Hot Finish (6 page)

“Sorry about the pizza incident. I had no idea Nikki would go nuts like that. You want me to call the carpet cleaners?” He knew she’d say no, but he had to offer.

“No, that’s okay, I can do it. It’s not your fault she lives on iceberg lettuce, with a little romaine tossed in when she’s feeling downright wild.” Suzanne flopped onto a chair and dug through a pile to get out the manila envelope from the lawyer. “Damn, I’m tired. I must be getting old.”

He figured this was the best opening she was ever going to grant him, so Ryder sat in the chair next to her and went for broke. “I’m tired, too. I didn’t get much sleep last night because I kept thinking about you.”

She shot him a nervous look but didn’t say anything.

“Suz, are we going to discuss the fact that we kissed last night?”

“No, we’re not going to discuss it. It was a long day, and we were feeling nostalgic, fueled by alcohol and this.” She held up the packet and shook it. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“No?” he asked mildly. He knew when to retreat with Suzanne. And when to push. “Alright, then. Guess that means I can kiss you again and it won’t matter either.”

Her eyes went wide and she shoved her chair back, away from him. “No!”

Ryder suppressed the urge to grin. “Why not? It doesn’t change anything, you said it yourself.”

She recovered and stuck out her finger. “Don’t get smart with me. Kissing you was a mistake.”

“So you admit you kissed me back?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I never said I didn’t. Now drop it. It was a bad idea.”

“That’s just your opinion.” Ryder settled back into his chair, getting more comfortable. “I happen to think it was a damn good idea.”

“But you also admitted you’re not very bright.”

That drew out a short laugh from him. “Throwing my own words back in my face. I love it.”

I love you,
was on the tip of his tongue before he caught himself.

Unnerved by how easily that thought had popped into his head, he sat straight up.

Did he still love Suzanne?

He wasn’t sure.

There were feelings there, definitely, a sense of caring and a physical attraction, a soft spot for her, and a desire to see that she was financially secure and well taken care of. Was that love, though, or just strong feelings for a woman he’d been married to?

Ryder cleared his throat when Suzanne picked up her phone and dialed the lawyer’s office.

“You know, we never even got confirmation from him that this time was good for him,” she said. “You might have driven over here for no reason.”

Again, he’d have to disagree with her. He’d had every reason to want to see her after that kiss. Now he was glad he had. It seemed he had some serious shit to consider when it came to his ex-wife.

Wife. Still wife.

“I wasn’t busy,” he told her, which was a lie. There were a million things he could be doing on any given day, as his PR person would gladly remind him.

But it turned out that the lawyer, Jackson Reed, a guy Ryder had known from high school, was perfectly willing to talk to them.

“It’s crazy that you’re still married, isn’t it?” Jackson said, a chuckle in his voice.

Suzanne had put her phone on speaker and set it on the table. “Yeah, it’s just hilarious,” she said, rolling her eyes. “So what do we do to fix it? And do I have to file an amendment to my taxes?”

“Yeah, we’re going to have to file a correction. You’ve been claiming alimony as income, when technically that’s not income, just an allowance from your husband. So this will actually work in your favor.”

“Don’t we have to file jointly?”

“No. Given that you don’t have any mortgage interest, this is simpler and quicker to just do it this way. I’ll talk to the accountant and we’ll get it straightened out.”

Suzanne gave a sigh of relief. “Alright, that sounds good. Because I don’t want some massive tax bill biting me in the ass.”

Ryder didn’t want that either, because then he would pay it, and Suzanne would be even more pissed at him.

“It’s all good, we’ll get it straightened out.” Jackson didn’t sound worried about anything whatsoever. Then again Jackson was the one who had never followed up on the paperwork in the first place. “And it’s Ryder who is being audited, not you, Suzanne.”

Suzanne shot him a funny look, like she realized how tacky that was of Jackson to say with him sitting right there. “Well, I don’t think anyone wants to get audited but hopefully between you and the accountant we can have this straightened out by the first of the year. The taxes as well as the divorce.”

Ryder figured it was time he piped in and actually proved to Suzanne that he was contributing. “What do we actually need to do to make the divorce legal?”

