How I Became Lotus Raine...the Porn Star (14 page)

“Yeah, he was. But that night he knew what he was doing. And he took careful pride in claiming that first.”

I LAID ON my bed that night, reading over the stupid interview questions that I’d save for the next day. I dreaded having to ask him the nonsense the author had come up with. Of course the questions were all porny and nothing actually personal. The author was only wanting to know the porn star, not the man he is off camera—the majority of the time. But I was okay with it. Knowing that where the author dropped the ball in regards to the interview and the skin-deep knowledge they were only interested in accessing, I’d more than willingly caught it, making the experience more than worthwhile for me. As I was lying down on my stomach, adding a few questions of my own here and there, I felt my bed shift as a trail of hot breath ran up the backs of my legs.

Brent’s hands glided up the backs of my thighs, leading the way for his breath to follow. They stopped right under my ass as he cupped my cheeks in his hands, letting both his thumbs slide back and forth right between my legs, teasing me. His body moved across my legs as his mouth rested near his thumbs. He palmed my ass, squeezing together and pulling apart my ass cheeks all while applying more pressure to where his thumbs still lingered.

“Would this be another first for me to claim?” he asked, never stopping his torturous movements. I squirmed beneath him, and attempted to tighten my cheeks together once I fully understood what he was meaning. Hell, yeah that’d be a first. None of the guys I had been with in the past were good enough at using the main hole, like hell, I was going to grant them back door access. I could only imagine how horribly bad they would’ve fumbled with that entrance. They without a doubt would have scarred me for life. They damn near did that with normal sex alone.

He laughed at my movements, causing me to push up into him. His fingers worked their way underneath my shorts and slipped beneath my panties as he messaged my ass, allowing his thumbs to still move between my legs—getting me wet. With one thumb pushing its way through my pussy lips, he teased my ass with his index finger. I was experiencing an unheard of sensory overload. He had a magical way with his fingers as he slowly and carefully began to finger both my holes. It felt good and I wanted to explore it even more.

“If you’re going to cross this one off, you better hurry before I change my mind,” I moaned, knowing that I wasn’t going to change my mind, but not having the guts to just tell him to fuck my ass already. He pulled his fingers away and moved off my bed.

“Come on,” he said, holding a hand out for me. I was confused as I rolled off my bed and took his hand. From what I had known, basic anal didn’t require both parties, if any, to stand.

“We’re going to my room.” Brent resolved my confused state of mind as we made our way to his room.

We stood in front of his bed and slowly undressed each other before lying down side by side. He rolled me over onto my side, facing away from him and he followed behind me as we spooned.

“The key to this going smoothly, is for you to relax your body. Don’t tense up. I’m going to try my hardest to keep that from happening. But, with this being your first time…” He trailed off as his arm wrapped around my front, and drifted down between my legs. Brent worked his fingers against my smooth, wet skin and worked me up as well. I felt his cock gliding between my legs waiting to take over. I lifted my leg in a silent beg for him to quit teasing me with his finger. When that didn’t work, I grabbed his hard cock and positioned him near my ass.

“We gotta work up to that, sweet cheeks,” he whispered in my ear. I heard a slight hesitation in his voice and I knew he was wanting it bad. I just wasn’t sure which he was wanting. I was hoping it was just me in general and not a particular hole he would be possessing that had him so worked up. I was aware that some people loved anal, but I was still trying to wrap my mind around it. I didn’t understand why. What did an asshole have to offer that a pussy couldn’t? Was it the fact that it was supposed to be an exit only that made it much more tempting; that it’s not the “hole” that sex was intended for and therefore considered kinky? Or was it the whole forbidden fruit appeal it held?

I’d always heard the pussy being compared to warm apple pie. Or at least that’s what the guy on the movie said. If that was the case, then to me, it seemed like an asshole would be likened to a cupcake. It’d be warm, of course. But it just didn’t seem like it’d feel quite as nice as warm, gooey apple pie. Not sure gooey is the ideal word to use in that analogy.

If I were offered a cupcake or apple pie there would be no choice.

I’d devour that cupcake.

But if we’re referring to them in a sexual aspect, I’d go with the apple pie. The cupcake might be moist, but there’s a good chance it’d be dry. It seems like it’d just be a spongy abyss. Which didn’t sound appealing to me.

That night, Brent started with my apple pie before slowly inching his way into my cupcake.

It wasn’t dry. He made sure of that. He made sure to use protection and lube himself up—for safety measures and all. Before he worked his way in, he kept one finger circling my clit and the other slowly inching and dipping inside where I felt his cock pressing. He was doing an amazing job at keeping me distracted from what was about to take place. The sensations from every which way kept me from allowing my body to tense up. I needed that, because if he had to tell me not to tense up, it would’ve only made me do so while trying not to.

