House of Korba: The Ghost Bird Series: #7 (The Academy) (15 page)

I lifted my head, cheeks warm but eager to get this part over with. I was embarrassed by my behavior, like getting caught passing notes in class. This had a slightly different feel, though. While it was embarrassing, it was also soon to be a relief, and I wanted to hurry things along.

His steel eyes focused on me until I felt frozen to the spot. “Is there anything you’d like to tell me about?”

This was my cue to spill it. I didn’t know where to start. Usually if it was Academy affairs, it flowed from me so easily. This time when I was talking with him about what was on my mind, what I knew he wanted to ask about, it was so... personal. Would Silas want me to talk about it?

“The boys were just teasing me,” I said quietly, trying to at least explain Luke and Victor. “I know they didn’t mean anything by it. It just... surprised me.”

“Why did they want to tease you?” he asked.

“Because Silas was texting me and Luke borrowed my phone to see what he was doing.”

“Did you want him to take your phone?” Mr. Blackbourne asked. He motioned to a settee in a small sitting area nearby. I went to it, sitting carefully, holding the cup in my palms.

He moved to sit next to me, close enough that his leg was brushing mine. He undid the button on his suit coat, and the maroon tie swayed a bit as he leaned forward, looking at me. Quiet. Patient. Waiting.

My heart rattled in my chest. I tried to breathe slowly to calm myself, but he was so close. I wanted his help, but talking about it was difficult.

It was a full minute of me trying to figure out how to answer him before he finally responded. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” he said. “I think it’s a good time to talk about it.”

“About what?” I asked, knowing full well what he might be curious about. Would he be upset that Silas asked me out? They’d had a rule that they couldn’t kiss first. Was being a girlfriend to one of them not allowed at all? When it was explained to me, it didn’t seem likely that it was, but then, there was a kissing rule, so it wasn’t inconceivable. I hadn’t thought to ask how far these rules might have extended.

“Do you find yourself attracted to anyone in particular?” he asked, as coolly as one would ask the time. He touched briefly at the corner of his glasses. It was a minor correction, the move subtle, but I understood it to mean he was calculating something. “Anyone on my team?”

My skin was alive, feeling every little breath of air crossing through the room, sensing warmth coming from him. I listened for any other soul that might cross our path and hear our conversation. “I...” I wanted to answer him. I was dying to. His eyes were luring me to talk to him, but I couldn’t admit to anything. I couldn’t dare. I didn’t have an exact answer for him like I thought I should.

I wanted to trust him.

I didn’t want to disappoint him.

He went on when I didn’t answer. “I’ve noticed some of the boys have gotten rather fond of you,” he said. “Have you noticed it?”

I nodded and the heat rose in my cheeks. Again the desire to answer him washed over me, but I was unable to answer properly. I just couldn’t do it. Another topic, any topic, and I’d happily answer. This one was more complex than I dared to admit.

My eyes had started to drift to his tie. His head dipped, trying to catch my gaze.

His millimeter smile appeared. My mind went into a whirlwind. He was amused? Happy?

“You do know that Silas likes you, right?” he asked quietly.

I nodded, slightly, just enough.

He was still and quiet for so long, I thought he was waiting for a better answer from me. My tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. What else did he want to know?

“And what do you think about North?” he asked. “Does he like you?”

“I think so,” I managed to whisper. How much did he know about him and how he felt? Did he know North and I spent the night together in a hotel, among other instances where we’d been together in close quarters?

“And Victor?” he asked.

A wave of heat surged through me. Would he ask me about all the boys? What did he really want to know? I nodded, but tilted my head, trying to figure out why he asked.

“I don’t mean to embarrass you,” he said softly.

“I...” I said. “I don’t...”

“It’s normal for you to be interested,” he said. “My particular worry is, if one is being too overwhelming. We need for our entire team to get along. I want you to feel comfortable feeling how you wish to feel about each of them, but I don’t want anyone spending too much time with you and you end up neglecting spending time with the others.” He leaned in a little closer, his eyes fixed on mine. “If you’re comfortable with that.”

