How to Beat Up Anybody (7 page)
Read How to Beat Up Anybody Online
Authors: Judah Friedlander
Training outdoors is essential because it puts you in real locations—where fights take place. It forces you to deal with constantly changing light and weather conditions. You must learn to obtain perfect body temperature so that you never get cold and don’t have to rely on clothing. Always practice in tough conditions. I do this for other sports too. I practice ping pong in tornadoes. I practice swimming on land. And I practice high-diving into a pool with no water in it.
I DON’T WEAR A JACKET. I HAVE PERFECT BODY TEMPERATURE.
Night-running in a snowstorm against traffic is good training for my footwork in slippery conditions. I dodge cars as I run, which increases the speed of my reflexes and lateral movement.
While running,
I hit a different snowflake with each punch to improve my knuckles’ radar capabilities
. My knuckles have become so smart and sensitive, they can feel the unique design of each snowflake as I punch them. If I shut my eyes and a snowflake lands on my knuckle, I can draw it perfectly with my other hand.
High knuckle sensitivity will make you a better precision puncher
.
THE AWESOMENESS OF NATURE, JUMPING IN FRONT OF THE GRAND CANYON.
THE GRAND CANYON IS 1 OF THE 10 BEST CANYONS TO TRAIN AT IN ARIZONA.
It is barren and its terrain is rugged. Even though it’s 114 degrees in the shade,
I wear a sweat suit, just to get my body accustomed to even hotter conditions
. It is one of the driest places on earth. It’s important to train at different humidity levels. I train at the Grand Canyon every day. My spaceship gets me to it from anywhere in the U.S. in under 6 minutes. It also lets me travel to other planets, where I can train under different gravity and oxygen levels, which are good for improving jumping ability and lung power.
I RUN DOWN THE CLIFF TO START MY 250-MILE WARM-UP SPRINT.
I LAND PERFECTLY AFTER JUMPING UP THE 1400-FOOT CLIFF.
Jumping up a cliff is a good quad exercise after running 250 miles at 140 mph. I did 3 sets of this workout. After the workout, I always like to sit and look at the Grand Canyon peripherally.
I LOOK AT THE GRAND CANYON PERIPHERALLY.
IT’S EXCELLENT VISION-TRAINING.
Amazing peripheral vision is what separates a good fighter from a great fighter. Strong
peripheral vision will help you track multiple attackers
. You will be able to see incoming punches that a normal person never could. To be a great fighter, you must have no blind spots. To get better at this special vision technique, do this:
Go through the whole day only looking peripherally
. Duct tape your entire face and head. But leave tiny openings by the outer corners of your eyes. Do this every day for 6 months and your peripheral vision will improve greatly.
After staring at the Grand Canyon peripherally for a few hours, I got hungry. I left my spot and went looking for lunch. A mile away I found a 30-foot-long dead python. So, I ate it.
Then I caught 2 rattlesnakes and ate them alive for dessert
. They’re delicious. It’s impossible to just eat one.
After I swallow a rattlesnake, it stings itself to death so it won’t have to suffer the pain that my stomach acids would inflict on it
.
Now that I was feeling more nourished, I decided to go back to where I was sitting and continue my peripheral vision training. When I returned to my spot, it had been taken over by dangerous half-alien/half-human creatures. But I was prepared, because I saw them coming . . . peripherally.
THESE 2-LEGGED CARNIVOROUS CREATURES ATTACK IN GROUPS OF 3.
AND ARE ALWAYS ITCHY.
These creatures are not human. They are not alien.
They are both
. They are sexy, self-reproducing females and are native to the Grand Canyon. And have been haunting it for years.
These mysterious creatures remove their facial features so that they cannot be tracked by the Grand Canyon Police Department. And the FBI, CIA, military, and undercover KGB agents cannot help out
because the Grand Canyon is out of their jurisdiction
. But they pose no threat to me because I am too powerful and
I saw them coming peripherally
. I immediately get right in the middle of them.
I LEVITATE TO GET THE HEIGHT ADVANTAGE.
