How to Be a Great Lover (14 page)

If, during an oral encounter, you find that in spite of your best efforts he is too far into your mouth, making you feel as if you're going to choke, try these suggestions for relaxing the gag reflex:

By using The Seal and The Ring, you can effectively create a deep throat sensation without having the entire penis in your mouth. One man, a producer of infomercials from the Midwest, described his experience: "My wife is able to take me into the back of her mouth when I am fully erect and I can feel the back of her throat. It is really soft and moist. Then she does the swallowing motion when I am back there. It feels terrific, but not as terrific as when I am soft; when I'm soft, the feeling is ten times more intense."

Secret from Lou's Archive

This suggestion came from a champion fitness instructor who says that when she needs a break while she is "down there," she'll shift the head of the penis from the center of her mouth to the soft cheek area. She maintains the motion, but she can breathe more easily and swallow any extra saliva.

LET THE HANDS HELP YOU

When performing oral sex, you also use your hands. This aspect of oral sex is related to mathematical logic. The average woman's mouth measures approximately two to three inches from her lips to the back of her throat. The average man's penis is five to six inches. Therein lies the dilemma. It is mathematically impossible for the entire average man's penis to fit into the average woman's mouth without some operational adjustments. But there is an easy way to compensate for the difference.

Remember The Seal? While standing in front of a mirror, make your hand into an imaginary megaphone (fingers rounded in a cylinder shape) and hold it up to your mouth. That's the position your hand should be in whenever his penis enters your mouth. It creates the sensation of a tube, plenty long enough to accommodate the length of his shaft while enabling you to monitor, using The Ring, exactly how far the penis goes into your mouth, thereby forming the seal (i.e., your hand should stay sealed to your lips).

Up and Down Motion

With your hand "sealed" to your mouth and your teeth covered by your lips or buffered by your hand, move up and down the length of his shaft (or as far as you are comfortable), varying the speed and length of the stroke. You can adjust the amount of pressure on the shaft either by opening your mouth wider or closing it more, cushioned by your lips covering your teeth or, if you find your lips and jaw tend to get sore, use the "ring" of your fingers that are attached to your mouth.

Hand Twisting

The hand that is sealed to your mouth twists back and forth a la one half of a Pirouette motion (see Chapter 6).

Minding the Stepchildren

This is a term of endearment that was used once by a woman in a seminar, and it stuck. In learning about the ways in which to involve a man's testicles, a woman from Dallas said, "Oh, honey, they're like stepchildren, they tend to be ignored!" The fact is, most men truly delight in having their balls played with in the right way.

It's very easy to incorporate a little ball playing into oral sex. After all, you do have a free hand. While one hand is

attached to your mouth and going up and down his shaft, the other one can be fondling his testicles. What this does is broaden the area of sexual sensation and pleasure. I'm going to give you a few different ways to go about it, but needless to say, it is imperative, ladies, that you tread lightly here. Men are him with a whole new definition of orgasm. Doing it wrong can produce an entirely different effect altogether, namely, he'll cry out in pain! Remember, they aren't called the "family jewels" for nothing. There are two things to take into consideration before "playing balls" with your lover. The first is whether or not you've ever handled a man's testicles before and the second is whether he's ever had his testicles handled before. If you've never touched these tender sacs, it is much better to err on the side of gentleness than on the side of strength. The same applies if your lover is new to this experience.

Another place to start is on that soft, hairless skin between his anus and his testicles, the perineum. While the one hand is otherwise engaged, stroke him lightly right there with your free fingers, as if you're motioning someone to come a little closer. Once he becomes comfortable with that feeling (which shouldn't take long at all), tease him a bit by letting your fingers stroke over his balls with the same motion. After doing that once or twice, go back to the area between his balls and anus. He is likely to either tell you to touch his testicles again, or try to guide your hand to them. This is good. It means he trusts you and feels safe. Even so, making him wait for it a little longer will heighten his excitement. You'll be able to tell immediately by his verba I and physical reaction what is turning him on. Even a little pull to some men feels wonderful. Just don't squeeze or pinch his balls together. One woman told me that her husband absolutely loves to have his balls "yanked on!" Needless to say, at no time is a good manicure more crucial. Not only will he be watching your hands carefully, but more importantly, he'll be able to feel the tiniest of flaws in your fingernails.

Stroking the perineum

extremely sensitive in this area. Doing it right can provide

Secret from Lou's Archive

When handling the testicles, they should be treated like small, breakable eggs.