“You want me to divide my time up better?”

“Not just your time,” he said. “I understand Dr. Green and you shared a kiss before.”

If my face was heated before, it was on fire now. I had figured he knew, but his ability to say it outright and so calmly was stunning. “Y... yes.” What else could I say? I couldn’t deny it. I couldn’t lie.

“I understand Nathan has, too.”

I nodded.

“Any others? Silas perhaps? I haven’t heard about last night.”

“Not yet...” I wanted to ask him if they told him everything, about how far they went. My heart was exploding. He didn’t seem upset by the news or even surprised. His eyes showed concern. The slight tilt to his lip told me he was trying to make me comfortable, to talk honestly with me like this. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. He knew I kissed two of them. That they’d possibly broken a rule.

“Not Silas?” he asked.

I bit my lip, shaking my head. The truth was no, we hadn’t. He was getting close, though. I sensed it when I was around him, and around some of the others, too.

“Will you let me know if he does? I think he will soon.”

“If you want,” I said quietly.

“I’d like to be updated on how you feel,” he said, his voice softening. “Maybe I’m overstepping a bit, but I sense you might be a bit confused and might need someone to talk to. I can be that person.” There wasn’t an edge to his voice with the familiar command and confidence. This wasn’t Mr. Blackbourne, the administrator at my high school and an official member of the secret Academy. This was Mr. Blackbourne, part of the family, reaching out to me as a friend.

“Why?” I asked. The question was on my lips, a whisper. I hadn’t meant to ask, but it slipped.

“It’s important to me that you’re comfortable,” he said. “I want to make sure nothing happens to you that you don’t want. I’m sure it’s been difficult for a little while, trying to figure out what you should do. From what I hear from the other guys, you’ve gotten quite a bit of attention from a few of them. I’m sure it’s confusing.”

I nodded, my heart soaring. He understood! “Yes,” I said. More confident now that this had been the right move.

“I’m here to help,” he said. He sat back a little. While the smile didn’t return, his eyes turned from steel to a soft gray silver and his mood seemed to lighten. He was pleased. “If you’ll allow me. You can tell me anything you’d like in strict confidence. What you have to say won’t go to the other boys.”

The possibilities were amazing to me. It was what I’d been needing and now I didn’t know where to start. He didn’t seem to think it wrong. He didn’t say to stop or that I or Silas or anyone else had done something we shouldn’t. “I don’t know what to do,” I said.

“With what?” he asked.

“They all do things,” I said. “At first it was just holding my hand. The next thing I know, there’s a kiss...or sometimes what I thought was going to be a kiss. I know there was a rule about that.”

“I apologize for that,” he said. “I thought it was for the best. We all agreed and we did it out of respect for you.”

“I understand it now,” I said. “But...I worry about...” I couldn’t put it into words.

“Jealousy?” he asked.

I nodded. “Nathan...” I thought about what Nathan had said before. That he wanted to one day run off with me. That he cared a lot about me. He flitted around the word love, but I sensed it being on his mind, on his lips, almost ready to say at some point. He was waiting to hear something from me. I felt he thought the other boys were interested, too, and he was waiting for me to realize he cared about me more than the others could. It was romantic, but I was too intimidated to even think about it right now.

“I’ve heard some of his thoughts, but I have a feeling he’s holding back something more. I think the issues with his father had made him desperate to hold on to someone he really cares about, but had almost lost several times already.”

From his tone, and the steady gaze on me, I sensed he was talking about me. “You don’t think he meant...”

“He meant it,” he said quickly. “He’s pretty sure you want something specific, and he’s trying to fulfill what you want. He’s also got very romantic notions, even if they are unrealistic. He just didn’t think it through. Give me some time with him. He’ll come around, I think.”

“Come around to what?” I asked.

Mr. Blackbourne kept his eyes on mine. “We should all get along with each other, at whatever level of feelings you might wish to have. If we’re to succeed in making you part of the family, I think we’re facing an inevitable conclusion. You and I must work together closely to make sure this family stays together. No matter what it takes, this is our challenge to overcome. I feel you want it the same way I do.” His eyes intensified, with a slight bit of steel, but then a gleam of silver flashed through it. “Will you help me with this? To keep the team together?”

