How to Win at High School (18 page)

Adam looks back at the door. “I can't stay,” he says. “Homework and stuff.”

Sam frowns. “Oh. Shitty.”

“I'll come back, though,” Adam tells him. “I'll come back again soon.”

“You bought him a jersey?” Victoria says. She's holding on to Adam's arm as they walk out of Nixon. “That's so sweet, Adam.”

“Got it customized and everything,” Adam tells her. “His last name, his old jersey number. Just like the real thing.”

Victoria smiles at him. “He must have loved it.”

Adam thinks about Sam, about his messy apartment, that boring talk-radio show on TV. Feels a little guilty about leaving so quick.

“Yeah,” he says. “He sure did.”

Victoria looks at him. “How's he doing, anyway?” she says. “You haven't talked about him very much.”

Adam shrugs. “I haven't seen him lately,” he says. “Homework and stuff.”

“Is it my fault?” Victoria says. “Am I taking up too much of your time?”

“No,” Adam says. “Of course not.”

“We could go see him together if you want,” she says. “It might be fun.”

“Yeah,” Adam says. Then he thinks about the bus ride downtown. How embarrassing it is to take your girlfriend on a date with transit tokens, how much better it would be if he could drive Victoria to visit Sam.

How much better life would be with a sweet car.

(How much more Tony Montana.)

Then he thinks about how many fake IDs he'd need to sell to afford even a basic ride. How many econ assignments.

(Tons.)

“Sam would like it,” Victoria is saying. “You said he liked me, right? We should definitely see him.”

Adam thinks about all the places he could go if he had a car.

“Yeah,” he tells Victoria. “Maybe sometime.”

“Sometime” never happens, though.

Because a couple weeks before formal, disaster strikes.

School's out. Adam's leaving Cardigan's with Wayne and Lisa and Devon.

Handing back assignments.

Handling business.

Then someone calls his name from across the street.
“Adam.”
It's Victoria. She hurries over.

“Hey.” Adam kisses her. “You know Wayne, Lisa, Devon, right?”

Victoria cocks her head. “I don't think we've actually met.” She smiles at the team. “Nice to meet you guys.”

“There you go,” Adam says. “You wanna get out of here?”

“Uh-huh.” She takes Adam's arm and they start to walk away.

Then Wayne goes: “Hey, Adam, you forgot to pay us.”

Shit
, Adam thinks.

Wayne
, Adam thinks.

You're an idiot
, Adam thinks.

Adam smiles at Victoria. “Sorry, one sec.” Walks back to Wayne and Lisa and Devon, pulls out his wallet.

“What are you paying them for?” Victoria says.

“Tutoring,” Adam says. “Nothing. Never mind.”

“That's a lot of money,” Victoria says. “All that from tutoring? And why are
you
paying
them
? I don't get it.”

“It's tricky,” Adam says. “It's a complicated arrangement. I have to—”

Victoria's eyes are wide. “Oh my god,” she says slowly.

Adam looks at her. “What?”

“It's true, isn't it?”

“What's true?” Adam says. “No, of course not.”

“I thought it was a joke,” Victoria says. “That Pizza Man rumor. I didn't think it was real, but it's real. Isn't it, Adam?”

Adam feels his stomach starting to implode. “What are you talking about?”

“I heard people talking,” Victoria says. “Some stupid little scheme. They said you do homework for all the popular kids, you and your little gang here. I thought it was all made up, but it isn't, is it?”

Adam reaches for her arm. Victoria shakes him off.

“Come
on
,” he says. “Victoria. It's no big deal.”

Victoria looks around. At Nixon. At Cardigan's. At Wayne and Lisa and Devon. “How long have you been doing this?” she says.

“Not long.” Adam shrugs. “Since October, I guess.”

She steps back like she's been slapped. “So pretty much always, then. The whole time we've been together. You've been lying to me this whole time.”

“I wasn't lying,” Adam tells her. “It's a tutoring thing. I told you that.”

