Howling Moon (15 page)

“Michael, there is
nothing
to talk about.” Cat fought to control her temper. He was being a jerk: a
major
jerk. It had started with his whining about her standing him up this morning. She hadn’t stood him up. It wasn’t a date. She’d never once asked him to join her on her morning runs. He’d taken that upon himself, just as he’d taken to hanging out at the Joint about the time he knew she was due to get off, or go on break. It was just one more of the million little things he’d taken to doing to force his way into her life. She’d been trying to handle the situation delicately; after all, he was the pack leaders’ son, but he was getting on her last nerve!

Cat felt her muscles beginning to tense as her irritation increased. Even the temperature in the car started to rise. She tried to calm herself, control the beast within her as Raphael had been training her to do. It was damned hard work. And what pissed her off most of all was that she appeared to be one of the few bothering to do it. From what she could see of most of the pack, they didn’t think they should have to bother. The animal in
their
nature was never far from the surface; casual violence the norm, rather than an oddity.

Which brought her thoughts neatly back to Ned. If she hadn’t been here… hadn’t taken the blow… She couldn’t believe Tatya did that. The first rule is secrecy – Cat knew that much. And right behind it were the rules to protect humans. Turning a human Sazi other than in self-defense was an automatic death sentence. How could Tatya risk it, even with her family so involved in pack hierarchy – no,
especially
with her family so involved in pack hierarchy?

But her mind answered its own question. Tatya, and the rest of the pack, had come to rely on the fact that the human family members all wore silver at all times. If the humans didn’t, there wouldn’t be
any
affiliated with the pack anymore – they’d’ve all been changed.

Or died in the attempt. Raphael’s voice slid smoothly into her thoughts.

What do you mean?

Human bodies aren’t meant to hold magic, to change shapes. Even for family members with generations of Sazi in their bloodlines it’s a terrible risk.

Cat saw the memory in Raphael’s mind. A pretty blonde pre-teen girl, naked in a small clearing, surrounded by her parents and Raphael. The moon rose, its light silvering the frost-covered ground, casting deep shadows that brought every detail into stark relief.

She screamed in agony, again and again, as fast as she could draw breath. Her body collapsed to the ground. Cat could hear her bones snap, saw the muscles strain to re-form. Her face distorted, elongating into a muzzle with fangs. Short brisdes of gray hair sprouted from her pores, then retracted again.

It wasn’t enough. Cat could feel the naked fear that clawed at Raphael’s stomach as he gathered his power, forcing his own magic into the fallen girl.

For a moment it looked as though it might work. He kept trying, kept straining against the inevitable, draining himself until he fell to the ground, spent, despite the part of him that knew it was a lost cause.

Thirteen years old, barely more than a child; and there was nothing he or any of the others could do but watch in nauseated horror as her body ripped itself apart.

Cat dragged herself free of the memory by force of will. Her stomach heaved and rolled. She tasted bile on the back of her tongue. She fought against the nausea, barely managing to keep down the burger she’d eaten.

She knew it could have been Ned, Holly, even her. In that moment she realized, without him saying a thing, that
that
was what he’d expected to witness that first night. She shuddered, her stomach heaving.

“Cat? Are you even listening to me?” Mike snapped.

“Not really.”

Mike slammed on the brakes, causing the car to skid and swerve violently toward the side of the road. Mike steered with it, pulling over until they were in the grassy verge, with tree limbs scraping along the passenger side of the vehicle.

“Let me guess. You were
thinking
at Raphael again.”

“Michael – “ Cat’s voice held a warning.

“Oh, so I’m supposed to pretend I don’t notice? I’m just supposed to keep my mouth shut and watch while you alienate
ever
y
body
in the entire fucking pack? Don’t you get it? You
have
to fit in. You
have
to acknowledge my mom’s dominance; she’s the alpha female. She
is
superior to you. And, for God’s sake,
don’t
buy the land. It’s our prime hunting ground. Ned has no business selling it to anybody!” Michael’s whole body shook with rage. “You’ve got to conform. They’ll never accept you if you don’t. Never accept
us”

“There
is
no ‘us,’ Michael.” Cat looked him straight in the eye as she said it, and actually
saw
the words slide past him unheeded. “And I will rot in hell before I act subservient to your mother after what she almost did to Ned tonight.”

“What she almost did? You mean turn him? Like that would be so terrible. Hell, she’d be doing him a favor!”

