How to Rise Above Abuse (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (65 page)

(1 C
ORINTHIANS
13:11).

Step #3: Restrain Angry Thoughts and Actions

— Turn your thoughts toward Christ:
Lord, may I have Your peace
.

— Count to ten before you respond.

— Walk away and then come back when your feelings are under control.

— Take a “time out” for 15 or 20 minutes, if necessary.

“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil”

(P
SALM
37:8).

Step #4: Choose the Right Time and Way to Express Your Feelings

— Train yourself to keep a lid on your anger until your agitation is calmed.

— Try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view.

— If you are angry at another person, ask, “Is there a time when we could speak about something important to me?”

— If your anger has turned inward, talk with a friend and seek an objective view of the situation.

“An angry man stirs up dissension,
and a hot-tempered one commits many sins”

(P
ROVERBS
29:22).

Step #5: Begin Absorbing Truth

— Pray for the Lord to reveal to you how He sees you—the person He created you to be before abuse marred and changed you. He will do this with love.

— Pray for the Lord to reveal His love for you.

— Acknowledge that you have God-given worth. Don’t let others define who you are.

— Read through the book of Proverbs beginning at chapter 8. Write out all the verses pertaining to anger that are relevant to you.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger”

(P
ROVERBS
15:1).

Step #6: Come to Christ with a Sincere Heart

Confession:
“I
admit
my behavior has been wrong and has hurt others.”

“When a man or woman wrongs another in any way
and so is unfaithful to the L
ORD
, that person is guilty
and must confess the sin he has committed”

(N
UMBERS
5:6-7).

Repentance:
“Relying on the strength of God, I will change my behavior because I truly desire to please God.”

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper,
but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy”

(P
ROVERBS
28:13).

Forgiveness:
“God, I thank You for Your willingness to forgive me in spite of my failure to honor You.”

“I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the L
ORD
’—
and you forgave the guilt of my sin”

(P
SALM
32:5).

Acceptance:
“Jesus, I receive You as my Lord and Savior and give You control of my life. Thank You for being willing to adopt me into Your family.”

“To all who received him, to those who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God”

(J
OHN
1:12).

Substitution:
“I am willing to give up control of my life in exchange for a new heart and a new life in Christ.”

“Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed,
and get a new heart and a new spirit”

(E
ZEKIEL
18:31).

Restitution:
“Lord, reveal the names of those to whom I owe a sincere apology. I will go to them and ask forgiveness for my inappropriate and hurtful behavior.”

“If you are offering your gift at the altar
and there remember that your brother has something against you,
leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First go and be reconciled to your brother;
then come and offer your gift”

(M
ATTHEW
5:23-24).

Cleansing:
“God, I thank You for Your promise to cleanse me and to
remove all my sins and unrighteousness.
”

“Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me”

(P
SALM
51:2-3).

Living with a verbal and emotional abuser is like living with a rabid dog that is asleep in your own living room! Threatening…unpredictable…attacking…its presence should never be ignored. But think of what harm could be done if
no one
is willing to confront this boundaryless beast—for fear of inciting its wrath!

Yet all who enter will tiptoe carefully—trying to keep the peace, hoping to avoid a frightening confrontation. But it’s important to remember: No matter how long you let “sleeping dogs lie,” they eventually are bound to wake up.

Rather than spend the rest of your life permitting inexcusable attacks in “the living room of your life,” decide today to respond God’s way to all verbal and emotional abuse. Although your resolve will be tested, as you maintain a right spirit with firm boundaries, your life will begin to change—even if your abuser doesn’t. What’s more, your consistent, Christlike character could become the impetus that helps transform your emotional predator
into “man’s best friend”—one who becomes an encourager, one who brings glory to God.

“Such a change isn’t possible,” you say. As impossible as such a transformation may seem, Jesus offers this comforting hope:

“With man this is impossible,
but with God all things are possible”

(M
ATTHEW
19:26).

From Death Row to Life Row:
The Karla Faye Tucker Story

On a hot summer night in Houston, 23-year-old Karla Faye Tucker was swirling in a cesspool of drugs, sex, and violence. Karla’s best friend Shawn was staying with her for a week—Shawn’s biker husband, Jerry, had beaten her black and blue. Karla despised Jerry, and Jerry despised Karla. After a three-day binge, it’s time to get revenge!

It was well after 2:00 a.m. when Karla and her boyfriend, Danny, snuck into Jerry Dean’s apartment with a plan to steal his motorcycle (realize there’s no greater insult to a biker than to steal his bike!). Jerry heard a noise and called out. In a fit of rage, Danny attacked Jerry in his bed, severely bashing his head with a hammer. Karla, who intensely hated Jerry, stood by as this happened.

Then Karla saw a woman in Jerry’s bed who was trying to hide under the covers. This was her best friend’s bed! Who was this woman hiding in bed with Shawn’s husband? All of a sudden a powder keg of fiery emotions exploded within Karla. This was a lethal combination: a desire for revenge toward her best friend’s husband, anger toward a strange woman in his bed, and the fact she was high on drugs.

