How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (25 page)

Once you are sensitized to your many levels of arousal, you will have a much more intimate relationship with your own body. That becomes really important when you start working with your body toward your first multiple orgasm.

If multiple orgasm is your goal, being aroused is not enough.

You must be aroused
and
aware. It’s like learning to write music. Everything may sound nice to your ear, but it’s hard to write a song until you know all of the notes on the scale.

The more you refine your ear, the easier it gets. Sharps and flats are more subtle, but they are extremely important too.

By the time you’ve completed the exercises in this chapter, you are going to know the various levels of your own arousal the way a composer knows the notes on the scale.

To make this easier, we are going to establish a scale of our own: an arousal scale.

Learning the Scales

Our arousal scale is going to be a very simple scale that goes from one to ten, with Level 1 being the lowest level of arousal and Level 10 being the highest.

Let’s begin with Level 1. Level 1 is your baseline. What does it feel like? Let me give you an example. It’s Saturday afternoon on a hot summer day. You’ve just finished your lunch and you’re

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thinking of doing the laundry. Your dog wants to go for a walk and your car needs a wash. There isn’t a sexual thought in your head. You are not experiencing any arousal whatso-ever. None. Zero. Nada. Get the picture? At that moment, you are at Level 1.

Let’s now jump to Level 10. That’s an easy one. Level 10

is orgasm. The Big “O.” The end of the road.

Great. Now all we need to do is establish everything in between. A Level 2 or Level 3 is that slight twinge sensation a man gets at the base of his penis as he begins to get aroused.

The beast within has started to stir at the first whiff of something exciting in the air. It’s subtle, but it’s there.

Next comes Level 4. That’s a steady, low level of arousal.

It’s more than a twinge now…you’re feeling good. Still, you could stop without much difficulty. But that’s going to change soon. At Level 5 and Level 6 your arousal is already substantial. Now you’re really into it. Once you’ve reached these levels, you don’t want to think about stopping. You’re feeling
too
good now. By the time you get to Level 7 or Level 8, you will feel your heart pounding and your face may flush.

If you had to talk you would probably sound out of breath.

Level 9 is intense. You aren’t far from the top now…you are very close to orgasm. At Level 9, the outside world is very far away, and there isn’t much that could stop you now.

Just short of Level 10 is a very crucial point I call “the point of no return.” It is commonly referred to as “the point of inevitability.” You may not know the name, but I bet you know the feeling. It’s that point at which it becomes clear that you are about to

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have an orgasm. The point of inevitability is reached through a series of physiological changes in the body, but it is subjectively experienced as a psychological turning point.

Once you’ve hit the point of inevitability, there is no going back. Your body is committed to having that orgasm. The sky could fall in and worlds could collide, but it doesn’t matter as far as you are concerned. The big one is on the way.

On our 1 to 10 scale, this “point of no return” would re-gister a 9.9. This is a very important number for you to remember, for reasons which I will explain later.

Practice Makes Perfect

Talking about levels of arousal can get a little bit abstract after a while. You need to experience them. It’s the only way to truly master the system. One of the ways you learn each level is by comparing it to the previous level, or to the following one. “How do I know what a 3 is?” you may ask. It’s a little higher than a 2. “How do I know I’m at a 7?” you may wonder. Because you’re definitely past a 5 or 6, but you haven’t hit an 8. Is this vague? I promise it won’t be for very long.

Do note that these numbers are all relative to each other.

The important thing is that each level feels slightly different.

The only absolute number assignments are 1, which is no arousal, 9.9, which is the point of no return, and 10, which is orgasm. Don’t worry if your 4 is another man’s 5; there is no such thing as the definitive 3 or the quintessential 6.

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All that counts are your own
relative
levels of arousal, and that’s all you need to know.

Using numbers to describe your arousal may sound a little silly, but I must ask you to take this number system very, very seriously. I am going to refer to different numbers over and over again throughout the remaining exercises. It’s the only way we can communicate clearly enough to guarantee you will learn the program. I don’t want to sound like your third-grade teacher, but if you want to master these techniques, you have to practice your scales.