In that instant Cat forgot her breathing exercises, forgot her self-control. Cocking her arm back she punched him full-out, a powerful right hook that connected with his nose, snapping his head back.

Blood poured through the fingers of the hands he’d brought to his face. Mike’s eyes were glassy, and he swayed slightly in his seat, as though she’d almost knocked him out.

Cat didn’t stay to watch, or talk. She climbed out of the vehicle, slammed the door, and stormed off in the direction of the bar. She wasn’t worried about Mike. She knew she didn’t need to be.
He
was Sazi. He’d heal.

Lucas stubbed out
a spent cigarette with the toe of his boot. Two fifteen. The bar was closed, and the last witness interviewed. Raphael knew that the old man had quit smoking more than a decade before. That he’d bothered to bum a cigarette and light meant that he was seriously stressed. Raphael couldn’t blame him. The situation was a total fucking mess, and Tatya was right, square in the middle of it.

“It could’ve been worse,” Lucas said with a sigh. “Would’ve been if you hadn’t been here.”

“Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good.” Raphael admitted.

“What the
hell
was she thinking?” Lucas growled with exasperation.

Raphael didn’t answer. They both knew Tatya
hadn’t
thought. She’d reacted instinctively to the threat she thought Cat posed, and the rest of the pack members had been ready to back her up. Raphael suppressed a shudder and wondered if Ned knew just how close a call he’d had. Probably. He was no fool, and he’d been around the Sazi his whole life.

“You realize she’ll never forgive you for keeping her frozen in place like that while you interviewed everybody else.”

“You ‘re
the one who held her,” Lucas pointed out.

“Uh-huh. But
you
decided the order of the interviews.” He gave his friend a rueful grin. “Hope you’ve got a comfortable couch.”

Lucas grunted in acknowledgment and gestured at the cigarette pack. Raphael tapped out one for each of them before pulling out his lighter.

“Did
Ned give the pack first right of refusal?” Raphael asked as he held the lighter for his pack leader. “I didn’t see anything cross my desk.”

“No,” Lucas sighed. “It came to me. Tatya figured she’d handle it while I was out of town.”

“Oh.”

Raphael watched as Lucas stared up at the star-filled sky and the silver moonlight that lined the few visible clouds. The older man hadn’t actually looked at him or met his eyes since they’d left the building. “She thought, if she turned him down and then waited a few weeks, she could negotiate down the price.”

“Bad idea.” Raphael took a long drag of nicotine. He forced himself to relax. It hadn’t been a disaster. Nothing irretrievable had happened. But
damn
it had been a close call. Sometimes Tatya was so impulsive it qualified as stupidity. “Ned’s real proud of that place – and mountain land’s in high demand.”

“Very.” Lucas took a long pull on the cigarette, making the tip glow cherry red. He slowly released the smoke from his lungs and watched as it floated upward. “Now he wouldn’t sell to us if we were the last people on the planet.”

“Yup.”

“And Cat, who would probably have been reasonable about sharing hunting rights before, is totally pissed off.” Lucas leaned his back against the large black SUV he’d driven up in.

“Right again.”

“Don’t suppose you can talk sense to her?” Lucas shifted his body so that he was looking straight at the other man with a burning intensity.

“What makes you think I’ll have any better luck than you would? And what makes it sensible to change her mind?” This time it was Raphael who looked away and tried to keep his tone casual.

Lucas gave him a long, flat look that Raphael tried unsuccessfully to ignore. Eventually Lucas took pity on him and broke the silence. “Have you talked to Betty about getting tested to see whether the mating is one sided or mutual?”

Raphael took a deep breath. He hadn’t said it out loud, but he didn’t need to around Lucas. He might well be the
only
person in Boulder who understood what he was going through. Mated.

And to Jack’s get – after everything that had happened. He closed his eyes and let out a short, frustrated chuckle. “I scheduled an appointment for next week. Didn’t tell her what it was about.”

“Next
week?”

“Yeah, next
-week,
when Daphne Black is on vacation. I’d like to keep this as quiet as I can.”

Lucas flinched. “I’m getting slow in my old age. You shouldn’t have had to remind me of that.”

“Nah, you’re just tired. Too much on your plate. Go home. Get some rest. It’ll look better in the morning.”

“Right.”
Lucas dug out his keys and climbed into the SUV. “What’re you going to do?”

“Long term, I haven’t got a fucking clue,” Raphael answered. “But right now, it’s a gorgeous night, the weather’s perfect. I’m going for a run. You?”

