How to Handle a Cowboy (18 page)

It wasn't right. He knew he could create the right environment for a child. Along with his brothers, he
owned
the right environment. Decker Ranch had been paradise to all three of them, and no state home could ever match it—no matter how many Sierras there were out there.

Not that there were very many. He'd never had a housemother or even a counselor who seemed to care as much as Sierra did. Maybe he'd been right when he'd said they should reconsider the relationship. She was a great group-home manager. Wouldn't she be an even better mother in a real family?

She was just what he needed.

Ridge couldn't help watching Sierra as the flickering candle lit those sparkling green eyes. It certainly wouldn't be any hardship to make those eyes shine every night and wake up to them every morning.

“Quit looking at me like that,” she said.

“Like how?”

“Like you're thinking you might use me to get what you want.”

“That's not what I was thinking.”

Not exactly, anyway. Well, maybe, sort of.

Actually, she'd hit the nail right on the head. But it wouldn't be using her if he genuinely cared about her, would it?

He did his best to shut out Shelley's voice, echoing from the past. She'd pointed out that there was something missing in his emotional makeup, probably because, in her words, he had “abandonment issues.” She'd claimed he was afraid of being hurt again, so he never allowed himself to love anyone fully.

He'd had to admit that he hadn't loved Shelley in the unreserved, all-out way some of his friends loved their wives or girlfriends. He knew guys who'd quit rodeo for the women they loved. He'd had to admit to Shelley that he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't give up the job that was the core of his identity just to make her happy. He didn't think he should have to, but that seemed to be the test a man had to pass. And he couldn't see himself ever passing it. Not willingly.

As if on cue, a sharp pain shot from his shoulder to his hand, reminding him that he'd had to give up his lifelong passion anyway. So he'd lost the girl
and
the job.

He missed the job. He knew he should miss Shelley too, but all he'd felt was relief when she'd left. He knew she'd deserved better, but even when he reached deep into himself and squeezed everything he had out of his heart, he hadn't been able to give her more.

He realized he was staring at Sierra as all these thoughts swirled through his mind. Some girls would have smiled. Some would have fixed their makeup.

Sierra crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue, cocking her head to do an uncanny imitation of Sluefoot.

He laughed, and she joined in, launching into a case of the giggles that had everybody in the Red Dawg craning their necks to see what was so funny.

And for some reason, that did it, sure as if she'd flipped a switch. He remembered how Bill and Irene had laughed together, sharing secret jokes nobody else knew. He wanted that, and he knew, in this moment, that he could have it with Sierra. He could actually fall in love with this girl.

Maybe he already had.

For now, they could work together. She could help him figure out what the ranch needed. Meanwhile, he'd do his best to make her see him in a new light, and he'd try to open up his heart a little more.

It would be a stealth courtship. If he succeeded, she wouldn't even know what had hit her.

Shane would laugh at that idea. Subtlety had never been Ridge's strong suit, but hey, a man could learn, right? Especially if the prize was big enough.

“Tell you what,” he said. “I'm going to try, anyway, and see what happens. It can't hurt to fix up the ranch, right? I need something to do anyway. And maybe, somewhere along the way, I'll find a woman who can make it work.”

She shrugged one shoulder in a move so casual it had to be faked. “Maybe.”

Chrissie arrived, triumphantly bearing a Coke and a glass of water. With a proud flourish, she placed the Coke in front of Ridge and gave Sierra the water.

“How's
that
?” she asked.

“Perfect.”

They traded drinks as soon as the waitress turned her back, and then they were laughing again, softer this time, their eyes meeting as they shared their secret joke.

He'd have to get to work on that list when he got home, add some detail.
Bring
the
house
up
to
code
would be the first addition. And the next would be
Find
wife.
Or, maybe, given his shortcomings,
find
partner.
Surely there was someone who wanted a family, like he did, but had the same kind of difficulty giving her whole heart. And maybe, just maybe, that person was sitting right in front of him.

He remembered what she'd said after they made love.
I
might
not
ever
get
married.
The
boys
are
all
the
family
I
need.

Maybe she'd been lying, trying to play it cool, but he didn't think Sierra was that manipulative. She wouldn't have said those things if she hadn't meant them.

He was tempted to remind her, to argue that they both wanted the same things and should be together, but then he remembered what kind of courtship this was.

Stealth.

“So. What do I need to do to the house?” he asked.

The smile dimmed. “You realize you could do all this work and not succeed, right?”

“No. You work hard enough, you get what you want.”

She laughed like he'd made a joke then sobered. “You really believe that, don't you?”

“It's worked for me so far. It'll work with this.”

“Okay. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why do you want this so much?”

He thought a moment, about what he felt and also what she'd want to hear. He decided she'd want to hear the truth.

“I want to give back. I want to do for someone else what Bill did for me. He showed me you can change someone's life just by giving them a chance.”

“Okay.” Apparently, he'd passed some test. “I'll get you the requirements for the renovation.” She suddenly stilled. “The
renovation.
Oh my gosh.” She practically bounced in her chair with excitement. “Sure. You should definitely do it.”

“Great.” He made a triumphant
X
on his mental to-do list. His foot was in the stirrup; now all he had to do was swing into the saddle and take the reins.

“It's really good that you want to give someone a chance, change lives,” she said. “I've got a really good place for you to start.”

Uh-oh. He had a feeling he'd overplayed his hand. “Like what?”

“Riley's working on a certificate in home renovation. She just needs to do one project—a whole-house project, with things like electrical, plumbing, all that kind of thing.”

Shoot. He didn't want Riley fixing his house. But how could he say no?

