How I Met Your Mother and Philosophy (13 page)

Yet for all the sexual bravado (or ‘bro-vado') that the Bro Code claims, sex is a topic which the Bro Code sees as something not meant to be discussed publicly or in any detail (see Articles 48 and 146), and could be seen not to be used as a measure of masculinity.

The unattainability of masculinity pushes men into a conditional identity, one which is always at risk and in contest. Men must always fight for their masculinity, needing it to be validated by other men. In psychoanalytic terms, while women lack the phallic (the symbolic representation of male reproductive potency—virility), men are always in fear of lack of the
phallic. It is this need to secure their masculinity which drives men away from close relationships with other men, and to degrade women and their relationships with them as a way to fortify their own masculinity.

Much like masculinity in America, the Bro Code is filled with inconsistencies and contradictions. Men are supposed to be strong, powerful, and unemotional, yet must simultaneously be loving fathers and husbands. A Bro can take a woman as a Bro or wingwoman, but will eventually want to sleep with her (according to “The Mermaid Theory”). These inconsistencies present men today not merely with a challenge, but also with an impossible task.

The Playbook

The Playbook
makes no qualms about its goals, making it very clear what it intends. Its stated aim is that “you'll be able to approach any beautiful woman you want and trick her into sleeping with you.”
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A bold statement, made more reasonable by the fact that Barney designed it and that he has “slept with enough hotties to overbook a commercial airliner” (p. xv).

The Playbook states that there are four things that women are sexually aroused by: money, fame, vulnerability, and emotion and spiritual fulfillment (p. xvii). While these may sound outrageous, and even sexist, you'd be surprised to find how many ‘scientific' (that's to say, pseudo-scientific) studies claim to have demonstrated the same conclusion.

“Other seduction methods preach ‘social dynamics' in which you insult women in an attempt to attract them. I find that approach both demeaning and offensive. Rather than degrade women,
The Playbook
centers on the profound, positive, and personal changes you can make to trick hot sluts into sleeping with you” (p. xvi). Barney elaborates on this, stating that the
Playbook
“focuses on transforming you” (p. xviii). It's this transformative approach that, in some ways, supposedly separates the
Playbook
from the trickery of other methods of attracting women, specifically the ‘pick-up' artist community.
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Just as I picked out the most sexist things in
The Bro Code
, I figured it was important to do that for
The Playbook
as well.

The Most Sexist Things in the Playbook

       
1.
 
Pretty much everything

Sexist to Men as Well?

While
The Playbook
is blatantly sexist to women, sexism is directed at men as well.

“Recent evidence suggests that women enjoy sex [as well]” (p. xvii). Though it is in no way wrong to suggest that women have an empowered sexuality, there are still issues with this when seen from the male perspective. While empowering women to have their own sexuality, it simultaneously maintains and perpetuates the notion that men are always horny.

In this way, while freeing women, it maintains a strict idea about men and sexuality that can be seen throughout both
The Bro Code
as well as
The Playbook
. This can also be seen in the caricatured way Barney celebrates sleeping with two hundred women. It's shown clearly after Barney and Robin separate, in musical form, in the song “Bang Bang Bangity Bang” or the over-the-top Bangtoberfest and accompanying motto “This Time it's REALLY Not Personal.”

This caricature of men's sexuality is only further played up in the
Playbook
for Chicks, where the one play in it says that any woman can pick up any man, anytime, anywhere, just by being a woman (
Playbook
, p. 65).

Aside from overly sexualizing men, it also attributes to them a callousness towards love. The “Fall in Love” Play (p. 113), while allowing that men could fall in love, also makes it seem as if it is a passing thing that is easily forgotten and neglected.

Bro to Bro

This focus on men's relations and implicitly discussing ‘bro' as connected to men is due to the fact that this is how it is shown and seen. I would like to, as we continue forward, begin the process of transforming this vision of the Bro Code. Rather
than simply being about men's relations with each other—which it is also about—it's connecting to men's relations with women as well.

First, men's relations with each other, what we might call ‘homosocial relations'. The Bro Code is put forward as the formation of a set of guidelines for male homosocial relations. In its own way, it seeks to give men some definition to their relationships. Though it is offered as a set of guidelines merely for men's relations with each other, the way these rules are enacted can also be seen as positive ideas about men's relations with women. Throughout the show, the characters seek to find themselves and define their lives. Most of the time it's through their relationships with other characters that they start to define who they are.

In “Sweet Taste of Liberty” Barney tells Ted that “Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno.” It's the relationships (and in Ted's life, the stories) that structure who they are. It's because of this that our relationships with others are so important, and so, how we define a bro is critical.

The five attributes of a bro are loyalty, friendliness, equality, strong bonds with friends, and generosity. Throughout the show these qualities shine through in the relations between Barney, Marshall, Ted, Robin, and Lily. Even in cases where they contravene other articles in the code, these rules take precedence.

All of these traits are embodied in the competition for who could be Marvin's guardian. Ted, Barney, and Robin all want to be the guardian, while Marshall and Lily realize that they have been bad friends (“Who Wants to Be a Godparent?”). This is a perfect case in point of everyone in the group embodying the five important traits of a bro.