I felt it through my whole being that no matter what, no matter what path I might have with the Academy, I did want to stay with them, and to have them all together and happy like they had been. I couldn’t imagine, for instance, Nathan running off with me and leaving the Academy. It was something he loved. He loved Kota, too, and the others. Despite what Nathan thought he wanted, maybe Mr. Blackbourne was right, and we needed to be careful with each of them to make sure we stayed together.

“I’ll help,” I said.

“Then I need your full trust,” he said. His hand moved, until two fingertips touched the back of my hand, just below the knuckle. He did it to get me to focus my attention on him, but my attention was directed more toward his warm touch. “If any of the boys are too forward, move too fast, or make you uncomfortable, I want to hear it from you. In fact, any move they make with you, I want to know.”

“I’ll try. I don’t really know what to do.” I pressed my lips together but then forced them open. He needed me to keep the family together, and my being quiet wasn’t going to help. “Silas asked me last night to...be his girlfriend.”

A perfect eyebrow rose above the black rim of his glasses. “Did he?”

“I said yes. But I haven’t told the other boys. And I don’t think Nathan would like if...”

“Wait,” he said, releasing my hand to hold his own up in a stop signal. “One thing at a time. You said yes to Silas. Is he the only one that you would say yes to?”

That wasn’t the question I was expecting. “I don’t...you mean if someone else were to ask?”

“If North were to ask you this evening to be his girlfriend, would you want to say yes?”

I wanted to blush all over, to not answer the question, but he didn’t seem disappointed or upset. “I don’t think I’m supposed to.”

“Don’t worry about what you are
supposed
to want or what you think might be normal. I want to know how you feel. It is important we’re honest with each other about how we feel about other members of the team.” He touched his fingers briefly to his chest. “For example, I care very much for each of them. For you, too. I’d work hard to make sure everyone was happy, no matter what it took.”

It was what family should do for each other, but I felt this was different. Stronger. It was a choice. Family was a choice, they’d said. I wanted to believe it. “What should I do?”

“Go with how you feel,” he said. “If North was here right now, would you tell him no?”

I shook my head.

“You’d say yes?”

I nodded.

“I won’t go down the list,” he said, “and I won’t pretend to know how you feel. I just want you to talk to me. When I said you could talk to me about anything, I meant it.”

“I try,” I said.

“I know you do. Anything else you’d like to share with me?”

“What if they...if someone does get jealous or...”

“Call me,” he said. “The moment any of those boys try to make you feel bad for how you feel, I want you to talk to me. I’ll take care of it, I just need you to trust me. No matter what I’m doing, no matter where I am, I’ll be there when you need me.”

I was warmed at the thought. I knew it would be hard to communicate all I was feeling, but I didn’t seem to need to speak much at all. If I just gave him the basics, he seemed ready to accept it and knew exactly what I had to do.

“We should spend more time together, too,” he said.

“Okay,” I said, without really thinking. I did agree with him, but I wondered how he meant it. More family meetings? And then I realize he might not have meant all of us. Maybe he meant just the two of us.

A touch of that millimeter smile appeared again. He shifted to stand and then held out a hand to me. “I want to talk more, but not here. Let’s find the others.”

I took my cup with the flower with me, holding onto it while he assisted me up and then released my hand to walk with me toward the door.

I didn’t really want to leave. I wanted to tell him everything. I just didn’t know where to start.

––––––––

W
e met the others and headed to the cars. After checking out the place, it was determined that the goal was to use the phone network for observation. They wanted to make more plans, but they didn’t want to talk about it at Middleton.

“What do we do now?” Victor asked.

Mr. Blackbourne glanced at his phone. “It’s time to pick up Mr. Coleman.”

Victor nodded. He looked at Kota. “Are you coming along?”

“I need to check in with North,” he said. He glanced at me, looking like he wanted to say something but then focused on Victor. “I...”