How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (8 page)

(R
OMANS
5:8).

— What is the solution to being separated from God? Belief in Jesus Christ is the only way to God the Father.

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’”

(J
OHN
14:6).

4. Y
OUR
P
ART
…I
S
S
URRENDER

— Place your faith in (rely on) Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior and reject your good works as a means of gaining God’s approval.

“It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast”

(E
PHESIANS
2:8-9).

— Give Christ control of your life, entrusting yourself to Him.

“Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?’”

(M
ATTHEW
16:24-26).

If you desire to be fully forgiven by God—and to experience a changed mind, a changed heart, and a changed life—you can ask Jesus Christ to come into your life right now and give you His forgiveness, His peace, and His power.

Prayer of Salvation

God,

I admit I have had a misplaced anger toward You.

I’ve sinned by elevating myself,

hanging on to “my rights.”

Now I repent and yield my rights to You.

Jesus, thank You for dying on the cross

for my sins to take the punishment

I should have taken.

I’m asking You now to come into my life

to be my Lord and Savior and to forgive

me of all of my sins.

I give You control of my life.

Make me the person You created me to be.

Thank You for Your mercy and Your grace.

In Your holy name I pray. Amen.

If you sincerely prayed this prayer, then the following promise from God applies to you:

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness”

(2 P
ETER
1:3).

Unresolved anger is a bed of hidden coals burning deep wounds into your relationship with God and with others. This powerful emotion robs your heart of peace and steals contentment from your spirit.

“When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you”

(P
SALM
73:21-22).

•
Willingly admit that you have unresolved anger.

•
Ask God to reveal any buried anger in your heart.

•
Seek to determine the primary reason(s) for your past anger.

•
Talk out your anger with God and with a friend or counselor.

“I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin”

(P
SALM
38:18).

•
Did you feel
hurt
(rejected, betrayed, unloved, ignored)?

•
Did you experience
injustice
(cheated, wronged, maligned, attacked)?

•
Did you feel
fearful
(threatened, insecure, out of control, powerless)?

•
Did you feel
frustrated
(inadequate, inferior, hindered, controlled)?

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”

(P
SALM
139:23-24).

•
Confess that harboring anger in your heart is sin.

•
Give your desire for revenge to God.

•
Refuse to hold on to your past hurts—instead, release them to God.

•
Pray for God to work in the life of your offender and to change your heart toward that person.

•
Release the one who hurt you into the hands of God—forgive as God forgave you.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”

(C
OLOSSIANS
3:13).

•
Thank God for the ways He will use this trial in your life.

•
Know God can use your resolved past anger for your good and for the good of those around you.

•
Praise God for His commitment to use all the circumstances in your life to develop Christ’s character within you, making you strong, firm, and steadfast.

“The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast”

(1 P
ETER
5:10).

At times reconciliation is not appropriate (after adultery or with an unrepentant abuser) or not possible (after a death). But when it
is
appropriate to restore the relationship you must always confess your sin of harboring anger.

•
Realize when someone sins against you and you hold on to anger and refuse to be reconciled to the person, you are sinning against both God and that individual.

•
Confess the anger in your heart to God and ask the person to forgive you for refusing to be reconciled.

•
Write out the confession first to get the wording correct: “I realize I’ve been wrong in holding on to my anger against you and refusing to allow God to restore our relationship. I’m deeply sorry. Will you forgive me?”

•
Be sure the encounter is free of anger and accusatory statements.

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment… Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift”

(M
ATTHEW
5:21-24).

Meditate on and memorize Scripture passages affirming God’s love for you:

•
Read from the psalms daily for one month (if you read five psalms a day, you will go through the entire book of Psalms— 150 chapters—in one month).

•
Rest in the acceptance of God, not in the acceptance of others.

•
Rely on the Lord to meet your inner needs for love, significance, and security.

“He made known his ways to Moses”

(P
SALM
103:7).

Actively seek to reflect the love of God toward the person who hurt you. Pray in your heart…

•
“Lord, help me to submit to Your control.”

•
“Lord, I want Your mind to direct my mind.”

•
“Lord, reflect Your attitudes in my actions.”

•
“Lord, guide my words to express Your love.”

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another”

(J
OHN
13:34-35).

Many of us assume once we reach adulthood, our pain from childhood will disappear and no longer affect us. But this disappearing act does not happen unless we identify our past pains from childhood and resolve them. While we are not the sum of our experiences, we are shaped by our
responses
to our experiences.

God does not want us to store up the bad things that happened to us by stockpiling our anger. Rather, He wants us to be like a storehouse where we get rid of the bad fruit and store up the good fruit.

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him”

(M
ATTHEW
12:35).

The next time anger wells up in your heart, ask yourself…

•
“Am I feeling
hurt?
”

Example: My ideas have not been accepted.

•
“Did I frequently have these same feelings when I was a
child?
”

Example: When my father was not proud of me because I wasn’t a good athlete, I felt
hurt.

•
“How did I
feel
when my father made it known that instead of wanting me, he wanted an athletic son?”