Use Your Free Hand

Keep your other hand moving, letting it roam around his body. Try these moves:

USE YOUR MOUTH

Ms. Hoover

How much suction should you use? Due to how our mouths are constructed we can really only suck on the first inch and a half of a man's penis. If a penis is any farther into your mouth, you have to drop your tongue to accommodate it and it is your tongue against the roof of your mouth that creates the suction. Some men have said they prefer less to more suction as the strong constant sucking tends to concentrate all the sensation in the head and doesn't allow for a buildup throughout their entire groin area. Other men love suction and can't get enough. The best way to find out his preference is to ask him to suck on your fingers with the intensity he would prefer and then suck on his fingers to see if you're close. Adjust accordingly.

Throat Kegels

This is especially effective when your lover has not yet been aroused to a fully erect state. A throat kegel is the repetitive sucking in of a semierect penis followed by a swallowing motion. What this does (aside from changing his "semi" status rather efficiently) is provide him with the sensation of having his entire penis pulled into your mouth, something that may not be possible when he's in a fully erect state. As one man said, "My wife can take me into the back of her throat when I'm fully erect, but amazingly there is ten times more sensation when I'm soft. She just sucks me in and the pressure of the swallowing . . . whooo!"

There is no question that seeing and feeling your tongue on his penis will turn him on. Use this to its maximum effectiveness. With one hand at the base of the shaft, holding it firmly in place, run your tongue up and down his penis and gently over the head, allowing him to feel both the coarser top side of your tongue where the tastebuds are located, as well as the smoother, softer underside of your tongue. You can even use your tongue as a tool and sculpt the entire length of his penis. Ladies, if he isn't already hard by the time you start on him with your tongue, trust me, chances are he will be shortly thereafter.

Tongue Magic

Just as in kissing, the tongue is a crucial part of oral sex. As my friend Bryan said, "Your tongue is always, always, always in motion." Your tongue on his penis can take him to heights of pleasure he never knew existed. Let's try something. Pretending your index and middle fingers are his penis, move them in and out of your mouth, keeping your tongue perfectly still. How does that feel to you? My guess is that it probably feels moist, warm, and pleasant, but a little ho-hum. Now try the action again, but this time move your tongue all around your fingers, keeping your tongue in constant motion as you slide your fingers in and out of your mouth. If you keep the motion going, your fingers are being touched by the top of your tongue, sometimes by the edges of your tongue, and at other times by the underside of your tongue. This creates much more stimulation on his penis and does a far better job of lubricating. Imagine how that difference would be magnified on the most sensitive part of your lover's anatomy.

Lower Tongue Magic

The same kind of "tongue magic" you perform on his penis can be done on his testicles, too. Licking a man's testicles requires some strategic positioning. Lying on a bed, you need to have your face in much the same position he'd be in to perform oral sex on you. To ease access, place a pillow under his hips so your neck won't get sore. Other men in my seminars have suggested you have your lover sit in a chair while you kneel on the floor in front of him. Some men enjoy standing with the woman on her knees in front of him. If this is a position that appeals in you, be sure to secure a pillow to rest your knees on before you begin.

The Big W

There's one move I call The Big W: starting with your tongue burrowed into the area where his leg attaches to his groin, move your tongue (like a writing instrument), in the shape of a large W, going down one side of the scrotum (the sac with his testicles inside), up between his balls, and finishing the stroke on the other side of the scrotum. Then reverse the "W" The tip of your tongue should stroke over the perineum at the middle of the W. In starting and finishing this stroke, your one cheek will have his scrotum on one side and his thigh is on the other cheek. This move has the added advantage of moistening the area with your saliva, so it's easier to take his testicles into your mouth, which is the next move, Tea Bagging.

Tea Bagging

Another mouth move that I've heard men totally enjoy is what I call Tea Bagging. Start with him lying on top and then ask him to get on all fours and crawl over you. Then scoot down beneath him, leaving a trail of kisses on his chest and tummy, then, when your mouth is beneath his groin, place your hands on his hips to guide and lower his hips, dipping his balls into your mouth. Invariably, his penis will harden and do a little bonk, bonk jig against your forehead. If you have enough space in your mouth, try to take both balls inside. But if you can't, don't worry—most women are not able to do this.

Secret from Lou's Archive

When you have one of his testicles in your mouth, use your tongue to cradle and sculpt the underside of the sac: he will love this!

Pearly Gates

Some men enjoy having a woman cradle the shaft with one hand and gently nibble up the length of the penis, as if she were , eating corn on the cob. One woman said her boyfriend asked her to nibble, bite, and pull, gently with her teeth on the skin of the frenulum (the "V" shaped zone near the head of his penis) just before he came. Initially, when he would tell her to "bite harder," she would worry, then she realized she wasn't hurting him. Another move that involves your teeth is to gently comb over the head of the penis.

Strumming the Frenulum

Here's where you use the back of your tongue, that really smooth area with the nifty ridge in the middle of it, on his frenulum. The sensation is very different from when you use the top of your tongue, or the pointy edges. To get into the proper position: