How to Rise Above Abuse (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (38 page)

A
NSWER
:
Typically, victimization robs its recipients of feeling content and whole—they feel needy and look for something or someone to complete them and fulfill their deepest needs.

God created us with three inner needs—for unconditional love, significance, and security.
²⁶
When these needs are not met in healthy ways, people generally try to get them met in illegitimate ways—sometimes through various addictions.

Addictions are mood-altering—whether through a chemical (alcohol), a behavior (gambling), or a person (codependency). If you have been victimized, you need to let the Lord be your Need-meeter, your Deliverer.

When you humble your heart before Christ and invite Him into your life, He will help deliver you from any addictions in your life:

“For he will deliver the needy who cry out,
the afflicted who have no one to help”

(P
SALM
72:12).

Fear is a common side effect experienced by victims of abuse. They may exhibit fear…

•
Fear
can be real or imagined, rational or irrational, normal or abnormal.

•
Fear
acts as a protective device placed in us by our Creator to activate all of our physical systems when we are faced with real danger.

•
Fear
triggers the release of adrenaline in the body that propels us to action—action often called “fight, flight, or freeze.”

•
Fear
is a natural emotion designed by God. However, prolonged fear or fearfulness is not designed by God, for fearfulness means living in a
state of fear
or having a
spirit of fear.

“God has not given us a spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and of a sound mind”

(2 T
IMOTHY
1:7
NKJV
).

Yet another emotional side effect of victimization is excessiveness…

The human mind is in many ways like a machine with built-in safety features. When a victim feels overloaded and stressed, the mind can consciously or unconsciously be trained to focus excessively on some object or action as a means of providing a measure of temporary emotional or mental relief.

The danger is that the excessive attention or action often becomes so strong the person feels powerless to control it. But the One who created the mind can certainly reprogram it through the power of His Spirit and His Word. That is why God instructs us to…

“offer your bodies as living sacrifices,
holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—
his good, pleasing and perfect will”

(R
OMANS
12:1-2).

Those who are victimized will often display a compulsiveness…

Those who feel controlled by compulsive behaviors need to know that…

“God will meet all your needs
according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus”

(P
HILIPPIANS
4:19).

•
Perfectionists
seem highly motivated to produce, yet their behavior is actually a compulsive drive to protect themselves from feelings of worthlessness.
²⁸
They live under the law of God (seeking to earn approval and worth) instead of living under the grace of God (accepting unearned approval and worth). In striving to perform perfectly, they often…

C—Control environment
, situations, and others
²⁹

O—Object to criticism
and correction

M—Major on the minors

P—Procrastinate
until the last minute

U—Underestimate time
needed to complete tasks

L—Lack joy
and creativity

S—Sacrifice relationships
for projects

I—Imagine rejection
from others

V—Vacillate
in making decisions

E—Express intolerance
toward others

•
Perfectionists
may appear confident, conscientious, and highly productive, but they are full of self-doubts and fears that the slightest mistake will cause other people to withdraw, be disappointed, or to reject them.

•
Perfectionists
become overly sensitive to the opinions and feedback of others, often disregarding their own healthy instincts.

•
Perfectionists
often live in an overly cautious way, reluctant to try new things, take a risk, or tackle big projects for fear of failing or appearing inadequate in the eyes of others.

•
Perfectionists
would be wise to recall the words of the apostle Paul: “Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” (Galatians 3:3). Likewise, all who engage in compulsive behaviors need to heed the warning of the prophet Isaiah:

“The word of the L
ORD
to them will become: Do and do, do and do,
rule on rule, rule on rule; a little here, a little there—
so that they will go and fall backward, be injured and snared and captured”

(I
SAIAH
28:13).

Perfection

Q
UESTION
:
“Since we are called to be ‘perfect’ (2 Corinthians 13:11), is it really possible to never sin?”

A
NSWER
:
Christians are called to “be perfect” in the sense of spiritual maturity and becoming spiritually whole. The meaning of the word “perfect” in the original Greek text is not “sinless, faultless, flawless,” but rather, “mature, whole, complete.” Other translations say, “Become complete” (
NKJV
), “aim for perfection” (
NIV
), and

“grow to maturity”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
13:11
NLT
).

The continual victimization of the Israelites by the Egyptian rulers obviously affected them physically and mentally, which led to the emotional distress expressed in their anger toward Moses.

Physical abuse impacts the whole person—body, soul, and spirit. As the Israelites struggled to keep up with the backbreaking work assigned by their Egyptian taskmasters, their spirits became broken as well. In their exhausted state of body and mind, they became greatly discouraged and grew angry at Moses, blaming him for their hardship.

Moses, in turn, was dismayed by the sudden turn of events and fervently poured out his feelings to God:

“Moses returned to the L
ORD
and said,
‘O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people?
Is this why you sent me?
Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name,
he has brought trouble upon this people,
and you have not rescued your people at all’”

(E
XODUS
5:22-23).

Like the Israelites, those who are subjected to repeated victimization often suffer from some of the following physical and mental problems:

•
Disorders

— substance abuse/addictions

— anorexia/bulimia/overeating

— self-injury or self-endangerment

— dissociation/splitting

•
Memory disturbances

— memory blocks

— flashbacks

— memory loss

— body memories

•
Sexual difficulties

— frigidity/impotence

— promiscuity/prostitution

— sexual identity confusion

— defensive reactions to touch

•
Sleeping disruptions

— nightmares

— insomnia/restlessness

— fear of going to bed or to sleep

— awakening frequently to avoid sleeping too soundly

The pressing prayer of many who have experienced victimization is…

“Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name”

(P
SALM
142:6-7).

Dissociative Identity Disorder

Q
UESTION
:
“At times I appear to have completely different personalities. Although my normal tone of voice, movements, and expressions are different, I’m not aware of it because the changes occur when I seem to lose track of time. Could this be related to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child?”

A
NSWER
:
Yes. If you experienced severe traumatic abuse at least once before the age of seven, you may be experiencing symptoms associated with dissociative identity disorder (DID).

•
DID is the term used in the psychological community since 1994 to describe what had previously been called multiple personality disorder.

•
The defining feature of this disorder is that a part of a person’s identity becomes detached or “dissociated.”

•
Dissociation is characterized by the presence of two or more “parts or identities,” with vast differences between each part.

•
Each identity has distinct behaviors, mannerisms, and possibly even physical attributes, such as right-or left-handedness, allergies, and eyesight.

•
When the walls separating traumatic events from the conscious mind begin to crumble, flashbacks of the once-cloistered events begin “seeping through” to the conscious mind. Generally this begins to occur when people are in their mid to late twenties or thirties.

•
The process of “integration” consists of bringing into the mainstream of consciousness the trauma and pain carried by each part of the person’s identity so it can be processed, so healing can occur, and so each part can then become integrated back into the whole.

DID is neither a mental illness nor can it be attributed to substance abuse or a general medical condition. By God’s design, the mind is created with the capability to
dissociate
so one part of a child can privately carry severe pain and trauma without the child’s having a mental or emotional breakdown. In that respect, DID is a gift from God. As the Bible says,

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well”