TROUBLESHOOTING TIP: Please don’t use these numbers to judge your performance in any way. A “6”

is not better than a “3”; a “4” is not worse than a “7.”

They’re just different. There is no good and bad here; there is no right or wrong. You will not be graded and you will not be judged. The only goal is to become more intimate with the subtle changes in your body during your arousal.

What About Your Erection?

You’ll notice how I haven’t said anything about erections. It is very common for men to equate arousal with erections, but they are
not
one and the same. Arousal is a feeling; it is a subjective sense of excitement that can be experienced throughout the body, though it is typically felt most keenly in the

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genitals. Erection, on the other hand, refers to hardness of the penis. Erection is a very objective measure of hardness that is a direct reflection of blood flowing into this organ.

A man can feel very aroused—incredibly aroused—yet not be erect. Maybe you’ve felt this way after a long night of lovemaking when your mind wanted to keep going but your penis called it quits for the night. Or perhaps you’ve felt this way with a new partner that got you totally excited, but also totally nervous. There are many men who have actually had the experience of being aroused to the point of orgasm without ever being erect.

Maybe you become fully erect at arousal Level 4; maybe you don’t get erect until Level 6. Or maybe, like most men, it’s different on different days. It doesn’t matter right now because we’re not going to worry a lot about erections here.

Our concern is with your level of arousal. As you have probably learned from your own experience, focusing too intently on your erection has a way of discouraging the process. On the other hand, when you leave it alone, it tends to come home. So don’t think about it. Right now, all you need to do is focus on your numbers.

How to Peak

To help you learn your arousal scale I’m going to teach you how to “peak.” Reaching a peak means letting your arousal rise to a certain level and then immediately letting it drop back down. For example, you may let your arousal rise to Level 6, then let it fall back down. That’s a Level 6 peak. Or you may let your arousal rise to Level 9, then let it fall back HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 89

down. That’s a Level 9 peak. (Remember that we are talking about arousal here, not about erections.) This is different from trying to
maintain
your arousal at a given level, which is known as “plateauing.” You will learn how to plateau in the next chapter.

If you find this exercise difficult or frustrating at first, don’t sweat it. It takes most men a number of sessions before they really “get it.” If you are working with a partner, her input can be a big help since her objective experience of you will be slightly different at each level. Let her know that her ob-servations are welcome.

Exercise 6 takes fifteen or twenty minutes and does not require a partner. Exercise 7 is done with a partner and takes a little bit longer.

Exercise 6: Climbing Everest (solo)

Once again, you need to lie down or sit down and get very comfortable. Put some lubrication on your hand and on your penis. What you are going to do now is start by giving yourself a genital caress the way you learned in Exercise 5.

Slowly stroke yourself until you reach what you would consider to be a Level 4 of arousal. That’s past the “twinge”

stage to the point where you’re feeling a low, steady “hum”

of arousal. Remember that you are not using a masturbation stroke; you are caressing yourself.

When you get to Level 4,
stop
the stimulation and take a deep breath…a really slow deep breath. Check your PC

muscle, your hip muscles, and your thigh muscles to make sure they’re all really relaxed. Good. Now let your arousal drop back

90 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

down a couple of levels to a “2.” Take your time. You have just had your first “peak” at Level 4.

Once you have dropped to Level 2, start your caress again.

This time, see if you can go up to around Level 6. You may need to stroke yourself a little bit faster to get to this slightly higher level. That’s fine. When you reach Level 6, stop the stimulation once again. Take a real slow deep breath and let your arousal drop back down a few levels to around a “4.”

Make sure
all
your muscles are completely relaxed. Great.

You have just had a “peak” at Level 6.

You are going to continue this exercise for the next fifteen to twenty minutes. What I want you to do is try to have a peak at Level 4, Level 6, Level 7, Level 8, and Level 9, which is the point just prior to your “point of no return.” At each level it’s important to stop the stimulation, relax, take a really deep breath, and make sure all of your muscles are relaxed.