“She needs a place to stay too, so it's perfect.”

Perfect? Hardly.

Before he could speak, Sierra read his expression. She held up her hands to stop his protest. “Just give her a chance for a day or two. See if it'll work out.” She looked down at the table and fussily brushed some crumbs into her hand, dumping them in her napkin. “She's a good person. You'll see. Somebody helped you, remember?”

“I was a kid. Why are you so hell-bent on helping a grown woman?”

“I owe her,” Sierra said. “Trust me, I owe her way beyond anything I owe anyone. If you can't let her stay a couple days, I'll have to take some kind of leave until I get her situated. And then they'd have to send someone else to take care of the boys.” She folded the napkin neatly and began wiping the table. “I could even get fired. I'll definitely have to break into my savings. I see Riley as family, but I doubt they'll give me family leave to take care of her.”

He sighed. There was something about Riley that reminded him of his mother. She'd been the same kind of helpless waif, relying on a series of men to take care of her. When that didn't work out, she'd relied on drugs instead, and eventually she'd lost custody of Ridge and his brother. Ridge had landed on his feet, but he didn't know what had happened to his older brother. Last he knew, Tell had disappeared without a trace into the same underworld that had claimed his mom.

His mother had taken away something more than his brother when she'd given up her parental rights. She'd robbed him of a confidence in the rightness of the world that other people took for granted. It wasn't fair to people like Riley, but she'd left him with a distaste for weakness. The feeling was so ingrained, he couldn't get past it.

“Don't think of it as helping Riley,” Sierra said. “Think of it as helping the boys, and working toward your goal. Really, she's great at this renovation stuff.” She reached across the table and set her hand on his arm. The touch fired up a whole bunch of neurons, which carried their message straight to his brain and dizzied it into submission. That was the only possible explanation for what he said next.

“It's just on a trial basis, right? For a couple of days.”

Sierra beamed. “Right.”

He nodded reluctantly then felt his reluctance lift as a thought struck him.

“Okay. But you're right about the ranch. It's in pretty bad shape.” He tried to look regretful, but he'd never been much of an actor and he suspected it came off more like indigestion. “I don't know where to put her. Why don't you come out and take a look? You can see if it'll be okay for her.”

“I'm sure it's fine.”

“I don't know. I'd feel better if you took a look.” He couldn't believe it. He was begging, really begging, a woman to come home with him. Maybe he'd lost his touch.

He'd tossed out his credit card as soon as the check came, but Sierra snatched it and ran her finger down the columns. She flipped through her wallet and laid out half, plus a couple bills for the tip. “We can look at the house when I drop her off.” Her eyes widened. “Oh. I need to be home to let Riley in.”

Riley, always Riley. Although Riley was doing the right thing tonight, trying to figure out more about this Mitch character. She'd showed some spine there, at least.

Sierra's phone suddenly blasted out the electric whine of rock guitars—Led Zeppelin, Ridge thought. Heads turned as she fumbled through her purse. When she finally found the poor smashed thing, she bobbled it and nearly dropped it out of sheer nervousness before she managed to answer.

“Riley?”

Oh, great. He sat back, wondering if he should try to get Chrissie's attention and get another drink. Something stronger this time.

Sierra gestured an apology and mumbled into the phone for a while. Finally, she shut it off.

“What's up with Riley?” he asked.

“She's spending the night in town.” Sierra shoved the phone into her purse and zipped the bag shut as if she could zip Riley and all her problems inside with it. “She said she's too tired to pack all her stuff, but it sounded like she was at a party.”

“Where did she say she was?”

“At a friend's apartment. But I'm not sure I like the friend.”

“Why?”

“I could swear I heard Mitch's voice.”

He put on his best poker face. “You don't think she'd go anywhere near him now, though, do you?”

“Not after I told her he lied about knowing me.”

“It was probably someone else.”

“Probably.” But Sierra looked troubled, glancing down at her purse.

“Look, why don't you come over? We can do something positive for Riley by making sure I have a place for her.”

“Ridge, I'm sure you have something. She's hardly picky.”

He shook his head sadly, hoping he looked helpless. “It's pretty bad. I mean, the three of us have been batching it for a long time now, and Bill before that.”

“What about Irene?”

“She passed away a few years after we boys moved in. There hasn't been a woman in the house for years.”

Unless you counted the girls Brady brought home. But they weren't likely to clean anything or add a woman's touch to anything but Brady himself. He supposed you could count Shelley too, but she'd only been to the ranch a couple times. She liked neatness and order, fancy meals by candlelight, and expensive sheets and towels. The couple times she'd come to the ranch, she'd seemed a little taken aback by the roughness of his lifestyle.

Sierra, on the other hand, seemed to like the ranch. She'd been a little shocked by Sluefoot, but the natural way she talked to the dogs told him she'd be as good with animals as she was with kids once she got used to them. And when they'd walked into the bedroom, and she'd seen Irene's lace curtains and flowered wallpaper, he'd seen a look in her eyes that said
home
. It had scared him a little that night, but now he'd changed his mind. He wanted to see that look again.

Because another thing he'd discovered since coming back to the ranch was that it felt like home to him too. The steady work, the animals, the sense of being home—he'd been surprised to discover he didn't mind waking up to the same sunrise every morning one bit.

The question was, could he wake up to the same woman?

He looked over at Sierra, who was fishing an extra dollar out of her wallet.

“You paid your share,” he said.

“This is a little extra for Chrissie.” She flushed. “I know she screwed up a little, but this is a big job for a high school kid. And she did the best she could.”

Yes. He could wake up to this.

He reached across the table and took her hand in his.