Wingwomen

Famous (literal) wingwoman Anne Morrow Lindbergh said that “men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.” Though this may not be entirely true, it gives us a statement about the roughness of men's relations with each other, and how this callousness can be both good and bad.

In the first season, as Ted and Victoria are beginning their relationship, Barney is left wingman-less, and turns to Robin
in his need of a bro for his ‘bro-ings on'. Not only does Robin take over Ted's spot as Barney's bro, she is by Barney's admission a better bro than Ted ever was (“You've already flown higher and faster than he ever did” and “You're a better Ted than Ted”).

Robin, throughout the show, is shown not merely as an equal, but frequently as more masculine than any of the male characters. She hunts, plays hockey, drinks whiskey, loves guns, and altogether does what we might consider ‘manly' things. So besides being Barney's bro, she can also be seen as a character pushing past traditional gender roles for women and men. Just as Robin pushes gender boundaries and roles, so do other characters on the show. Lily, while loving shopping and shoes, is also a hot dog eating champion.

While Barney acts as if he is a ‘man's man', one sees him in a very masculine conflict with Robin's father choosing not to shoot a rabbit (“Band or DJ”). Ted and Marshall, in similar fashion display vast amounts of ‘unmanly' or ‘effeminate' qualities throughout the show (Ted's fear of spiders, Marshall's unwillingness to fire Randy).

All of the male characters, while projecting a masculine persona, at one point or another, display behaviors and traits which set them outside of ‘traditional' masculine roles (though not always for long or in huge ways).

These gender transgressions, by both the male and female characters, further the idea that the relations between genders is crucial, and that, in a way, the Bro Code can be inclusive of not only these transgressions, but also of equality.

The inclusion of women as being equally able to be wingmen is crucial for a variety of reasons. First it speaks to the idea that the Bro Code is not meant strictly as a segregationist tactic to separate the spaces of men and those of women. It also builds on feminist struggles for equality and the ability to “sit at the same table as men.”

While very few feminists might say that the Bro Code should be seen as promoting equality between the sexes, it is a first step. In finding a relationship which men and women can participate in equally and outside the realms of sexual relations, it can help build positive relationships between men and women (by using the positive aspects, while leaving behind the negative aspects).

Bro as the Gold Standard

The Bro Code, just like any other set of rules, is full of contradictions, inequities, and negative elements. But as can be seen, it is also meant to be broken, altered, gone against, and at times tossed out. This flexibility puts it above those guidelines which demand a strict following.

Aristotle says that friendship is a situation where both friends are equal in moral development, and at the bottom of it possess an element of mutual co-operation and benefit. Another way of putting the second part would be the ancient Roman phrase: quid pro bro.
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There's certainly something to be said that relations between bros contain strong elements of mutual co-operation and support, but the moral development of the bros in this case is seemingly less important. Take a look at Barney and Ted. You could hardly find two more morally dissimilar people—which may be part of the reason Ted, for a period, stops being Barney's friend and bro.

But true bros, regardless of their differences, are bound by their love and affection for each other. So in Ted's time of need, Barney runs all the way to the hospital—even wrinkling his suit!—to be there for his bro. Similarly, we see Ted rush to Lily's aid when the Fiero has a flat tire (“Milk”) and Marshall helping Robin feel at home in New York by finding a Canadian bar for her (“Little Minnesota”). All of these situations display loyalty, friendliness, treating people as equals, a strong bond with friends, and generosity.

If we see the Bro Code in the right light, it can provide a way forward for all of our relationships in our lives. In so doing, we can see others as our equal, importantly seeing women as equal to men. Whether you identify as a feminist or not, women's equality is a crucial issue for all of us—men, women, and otherwise. To quote Karl Marx: “Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.”

We're More than Friends, We're Brothers

“Whether we know it or not, each of us lives a life governed by an internalized code of conduct. Some call it morality. Others
call it religion. I call it ‘The Bro Code.'” This is how it starts, and it seems a fitting thing to return to at the end of this discussion.

The Bro Code is not perfect and has many flaws (thanks, Barney!), but it is also the beginning of a discussion about how we can view homosocial relations between men, and relations between men and women.

As discussed earlier, the displacement of male-to-male affection through the utilization of women as sexual objects creates a situation where men feel unable to have true intimate friendships and must construct a barrier to fend off the advances of supposed femininity. In this case, that shield is the elaborate structure of the bro, with all of its rules, in the form of the Bro Code. As Ted says so clearly, it is “a list of do's and don'ts for all bros. Some were basic. Some were unbelievably complicated. And some were just plain disturbing.”

As we move further and further into the twenty-first century and become more individualistic (with more people living alone), we're more connected than ever through Facebook and the internet, but what is the impact on our relationships of all this? While I don't think it is as doom and gloom as some would have you believe, I do think it is still critical to value our personal, and in-person, relationships with friends.

With all of this in mind, I would like to propose an amendment to the Bro Code. Amendment VII: A Bro should at all times act in such a way to show his devotion to his Bros, committing himself to acting with the virtues of: loyalty, friendliness, equality, strong bonds with friends, and generosity in all things.
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