How to Get Ahead in Television

Sophie Cousens has worked in television for twelve years. She attributes surviving this long to always knowing where the Post-it notes are kept, and her ability to carry six coffee cups at once. This is her first novel.

To Rids,
my first reader and my fabulous friend,
and Tim,
my amazing husband
(who helped with the grammar…
)

Contents

Step 1 – Write to Everyone, and I Mean Everyone

Step 2 – Learn to Deal with Rejection

Step 3 – Seize Every Opportunity, However Small

Step 4 – Dress for the Job You Want

Step 5 – Always Be Professional

Step 6 – Don't be Afraid of Some Healthy Competition

Step 7 – Get in Early (or at Least Earlier than Everyone Else)

Step 8 – Become Computer Literate Asap

Step 9 – Volunteer Enthusiastically

Step 10 – Remind Yourself Why You are Doing This

Step 11 – Say Yes to Everything

Step 11* (Amended)– Say Yes to Everything, Except Things You Really Can't Do

Step 12 – Never, Ever Cry

Step 13 – If Nothing Else, at Least Get People's Coffee Right

Step 14 – Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong (Especially if There is a Camera Pointed at it)

Step 15 – Never Work With Animals or Children

Step 16 – Be Nice to The People Below You, They Might Be Above You One Day

Step 17 – Congratulate Your Colleagues When They Do a Good Job

Step 18 – It's Important to Get Out of the Office

Step 19 – Don't Log-in, Read or Reply to Work Emails After 10 P.M. (or Five Glasses of Wine)

Step 20 – Be Ready to Improvise

Step 21 – Offer to Do More Than Is Expected on Every Assignment

Step 22 – You Will Never Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression

Step 23 – Try to Keep Your Work Life and Your Home Life Separate

Step 24 – Ideas, Ideas, Ideas

Step 25 – Have a Financial Contingency Plan – TV Wages Can Be Tough to Live On

Step 26 – It's Good to Get Experience Both in Front of and Behind the Camera

Step 27 – Always Have Your Wits About You

Step 28 – Be Prepared for Everything to Go to Shit

Step 29 – Find a Mentor Who is Willing to Help Your Career Grow

Step 30 – Treat Your Colleagues with Respect

Step 31 – Don't Be Afraid to Take Some Initiative

Step 32 – Ask Friends for Support in Pursuing Your Career Goals

Step 33 – Familiarize Yourself with the Stationery Cupboard

Step 34 – If You Have a Media Degree, Don't Assume You Know it All

Step 35 – Cultivate Good Relationships with the People in Your Organization

Step 36 – Always Carry An Emergency Phone Charger

Step 37 – The Talent is Always Right

Step 38 – Respect Those with More Experience Than You

Step 39 – If in Doubt, Get a Second Opinion

Step 40 – It's Tough to Get Your First Format Commissioned, Don't Expect to Run Before You Can Walk

Step 41 – Technology is Your Friend – Keep Abreast of the Latest Updates

Step 42 – Freelancing Can Be Hard – Line Up Your Next Job Before the Current One Finishes

Step 43 – You Will Often Have to Refer Back to Step 1 – Write to Everyone… Again

Step 44 – Stay Positive – Your Next Opportunity Could be Just Around the Corner

Step 45 – When You Come to Work, Leave Vanity at the Door

Step 46 – Whatever Lowly or Demeaning Job You are Asked to Do, Carry it Out to the Best of Your Ability

Step 47 – Don't Be Afraid to Accept Help

Step 48 – Be Prepared to Accept Feedback

Step 49 – Never Hold a Grudge, TV is a Small World and You'll Have to Work with People Again

Step 50 – All That's Left to Say is Good Luck, You'll Need It!

Acknowledgements

Questions for Sophie Cousens about How to Get Ahead in Television

STEP 1 – WRITE TO EVERYONE, AND I MEAN EVERYONE

(
date
)

Dear (
someone who works at a TV company
)

I am a hardworking, enthusiastic individual, and feel I could contribute a great deal to (
insert name of TV company
). I have been an avid follower of (
some programme this TV company make
) for many years now, and would love the chance to join such a winning team! (
Find out something they make, and insert witty and relevant comment about how much I appreciate their genius
.)

I am available to help in
any
capacity, and would relish the opportunity to exhibit my flair and enthusiasm in person.

I enclose my CV.

Yours expectantly

Poppy Penfold

‘P
OPPY, DEAR
,' my mum's voice rang up the stairs, ‘I've been talking to Lorraine next door. You know her son Ian works at Lloyds?'