The mind is a tricky thing.

And I was thankful that he had tricked mine.

It wasn’t the most pleasant experience, I admit. But neither was the first time I gave someone my apple pie. So I knew it wouldn’t be extraordinary the first time my cupcake was sampled. But Brent made sure that it was at least enjoyable. I did get off and it was intense. But what made the experience one that I would gladly take part in again, was the way he treated me the whole time. He was more than careful with my body, reminding me the whole time that I was in control and to tell him if I was uncomfortable or wanted him to stop. I didn’t tell him, but I knew no matter the uncomfortableness I might have felt, I’d never voice it. At that point, I already trusted him with my body. He’d never given me a reason not to.

When his body began trembling behind me, and his breath came out in short bursts against my sweaty skin, I told him to come on me. I don’t know why I had, but it seemed like the thing to say in the moment. And after watching him stroke himself off those final seconds earlier that day, I had the strong urge to see it again.

I wanted to watch and memorize the way his muscles moved along his chest and his arm flexed as he stroked himself. I wanted to watch his face as he found his release. I wanted to witness his mouth opening, letting out a husky moan as he came.

He pulled out and I instantly felt empty, missing the connection. Then he raised himself to his knees, facing his body my way. In one swift stroke, he removed the condom and began stroking himself quickly and with such purpose. He was a man on a fucking mission.

I loved hearing the way his breath hitched as he found his release. I felt it spray across my body as he collapsed beside me.

“Dude that was a close call.” I turned my head to the side to look at him. “You hit me right under my chin.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “I’ve never been with anyone quite like you.”

“Is that a good thing?” I asked shyly.

“Good is an understatement. It’s a fucking breath of fresh air.”

I got up, scooping my clothes off the floor and walked to his bathroom to clean myself up. When I came out, he was lying in his bed with his arm propped underneath his head, watching me. His sexy smile almost had me changing my mind, but I stayed strong.

He patted his bed for me to join him. It made me smile inside that he wanted me to sleep with him again. But I couldn’t allow myself to do it every night. I could only take this week for what it was—a learning experience.

“I’m just going to go to my bed tonight,” I pointed backwards.

“Why?” he asked, leaning up more.

I sighed. “Because, there’s no use in pretending this is something that it’s not.”

“And what’s that?” He bit his thumbnail, waiting for my response.

I shrugged. I wasn’t into having to spell things out. Especially since he already knew and was forcing it out of me. “A relationship. Something that has a future.”

“Is it something you’d want to last?” His question shocked me. It was one I never expected to be asked or one I’d have to personally answer aloud.

“If you weren’t a porn star?” I propped my hands on my hips. “Sure. I’d be curious to see where this could go. What we have going here is pretty cut and dry. And since you are a porn star, I’d never be able to. I know how you fuck. There’s no way I’d ever be okay with you getting paid to screw other women.” I tossed a slightly frustrated hand through my hair. “Hell, I’m already jealous of all the women who know how it feels to be with you.” I let out a nervous laugh, admitting that way too soon.

He rested his head back down on his pillow as a satisfied grin took over. “I understand
.”

He understood alright. But I think it made him happy that I’d be interested in him and the fact that I was already jealous.

“DID BRENT CHANGE you?” Shepard asks.

I laugh at his question. Of course that’s what anyone would assume. That I changed for a guy. Because that’s what us women do. Insert sarcasm here.

“I’m still me, Shepard. I would never change who I am to keep some guy around.” I roll my eyes. “He never changed me. I didn’t change. He just showed me that it was okay to be who I’d always been and felt wrong about.”

“I’m not saying you changed for him. It just seems like once Brent came into your life that your world was flipped and things you had thought about life and yourself, were altered.” Shepard reiterates.

“You’re absolutely right. All the preconceived notions I had were rocked when Brent showed up. But my world wasn’t flipped, it was explored; opening my mind as well as my body.” I sit up, looking him dead in the eyes. “But is it considered changing if all that happens is you finally allowing yourself to emerge into the person you’ve always truly been.”

THAT NIGHT, AFTER I went back to my room, I opened the binder I was sent there with. I didn’t know if I’d be able to watch them. The idea that I’d get jealous watching him with other women was part of my inner debate. The other part was knowing that I’d most likely get turned on as well. I knew there was no way I could watch Brent in action and not get wet. I’d experienced the man myself and personally knew how good he could make me feel. I only imagined it to be even more so if he was getting paid to make it that much hotter.

I flipped through the DVD filled binder, and blindly picked one out. I didn’t read the title or peek at the picture that covered the front. I pulled out my laptop, turned it on and plopped the disc in. There was a TV with a DVD player in my room, but I wanted to keep what I was going to watch up close and personal, and in my lap. I didn’t need to hear the noises, but plugged in my headphones anyway.