“There will be a court date. I’ll get you one as soon as possible. We’ll go into court, they’ll ask some basic questions, and bam, we’re done. I think I can get you a date in the next month or so.”

“Good, because come January my schedule is jam-packed.” And he didn’t want to screw this up again, because Suz would skin him.

“Now, just to make sure, before we go to all this trouble, is this really what you all want?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you really want a divorce?”

Ryder wasn’t sure, to be honest. He had strange feelings swirling around in him, ones that made him very uncomfortable.

Suzanne, on the other hand, seemed to have no reservations.

“Are you smoking crack?” Suzanne asked, staring down at her phone like Jackson could see her incredulous expression. “We’ve been separated for two years! I don’t think we’re going to reconcile at this point, Jackson.”

Nothing like telling it like it was.

Glad to hear he was totally delusional for even thinking for one second that Suzanne had put some genuine emotion behind that kiss the night before.

“Ryder?” Jackson asked. “That your answer, too?”

Suzanne’s head swung toward him, her eyes snapping, and if he wasn’t mistaken, a little bit scared.

“Sure,” he said calmly. “Nothing there to save, Jackson. Is there, Suz?”

CHAPTER
FIVE

MAYBE
Suzanne had spoken a little too vehemently. She knew immediately she’d hurt Ryder, which hadn’t been her intention. But when he got that cool, detached look on his face, she always knew she’d pushed him too far, and he was retreating into nonchalance.

Funny thing is, for the first time she saw with total clarity it was a pattern they’d had for years. She panicked, used sarcasm to hide her emotions, and Ryder retreated behind a shield of bravado and mockery.

It was a stunning revelation, one she wasn’t at all sure what to do with, and one she definitely didn’t like.

“Just get us our court date,” she told Jackson, watching Ryder uneasily. “And please call me as soon as you know. Is there anything else you need from us right now?”

Ryder was sitting back in his chair, looking very relaxed, which made Suzanne nervous. It was a deceptive stance. She could tell by the set of his jaw that he was downright furious.

“No, I’m good. You all have a good day, and don’t worry. I’m on this. You’ll be divorced before you can say Daytona.”

That got a reaction from Ryder. His hand jumped a little on the table.

Suzanne cleared her throat and rushed Jackson off the phone. After she hung up, she clasped her phone and turned to look at Ryder. “Well, um . . .”

The corner of his mouth turned up. “Are you actually speechless? Never thought I’d live to see that day.”

That made her feel defensive and she reacted. “Well, hell, Ryder, this is weird! What am I supposed to say?”

His fist slammed down on the black-painted table.

Suzanne jumped a little, startled at his sudden explosion of anger. She knew he was ticked off, but she wasn’t entirely sure why. The situation was crazy and unexpected, but what exactly was he pissed off about?

“You’re supposed to say that while we may have had our fair share of problems, our marriage didn’t totally suck ass! You’re not supposed to act like being married to me was the worst goddamn thing that ever happened to you.”

Good Lord, never in a million years could she have predicted he would say that. Suzanne just gaped at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that you act like being my wife was akin to hell on earth.”

The man was smoking crack right along with their lawyer. “Are you nuts? When did I ever say anything like that?”

“You’ve said it a thousand times out loud and in a million ways without words.”

Now he was just being overdramatic. If he threw out his hand and started spouting words from a dead guy, she was out of there. And it was her damn house.

“I have never said that. And you sound like a girl so just calm yourself on down.” So maybe that was a childish and rude dig, but he was freaking her out, and God knew Suzanne had never handled emotion well. He should know that about her by now.

Ryder threw his hand up in the air and gave an exasperated groan. “That explains everything then. No wonder you hated being married to me . . . I’m a girl.”

“I did not hate being married to you! And I didn’t say you’re a girl, I said you sound like a girl.”

He stood up. “I’m a goddamn idiot. I keep doing this. Just setting myself up to get knocked down. Over and fucking over. You think I would have learned by now, but no, I keep doing the same damn thing hoping that one day you’ll actually validate my feelings and our marriage, and that makes me a moron. You never wanted to marry me in the first place, you only did because I talked you into it, and you’re happy as a clam without me. I get it. I finally fucking get it.”

