How Do I Love Thee (16 page)

“Yes.” She meant it because he intrigued her.

“But you will be asleep when I get off work.”

“Then tomorrow.”

He studied her face through the plastic tent, making her heart Beat faster.

“I take my dinner break at nine.”

“Eat fast, then come see me. Check first to see if I'm alone.” She figured her parents would visit her every evening, but because they both worked at her father's store, they went home by nine-thirty.

“If that is what you want, I will come.”

“And you'll tell me the river's secrets? “

“Only if you'll tell me your dream.”

“A deal.” She watched him back away. “I'm glad I woke up,” she said, suddenly dreading being alone. Nights in the hospital seemed extra long.

“I hope you will get back to sleep quickly.”

“It was the music, I think. The guitar sounded sad. And lonely. Life me.”

He pulled the minidisc player out of his pocket and the plug from his ear. “Listen some more, if you like.”

“I can't take your disc player.”

He pressed it into her hand just outside the tent. ‘TU return for it tomorrow.”

She watched him duck out the door. In the quiet he left behind, she could hear the swish of her blood in her ears, the beep of the heart monitor beside her bed, the hiss of oxygen coming through the tubing. Talking to him had made it easy to forget how sick she was. She picked up the minidisc player, pulled it inside the tent, and put it against her cheek. It was still warm from his body.

Bonnie came to visit the next afternoon, and Laura told her about Ramon.

“Lucky you,” Bonnie said. “I mean about
meeting a cute guy, not about being back in the hospital.”

“I guess without the one I wouldn't have had the other.”

“True, but I wish you were back at school. Bill asked Joame Elkhart to the junior-senior dance.”

Laura felt a wave of dismay. She'd been hoping Bill Southlund would ask her. “Well, there goes that dream,” she said. “How about you? Did Tony ask you?”

“Not yet, but I heard he was going to.”

Laura realized that once again life was passing her by, leaving her with the wreckage of dreams and plans for a life she couldn't quite live because of her bad heart. She reached out and squeezed Bonnie's hand. “If he doesn't, you ask him. You're a junior too, and you can invite him just as easily.”

Bonnie chewed her lower lip. “You think that would be all right? Because the suspense is killing me between wishing he would and being afraid he won't. Even if he says no, I won't be sitting around chewing my nails.”

“I would ask him if I were you. Life's short.”

“Oh, Laura … I didn't mean—”

“To make me feel bad? It's okay. I know my life's never going to be normal. Every time I think things will be all right, I get sick. It's just the way things are, Bonnie, I'm getting used to it.”

“Well, I think your doctors should come up with some plan to fix you up. Why'd they go to medical school in the first place?”

Laura sighed. “To hook me up to oxygen and heart monitors, I think.”

“Bad doctors,” Bonnie said, as if scolding a puppy

“Not bad,” Laura said, “Just out of options.”

When Bonnie left, Laura turned toward the window and her view of the river below. In truth, she only had one option left, but that one was so scary that she could hardly stand to think
about
it. She looked at her bedside clock. In only a few more hours Ramon would return. “You will come, won't you?” she said to herself.
Please come. Please.

y nine-thirty that night, Ramon had still not come to see Laura. She kept his disc player under her pillow and listened to the plaintive strains of the haunting classical guitar music until she got a lump in her throat and felt as if she ‘d cry from the sheer beauty of it. When her mother had seen Laura with the player earlier, she'd asked, “Where did that come from?”

“I borrowed it from a friend.”

“It was thoughtful of Bonnie to bring it,” her mother said, making an assumption Laura didn't bother to correct. “But your father and I can buy you one of your own. All you have to do is ask.”

“I like this one.”

“Why? I'm certain we can buy a better one. I'll research the different brands, and we can stop at an audio store tomorrow—”

“This one is fine, Mom.”

“But if you like it so much, why wouldn't you want one of your own?”

Because if you buy me one, I have no reason to hold on to Ramon's
, she thought. “Mom, I don't have to own everything,” she insisted. “I just like borrowing things once in a while. It makes me feel like someone expects me to live long enough to give them back.”

Her mother hadn't mentioned it again, and now, as the hospital quieted down for die night, Laura began to doubt that Ramon would come to retrieve his disc player at all. He probably had a bagful and went from room to room giving them out to lonely girls trapped in hospital beds.

“I'm sorry I'm late, Laura.” Ramon ducted inside her room after ten o'clock. “I had to clean an operating room.”

All her dark thoughts vanished at the sight of him. “I wasn't worried,” she fibbed. “Plus I had your disc player. F figured you'd come back for it.”

He came to her bedside. “The player is nothing. It is you I want to see.”

Her feelings of rejection did an about-face. “Thank you for letting me borrow the player. I love the music.”

He reached into his pocket and withdrew several minidiscs. ”Here are others.”

“But it's your player, and I should give it back. My parents will buy me my own.”

Ramon grinned. “Then you will have no reason to let me visit.”

She returned his smile, touched that they'd shared the same thought. “You don't need a reason.”