“It's
not
tutoring.” There are tears in her eyes. “It's
cheating
, Adam. You're screwing up your whole life. Why?”

Adam shrugs again. “It beats working at Pizza Hut.”

“So it's the money,” Victoria says. “That's why you're doing this.”

They're down the block now. Wayne and Lisa and Devon have wandered away—

(mercifully)

—giving Adam and Victoria some space.

Adam shrugs. “The money's good. Yeah, there's that.”

“There's something else?” Victoria says.

Adam looks at his feet. Adam tries to explain. Adam can't. “You don't get it,” Adam says. “Everything's so easy for you.”

Victoria stiffens. “Pardon?”

“You're popular,” Adam says. “You're good-looking. Your dad still has his job. You've never had to work for anything in your life. You just don't understand.”

“What don't I understand, Adam?” Victoria says. “What are you missing from your life? You have a girlfriend who loves you. You have actual friends, not those people you pay to hang around and do homework. You could do anything you want in the world if you put your mind to it. What are you missing?”

“I'm a nobody,” Adam tells her. “I'm still just a loser.”

Victoria stares at him.

“I want to be a god,” Adam says. “I want to be bigger than Rob Thigpen, that piece of shit. I want to be bigger than all of them. I want to
win
.”

“Why?”
Victoria's voice wavers. She shakes her head,
blinks back tears. “What the hell does it matter what those assholes think about you? You're a hundred times better than any one of them.”

“I told you. You don't get it,” Adam tells her.

Victoria doesn't say anything. Just stares at Adam. Traffic whizzes past and around them. A couple students walk by.

“I can't be a part of this, Adam,” Victoria says finally. “I can't go out with a cheater. If you want me to stick around, you have to end this whole scheme.”

Adam closes his eyes. “Don't do this,” he tells her. “Don't make me choose.”

(
Dump her.
)

(
Let her walk.
)

(
There will be nothing holding you back once she's gone.
)

“I'm not doing anything.” Victoria starts walking. Away from Nixon. Away from Remington Park. Toward Walkerville, toward home. “I'm just telling you where I stand,” she says. “The rest is up to you.”

Adam calls up Brian. Takes a bus out to Riverside. Meets Brian in the park and gets high. “Girls, man,” Brian says. “So unpredictable.”

Adam hasn't smoked up in a while.

(He's been too busy.)

He's flying off a couple of hits.

“Everything's so easy for her,” he says. “All she has to do is show up and smile and the whole stupid school drops to its knees.”

“You don't think it's tough for her, though?” Brian says. “Being a smart chick in that body? You think anyone takes her seriously?”

Adam takes another drag. “Whatever,” he says. “She's popular. Everybody likes her. What does the rest of it matter?”

“I don't know, man.” Brian takes the jay. “You don't think she could be right?”

“About the homework stuff?”

“About everything,” Brian says. “What does it really matter if you fit in with those stuck-up bitches? You're getting honor-roll grades. And she's a great girl. Why do you care so much about the rest of those douchebags?”

“I just do,” Adam tells him. “I deserve this, okay? This is my
right.
If Sam hadn't had his accident, I'd be a god already; I'm just taking what should already be mine.”

Brian takes another long drag. “Whatever,” he says. “I guess you know what you want. I'd just think twice before I gave her up, man.”

Adam thinks twice.

(And probably more.)

Adam already knows what he wants.

Adam wants Victoria kissing him by her locker.

He wants her holding his hand while they walk home from school.

He wants her teasing him in front of Sam and making Sam laugh while they drink soda and eat burgers and watch the Red Wings play.

He wants Victoria Lemieux.

He wants to love her.

(Maybe he really
does
love her.)

(Maybe.)

But Adam also wants to win.

He wants to drive into the school parking lot in a Porsche with a goddess on his arm.

He wants to get laid.

He wants the whole fucking world to know him.

To love him.

To see him like he's a god.