Suzanne leaped out of her chair, too, shocked at the words coming from Ryder’s mouth. “You get nothing! I did not marry you because you talked me into it. I was dying to marry you, but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to trap you. I was a poor girl who got knocked up on our first date and you were an up-and-coming race car driver . . .”

She almost blurted out that she hadn’t been good enough for him, but she stopped herself just shy of that. He didn’t need to know her deepest insecurities at this point.

Ryder’s anger deflated, and his shoulders slumped. “I never thought of you as a poor girl who got knocked up. I thought of you as the woman I loved, and it was . . . bad when you lost the baby.”

Tears were suddenly in her eyes, and fuck, she didn’t want to go there. That had been the worst day of her life, when she had realized she was bleeding out the baby she and Ryder had conceived. This was something they had never really talked about, and she sure in the hell didn’t want to now, when it no longer mattered.

“It was bad. Very bad. But there was good between us, too. I wanted to marry you. Can we just leave it at that?”

His hands opened and closed in fists at his side, and his jaw shifted, but he just nodded. “Yeah. We can leave it at that.”

The doorbell rang.

“Fuck me,” Suzanne said, in exasperation. This conversation didn’t feel even remotely finished, yet she didn’t know what else to say. “That’s Nikki. We’re going to look at hotel ballrooms this afternoon.”

“I’m leaving anyway.” Ryder headed to the door and Suzanne followed him.

She wanted to say something to defuse his anger, to finally, after two years, reach a real level of friendship with him, but she didn’t know how to do that. She never had, and while she cared a hell of a lot about Ryder, the truth was, they didn’t seem to know how to be in each other’s lives.

Nikki was smiling when she pulled open the door. “Hi, Suzanne. Hi, Ryder. What are you doing here?”

Ryder pulled his keys out of pocket. “Suzanne and I just had some business to take care of, but I’m heading out now.”

“You know, for being divorced you guys spend a lot of time together. It’s kind of weird.” Nikki stepped into the house, her nose wrinkled. Then her eyes got bigger. “Ooooh, I get it. You have sex with each other!”

Suzanne wished.

Or did she?

There was that whole complicated issue, as was evidenced by the circular argument about nothing they’d just had. “We don’t have sex,” she told Nikki.

“No, because I’m a girl,” Ryder said, shooting her a look as he skirted around Nikki and stepped out onto her front stoop.

Suzanne rolled her eyes. He was never going to let that one go. “Well, you’re certainly pouting like one right now.”

“That’s a joke, right?” Nikki clutched her giant handbag that probably cost the same as a small house on half an acre and twittered nervously. She looked downright scared at the thought that maybe Ryder was a very masculine and hairy woman.

“Yes, it’s a joke.” Suzanne had no patience to explain humor to Nikki. Or to get her to understand that there was clearly tension between herself and Ryder and that maybe she should excuse herself for a minute.

That kind of subtlety was beyond this one.

Ryder was leaving, just heading on down the walkway without a word. “Well, good-bye!” she called. “Have a wonderful day.”

His response was to lift his hand in a backward wave, but he didn’t look back at her.

Jerk.

Suzanne tried not to be hurt, because really, what was different about this than any other day she encountered Ryder?

But she was, in a way that irritated her. Two years, and she was still hurting. Two years, and they still couldn’t manage to have a conversation without misunderstanding each other.

And yet, the night before she had seriously considered having sex with him.

Which made her a complete masochist. Or an idiot. Or both.

“If he was really a girl, you’d know, right?” Nikki asked.

Suzanne felt reassured that she wasn’t such an idiot after all. Nikki had the market on stupid cornered.

“I would know,” she reassured her, reminding herself that she had to stop at the bank to deposit that check from Jonas. “Now are you ready to go? I really think you’re going to like the Hilton. It has everything you’re looking for and it will be easy to give it that faux middle eastern feel the Aladdin had.”

“But it is classy?”

Classier than the bride. But Suzanne gave her a bright smile. Honestly, it wasn’t Nikki’s fault she had breasts ten times the size of her brain. “Of course.”