“I’m going to drive home nice and slow – and hope that by the time I get there my wife will already be in bed, asleep.”

“Good luck with that.”

Lucas acknowledged the joke with a soft snort of laughter before rolling up the window and driving off. Raphael watched him go. When die SUV was completely out of sight he began to undress.

It really was a perfect night for a run. Crisp and clear, with a thousand stars sparkling like diamonds in the distance. A north wind blowing just hard enough to rustle what few aspen leaves still decorated the trees. It had been a night much like this when Candy Streeter died. Raphael shook his head. He needed to stop thinking about that. He’d done his best. Not that it had mattered – in the end, she had been just as dead as if Raphael had stood by and done nothing at all, all because of a single scratch.

The Sazi code of conduct was harsh for a reason. The consequences for carelessness were just too severe.

Raphael unlocked the door to his car and set his boots and folded clothes neatly on top of the driver’s-side seat. He tucked his keys under the rear floor mat and shut the car door with a brisk slam. A moment’s concentration was all it took. His body transformed effortlessly into the second shape it had been born to take. Seconds later, a huge black timber wolf disappeared into the shadowed woods.

Raphael ran easily over the rough terrain, paws skimming over frosted tufts of grass. He leapt over a dry gully that waited for spring’s melt to fill with pure rushing water. The scent of pine filled his nostrils as his paw crashed needles piled beneath the trees, fading as it was carried off by the breeze. Other than the rustle of the leaves and the hoot of an owl, the forest was nearly silent. The prey had all gone to ground, hoping the predator would pass them by.

In the distance he heard the thump and crunch of brush as a startled doe bolted. Instinct took over. He turned, to give chase.

He put on a burst of speed, gaining on the doe with every stride. Raphael could hear the thundering of her heart, her ragged breathing. He felt a burst of pure, unfettered joy as he leapt, his teeth closing around her throat, his weight and the power of the impact driving her to the ground.

He finished her off quickly and settled down to feast on his kill, coherent thought washed away in the salt-sweet taste of fresh meat and blood. He gorged until he was sated, then lay on his side letting the food settle. His stomach was heavy, and so were his eyes. It would be easy to sleep here. Really, there was no reason why he shouldn’t. There was no one at home to miss him, nothing but an empty house with photographs of kids he never got the chance to raise and those few things Raven left behind for use on his visits. Once upon a time he’d believed in the fairy tale. That he, too, could have the kind of life Lucas had managed; the pack, the business, a beautiful wife, and a passel of kids. It had been a cruel trick that every relationship he’d invested his heart in had wound up in disaster.

Only Raven’s mother, Star, was still friendly with him. Although if he was being totally honest, the fact that she
didn’t,
marry him when she was pregnant with Raven still stung.

It was probably for the best, though – if they
had
gotten married, they would’ve ended up divorced and bitter. They were too much alike – stubborn and hardheaded, neither one ever able to compromise on anything. He did hope he’d be able to talk her into coming up for Thanksgiving. It would give him the chance to sneak in some healing before her arthritis got too bad.

Raphael found himself wondering what Cat would be doing for Thanksgiving. As if the thought summoned her, he caught her scent on the breeze, heard her soft footfalls.

“Raphael?” Cat called his name with both voice and mind.

“Over here,” Raphael answered.

He heard her turn, following both his scent and the sound of his voice. Before long she appeared at the opposite side of the clearing, moonlight gleaming off the length of her hair.

She was gorgeous, breathtaking. Low-slung jeans clung to those long shapely legs, leaving just a thin band of tanned skin showing on her abdomen between them and the little blue button-up sweater he’d been admiring… God, was it only this morning? It felt as if it had been a year ago at least.

Her steps slowed as she neared the deer carcass. Raphael knew a battle was raging between the two parts of her nature. The cat wanted to feed. It was obvious from the way her body stiffened, her nose twitching to get a better scent of the raw meat. But
Cat
rebelled, horrified by the bloody mess of torn flesh and bones.

“You can have some if you want,” Raphael offered gently.

“Thank you.” Cat’s voice was taut with strain. “But no.”

“It’s all right to want it.”

“Is it? Is it really?” She didn’t bother to hide her disbelief, tinged with horror. He could hear that she was very nearly hysterical. “I don’t think so!”

She stalked away from the carcass, throwing herself to the ground with her back to it, so she wouldn’t have to look. But tension sang through her body as her cat fought her for control.

