How To Set Up An FLR (10 page)

Put your hand under his shirt and gently rub his nipples for a moment.

Stuff a note in his pocket and tell him not to read it until he gets to work. In the note, say something you know will turn him on.

Kiss him on and behind his ear and whisper something sexy while he is watching television.

Ask him to rub lotion or powder on your body after you take a shower.

Do anything that will let him know that you are interested in having sex with him, but do it at a time when he knows he will have to wait for it.

Call him on the phone and say erotic things to him. Do it while he is at work, lunch, or standing in line at the bank.

Pack a note in his briefcase or lunchbox that he will discover later in the day.

When you pass him in the kitchen, firmly smack his bottom once with your hand.

When you are out together:

Take him to a lingerie store or the lingerie section of your favorite store. Show him some sexy items and ask if he would like to see you in them.

At a restaurant, sit opposite him and rub his leg with your foot. If you are wearing stockings, so much the better.

Talk about some sexual thing you would like to do to him (or have him do to you) the next time you have sex. He will love it.

Put your hand in his crotch while he is driving, but don't say anything or look at him. Keep looking out the window. If he says anything about it, stop and say your sorry for distracting him. Then wait a few minutes and do it again.

At a theater, keep your hand in his crotch during most of the movie. If he says anything, stop for awhile, then do it again.

Never let an opportunity to arouse him pass without taking advantage of it.

For the more adventurous:

Send him to the store for something but make him insert a small butt-plug before he goes. You can accompany him to witness his discomfort if you like.

When you reach into his pants to fondle his bottom, smear a little Icy-Hot (or other mentholated cream on his anus. Then send him to the store.

Call him into the bedroom or bathroom and let him fondle your breasts and bottom for a few minutes, then leave him wanting more.

Whisper in his ear how you want to tie him to a chair and tease his genitals until he is ready to squirt...Over and over and over again.

Call him into the bathroom right before you sit down to watch a movie and smear a little mentholated cream on his genitals. Tell him not to wash it off without your permission.

There are a million other things you can do. Just use your imagination and come up with a few of your own.

Bedtime Teasing:

Before we get too deeply into this area, I want to tell you that you are not going to allow him to ejaculate unless you feel he has earned it. He can only earn it through good behavior. But in any case, he should not be allowed to ejaculate too often. Once a month or so is about right for most men. For a few days (maybe a week) after he ejaculates you might notice a reduction in his overall behavior. He may not do all the chores you want him to do, or he may get a little grumpy. This is normal. Most men (and this is a hormonal thing) will not be as attentive or responsive to your demands in the days following his ejaculation. That is why I say he should not be allowed him to ejaculate too often. You may have to start slow. Let him ejaculate every few days at first. Then, as he adjusts to the denial, make him wait longer and longer between ejaculations.

If you are just starting out with FLR, this is where your control over him really begins...In the bedroom. Your objective is to get him to appreciate the sexual stimulation that you will be giving him on a regular basis, in exchange for his patience in being denied the relief he is used to getting. In other words, you are going to be giving him much more sexual attention, especially at bedtime, than he is used to, but the price he must pay for that attention is obedience and the delay of his ejaculations. We will talk about ruined and stifled orgasms later. For now, just be careful not to allow him any orgasms at all.

This is where you will do your most serious tease and denial. If you are just a little kinky, you can tie him to the bed before you begin. A blindfold will also enhance the experience for him. The following are only suggestions and what you choose to do should relate to what he enjoys the most and what you want him to do for you. Remember, this is where you are going to take control.

If you are in the mood, you can have him pleasure you in any way you want as long as he is not permitted to ejaculate. Have him please you orally or with a vibrator or his fingers (if he isn't bound). If he is the kind that can last a long time inside you without ejaculating, then you can do that, too. Just remember not to allow him to ejaculate! Now, try any of the following ways of teasing him until you think he has had enough...

Use your finger to very lightly touch his genitals. Let them slide up from his balls to the tip of his penis again and again. Use a feather or a very soft brush for this, if you like. Use anything that will stimulate his sexual desire, but not push him over the edge.

Try lubricating his penis with a good, long-lasting lubrication. Baby oil works, as does just about any oil you can find. Let his penis rest in your hand and stroke it as softly as you can. It should drive him crazy, but not bring him to orgasm.

Take a toothpick or wooden kabob skewer and lightly poke his balls, penis, inner thighs, nipples, or anywhere he seems to enjoy it. Vary the pressure randomly and see if he enjoys it harder in certain places. Some spots are more sensitive than others.

Rub his nipples, tummy, balls, and penis with an ice cube. Don't allow it to rest too long in one spot as it will begin to “burn” him and you don't want that. “Freezer burn” isn't much fun if you are not into pain. So be careful.

Get a utility candle. The kind made for emergencies. They should not contain any color or scent additives. Light it and allow it to drip on various parts of his body. You should hold it at least twenty four inches above his body when doing this as the wax can burn if it's too close when it drips. Just remember, getting wax off of hairy places isn't easy. You might consider shaving his genitals first.

Get out a bowl of hot water, shaving cream, a washcloth and a safety razor. Then carefully shave all the hair off his genitals (and chest too, if you like). This can be very erotic for both of you.

Tap your fingers along the under side of his penis as you would if you were waiting impatiently for something. This will arouse him but should not bring him close to ejaculation. If it does, stop!

