Hot Redemption (9 page)

Epic stood in that bathroom and acted like he wanted to date me. But that could never be. I was meant for bigger and better things than what someone like Epic could offer me. Class wasn't just about money. It was about attitude. Nor did Epic strike me as the brightest crayon in the box.
Not if he's doing drugs.
Some men got brains, and some men got the bodies, very rarely did they receive both. I doubted Epic was hiding some kind of brilliant intellect behind that beautiful face of his. I needed someone who could understand me and accept me for who I really was, not just want me for the way I looked. Clearly Epic wasn't that guy.

Maybe I'd never find him.

CHAPTER 9

Epic

She says I'm an addict?

I tried to sleep the rest of the trip. My fingers itched for quake. The drug sang to me the whole six-hour flight, whistling a groove that caused me to stir in my seat, moving side to side every few seconds. Nevertheless, I remained in my chair and kept the drug in my pocket. It was like snorting would prove Nix was right, whether she could see me or not, and the last thing I desired was truth escaping from her whale-fishing lips.
Fuck her.
At the end of the trip, I poured the stuff down the commode, flushed it, and then cried with regret for a whole minute because I'd actually thrown it all away.

She's still wrong. I'm not an addict. Right?

Once the transport landed on Trinity, my mind sank in a pit of suffering. My craving for quake rose and rose, higher and higher. The need for the drug severed my senses into a ball of unwanted feelings. Emotions battered my brain. Crazy thoughts exploded inside my head—things I'd left unsaid with Mom, the sad state of my life, and secret insecurities flourished. The possibilities of what my life could have been unwound themselves in my head like an expensive car I got to test drive, but never would own.

In other words, I felt like crap and excused negative energy.

My sunglasses remained on my face, concealing the bad guy from my family, the pitiful sap that quake conquered. Because by the time we approached baggage claim, I could no longer deny Nix's accusations. My body itched. My fingers trembled. My heart pounded in my ears.

I'm an addict.

“Are you okay, man?” Shade loaded our cab with everyone's luggage. The aerial boasted twenty seats. Glass made up the whole cab. I didn't spy any metal or rubber underneath, just a glass body, silver propellers under it, and blue pillow seats inside.

“Epic?” Shade waved his hand in front of my face. “I asked if you were okay.”

“Yes. I'm fine.” I stood in front of the cab. Everyone else sat in the vehicle, strapped into their seat belts, staring at me. I didn't budge. My shaking hands rested in my pockets. Shade climbed in. I remained outside and kept my eyes closed under my sunglasses.

I just need a minute to get myself together.

My skin prickled in irritation. My bag sat in front of my feet. I couldn't even pick up my own sack. When I tried to lift it, my muscles broke apart as if I had no strength. My fingers shook some more at the thought of running down someone and asking them where the nearest dealer was. Dryness corroded my mouth.

“Epic?” Mimi's voice held concern.

“Epic!” the triplets sang.

The cab driver honked the horn. “What's going on? Is he coming or what?”

“I just need a minute.” I opened my eyes. All of my siblings gazed back at me with anxiety. They looked at me like I knew the next steps.
But I don't.
I was supposed to know, but right now I couldn't even think straight. I just wondered where quake would be sold on the planet.

Why did I throw it away? I was fine. I just needed another hit.

“Epic?” Mimi leaned out the window, “what's wrong?”

Get it together. She's scared.

I rubbed the pads of my fingers against each other. My heart raced. Sweat drenched my skin. I opened and closed my mouth as if that would help, but it didn't.

“Toy or Shade, go get Epic's stuff!” Nix walked up to my side, but kept a foot between us. “Are you guys completely oblivious to the fact that the air is messing with his head? He's sick from the transport ride and all of you are just staring around at him like idiots.”

“I-I'm . . . fine.”
I can't deal with her right now.

“Be quiet. I know what you are and it isn't fine.” She fanned herself with her hand and loudly said, “It's going to take me some time to get used to the oxygen levels here on Trinity. Not all of us are so adaptable. I guess some of us need more time for such things.”

She's trying to cover for me.

I stiffened. Embarrassment slid over my skin. I could've sighed, if I had enough focus to think about anything else but quake. The drug rattled my brain.

How did I let my habit get so bad?

“Darling?” Mr. McIntyre appeared with a cart that moved on its own, full of several bags I figured were Nix's. “Did you get the address for where your family is moving to? The sooner we get your stuff there, the faster I can show you around the planet.”

Nix hooked her arm around mine. “My brother isn't feeling very well at the moment. The air seems to be getting to him.”

Mr. McIntyre winked. “Yes. The air. I understand. Shall we call it a night or should we just get your brother safely home?”

I had several answers for him, ones that dealt with pain and torture, yet I kept my mouth closed. Nix rescued me in a moment of weakness. I wouldn't have her regret it. She wanted to spend time with this guy, so I would step aside.

I'm not even in any shape to be in the way.

“I'm going to need to take care of him tonight, it seems.” She tensed against my arm. “We can meet tomorrow. Shade, can you please give Pappy our address?”

Pappy? What kind of first name is Pappy?

“Epic has the address.” Shade jumped out.

“
Okaaaay
, and why is he the only one that has it?” she asked.

“He coordinated everything.”

Slowly, I dug my hand in my jacket, dropped the paper in his hand, and mumbled, “Here it is.”

“See. He had it.” Shade gestured to me.

“Seriously, Shade?” she whispered and then scowled at him. “Is Epic the only grown man amongst all of you?”

“I work.” Shade shrugged. “And you don't know our situation.”

