How to Write a Brilliant Romance: The Easy, Step-By-Step Method of Crafting a Powerful Romance (Go! Write Something Brilliant) (16 page)

Another
way
to
subtext
is
through
setting.
It’s
the
use
of
rich,
vivid
nouns
and
powerful
verbs
to
set an
emotional
tone
to
the
scene.
In
the
next
scene,
there
is
little
dialogue,
but
hopefully
you
can
sense the
mood
of
the
POV
character
through
the
setting.

(From
Taming
Rafe
,
this
scene
is
set
in
the
Dust
Bowl
of
Wyoming,
1930,
and
is
right
after
the
death of
Mary’s
husband.
Her
widower-landlord
has
offered
her
the
option
of
marriage
in
order
to
support her
and
her
child.)

They pulled up to the unpainted house. It sat in a dip between
two weather-beaten,
grassless
hills.
The
effects
of
the
last
dust
storm
had
piled
dirt against
the
barn
and
porch.
Dirty
curtains
flapped
from
the
open
windows,
and a
pot
of
dead
geraniums
told
her
that
Mrs.
Thatcher—God
rest
her
soul—had been
a
woman
of
hope.

Matthias’s bulk jiggled the car as he got out. “Preacher’s inside. Hurry
up.”

Mary thought he might grab her case from the jump seat, but he marched into the house without so much as a glance
backward.

She had no time for tears. Rosie needed a home. She needed work.
Mary eased
open
the
door.
Weakness
rushed
through
her,
a
ripple
of
despair
that
had
the
ability
to
crumple
her.
She
couldn’t
do
this.
A
tear
squeezed
out,
and
she
wiped
it
against
Rosie’s
head,
brushing
her
lips
against
her
daughter’s skin.

“Mary!” Thatcher stood on the porch, the preacher behind him. She saw anger in his eyes and stiffened. Please, Lord, help me.

“Can I get your case for you, ma’am?” The voice beside her, a soft drawl, seemed calm against her racing heart.

We don’t insert even a tone of voice, but the setting tells us everything we need to know about her emotions
and
even
the
tension
that
is
building
for
later.

Building
on
what we know, let’s take another look at the Will and Dani scene—with all the elements of
Sizzle
added:

“Dani, it’s okay,” Will said, trying to keep his voice low, scanning his gaze past her, toward the cabin, past it into the dark fold of forest. (Setting subtexting used to accentuate the danger. What is lurking there?)

“What part of you scaring my skin off is okay?” Her voice shrilled, matching the white panic that hued her face. “And why do you have to always dress like a mercenary when you’re in the woods? Good grief, Will, who do you think you’re going to get in a fight with, a great horned owl?”

He couldn’t hide the smile, nor it seemed his emotions. He’d seen her sneak up, and totally turned off the common sense screaming in his brain.

No, he hadn’t expected to fight with anyone—least of all the woman he couldn’t seem to ditch.

“I checked this cabin. She’s not here. And neither should you be.”

Her face told him exactly how utterly odd his words sounded. “And, why is that, Rambo?” Her eyes widened and she reached for the house, as if to brace herself. “Is that an
assault
rifle?”

He slung it off his shoulder, set it away from him, from her. Why, oh
why couldn’t he let her simply knock on the door, find nothing, and leave? He
could have stayed
hidden.

And then he’d have two women to protect . . . Dannette and Amina, if
he ever found her. “I’m just being prepared.”

“To
what,
shoot
and
skin
your
own
deer?
With
a
.
.
.
what’s
that,
an
M-16?”

“AM4A1
carbine,
sort
of
a
mountain
warfare
rifle.”

“Oh, right, my mistake. I have one of those in my car, because, you know, every good woodsman
should have one
.” She had real fire in those
eyes and
she
didn’t
look
in
the
least
amused
by
her
own
joke.
“I
think
you’ve
taken
this search and rescue thing too far. This is not a top-secret special ops
mission.”
She
turned
and
held
her
hand
out
to
the
scenery.
Shadows
pressed
through
the
trees,
striping
the
yard
like
a
prison
fence.
“What
part
of
this
says
bad guys?”

Whoa, she was cute when she was sarcastic. But at the moment
he couldn’t
give
into
the
desire
to
laugh
because
she
was
so
utterly
wrong
it
hurt him
right
in
the
middle
of
his
chest.

“Dani, please, trust me. You need to go home and let me find this
girl.”

She
frowned
at
him.
Pointed
to
her
orange
jacket,
then
the
shabrack
vest on her new dog—now where had she conjured up a new K-9 so quickly?
“See these
little
white
crosses?
They
mean
we
belong
out
here.
Our
job
is
to
Search
and Rescue. Do you, by any chance, see a difference between, say, my outfit . . . and
yours?”

He smirked, but picked up his weapon and took her by the arm.
“Okay, just yell at me when we get off the porch and back into the woods.”

This night had started out dark, and was only worsening as he moved into daylight. He’d driven up to the rest area and to his dismay, saw that the T’s vehicle still hadn’t moved.

Not good. Not good.

Hoping to cut off the distance between the T’s and the cabin, he’d tracked back and used another forest service road to wind into the Tom
Lake area.

“What’s going on, Will?” Dani said as she yanked her arm out of his
grip. “Don’t
tell
me
you
were
the
scent
Kirby
found?”

He made a face. “I dunno. But I do think that this girl is somewhere
in one of these houses, and I can find her by
myself
.”

She gave a harsh laugh. “You know, I truly believe that, somehow,
deep in
my
heart.
But
just
for
kicks,
why
don’t
we
use
the
K-9
that
we’ve
spent
a
year
training?”

