How to Win at High School (21 page)

It's.

Over.

“Of course she's pissed,” Steph says. “That stunt you pulled with Leanne and Janie was a real dick move, Adam.”

“What the hell,” Adam says. “We were broken up already.”

“Yeah, for like a week,” Steph says. “Not even. And then you had to go off and sleep with a couple of sluts like you didn't even care about her.”

“Janie and Leanne aren't sluts,” Adam says.

Steph gives him a look like he's the dumbest kid in the world. “Adam. They had a threesome with you. In a Super 8.”

“Whatever,” Adam says. “We were broken up.”

“She
loved
you.”

“I loved her,” Adam says.

“Bullshit,” Steph tells him. “You love Paul Nolan and Sara Bryant and Jessie McGill. You love being loved.” She shakes her head. “There's something wrong with you, Adam.”

“What am I supposed to do?” he says. “Torpedo my whole reputation?”

Steph rolls her eyes. “Of course not,” she says. “Just enjoy your popularity, I guess.”

“Thanks,” Adam tells her. “At least Sam will be happy for me.”

This is it.

God mode.

The guys want to be you and the girls want to be with you.

This is Tony Montana in his mansion, Michelle Pfeiffer on his arm, a Porsche in the driveway, and a
tiger
in the yard.

(You watched the movie like you were supposed to, right?)

This is winning.

This is Pizza Man.

This is real life.

Janie Ng and Leanne Grayson find Adam at his locker, Friday after school. Janie grabs his ass, sidles in close. “Got plans for the weekend?”

Adam shrugs. “Homework,” he says. “You know how it goes.”

It's busy season. Midway through the term. Wayne and Lisa and Devon are busting their asses to keep up with the workload. And it's not like Adam got much homework done on formal weekend.

(Neither did Wayne, for that matter. He comes up to Adam Monday morning at Cardigan's.

“Holy shit, man,” he says. “I can't believe that party. Did you really screw Janie Ng and Leanne Grayson at the same time?”

Adam shrugs. “I can't really remember,” he says. “What about you? Did you get to fuck a popular kid?”

Wayne grins, sheepish. Looks down at the ground. “I took her to bed.”

“And?”

“And, well, we made out and stuff.” He blushes. “I didn't have a condom, so we had to go find a condom, and then, well, by the time I got back to the room and stuff, well . . .”

Adam waits.

Wayne grins again, shakes his head. “By the time I got back, I was, you know.”

He shrugs. “I was too drunk to pump.”

Adam bursts out laughing. Can't hold it in. Wayne doesn't mind. He's laughing too.

“Sara didn't care too much,” he says. “She said I could make it up to her.”

Adam does a double-take. “Whoa. You're seeing her again?”

“This weekend. She's really nice. And
hot
.”

“That's for sure,” Adam says.

“Not as hot as Janie and Leanne, though,” Wayne says. “That must have been a trip.”

“It was something,” Adam tells him. “Believe that.”)

(That was a really long sidebar. Sorry. The point is, Adam didn't get anything done last weekend and neither did Wayne. So they both have some serious catching up to do. Except Janie and Leanne are here at Adam's locker, looking at him like they have something better in mind.)

“My parents are out of town,” Janie tells him.

Leanne giggles. “They have a water bed,” she says.

Adam looks at the girls. They're still smoking hot. They're still goddesses. He's got homework piled up. But what guy turns down Janie Ng
and
Leanne Grayson?

Fuck it
, Adam thinks. “I'm in.”

Janie grins. “Rest up, tiger.” She kisses him. Lots of tongue. “You have a long weekend ahead of you.”

“A threesome,” Sam says. “Holy shit.”

They're out for pizza. Pepperoni, extra cheese, and a pitcher of Coca-Cola.

(Adam's taking a little bit of a party break.)

Sam pours himself more Coke and chews thoughtfully. He's not as excited as Adam figured he would be. Not as impressed.

“How'd Victoria take it?” Sam wants to know.

