Hunger of the Heart (Wolves of Ravenwillow Book 1) (37 page)

"Your right, I don’t understand. But what I do understand is that I am unbelievably stupid." walking around him, heading back toward the lodge with long angry strides. Within her closed fist, she could feel Damon’s keys biting into her palm. For the first time since he’d forced them on her, she was thankful. Emerging from the tree line, they faced the side of the towering lodge structure. Pausing at the tree line, she attempted to ignore the quizzical stares that she was receiving as other shifters looked her way. Just like Eric, they would never accept her here.

"What do you mean?" his voice still restrained and cold.

"I love you, Eric. I am sorry that you had to choose between saving me and your pack—”

Eric's wolf leapt to his glowing eyes in denial. “You’re being childish. That’s not what I meant.” He attempted to say over top of her words, but she ignored him.

“—But I refuse to stay somewhere if you only want to acknowledge me before strangers when it’s convenient for you. You are still keeping things from me.” Spinning around to face him, she looked at him with her heartbreaking every second. “You want me to trust you and to accept that you’ve changed what I am, but you won’t do the same. You refuse to treat me like your equal and share things with me.”

When she saw that he had no intention to say nothing further, Rebecca willed the tears in her eyes not to fall. Turning back toward the lodge, she made her way toward Damon’s car. She had to get away from him. He didn’t really want her, not when he had his perfect she-wolf back at his side. She wouldn’t remain in the shadows because his pack wouldn’t accept her and because he truly wouldn’t either.

Before she got a foot toward the car, she was jerked to a stop when Eric’s steel hand settled over her arm

His tone was as cold and unyielding as iron. “Your first change will happen in just a few days. Do you really want to risk hurting someone because you can’t control your emotions?” his words were meant to scare her into staying, because he couldn’t let her go. But those few words had an opposite effect.

Shoving his hand off her arm, she twisted around to face him, when she looked at him, she saw the ruthless man that she’d seen when she’d first met him. The man that saved her life and made tender love to her down at the falls wasn’t there anymore. Was this the true man that she’d bound herself to?

“Don’t worry, Eric.” she softly said with an emotionless voice. “I've had my experiences with dangerous animals; I’ll make sure no one is hurt.”

              Before she could take another step, the door of the lodge flew open with the sound of innocent laughter. Eyes locking on the both of them, Emma and Travis ran to her side, each holding a large painted picture in their small color smeared hands.

"Becca look what we made!" Emma exclaimed, proudly holding up her paining of an amateur of her house with crudely drawn replicas of the four of them

"I did this one." Travis held out his that showed an image of a chocolate brown wolf with obscenely long eyelashes. “This is you.” He added proudly.

Her heart warmed at the smiles on their faces. She wanted more than anything to stay; at least for them. But she had to remind herself that their
real
mother was there now. What need would they have for her? Bending down, she wrapped her arms around both of them. She memorized the feel of their small arms around her as they returned her hug. Know this could be the last time she held them. Not wanting to risk the tears that were threatening to fall, Rebecca abruptly stood and calmly turned away without a word. She rushed across the thick grassy yard to Damon’s small car. Jerking the door open, she climbed in without putting on her safety belt, immediately starting the engine.

Driving down the long winding dirt driveway, her misty eyes flashed to the review mirror. Watching as Emma and Travis raced toward her with confused and hurt expressions. What was left of her breaking heart shattered with Emma fell to her knees crying out for her to not leave with tears falling down her small face. Confused, Travis fell beside his twin, his small arms wrapping around her as he watched Rebecca drive off. Behind them, stood Eric with a determined look focused on her. Forcing herself to look away from him, she finally allowed her tears to fall and the pain of losing the family she’d nearly called her own consume her.

* ~ * ~ *

At the sound of wailing, Sarah appeared in the open doorway to see Robert bending to pluck up his wailing daughter. With a look of concern she turned to look at Travis who stood bravely by his father’s side, but sadness lingered in his young eyes.