He placed the discs in her hand. “I can't stay. I have work to do, but I could not begin again without seeing you first.”

“Will you promise to come back tonight?”

His eyes clouded. “I don't know … Your doctor wants you to rest.”

“I rest all day.”

“It would be very late, and the nurse on duty—”

“I don't care. The nurse takes vitals at twelve and three. You can visit between her rounds. Please. I'm lonely here.”

His expression softened. “I can deny you nothing, Laura. Spending time with you is my greatest wish. I never thought you'd consider spending time with someone like me.”

“What's wrong with you?”

He shrugged. “Í am only an orderly.”

“So? Is that what you'll always be?”

“I'd like to go to medical school one day. I'd like to become a doctor.”

“Who takes care of girls with paper hearts?”

“Who takes care of girls with beautiful hearts?”

He said such wonderful things to her, unlike the boys in her classes. She'd had crushes on several, but they all seemed to be very much into their own lives—friends, sports, cars. If any of them had had a crush on her, it was a well-kept secret. “I should be out of this tent in a few days. I'll be mobile soon. Maybe we could go down to the rec room together.”

“I have another job. I leave this one, go home, sleep, get up, and work at a grocery store in my neighborhood until it is time for me to leave for this job.”

Her heart sank. “I—I didn't mean to get carried away. Of course you have a life, and if
you work until midnight, this must be the last place you'd want to be in the daytime.”

He leaned closer, his eyes full of emotion. “I will cut back my hours at the grocery store if it means I can spend more time with you.”

“You'd do that for me?”

“I'd do most anything for you.”

“But why? You hardly know me.”

“I have seen you come since I began my job here. There was something about you that touched my heart. I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it does to me. People do not choose how they feel about someone. You just one day see that special person, and your heart reacts. Your soul jumps up and you think, ‘I've waited all my life to meet this person.’ It has been that way for me, Laura. From the time I first saw you, I cared for you.”

She was shocked speechless.

Ramon took a step backward. “I have said too much, haven't I? Forgive me. I didn't mean to push myself on you.”

“No one's ever said anything like that to me before.” No one had ever confessed to adoring her, especially since her heart had gone bad. Few guys seemed even to want to be around an
invalid. “I think I like hearing it,” she added shyly.

His smile lit up his face. “I have wanted to tell you every time you came into the hospital how I felt, but I did not know you, and until last night I had little hope of meeting you. I expect nothing from you, Laura. You may never feel for me as I do for you, and that's all right.”

“There's not much I can give back to you, Ramon. But if you'll visit me, you know, give me your time, well, I'd like that a lot.”

Their gazes locked and held. Laura felt her insides turn to jelly.

“I'll come tomorrow afternoon early, before my shift begins,” he said. “Is that okay?”

“Totally okay.” The air felt charged. She held out her hand and he brushed his fingers across her palm, sending shivers up her spine.

“Until tomorrow,” Ramon said.

“Are you positive you don't want your disc player back?” she asked.

“It's not needed. Now I have music in my heart.” He slipped out of her room.

Ramon kept his promise. He came in an hour early the next day and every day that
week to stay with Laura. She discovered that he was good medicine. By the end of the week, she was out of the oxygen tent and able to move around her room on her own.

“I'm amazed by your progress,” Dr. Simon said.

“Is my heart better?” Laura wanted to know.

“Your heart will never be better, Laura. You know that. But the pneumonia has cleared quickly, which puts less strain on your heart, and that's a good tiling.” The doctor wrote notes on her chart, finishing minutes later and giving Laura a quizzical look. “I've just told you you're better, and you haven't bombarded me with pleas to go home and back to school. Don't tell me you're starting to like it here.”

“It's not so bad. This time, I mean. I don't mind staying awhile longer.” Laura didn't meet die doctor's gaze as she answered, afraid she ‘d be asked more questions.

“That's good, because I want to keep you here a few more days. Run some tests.”

“If you say so.”

Dr. Simon smiled. “That's what I like—a
cooperative patient. Now be a good girl and get back into bed for me.”

Laura glanced anxiously at the clock. Dr. Simon had stayed well into Ramon's visiting time, and Laura was eager for her to hurry on her way. The doctor's beeper went off, and once she'd gone, Ramon stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him.

“I didn't think she'd ever leave,” Laura said as he pulled a chair closer to her.

“She's your doctor. What did she say to you?”

“More tests. But that means I'll be around longer. What do you think of that?”

He grinned. “I have been dreading the time when you will be leaving. I'll miss you.”

“You don't have to miss me. You can come see me at home.”

His smile faded. He leaned forward, took her hand, and pressed her palm against his broad chest. She felt his heartbeat strong and steady through the fabric of his clothing. “That wouldn't be possible, Laura.”

“But why? I thought you liked me.”

He didn't get to answer. Just then, her
mother swooped into her room, saying, “Surprise! I got off work early and—” She stopped short when she saw Ramon. “What's going on here?” she asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Who are you? And why are you in Laura's room holding her hand?”