‘Oh yes,' I called down from my bedroom.

Even though I barely knew the man, Lorraine's-son-Ian-who-works-at-Lloyds dispensed a ridiculous amount of advice to me via my mother. Last week it was something about my
student loan repayments. I was watching
Cash in the Attic
at the time, so wasn't sure if the advice was to increase or decrease my repayments for optimal financial efficiency.

‘Anyway,' my mother went on, ‘Lorraine was telling me that Ian says it's dreadfully difficult to get into television.'

Ah, the old ‘why do you want to work in TV?' debate – I should have guessed.

‘Oh yes?' I shouted again.

‘Very tricky career. No security, apparently, very little chance of a decent pension scheme…'

I could tell this wasn't going to be a conversation where I could get away with intermittently shouting ‘Oh yes?' in Mum's general direction.

I put down the book I was reading,
How to Get a Job You Love
, and looked up at the hand-made motivational wall chart I'd placed above my bed. At the top it said: ‘Poppy's Steps Towards Becoming A Proper Grown-Up', then beneath was a list:

This was as far as I'd got. Numbers seven to ten lay blank. I'd started the summer with such enthusiasm, but after two months of job-hunting, my eagerness about the world that awaited post-university was beginning to wane.

‘Poppy, you hear what I said about the pensions?' my mother called again.

I plodded downstairs to the kitchen.

Mum was putting the finishing touches to one of her famous Bombe Alaskas.

‘Ah, there you are, dear. Did you hear what I said about the pensions?'

‘Yes, Mum, but I haven't even got my first job yet, so I'm not sure pensions are my biggest priority.'

‘Well, it's not only the financial insecurity. Ian said his main concern about TV is the amount of “media types”.'

‘Well, TV is a media, Mum, so I'm not surprised it's full of “media types”.'

‘Yes, but you know,
meeeedia
types,' Mum hissed, raising a concerned eyebrow.

‘What does that even mean?' I asked, loosening the dog's lead. She'd been tied to the radiator and couldn't reach her water bowl.

‘Drugs,'
said Mum in a dramatic stage whisper.

This was an argument I hadn't heard before. We'd been through the ‘But it's not putting your history degree to good use, Poppy' from my father; but ‘drugs' was an entirely new approach.

‘Lorraine-next-door's-son-Ian really said that everyone in TV is on drugs, did he?' I asked sceptically.

‘Not exactly, dear, but you know it's full of those types of people. Boys wearing jeans designed for girls, girls with pink hair; “Hopsters” I think the
Telegraph
called them.'

‘I think you mean hipsters.'

I could see my mother's mind connecting the dots. First I'd dye my hair pink, then date a guy who wore skinny jeans and had a bushy beard, and by this time next year I'd be a crack whore living under Hoxton Arches.

‘You really don't want to apply for a job at Lloyds? I'm sure they could get past the fact that you don't have maths?'

‘No, Mum, I don't want to be a banker, thank you. I want to work in TV.'

‘Well, it sounds like an awfully precarious career, and you
don't seem to be finding it easy, dear. How many applications have you sent off already?'

‘Well, you can't really “apply” for a job, Mum. You just have to send off emails asking companies if they need a runner or something and try to get your foot in the door.'

‘Seems a strange way to run a business, doesn't it?' said Mum, slapping my hand away from the bowl of raw meringue.

‘Yes, well, I don't make the rules,' I said, picking up my coat and untying the dog.

The only escape from my parents' house in rural Dorset was taking the dog for a walk. As I pulled on my jacket, Maddy wasn't looking too enthusiastic. When I'd first come home from university and started using her as an escape tool she'd been more than willing, but lately she'd become more reluctant. It might have something to do with the fact that I usually walked her to the top of the closest hill to get mobile reception, then left her to her own devices as I chatted to my friends. She'd cottoned on to my strategy and no longer deemed such walks worth leaving the sofa for.

‘Well, just promise your father and me that you'll think about what else you might do, you know, if you don't hear from the hopsters soon?' said Mum, admiring her towering creation of cake and meringue.

‘That's not going to fit in the Aga, Mum,' me pointed out, ‘it's too tall.'

‘Oh dash it, it is!' said Mum, accidentally smearing a large blob of meringue into her greying blonde hair as she wiped her head in frustration.

‘Come on, Maddy,' I said, tugging her lead gently. ‘You can give me some career advice while we're out.'