How to Make Her LET GO & GIVE IN: The No-Bullshit Guide to Great Sex (9 page)

Being touched by her lover strengthens the connection she feels towards you due to many reasons:

1. Your warm and friendly touch makes her release
   oxytocin
   in her brain. This is a hormone that alters the mind. It makes her feel good and triggers her instincts to bond with her lover.
   
2. At the same time your touch helps her to lower her levels of
   cortisol,
   which are hormones that cause stress. It will make her feel more relaxed around you and see you as the guy that makes her feel good by relieving her stress.
   
3. She releases
   endorphins
   to reduce her anxiety, which then brings her into a more relaxed state of mind.
   
4. Dopamine
   and
   noradrenaline
   are also released; giving her a pleasant rush at the same time because they intensify an experience.
   
5. She will also feel more comfortable because she instinctively picks up that you are feeling comfortable with touching her. This shows her that you are not afraid of physical contact and instinctively tells her that you have sexual confidence.
   

All of the benefits above give her trust. They will help her to trust you in a way in which you can turn a rational, non-physical situation into an emotional, physical one. It also builds up her feelings of lust in a slow and comfortable manner.

You should also remember to touch her without the goal to have sex. In general women have a bigger need for physical affection than men. So if you want a happy girl around, make sure you give her some physical affection from time to time.

The reason why she needs a lot of physical affection is because she releases more of these chemicals than you when being touched right.

Therefore, your focus when being touched is more sexually oriented, while her focus lies on the feel-good, stress-free and bonding elements of being around you. This difference in release of chemicals is not something that occurs only during this step, in fact there are differences during the entire experience.

How to Touch Her

There is a big difference between a girl you’ve just met and a girl with whom you already have a powerful sexual connection. The biggest difference is that a new girl is not yet accustomed to your touch, while a girl you already know well is comfortable with your physical contact. Either way, she loves being touched by her lover.

But before going any further, I need you to realize that touching a woman in any random way, may not be what she likes. Whatever happens, always respect her physical boundaries. You don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable around you. This will lower her level of trust and will be bad for the experience or the relationship.

To be sure that she feels comfortable, start by using some of the following examples of ways to casually touch her before moving on to the more intimate examples.

Casual Touch

This type is the safest, most acceptable way of touching her. Giving her a hug, handshake or kiss when she’s still entirely rational is a good way to start. Once the flirtatious conversation starts, you can continue with the following examples:

1. When walking through a door, gently place your hand on her lower back to guide her to the right place. This is a good way to show dominance in a very subtle way. With the help of your guidance her unconscious mind will feel more secure.
   
2. While having a flirtatious conversation, you can touch her on her shoulder or forearm to provide emphasis on what it is that you are saying.
   
3. Just a very short and light touch here and there works like magic. If she’s into you, she will not react in a visible way to these touches because she feels comfortable with your touch. Her conscious mind might not even register your touch, as she is too busy having fun with you.
   
4. Touching her accessories while complimenting them is a great way to create that spark. You can take her hand and ask her where she got that beautiful ring from, place your hand on her hair to tell her how cute that ribbon is, touch her ear to ask about her earrings, etc. By showing an interest in her accessories, she feels validated by you as a person and it is a great way for her to share the story behind it. This enhances her level of trust because it shows that you want to get to know her better as a person.
   
5. If she has tattoos, ask her about them and ask to be shown them. It’s a good way for you to inspect the 'goodies' that are covered up in clothes, and to touch a private part of her body. This will benefit you when you want to heighten those physical elements of intimacy. It’s also good because you are offering her the chance to share something personal about herself, which enhances the level of trust she returns in you.
   

Intimate Touch

Once she makes the shift from rationality to emotions, you can continue with making it more intimate. Remember that the goal here is to create sexual tension, so make sure you don’t get stuck in the previous phase because you’re afraid to show your true intentions. Go for it and be that guy that's aggressive in a masculine, yet not over-bearing way. Generally, women like men to chase and make the first move, which means it's up to you to make the magic happen. Here are a few ways to do it:

1. Softly caressing her back with your hands is a great kick-starter in making that transition a little bit more intimate. In this phase of initial arousal, don’t see this as a sexual act. Just so you keep it in mind, caressing her back will not necessarily lead to caressing her ass, stomach and boobs in a direct way.
   
2. Holding her hand is a classic move many guys try to make. A good way to do this is by using the ‘bumping technique’. This means your hand 'accidentally' bumps against hers. Start off with a slight brush while walking or making gestures with your hands while talking. If she isn’t reacting or doesn’t seem startled, casually slip your hand into hers while the conversation is still ongoing.
   
3. While sitting close together, people who feel comfortable around each other have prolonged physical contact without mentally being aware of it. Arms, legs or feet which touch each other create a greater intimacy. This means you can consciously place your arm or leg against hers to spark up her sexual tension. If she doesn’t retract, it means she feels comfortable around you.
   

2.3
Your Body Language

Body language is a very important part of communication. While creating the initial spark, your body language can make or break the needed sexual tension. When you don't display the proper posture, you'll send all of the wrong signals, so we'll consider the following things:

Overview

1. Dominant but Caring

If you come across as lacking in being self-possessing or in willpower, she will not feel your dominance and therefore will not develop lustful emotions. But if you are
too
intense, she will not have the feeling of a nice, flirtatious conversation, instead it may push her away because she doesn’t feel trust or comfort in you. You need to display a dominant
and
caring nature at the same time.

