How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (64 page)

Prayer of Salvation

God,

I want a real relationship with You.

I admit that many times I’ve chosen to go my own way instead of Your way. Please forgive me for my sins.

Jesus, thank You for dying on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins.

Come into my life to be my Lord and my Savior. Show me my true value in Your eyes. Through Your love and Your power, make me the person You created me to be.

In Your holy name I pray. Amen.

If you sincerely prayed this prayer, you can know that you are forever a member of God’s family…forever loved and forever accepted by Him!

“To all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God”

(J
OHN
1:12).

By the world’s standards, Dorie had every right to hate her mother and harbor feelings of bitter unforgiveness. When her mother was charged with child neglect, Dorie had to appear in court. The judge asked her mother if Dorie was her child. After an agonizingly long pause, she answered, “Yes… but I’d have gotten rid of her before she was born if I could have!”

The judge ordered Dorie and her sister permanently taken from their mother, and as they left the courtroom, her mother muttered to Dorie, “If I
ever see you again, I’ll kill you!” Dorie later said that her mother’s rejection was total and final and all hope of changing that was quenched.
Am I that awful?
she asked herself. Walking home alone, Dorie prayed aloud that God would help her to understand why her mother had abandoned her…and she prayed that she wouldn’t hate her mother.

Dorie said, “In that moment God let me forgive her…I felt sorry for her. I had no hatred…That day God performed a healing work in my life and prevented a permanent scar.” Dorie was able to

“get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice”

(E
PHESIANS
4:31).

Do you struggle with a sense of low self-worth today because of poor parenting from your past? Are you floundering now because you had faulty authority figures? If so, leave behind those feelings of worthlessness, and experience your worth—the worth you have in the eyes of your heavenly Father. He wants you to…

admit the past truth,

address the present truth,

appropriate God’s truth.

“Show me your ways, O L
ORD
, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long”

(P
SALM
25:4-5).

Don’t Let the Past Determine Your Present Worth

Identify the parenting style under which you were raised, then take the three appropriate steps to getting rid of your feelings of worthlessness.

Overly critical parents/authority figures

—Admit the past truth:
“My parents were impossible to please.”

—Address the present truth:
“My worth is not based on pleasing people.”

—Appropriate God’s truth:
“I am fully accepted by God.”

“God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us”

(A
CTS
15:8).

Overly protective parents/authority figures

—Admit the past truth:
“I was smothered by my parents.”

—Address the present truth:
“My worth is not based on my ability to protect myself.”

—Appropriate God’s truth:
“The Lord is my help in times of trouble.”

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble”

(P
SALM
46:1).

Overly controlling parents/authority figures

—Admit the past truth:
“I was not allowed to make my own decisions.”

—Address the present truth:
“My worth is not based on my decision making.”

—Appropriate God’s truth:
“The Lord is my guide.”

“God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end”

(P
SALM
48:14).

Overly permissive parents/authority figures

—
Admit the past truth:
“My parents did not set firm boundaries for me.”

—Address the present truth:
“My worth is not based on my ability to set boundaries in my life.”

—Appropriate God’s truth:
“The Lord has established my boundaries.”

“You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me”

(P
SALM
139:5).

Forgive? Did God really expect Dorie to forgive all who mercilessly used and abused her, who treated her worse than a rabid animal, who withheld from her all the longings of her heart? Such a thing would be humanly impossible. Why would she even
want
to forgive the evil done to her? How
could
she ever forgive it? And why
should
she forgive it?

People with a sense of low self-worth often struggle to get past the circumstances that were the breeding grounds for their low self-esteem. However, Dorie knew that in order to put the pieces of her broken life back together, it was necessary for her to forgive those who had grievously wronged her. The Bible says,

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”

(C
OLOSSIANS
3:13).

Because the issue of forgiveness is such a stumbling block to so many people, let’s make sure we understand what it is and isn’t:

Forgiveness is not…

—circumventing God’s justice. God will execute His justice in His time and in His way.

—letting the guilty off the hook. It is moving them from your emotional hook onto God’s hook.

—excusing sinful behavior. God says the offense is without excuse.

—stuffing your anger. It is resolving your anger by releasing it to God.

—being a doormat. It is being like Christ, and He is certainly not a doormat!

—forgetting. It is essential to remember in order to forgive.

—a feeling. It is an act of the will.

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised”

(H
EBREWS
10:36).

Forgiveness is…

—dismissing a debt owed to you. It is releasing the offender from the obligation to repay you.

—giving up the option of holding on to the offense. It is giving the offense to God.

—possible without reconciliation. It requires the action of only one person.

—extended even if it is never requested or earned. It is in no way dependent on any action by the offender.

—extending mercy. It is not giving the offender what is deserved.

—setting the offender free from you. It is to also set you free from the offender and free from bondage to bitterness.

—changing your thinking about the offender. It is seeing the offender as someone in need of forgiveness, just as you are in need of forgiveness.

“The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him”

(D
ANIEL
9:9).

Make a list of the people you need to forgive

—Write down all offenses committed by each person.

—In prayer, one by one, release each offense to God.

—Take each offense off of your emotional hook and put it onto God’s hook.

—Then take the offender off of your emotional hook and put that person onto God’s hook.

A Prayer of Forgiveness

Lord Jesus,

Thank You for caring about how much I have been hurt.

You know the pain I have felt because of (
list each offense
).

Right now I release all that pain into Your hands.

Thank You, Lord, for dying on the cross for me and extending Your forgiveness to me. As an act of my will,

I choose to forgive (
name
).

Right now, I take (
name
) off of my emotional hook, and I place (
name
) on Your hook.

I refuse all thoughts of revenge.

I trust that in Your time and Your way, You will deal with (
name
) as You see fit. And Lord, thank You for giving me Your power to forgive so that I can be set free.

In Your precious name I pray. Amen.

Question:
“How do I sustain a forgiving spirit?”

Answer:
Most often, forgiveness is not an instantaneous, onetime event. You may need to repeatedly make a conscious choice to demonstrate forgiveness in your fight against bitterness. This is just part of the process of forgiveness. But your willingness to confront your hurts and face your wounds will be worth the emotional bruises you will likely experience. As you release each recurring thought of revenge for an offense, eventually the thoughts will diminish and disappear altogether.

Through the years, Dorie has been asked one question repeatedly: “Aren’t you bitter toward your mother?” And Dorie’s consistent reply?