The way they should have seen Sam—would have seen him—if not for that game against Nixon.

Adam wants to take over.

(Adam is taking over.)

Adam wants

wants

wants

needs . . .

to win.

Victoria avoids Adam the next day at school. Every time he passes her in the hall, tries to talk to her, she looks away.

(Her eyes are red. She looks tired.)

(She's been crying all night, probably.)

Finally, Adam catches up to her as she's walking past Cardigan's after school. “Can we talk?” he asks her.

Victoria looks at him. Looks back at Cardigan's, where Wayne and Lisa and Devon are trying not to look like Adam just gave them their latest assignments

trying not to look like Adam just paid them off.

trying not to look interested.

and failing.

“No,” Victoria says. She keeps walking.

Adam hurries to keep up. “Victoria,” he says. “I'm sorry. I swear.”

“Not sorry enough,” she says. “If you were really sorry, you would have told everyone at Cardigan's to leave you alone, that you were through with that stupid scheme. But you didn't, did you?”

Adam shakes his head. “I just need to make it to the summer,” he tells her. “Then it's over, I swear. Just give me this semester to make it work.”

“Listen to yourself,” Victoria says. “You sound like an addict.”

“I can't just walk away,” Adam says. “People need me.”

“To do their fucking
homework
,” Victoria says. “I do my own homework, Adam. What makes them so special?”

“They're the gods,” Adam says. “They can make or break me.”

“Bullshit,” Victoria says. “
You
make or break you.”

“Just one more semester,” Adam says.

Victoria shakes her head. “No. I can't do it,” she says. “I'm sorry.”

She keeps walking. Doesn't look back at Adam. Just walks away. Cold. It triggers something, and Adam disappears.

Enter Pizza Man.

“Fine,” he calls after Victoria. “Whatever. I don't need you, anyway.”

Victoria flinches, but she doesn't answer. Doesn't even turn around. Suddenly, Adam wants to hurt her. Wants her to know that he's mad.

“I can have any girl in the school,” he tells her. “And they'll all
sleep with me
if I want them to. What do I need you for?”

Victoria stops walking. Stands there a moment, and her shoulders hunch and he can tell that she's crying.

“I'm sorry,” Adam tells her. “Damn it, I'm sorry.”

(And Adam is sorry.

He's

so

fucking

sorry.)

But Victoria isn't having it. “Fuck you, Adam,” she says. “You're a real fucking asshole.”

She starts walking again.

She walks away, and this time, Adam lets her. Because he knows she's right. He is a real fucking asshole.

And Victoria's gone.

Adam goes home.

Adam regresses.

Reattains Loser Mode.

Adam locks himself in his room and turns on angry music and just kind of lies there. He tries calling Victoria but she won't answer her phone.

He leaves a couple dumb messages but she doesn't call back.

Finally he gives up.

He just lies there some more.

Steph comes in.

“Heard about you and Victoria,” she says.

Adam looks at her. “Guess you got your wish.”

Steph makes a face. “You don't have to be such a dick, Adam. So what if you can sleep with any girl in the school. Did you really have to tell her that?”

(So he wasn't wrong. He
can
sleep with anyone. Even Steph knows.)

“I was pissed off, okay?” Adam says. “She was dumping me.”

“Maybe if you weren't such a lunatic she wouldn't have to dump you.”

“Whatever,” Adam says. “It's not like you wanted us to be together anyway.”

Steph shakes her head. “I don't like seeing my friends get hurt, Adam.”

Adam stares up at the ceiling. “What did you say, anyway?” he says. “When she told you what happened.”

Steph sighs. “I told her the truth,” she says. “I told her you cared more about being popular than you ever would about her.”

“That's not true,” Adam says. “I love her.”

“Then give up the stupid homework scheme, you douchebag,” Steph says.

She stares at Adam. Adam says nothing.

(
Not a fucking chance.
)

Steph nods. “That's what I thought.”