“I know enough. It's truly pathetic that the guy hooked on drugs is the one taking care of everyone,” she whispered so the kids wouldn't hear her, yanked his shirt, pulled him our way, and whispered some more, “Can't you see that Epic is hooked on quake? He's drowning right in front of your eyes and you're not doing a damn thing to help him. Help him—help your family. Be a fucking man.”

I blew out air. My lips quivered. “It's not like—”

“Just be quiet.” She tugged me toward the cab. Her tiny frame yanked me forward as if she were bigger than me. “Give Pappy the damn address, Shade.”

Shade mumbled something, but did what he was told. In the end, I believe she scared both of us. Regardless, I climbed inside and eased my way to the back. Once I got to the seats, I just collapsed right there, closing my eyes and sighing.

Nix sat next to me. She clasped her hand onto mine. Warm fingers softened around me. And in that instance, I would've given her anything she desired, just to keep her next to me. It had nothing to do with sex. Her presence just soothed me. Her scent swarmed onto my skin and shoved away the crawling itch of my need for quake. She talked to the triplets about something. I had no idea what she was saying as I leaned my head back into the hard edge of the glass seat and drifted on her voice. I only concentrated on the tone of her words and the way her silky Underside accent slipped out of her lips.

The cab vibrated around us as it moved along.

“Dear Duchess of Light, this planet is so beautiful,” Mimi exclaimed. “Thanks so much, Epic.”

“I'm glad you like it,” I managed to say, but didn't open my eyes.

Loud chatter ensued. They all yapped about whatever they saw outside the window—yellow waterfalls spilling over stark-white mountains, blue grass expanding over unsettled space, crowds of people draped in silk and leather, cruising on personal hover pads that sat under their feet and glided them toward their destination.

I wished I could've taken the time to see and enjoy the views with them, but in that moment all I could do was submerge myself in Nix's scent and hope for my sanity to maintain balance. Noise lifted around us. For some reason all the boisterous conversations comforted me. No one was looking for Epic to take the lead, so I could relax and just be Epic.

Nix pressed her body into me and brushed her lips against my ear. “I want to make sure you don't misconstrue things. My help is still only about business. Don't think it's anything more than what it is.”

“I don't.” I inhaled her and relished in her closeness. “But thank you. I did need you.”

“Yeah, and you still need me.”

Sighing, I tightened my grip around her hand as she moved her lips away from my ear. “Maybe. I do, but I think it's probably best if we give each other some space.”

“What the fuck happened to you? You seemed fine while you were going all Neanderthal on me in section alpha.”

“Well, after I left you, I flushed my tube of quake down the commode to prove to myself that you were wrong. However, it seems you were right.”

Silence spread around us for a minute. I wondered what went through her mind.

She probably thinks I'm stupid.
And sadly, I knew that she would be right.

“So this is withdrawal?” Her voice sounded shaky.

“Yes.”
For now.
“But maybe this isn't the time to try and quit. Maybe I should just go back to—”

“No. That would be disappointing.”

I didn't want disappoint her.
Why?
I didn't know, but for some reason, I didn't want to stare at that beautiful face and see disappointment swim behind those irises. Even if I could never have her, I needed her to not see me as undesirable. I longed to be someone she was proud of.

How pitiful is that? I desire her damn approval.

“You need to at least try to quit,” she offered. No malice draped those words. She sounded like she cared or maybe that was what I craved to believe, that somewhere within her hard steel exterior there was a woman who gave a damn about whether I died or lived.

“Okay,” I muttered. “I'll try and quit.”

She snorted. “Seriously . . . you're actually going to give quitting a go? I've seen stronger people than you succumb to quake. It's some hardcore shit.”

My mom and dad's faces flashed through my mind. “I've survived a lot. I'm sure I could make it through this.”

“When were you planning to do the hit?”

The triplets began singing a song about strawberry-colored dolls with wings. Toy and Shade clapped along. The twins stomped their feet. I couldn't see the cab driver's face, but I'd bet all of my cubes from the future hit he was aggravated.

I leaned into Nix and whispered, “At the end of the week, if everything goes right, we're going to rob the club.”

“So you think that you can pull off a major hit on a huge strip club while going through withdrawal from quake at the same time? Someone might be overconfident in themself.” Doubt lingered in her tone.

I hated hearing it. “I can do it.”

“Not without help.”

“I know. I'll talk to Shade and Toy about it.”

“No.” She pulled off my sunglasses. “I'll help.”

Opening my eyes, I raised my head and looked at her. Her gaze froze me, so much emotion radiated from her, but I couldn't get a signal of what she was feeling.

“I'll help you.” She exhaled. “I've dealt with something like this before.”

“The guy that died?”

She bit her lip. “Yeah.”

“Are you going to tell me what happened in that situation?”

“It's none of your business, so no, I'm not going to tell you,” she snapped. “Why do you need to know anyway?”

“I'd rather not die from your services.” I tossed her a weak smile.

“Then don't fuck with me.” She targeted those lovely green eyes on mine.

I shifted my attention to her full lips and then quickly turned away. “Okay. I'll take your help.”

She laughed. “Like I'm giving you a choice.”

I leaned my head to the side. “Don't I get a choice, Ms. Phoenix?”

“No.” She wagged her finger at me. “You put dreams of cubics and the kind of life I want in my little head, and now here I am. You wanted me here, remember? I'm not about to let your addiction to quake fuck up my plans. You won't be using quake during this heist.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don't let anyone mess with my money.”

I grabbed my sunglasses from her hand and placed them back on my face. “So what's the plan?”

“You continue on with the arrangement for the hit, and I'll make sure your nose remains clean until we're done.”

“How will you do that? You're not exactly known for being a sensitive, loving individual.”

She grinned. “Just do everything that I tell you and you'll be just fine.”

“For some reason, that scares the shit out of me.”

“It should.”