Always let yourself drop at least one level, preferably two, after each peak.

TROUBLESHOOTING TIP: Try not to bring your arousal up in a spike, like shooting from a Level 3 to a Level 8. You’re trying to stretch out your arousal into an extended series of gradually increasing peaks. If you were going to graph your arousal, it would look like a wave, not like a needle.

Don’t rush your peaks. Each up and down cycle should take four or five minutes. Stretch them out. Let them build slowly and savor each one. As your

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peaks get higher and higher, it may become more and more difficult to relax. One way to overcome this is by taking deeper and deeper breaths at each level. If all of this stimulation has made you need to ejaculate, go ahead. Otherwise, you can stop the exercise once you’ve completed four or five peaks. If you don’t get up to Level 8 or Level 9 the first time, that’s okay; you will with practice.

Ultimately, you will need to be able to peak at very high levels. This is not hard once you get used to the whole process of peaking. Through repetition you will learn to recognize and become comfortable at your different levels. Believe it or not, it won’t be long before you can even differentiate between Levels 8, 8.5, 9, and 9.5. Talk about knowing your own body! This kind of fine sensitivity to your arousal will make multiple orgasm a snap.

Exercise 7: Twin Peaks (with a partner)

Would you like to practice “peaking” with your partner?

Here’s how. First, you need to lie on your back, close your eyes, and get very comfortable. Your partner is going to begin the exercise by doing a sensate focus genital caress. She should do this nice and slow and focus on her own pleasure.

She can use her hands, her mouth, or both. All you should focus on is what you are feeling. This keeps the pressure off both of you.

Once she has started, your partner should say to you, “As I am stroking you, let me know if you reach the point that you think is a Level 4.” It doesn’t matter how much time it takes. Enjoy her caresses. All you need to do is simply say

“4” when you have

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reached that level. Once you say “4,” your partner should stop her caress. Check all of your muscles to make sure they are relaxed. Take a deep breath, and let your arousal drop one or two levels. When your arousal has dropped off suffi-ciently, let your partner know she can start again. It helps to have agreed on a signal ahead of time, such as a nod, a wink, or a U.S. Air Force thumbs up.

Your partner should start the stimulation again very slowly, in a very focused fashion. She will then say, “Let me know when you reach a Level 6.” Enjoy her stimulation until you reach Level 6. Take your time. Then, when you reach Level 6, let her know by saying “6.” She should stop the stimulation immediately for at least several seconds. Take a deep breath, make sure all of your muscles are relaxed, and let yourself drop down a couple of levels. Once you have dropped and are ready to start up again, give her the signal to resume.

Continuing in this fashion, try to reach Level 7, Level 8, Level 9, and Level 10, if possible. You may skip a level or two if you wish. Depending on how you are feeling during this exercise you may or may not feel like going all the way to orgasm. If you don’t want to, stop the exercise at Level 8, or the level of your choice. The most important thing is not to pressure yourself.

It doesn’t matter how high you are able to go right now.

All that matters is that you are learning to listen to your body.

If you would rather stay at the lower levels for a while, that’s fine. If you want to go all the way to Level 10 and have an orgasm, that’s great too. It’s important to know that it’s entirely up to you. You should be able to ask your-HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 93

self, “What do I want today?” Remember, this is for your pleasure.

If you really take your time you can stretch this exercise out to an hour or so. To make it an even nicer experience for both of you, you may want to begin by giving your partner a genital caress. If she wants to, she could even learn to have her own peaks.

TROUBLESHOOTING TIP: Please note that it is possible to “overpeak.” If you hit more than three or four really high peaks in one session, you may find yourself temporarily unable to ejaculate. Don’t get scared, and don’t call 911. You haven’t done anything wrong. I call this phenomenon “penis burnout.” It may feel a bit weird, but it does not last. All you need to do is stop the exercise for ten minutes or so and everything should return to normal.