Absolutely enraged, Karla grabbed a pickax lying on the floor and viciously…repeatedly…repeatedly…repeatedly attacked the woman until she was mush. No one could have imagined that Jerry’s habit of keeping his work tools “handy” would be used to bring about his horrific demise. As for Deborah Thornton—the other victim of violence—she had known Jerry for only 12 hours. Her death epitomized what it means to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Before leaving the premises, Karla felt so empowered that she decided to finish Jerry off—with another 20 blows.

Karla and Danny were soon arrested for the 1983 double murder. As Karla awaited sentencing, she bore the trademark of a cold-blooded killer: that notorious blank stare, no expression on her face, no expression in her eyes.

Much in Karla’s childhood led to her dead spirit: exposure to drugs before age 10, addiction by age 12, a prostitute mother teaching her “the tricks of the trade” at age 14.
²
When Karla attacked Jerry and Deborah that fateful night, a lifetime of anger, bitterness, and pain erupted from a volcanic core. But all the terrible inner turmoil came to an end in the corner of a dingy county jail cell prior to her trial. For it was here that Karla Faye Tucker got her first taste of
amazing grace.

It all began with a puppet ministry at the jail, conducted by people Karla could see were once like her. She saw signs of hardness from a lifetime of crime, immorality, and drugs, but there was also a softness of spirit, a supernatural joy. What these strangers had, Karla knew she had to have. What these strangers had was Jesus.

Karla stole a Bible from them—unaware that she could have received one for free—and scurried back to her cell. It didn’t take long for the Word of God to pierce deeply into Karla’s spirit, convicting her of sin and causing her to cry out to God for forgiveness. God’s unconditional love overwhelmed Karla when she learned that, despite her brutality,
she was loved.

In an instant, in Karla’s own words, God “reached down inside of me and ripped out that violence at the very roots and poured Himself in.”
³

After her conversion, Karla never looked back. Her spiritual hunger continually drew her into the Word of God, feeding her soul and filling her spirit with His presence. Although Karla was convicted for the infamous murders and spent 14 years on death row, there was never again a hint of the cold, calculating, cruel demeanor within her that had destroyed two lives.

While on death row, Karla literally helped save lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—by intervening to help suicidal women and leading other inmates to Christ. She taught Bible studies, led
seminars, and discipled women. She commited her life to spreading hope to the hopeless by sharing the blessed hope of Christ. Karla even became good friends with the prison warden.

Through Karla, the light of Christ shone ever so brightly along the dark corridors of death row. Then came the news that Karla’s execution date was set. Even the warden struggled to balance professionalism with her compassionate concern for Karla’s date with death. When asked how Karla was handling the news, the warden responded, “You know Karla, she asked
me
, ‘How can I make this easier on you?’ ”
⁴

News of an execution date sparked fiery rallies both for and against the execution of Karla Faye Tucker—cries for mercy meeting outcries for justice. Every time I saw Karla interviewed in media appearances, her loving, thoughtful demeanor expressed genuine repentance for the pain she had caused others and her gratitude to God for her changed life through Christ. Despite appeals all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, a stay was denied, and Karla was ordered to pay the ultimate price for her crimes.

Those who had seen her changed life—the prisoners, guards, wardens, and thousands on the outside who knew of her transformation—felt a crushing weight of concern.
⁵
But the one they were so burdened for bore a spirit as light as a feather. Karla knew she was going “home,” and after expressing her loving gratitude to family and friends, including the warden, Karla began to hum softly as the lethal injection filtered through her veins.

From her life on death row to her execution day, what can explain Karla’s supernatural peace? Her words, written years before, reflect what had happened the night of her conversion: “Jesus delivered me that night from death to LIFE ROW!”
⁶

EPILOGUE

H
aven’t you been amazed at the sight…watching birds fly together in their V-shaped formation? We marvel at the sudden turns and dives—first heading one direction, then another—yet still maintaining their tight formation. Their fascinating flight patterns are a form of true beauty, and a necessity for their survival.

But how can birds travel hundreds of miles without tiring? If you watch them closely, you’ll observe what makes this endurance possible. At certain intervals—depending on the strength of the headwind—the lead bird, who is doing most of the work by breaking the force of the wind for the flock, suddenly leaves its position and drops back to the end of the formation. Without missing a beat of the wings, another bird quickly moves into the lead position, taking on the task of meeting the wind head-on.

Ultimately, the V-formation is much more efficient than each bird flying separately. In fact, up to 60 percent less work is required! The unified flapping of all of their wings produces an
uplift of air
that enables the birds at the back to glide and soar on the created air currents—thus the birds formerly in the lead can recuperate by coasting on the current. In this way, the birds take turns “uplifting one another.”

By working in formation together, migrating birds can travel hundreds of miles,
even thousands of miles
they could never travel on their own alone. Even the strongest birds could not cross large bodies of water without the help of the flock uplifting each other.