either get in, or I can leave you behind.”
“Don’t be so—” He didn’t finish because Astrin slammed the car into gear and spun the wheels as he shot it forward five feet, causing Rowan to fall on his ass in the grass.
“Fucking idiot,” Rowan swore as he got to his feet and went after the car. Yanking open the passenger door, he got in and had barely closed it before Astrin spun the wheels again, making them shoot off along the road.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m driving. I know you don’t trust me, but I’m proving you wrong. Clearly, you think I’m some kind of pathetic weakling, and I wouldn’t want you to carry on thinking that, would I?”
“Don’t be so silly. This is ridiculous. Just pull over and let me drive.”
“Not a chance.”
“Astrin….” Rowan ground his teeth and took a deep breath. “You’re being stupid. You’re trying to prove a point when there’s no need. Ah shit, Astrin, for the love of the Gods, at least slow down! You’re going to kill us both before we even get to the estate.”
“Are you scared, Rowan?”
“Scared? No. I think you’re insane, that’s all. If you want to drive, you can bloody drive, only for fuck’s sake—Shit. Astrin! Fuck. Stop!”
Astrin laughed and spun the car around a hairpin turn, then slowed down to a more reasonable pace as a small blue car coming the other way slammed on its brakes, skidded, and ended up half in the hedge.
“What the—you’re dangerous,” Rowan gasped as he looked over his shoulder at the spinning wheels of the other car, which were off the ground.
“Sorry. Maybe I was a bit—”
“Stupid?”
Astrin glared at him. “Overenthusiastic.”
“You were trying to prove a point, and all you achieved was almost killing someone. You’re being a complete idiot, and you can stop now or let me out. I’ll meet you there.”
“If I knew how to get there, I might just take you up on that. It would be better than sitting here listening to your bitching.”
Rowan growled and sat back in his seat. “Just try not to kill anyone, especially us.”
“I’ll do my best, but I’m not going to promise anything about you.”
“You are such hard work, Raphael.”
Astrin slammed on the brakes, so hard that Rowan’s head would have hit the windshield if it hadn’t been for the seat belt.
“What the—are you completely insane? What do you think you’re doing?”
Astrin didn’t answer. He was frozen, staring out of the windshield with a black look on his face.
“Astrin. I’m talking to you. Astrin!”
Fuming, Rowan tugged on his arm, and eventually Astrin turned stunned eyes on him. “You said that before.”
“What?” Rowan snapped. “What did I say before? When? What are you talking about?”
“‘You’re hard work, Raphael.’ You said that to me when… when….” Astrin frowned. “You were horrible to me. You pushed me on the floor in the shower and left me there. You laughed at me when I was sick. You tormented me and told me I couldn’t remember because I’d done something bad. You hurt me.” He stopped, looking sick. “They hurt me. I….” He rubbed at his temple. “Damn!”
Turning forward, he slammed his hand down on the steering wheel.
“You had to remember that, didn’t you?” Rowan said softly, bowing his head. “You couldn’t remember playing in the park when you were five or anything like that.”
“They could have killed me… and you wouldn’t have cared.”
“Look,” Rowan said carefully. “I told you that in the beginning I hated you. I know it was stupid.
Now
I know, but it was the only thing that kept me going all these years. When I almost lost my mind, it was only that hatred—the belief that somehow, somewhen I was going to get even with you—that brought me through. It’s a powerful thing, hatred. And I won’t lie to you, that first day I did hate you. I hated having to spend time with you, and I hated everything and everyone who put me in that situation.
“They weren’t there, but you were, so I took it out on you. I was cruel and heartless and cold. I tormented you and hurt you, and there is no excuse I could possibly give for that.
“If it helps, I feel really bad about it, all of it. That first day I… I had a dream. It was the dream about my parents again. I hadn’t had it for years, and it was a bad one. I…. You were there, in the dream, and by the time I woke up, everything was different. I didn’t hate you anymore, and I didn’t feel right about what I’d done to you… what any of us had done to you.
“I went straight to your room, but you weren’t there. I found Ragnor, and he told me things had gone wrong and you—that you’d almost—” Rowan sighed, still with his eyes fixed on his hands. “I felt awful that something like that had happened and it was my fault. And it
was
my fault, no one else’s. I’d been consumed by hatred for so long, if they hadn’t done something, I’d have wrecked everything eventually.
“My uncle did everything he could think of to bring me to my senses, and in the end he did the only thing he could, but it all went wrong. Well… except in one way. It achieved what it was meant to achieve. I don’t hate you anymore.”
Astrin bit his lip. His fingers were white on the steering wheel. “Do you know how frightened I was? It’s like a dream now, but I remember that. I was alone. I didn’t know who I was or where I was. I was told to trust you, and I did, but you kept hurting me. I didn’t understand what I’d done to you to make you hate me so much, and you had me believing I was a bad person, that I’d done something terribly wrong. After that, the fear was overwhelming. I was terrified of everything.
“And then…. Then….” He stopped and stared at Rowan, his eyes huge and shadowed. “I woke up. When they were… I woke up and… I was so scared. I was surrounded by strangers and in so much pain. They were talking. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but I knew it wasn’t good, and then… then the pain…. It was… it was….” He winced at the memory and pressed one hand to his chest, the other to his head. “And for what? To teach you a lesson? To make you stop hating me? It’s just… it’s so….”
With a huge sigh and a shake of the head, Astrin started the car. He stared straight ahead as he drove. Rowan remained silent. He didn’t know what to say.
As the afternoon wore on, Rowan watched the countryside slip by and began to look for a place to spend the night. Of course, they could have gone down into a town and stayed at a hotel. Now that Melissa had spoken to Ragnor and they weren’t being hunted, there was no real need to sleep in the car, except….
The ride that afternoon had been an uncomfortable one. It became very quickly obvious that Astrin didn’t want to talk and was brooding. At least his driving had slowed, which was just as well, as they hit a fairly busy town not long afterward. After the second town, Astrin was struggling, but there was no way he would admit it.
By the time they were out in the countryside again and the afternoon shadows were lengthening, Astrin was gray and his hands on the wheel were white-knuckled. Rowan knew with a sinking heart that, after their discussion, Astrin would rather die at the wheel than admit he was feeling tired or ill and ask to rest.