He
shook
his
head,
turned
and
headed
for
the
tree
cover,
a
bittersweet hope that she’d follow. Because, he didn’t really want to throw her over
his shoulder and haul her out of danger, like a
real
boy
scout.

Okay, maybe a
little.

But the fact that Little Miss SAR was back, an obviously fully
charged, meant
trouble.

And even more dangerous were the little feelings of happiness that
were exploding all over his
heart.

Bad
Will.
Bad,
Bad
Will.

Still
as
she
followed
him
into
the
forest,
stood
there
with
her
hands
on her hips, her eyebrows up, he just wanted to reach over and hug her.

“Dani, please, for the last time, you need to
leave.”

“Give me one good reason.” She held up one elegant
finger. “One.”

Okay, she had a point . . . without knowing it. He couldn’t rightly
explain without blowing his cover. But without blowing his cover, he couldn’t get her
to leave.

Besides, what if she were caught hiking out?

Maybe
it
would
be
better
if
he
just
.
.
.
hung
around,
or
vice
versa.
“Promise to listen to me? And, to obey me if I tell you to do something?” She looked at him like he’d turned purple and spoken
Russian.

“I
know
the
words,
‘you’re
not
the
boss
of
me,’
sound
slightly kindergartenish
.
.
.
but,
you’re
not
the
boss
of
me
.”
She
turned
to
her
new
K-9, sitting
beside
her
and
eyeing
him
like
a
moldy
sirloin.
“C’mon,
Kirby.”

This
time
he
really
did
stop
her.
Put
all
one-hundred-ninety
pounds between
her
and
her
exit,
and
wore
a
face
he
hadn’t
used
for
quite
some
time.
Maybe
three
years.
“You’re
not
going
anywhere
without
me,
Dani,”
he
said,
slow
and
dangerously.
(Note:
This
is
the
only
tone
of
voice
he
uses.)
“And
I
am
the
boss of you, starting right now.”

How
do
you
build
your
own
dialogue
Sizzle
?

When
you’re
building
dialogue,
ask:

• What do the hero and heroine each need to accomplish, and what emotions will they be showing?
  
• What do they really want to say? (Don’t go with your first instinct. Write their true emotions.)
  
• What could they be doing that either accentuates their words, or puts them in relief?
  
• What is the appropriate body language for their attitude and what could they be hiding?
  
• What setting could accentuate the mood or tone of the scene?
  
• What is the one tone of voice you could insert that would add impact?
  
• Is there a metaphor in this scene that betrays the theme of the scene? How can you deepen that metaphor through action,
  setting,
  props,
  or
  words?
  

Here’s
an
idea:
Write
the
dialogue,
and
then
go
through
it
and
ramp
it
up,
adding
in
the
subtexting, the
meaningful
action,
and
especially
the
Zingers.
Don’t
expect
to
get
it
right
the
first
time,
but
keep laying,
adding
in
more
Zingers,
more
conflict
until
it
comes
to
life.
And
if
you
have
dialogue
that seems
to
fall
flat—dissect
it.
You
may
be
missing
the
Sizzle
!

And
here’s
a
final
caveat:
Keep
the
tone
of
voice
spare,
but
with
impact.

• He snarled. He muttered. He snapped. He
  growled.
  

But,
please
not:

• He
  laughed
  (as
  a
  dialogue
  tag.
  Okay
  as
  a
  sentence)
  
• He
  stammered.
  (You
  can
  write
  the
  stammering
  words
  instead). He
  smiled.
  (Again,
  not
  a
  dialogue
  tag).
  
• But,
  I’ll
  let
  you
  use
  he
  whispered
  .
  Maybe.
  Once.
  

Just
say:
he
said
and
she
said
.
And
fill
in
the
rest.

Have
you
ever
entered
a
writing
contest?
The
tension
starts
building
after
you’ve
submitted
your manuscript
for
judging.
Yes,
you
want
to
create
the
best
entry
you
can,
and
you
work
hard
on,
even worry
about,
your
sentences
and
story
structure.
But
second
thoughts
and
wringing
hands
don’t
set in
until
after
you’ve
submitted.
Why?
Because
you’re
hoping
for
a
great
outcome
and
your
fears about
your
manuscript—the
frailties
you
recognize,
or
don’t
recognize
in
your
writing—are
shouting at
you
that
you
might
not
succeed.
The
more
you
continue
to
write,
the
more
you
fall
in
love
with storycrafting,
the
more
you
invest
into
the
process,
and
the
more
you
see
the
hope
of
publication, the
more
you
want
it.
Hence,
the
more
the
tension
increases.

Put
that
same
“want”
into
a
romance
and
you
have
sexual
tension!
It’s
a
key
element
of
romance: that
hope
of
a
kiss,
or
more.
You
can’t
write
a
romance
without
at
least
a
nod
to
this
tension.

Sexual
tension
in
a
novel
is
that
hope
and
desire
for
affection
that
builds
into
each
kiss
or
physical act
of
affection.
It’s
different
for
each
genre,
and
of
course
the
two
different
markets—American Booksellers
Association
(ABA)
or
general
market
or
Christian
Booksellers
Association
(CBA)
or inspirational
market.

In
the
general
market,
you
have
everything
from
sweet
romance,
which
might
have
a
sex
scene,
(but it
would
either
be
behind
closed
doors
or
very
tame,)
to
erotic,
where
nothing
is
behind
closed doors.
You
can
have
erotic
romantic
suspense
or
erotic
historical
or
sweet
romantic
suspense
and sweet
historical
and
everything
in
between.
It’s
almost
a
given
in
today’s
general
market
that regardless
of
genre
there
will
be
some
sort
of
romantic
thread,
and
that
it
will
culminate
in
physical affection
to
some
degree.