Adam looks around the restaurant. There's some runty kid with a pockmarked face clearing tables. He looks sad. He looks pathetic.

He looks a little bit like Adam.

(
Pizza Man.
)

Adam shakes his head. Looks at Sam. “Jesus Christ,” he says. “Why is everyone always asking me about Victoria?”

After their second or third time together, Leanne Grayson opts out of the threesome.

Ménage à trois
becomes
ménage à deux
.

“Someone called her a slut in the hall,” Janie tells Adam. “Some senior bitch. She doesn't want to, you know, get a reputation.”

“Oh,” Adam says. “Shit.”

Janie grins. “Anyway, she knows you like me better,” she says. “She didn't want to be a third wheel.”

“Right,” Adam says.

“Enough talking.” Janie reaches for Adam. Pulls on his zipper. “Come here, Pizza Man.”

“What's wrong?” Janie says.

They're on her parents' water bed. Janie's in some sexy black bra and panties. She's smoking hot. She's DTF. But Adam's, uh . . .

(“This usually never happens.”)

(“It's not you, it's me.”)

(
“Sorry.”
)

Adam's distracted.

(Adam doesn't want to be here.)

(Adam's sick of this.)

(Adam wants Victoria.)

“Sorry,” Adam tells Janie. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

Janie frowns. The water bed jiggles beneath her. Janie jiggles too. Adam watches her. Thinks,

What the hell is wrong with me?

Janie reaches over the side of the bed. Comes back with a little baggie of pills and a smile. “This'll help you,” she says. “Take one of these and let me blow your mind again.”

Adam looks at her. Looks at the pills.

Adam thinks,
If I wuss out now and she tells the whole school I couldn't make it happen, I'll never live it down.

(
Don't you fucking dare
.)

Adam says, “Let me see those pills.”

Janie hands over the baggie.

Janie giggles.

The pills help. Within a half hour, Adam's floating on a cloud. Janie's floating beside him. She's still wearing that sexy black underwear—

(until she isn't)

—and every time she touches Adam it feels like a sparkler. He stops thinking about Victoria. He stops thinking about homework.

He enjoys the ride.

It's the comedown that's the problem.

It's the lying awake in bed exhausted but unable to sleep that's the problem.

It's the waking up the next day so depressed you want to kill yourself that's the problem.

It's the feeling so haggard that you don't get any homework done all weekend that's the problem.

It's the giving up Sunday night around midnight and crying yourself to sleep thinking about Victoria.

That's
the problem.

Fortunately, none of the popular kids have assignments due Monday. This is a good thing, because Adam gets literally nothing done by Monday morning—

(well, he and Janie work through a box of condoms, but they don't give grades for that)

(and if they did give grades for sex, Adam figures he'd still be only like a C, C-plus at best)

(also, he feels like he's been hit by a moving truck)

(also, he forgot to do his economics homework. And today of all days, Mr. Soulyuk decides to check it)

Adam doesn't even try to hide it. Soulyuk screws up his face. Gives Adam the old disappointed-teacher look—

(maybe you know it)

—“Adam Higgs,” he says. “This is a first.”

“Sorry, sir,” Adam says. “I had a busy weekend.”

“No kidding,” Soulyuk says. “You look like a zombie.”

Laughter from some of the kids who stay connected, who know just why Adam looks like a zombie. Adam is too tired to care.

“We all need a mulligan now and then,” Soulyuk says. “Just don't let it happen again.”

“No, sir,” Adam says. “I won't.”

Victoria's still dodging Adam's calls. She won't answer his texts. And Facebook? Forget it.

He finds her in the hall one day. Creeps her locker until she comes around. She's got that big lug with her, the football player—

(Chad)

—and he's hanging around just a little too close, saying something about a party at Tyler's. Adam breaks in. “Can we talk?”

Victoria shakes her head. Looks away. “I can't do this right now, Adam.”

“I'm sorry,” Adam tells her. “You were right about everything. Just give me another shot and I'll do better. I promise.”