2. Eye Contact

A very important part of your body language includes the way you use and move your eyes. They can really make a deeper connection while flirting and during the entire sexual experience.

Dominant but Caring

A dominant body language makes it clear that you are leading the show. It shows her that if she wants to be a part of it, she has to work for it. But don’t let her work too hard because her emotions will tell her that you aren't emotionally open for her. Also, make sure you show her your caring side to make her feel more connected.

Dominance Gives Her a Challenge

You need to be able to physically fill up the space around you because this demonstrates your dominance. When it seems that you are ‘owning’ a big territory, a woman will pick this up unconsciously. You can usually do this by standing up straight with your head up high. While sitting, you can do this by leaning back and at the same time positioning your arms and legs apart. Just think you are sitting on a throne, or standing up proud and in total control over both yourself and your surrounding environment.

This also means that your movements have to be deliberate and controlled. They have to have a purpose. Fidgeting with your hands, nervously rocking your body back and forth and twitches in your face do not have a purpose. These are indicators of being self-conscious, awkward or uncomfortable.

Ensure that you always take deep, inward breaths to help you seem controlled and in charge of yourself. Even as you hold yourself up as a royalty or in a king-like demeanour, you can achieve this in a casual manner that doesn't seem puffed-up or proud. It's just a case of being as dignified as possible.

Your tone and pace of voice are also very important. Don’t be afraid of speaking with a clear voice and don’t talk with less volume, simply because the people sitting two tables further may hear you talk. If you have a deep voice, this is an advantage because it carries more authority. A good piece of advice is to always breathe through your belly when you speak, as this makes your voice stronger and more resonant.

Your pace of voice has to be slow. Not slow in the way that it takes you a minute to say two words. No, slow in the meaning of avoiding a sense of urgency. When talking fast, it seems like you are afraid of not being able to finish your sentence, and this is something a submissive man displays.

An alpha man feels he will not be interrupted while talking. This also applies to everything you do. Don’t feel like you need to rush yourself into anything and take your time to enjoy the sexual experience.

Take the time each day to practice this in a clear, well-paced manner of speech and try to dispel any hurried elements in your tone. Keep your words filled with authority and imperatives. You can do this in your everyday life with everybody around you.

While using this authoritarian voice, make sure to have friendly facial expressions. Otherwise, you’ll make it seem too intense and not like flirting because it can even scare her away. So smile to take the edge away.

However, don’t smile for the sake of it. There are two ways of smiling: a
submissive
way, and a
happy
way.

Smiling when something happens that you don’t find very funny or when you don’t like what’s going on, displays a need for validation. Only smile when you feel happy and never use a smile to conceal what you truly think. A true smile will validate her because it really comes across as a compliment.

To conclude, these dominant gestures and postures will give her a challenge. They give her a sense of distance between the both of you. She wants to emotionally connect and your distant ways will make her work harder to achieve her goal. These postures and motives are the ones to use when a woman wants to engage in casual, lustful sex.

Caring Gives Her Validation

Keep in mind that you should alternate these dominant postures with caring ones. You will not create a strong connection through dominance alone. She’s there because you are the guy that triggered her emotions. So, don’t be that distant alpha guy all of the time because he isn't emotionally accessible.

It’s good to take on a good listening position to give her the feeling of being emotionally connected. This means leaning in when she’s saying something that’s important to her; give her warm and friendly physical contact, smile when she’s talking, nod your head to stimulate her to continue what she is saying. You should truly try your best to be a good listener. Take the effort to interrupt less and let her do most of the talking when she really feels like she has something to say.

Your tone of voice has to be inviting, clear, soft and relaxed. This does not mean talking with an insecure voice, nor does this mean you are less of a man. This gentler, calmer tone of voice simply soothes your lady's emotions and really makes her feel more connected.

If at this time you feel more comfortable using caring gestures instead of dominant ones, don’t worry. This is because you are feeling shy, which makes her levels of trust in you enhance. For motives where she is looking for a sexual partner over a longer period of time, this may even give you an advantage over a man who’s mainly displaying dominant body language.

Mixing Dominant and Caring to Create Sexual Tension

A good approach is to have a caring body language when she does something you like to validate her and then mix it with a bit of dominance, and be distant when she’s not doing something you like. This will spike her sexual tension all of the time because she feels like you are giving her an emotional connection and then taking it away, over and over again. This maintains that well-needed mystery, the element of '
keep her guessing'
that helps to hold her interest and excitement in you.

Solving Body Language Issues

If you find it hard to display proper body language, there is a mind trick you can use on yourself. The next time you’re feeling uncomfortable in a social setting, act the opposite of what you are feeling. If you feel nervous, act calm. If you notice you're starting to talk fast, talk slow. When being afraid to make eye contact, give her strong eye contact.

Doing all these things will probably make you feel uncomfortable, but while doing this, your mind will follow your body. After a while, your mind will really start to believe you are feeling relaxed. It's a conscious effort you have to make and if you keep it up on a continuous basis, it gets easier to accomplish.

However, this technique has its limits. You might keep trying not to display these signs of being submissive and you can also get fairly successful at this. But these signs will pop up eventually because they happen as an unconscious response.