Nor was it Nikki’s fault that Ryder Jefferson still managed to get under Suzanne’s skin, festering like a splinter she couldn’t extract.

She should have a little more sympathy and compassion and patience for Nikki, and she vowed to do just that.

EIGHT
hours later, she was only thinking it was a good thing Nikki’s neck was so scrawny because it would be much easier to wrap her hands around it and choke the life out of her.

“None of these appealed to you at all?” she asked Nikki again, just to confirm that out of six very elegant ballrooms, Nikki hadn’t found one that she liked. They had crisscrossed town, shaken hands with six different fawning catering managers, and Suzanne had been forced to use two public restrooms. Her feet hurt, her head hurt, her nerves were shot, and her thoughts had never so frequently strayed to homicide. Not even when she was with Ryder.

“No. They’re just . . . wrong. That one was too big, the other too small, the one had those gross pillars, and one had blue carpet. I mean, eew.” Nikki shuddered, like blue carpet was a personal affront to her.

The wind was cutting through Suzanne’s peacoat as they stood in the waning darkness of the hotel parking lot. This was unreal. Every one of those rooms had been perfectly acceptable. “Virtually anything in a ballroom can be obscured or altered with the right decorations,” she told Nikki, praying for patience, something she’d never had a hell of a lot of.

“You can’t change blue carpet.” Nikki pulled a hair off that had gotten stuck to the lip gloss on her plump lip.

“You want to bet? I can change anything,” Suzanne said, feeling a rise of defiance. She wasn’t going to lose this wedding, and she wasn’t going to be forced to jump through any more hoops. They were going to pick a venue today if it killed her, or hopefully, if it killed Nikki. “I can lay down a series of rugs that match the theme in a pattern, and stitch them together. Or put a circular rug under each table. I can do whatever you want, but we can cover the carpet.” She really wasn’t sure she could, but once she’d spoken the words, she knew she’d find a way or die trying.

“I can change anything,” she repeated, wishing that were the case in her personal life. If she could just cover her shitty feelings with a carpet, she could sell that secret for more than a dollar.

Nikki tilted her head, clearly contemplating this. “Okay. Let’s go with the blue carpet place then. I liked the entrance. Can we go back there tonight? I’ll call Jonas and he can meet us there.”

“Sure.” The sooner she had Nikki and Jonas sign on the dotted line with the hotel, the better.

Because then she could take a swan dive into her bed and not reemerge for a good twenty-four hours. She felt beyond whooped.

Checking her own phone while Nikki called Jonas, Suzanne saw she had a voice mail. It was Jackson, the lawyer.

“Got a court date. December twenty-third. Merry Christmas, here’s your divorce.” He gave a chuckle then said, “Call me if you have any questions for me.”

She did, like how had her life become such a joke?

Chances were he wouldn’t have a clue, any more than she did.

A sour taste was in her mouth, like she’d eaten too much chip dip and it had curdled. Suzanne fished in her purse for a stick of gum and contemplated a divorce decree under her Christmas tree. That was festive.

Nikki’s wedding was December twenty-second, after which she would undoubtedly be exhausted and cranky. Then came the divorce, and finally, to cap off the week just right, she would have a Christmas to spend all by her lonesome while everyone else in America opened presents together.

Where was a goddamn violin when she needed one?

And she didn’t even have any freaking gum left.

Suzanne closed her eyes briefly and wondered if this day would have gone differently if she’d had an orgasm at Ryder’s hands the night before.

Probably not.

But it would have been good while it was going down. While he was going down.

Suzanne sighed.

Her phone vibrated in her hand and she glared at it for scaring her.

It was a text from Ryder.

I’m sorry,
was all it said.

So was she.

For all the things she’d said, and all the things she’d never said.

Me, too,
she wrote.

Ryder sent her a smiley face back. It was so unexpected, Suzanne laughed. He’d never texted her a smiley before.

Girl,
she wrote, adding a smiley of her own.

Punk,
was his answer.

“What’s so funny?” Nikki asked her.

“Just a private joke.” Suzanne held her phone tightly in her hand and decided that the day didn’t suck so bad after all.