Victoria still can't meet his eye. “I'm sorry, Adam,” she says. “I just can't.”

“You can,” Adam says. “You have to. I—”

Chad steps up. “She doesn't want to talk to you, man,” he says. “Why don't you just leave her alone?”

Adam looks at Victoria. She's still looking as far away from Adam as possible. She's trying not to cry. “I'm so sorry,” Adam tells her.

Chad puts his hand out. Blocks Adam's chest. “Just back off, man.”

Adam looks at Chad. At Chad's meaty, football-player
hand. He's not getting through Chad. He knows this. Anyway, people are starting to watch. Starting to stare.

Fighting is
not
cool.

“You're a real dick, you know that?” Adam says.

Chad shrugs. Puts his arm around Victoria. “Whatever you say.”

No Victoria.

It's over.

Finished.

Done.

So . . .

Adam sticks with Janie.

Hey, she's a goddess. And she's making his rep. Guys see Janie on Adam's arm as he walks through the hall and they
know
he's legit.

Besides, the sex is amazing—

(when the pills are involved)

—and Adam's getting better all the time.

(Although it's not like he and Janie have much to talk about when they're not as high as airplanes. They pretty much get high and have sex and watch TV and eat pizza, and sometimes Janie talks about going camping with Leanne and what kind of car her parents are going to buy next, and even though she's really nice and really hot and smart and everything, Adam

just

doesn't

      care.)

The thing is, Janie's not dumb.

(We've established this.)

She figures out pretty quickly that Adam's going through the motions. I mean, she's thinking relationship. He's thinking—

(what is he thinking?)

(sex?)

(drugs?)

(rock-star status?)

Whatever he's thinking, it's sure not boyfriend/girlfriend, lovey-dovey thoughts. He's thinking business. He's thinking winning. He's thinking takeover.

And Janie knows this. She knows when he blows her off Monday through Thursday nights to do homework.

(“It's my
job
, Janie.”)

She knows when he won't text back to her smiley faces.

(“I just got distracted.”)

She knows when it takes the pills to kick in before he'll even look at her.

(“Stuff on my mind.”)

And when he brings Sara Bryant's geography project to the hotel room Janie rents them for the long weekend, she knows for damn certain.

(This is the big fight. This is the one where Janie's dressed up for dinner out somewhere fancy downtown,
dress, heels, the rest of it, and Adam's hungover as fuck, sitting at the hotel room desk in his underwear, grinding out five mediocre pages on coal mining. This is the one where Janie gets mad.

“All you do is homework, Adam,” she says. “Seriously, what's up with you? I got us this hotel room so we could do something special and you—”

“I just have to get this finished,” he tells her. “It's due Tuesday and Sara will freak if I don't get it done.”

“What do you care?” Janie says. “Why are you still doing this homework stuff, anyway?”

Adam shrugs. “Homework got me here,” he tells her. “I can't give it up now.”

“Sure you can,” Janie says. “Just tell them you're not going to do it.” She looks at him. “Or are you afraid you'll lose all your friends if they don't need you to do their bitch work anymore?”

Adam looks up from Sara's paper for the first time. “I don't want to talk about it,” he says.

“I'm totally right, aren't I?” Janie says. “You're so obsessed with being a big shot that you can't even enjoy the good things in your life.”

“Bullshit,” Adam says.

“No
, you're
bullshit,” Janie says. “Popularity is bullshit. You have to stop caring about what people think.”

“Whatever,” Adam says. “Just let me finish this paper, okay?”

Janie sighs. “Fine,” she says. She stands there a moment. Then she smiles at him, wicked. “
Pizza Man
.”)

Adam flips out at Janie.

Loses it.

“What's the matter?” she says. “You are the Pizza Man, aren't you? Isn't that who you want to be?”

“Not when you say it like that,” Adam tells her. “Not with that fucking, like,
tone
.”

Janie looks at Adam. Looks at Sara Bryant's geography paper. Looks at her own reflection in the mirror.