Purchase a numbing cream such as “
Boy Butter Numbing cream
” available at many online sex shops. If you apply a liberal amount to his penis and allow it a few minutes to work, then wipe it off with a dry cloth (or just cover it with a condom). You can then have intercourse with him and he will not feel a thing. It can be fun for you, since you can ride him as long as you like knowing he will not ejaculate.

Talk to him!
I can't emphasize this enough. It doesn't matter what you talk about as long as you talk. If you can do it, talk about something sexually arousing to him. Tell him a fantasy, either one of his or one of your own. If you can't talk about something sexual, you have to use your talking as a distraction. Keep physically stimulating him, but distract his mind with talk about the children, or work, or the finances, or the news. Anything that will keep his mind off of what you are doing to him physically. If he looses his erection, you can talk about that. Tell him that you might just stop what you are doing if he can't keep it up for you. When he gets hard again, go back to your previous discussion.

You can do whatever it takes to keep him aroused as long as you don't let him ejaculate. If you even think he might be getting too close, stop touching him. Wait at least a full minute before you touch him again. This will give him time to relax, to back off the edge, so to speak. The last thing you want is for him to ejaculate. If he does, you will have to start all over again with his denial. The point is to make him wait at least a week or even a month before he gets another orgasm. So pay attention to what you are doing. It is far better to under-stimulate him than to over-stimulate him at this point.

You should plan on doing some kind of bedtime teasing at least three times a week. Seven, would be better, but you must manage to keep him as aroused as possible between times. If you can manage to set yourself up a routine in which you tease him on a daily basis, several times a day, and then give him a good physical teasing at least three times a week, you will find that your partner will become very compliant, obedient, and attentive. That's your goal.

Now, if you are much more adventurous than what we have discussed so far, you should be able to find other ways to stimulate your partner in bed. Here are just a few ideas you might want to try...

Bind his wrists to the top of a door and tease his genitals that way. You can make a loop out of a twelve-inch piece of rope. Tie the ends together and place them on the other side of the door. When the door is closed, the loops will be hanging there to put his hands through. The loops should be large enough for his hand to fit through easily and he can hang on to the loops, keeping them closed around his wrists until you are done.

Bind his wrists and ankles to a chair. Just about any chair will do, even one of those folding metal kind. Again, use any of the methods of teasing that you like. I guarantee he will enjoy it. You can even try the numbing cream trick here, as well. A blindfold is always a good addition.

Put him on his knees or bend him over the end of the bed or table. Lubricate his anus liberally and then, using a strap-on dildo, or just a vibrator, you can have some fun turning the tables on him (so to speak). Be sure to use plenty of lubrication, though. The general rule is: When you think you have enough, double it. This can be enjoyable for the both of you and possibly humiliating for him. We will get more into humiliation in the last chapter.

You can use any of a number of commercially available electroshock devices as well. Many are designed just for such use and are safe for use on genitals as well. If you can afford it, and are into the more kinky stuff, I suggest you give it a try.

You can bind him flat out on a table. It is erotic for him to be in such an exposed position and you can sit on a chair or a stool, if you like, to tease him. Being in any other room than the bedroom will be somewhat more erotic, at least the first time. So don't be afraid to experiment. Bind him to the kitchen table or a chair in the living room.

The biggest hurdle I had to overcome when it came to teasing was my timidity. I was never a talker during sex, especially talking “
dirty
”. It was difficult for me to open up, even to my own husband. So I had to find a way to do it. At first I wasn't sure what to do, I just got too embarrassed to say anything at all. Eventually, I found some erotic books and stories that I could read while I was teasing him. After reading several of these during our tease sessions it became easier and easier for me to make up my own stories to tell him.

Since that time, I have discovered other ways to overcome my shyness. If you have a problem opening up and talking during your tease sessions, try this trick. Simply describe what you are doing. Ask him if he is enjoying what you are doing. Engage him in a conversation about what kinds of fantasies he has. Or ask him to tell you about one of them. You can even pick a role playing scene such as an interrogation scene and ask him to tell you a story about it. Once you get him talking, it can be a great deal easier for you to speak up as well. Anything is better than sitting there playing with his genitals in total silence.

As I said when we started this chapter, rewards are a necessary thing. If you do not reward your partner enough, he will soon start to get bored. Boredom brings on a drop in morale, and a drop in morale can develop into something much worse. My point here is that you have made a commitment. You have an agreement. As long as your partner is keeping up his end of the agreement, you must keep up yours. If he drops the ball and fails to perform as per his agreement, it's up to you to correct that situation. After all, you are the one in charge.

~ ~ ~

Chapter 12
: Punishment & Discipline

There is a huge difference between smacking your guy on the bottom because you know he loves it and taking a hair brush to his bare bottom because he smarted off to you. When I first started out as a dominant (having been a submissive prior to that) I had a very hard time using physical (corporal) punishment on my husband. We had been married for about three years and that entire time I was his, lock, stock, and barrel. I couldn't even imagine bending him over my knee and spanking (much less paddling) his ass. I felt guilty. I felt intimidated. Frankly, it was the single hardest thing I had ever had to do. But I knew I had to do it.

My feelings of guilt stemmed from the fact that this man had rescued me from a life of abuse and that he took me in, took care of me and my kids. I loved him very much and I knew he loved me, too. It meant that I would, with the very first blow, be sending the message that I was not only in charge, but that I would not put up with his talking back to me, much less, any other type of misbehavior. Yes, it was extremely difficult for me to punish him. But as I said, I knew it had to be done and no one but me could do it.