The human won. But it wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t pretty. Raphael very carefully didn’t express the pity he felt for her. She was a proud woman. Pity would stick in her craw, make her even angrier than the helplessness he knew she was feeling. Instead, he lay still, waiting.

“Do you have any idea how much I
hate
this?” she asked. Tears glittered in her wide green eyes.

“I know it’s hard.”

“Hard?” She snarled. Again, Cat fought for control. Again she mastered herself. Eventually she broke the silence. “It’s like I’m not
me
anymore. You tried to warn me. But I didn’t realize – “

“It’ll get easier with practice,” Raphael promised.

“Oh, God, I hope so!” A single tear tracked down her perfect cheek. If he hadn’t been in wolf form, he’d have brushed mat tear away, taken her in his arms to comfort her.

“You’re actually doing very well. Much better than I expected.”

She laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “I hit Michael a little while ago. I think I broke his nose. I did break a couple of my fingers.” Her gaze locked with Raphael’s, and the scent of her pain and confusion easily overpowered the smell of the deer on the ground.

He perked his ears with interest. “What happened?”

“Where do I start?” She rose to her feet in a fluid movement and began pacing. There was no mistaking her exasperation as she related her tale. Raphael found himself growing angrier and angrier on her behalf. He watched as her body vibrated with fury, and the smell of rage boiled off of her in an almost visible mist. “So then I thought about that girl in the memory you showed me – “

“And you hit him.” Raphael worked very hard not to put any emotion into the words, not anger, or disapproval, or even what he actually felt: sincere appreciation. The kid was a total ass, completely unlike his father, and he’d wished he could personally deck him more than once.

“Yep.” Her voice was likewise flat, but the roil of scents told an entirely different tale. Fear, anger, frustration, worry – they were all mere, blended into one tiny word.

“And broke his nose?”

“I think so.”

He sighed. While Lucas probably wouldn’t blame her once he learned the story, it did raise a valid question. If Raphael was mated to her, what’s to say Mike wasn’t as well? Multiple matings to an alpha were fairly common. It was becoming pretty obvious that Cat was an alpha to be reckoned with. “Then what?”

“Then I climbed out of the car and stormed off. I heard him drive away.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’d probably have done the same tiling.” Raphael spoke gently.

“Ah, but
you ‘re
his alpha. You get to. I, on the other hand, am ‘the cat that’s intruding on our territory’ who everybody thinks should be run out on a rail if not killed outright.” She shook her head; her voice was soft, almost awed when she finally spoke again. “They would’ve killed me tonight, if you hadn’t stopped them. They would’ve done it. I just don’t
get
it. I haven’t done anything wrong!”

“It’s going to be all right,” he assured her, hoping she couldn’t smell his own doubts.

She glared at him. “Don’t lie to me, Raphael. The pack hates me, I have a madman strolling through my mind at will, oh,
and
I get to turn into a wild animal once a month and go kill things! No,” she corrected herself. “
I
get to turn into a wild animal
anytime
I want. Oh,
goody.”

Raphael lay utterly still, trying to come up with the right words to comfort her. What could he say? She had every right to be angry and terrified. Her entire life had been torn away from her. It was one of the reasons so many attack victims committed suicide within the first few months. The physical stresses were phenomenal. Mentally and emotionally it was worse. But he wanted,
needed
Cat to make it. He just wasn’t sure how to make it happen. The silence grew between them, but it changed subtly, becoming less angry, but more sorrowful.

Reaching over, she buried her left hand deep in his fur, scratching the perfect spot just behind his ear. Her touch was electric, her scent… Raphael wanted to wrap himself in the scent of her.

“I walked back to the bar. It took awhile. Nobody was there, but your car was still in the parking lot. So I decided to use some of that training you gave me this afternoon.”

“And you found me.” He turned his head, licking the tear from her cheek, tasting the salty sweetness of her sadness on his tongue. “I guess you were paying attention after all.”

She stuck out her tongue at him. The childish gesture made him laugh. She gave him a playful shove, but winced.

Without even thinking about it, Raphael used his magic to change forms. “Let me see,” he ordered. She held it out gingerly. Two of the knuckles were red and the whole hand was badly swollen.

She’d broken it all right. Based on the damage to her hand Raphael would bet that Mike’s nose was badly broken, too. Not that it mattered – he’d heal. And Tatya would make sure his nose wound up straight. But, shit, Tatya would be pissed – nobody got to mess with that woman’s cubs.