Fearing she already knew what had happened, she took a step toward him, her arms out stretched to take Emma from him. With a grateful look, Eric relinquished his daughter to his mother. When Emma’s sobs had settled a bit, she finally asked. “What happened?”

Appearing to carry a heavy weight on his shoulders, Eric replied in a low tone, “Rebecca left.”

Shocked, Sarah shook her head. “What? No, that’s not possible, you two are bound. She is your
true mate
. What happened?”

Flashing a knowing look at his son and daughter, he remained silent. Whatever he needed to say wasn’t meant for their ears. Rubbing a gentle hand down Emma back, Sarah nodded. “Travis come with me and lets see if we can’t cheer up your sister.” With a small glaring look in his father’s direction, Travis followed after his grandmother without a word of complaint.

When his pups and his mother disappeared toward the kitchen, Eric made his way to the conference room. he had to leave and go after her. There was so much he wanted to say to Rebecca, but he didn’t know where to begin. She was right. He didn't fully trust her. The way his pack—the way
he
had come to regard humans; as if they were weak and inferior had caused him to treat his mate like she was less. She was never less! She was more than his next breath to him.

He couldn’t get the image out of his head of her looking up at him, begging him to explain why she’d found him with his arms around another woman; and not just any woman; his ex-wife. Inwardly; his wolf howled at the memory of the tears that had swam in her eyes as she’d looked at him, shattered. The sight was pure agony. He never wanted her to cry, especially not because he’d caused it with his thoughtless actions. How was he going to fix this now?

You really screwed up this time…
his wolf bit out. For the first time in his life, Eric found himself agreeing.

Walking through the open doorway of the conference room, he found Chris sitting at the
new
long, conference table. A pile of papers scattered out in front of him in a chaotic mess. See Eric as he entered, Chris leaned back in his chair with a questioning look.

“Eric?”

“Rebecca has left the grounds. I have to go after her.”

“What?!” Exploding out of his chair, Chris made his way to his Alpha with a look of concern. “Was it Myra or someone else from the pack? If anyone has done anything to her I vow to rip them to shreds!” Chris promised venomously, his devotion to his new Alpha female evident.

“You would have to attack your Alpha then.” Eric imparted with a weary look. When Chris scowled at him in confusion, he took a step back, not replying. “I have hurt her and I must make it right. I need you to get in touch with Jason and get him back here. I need the both of you to watch over the pack until I return.”

“With all due respect Alpha; is now really the best time to be having a tiff with your mate? The full moon is in just two days.”

“I will handle it.” Eric reminded harshly before he took a calming breath and added softly, “I have to fix this.”

“Damn right you will.” An angry voice bit out from behind Eric.

Turning at the sound of the voice, Damon came charging into the room. To both their surprise, Damon charged straight for Eric. Before he could guess his intention, Damon gripped the front of Eric’s shirt and tossed him onto the long table with a snarl. Hitting the table on his back, the force of his body caused the table to break, sending Eric to the floor a top a pile of broken pieces.

When Chris would have attacked to defend his Alpha a scalding look from Eric had him holding his ground. With a shrug of his shoulders, Chris mumbled grudgingly, “I just moved that table in here…”

Moving toward Eric, Damon snarled as he pointed an accusing finger down at him. “You have no idea how hard she cried over you. I don’t know what you did or said to her, but you had better fix this, Eric!”

Leaping from the floor, sending chunks of wood flying with his abrupt movements, Eric grabbed Damon by his throat before delivering a blow to his stomach. When Damon’s knees crumbled beneath him at Eric’s quick attack, his arms wrapped around his middle as he choked for air.

Growling, Eric allowed his wolf free reign to attack Damon, but he held back, barely. “Who gave her keys to your car, Damon? You had no right to interfere! Now I have to hunt down my injured mate and talk her into returning before she transitions.”

Wheezing, Damon stumbled to his legs with a hard look. “If you don’t fix this and you hurt her again, Alpha or not; I will make you sorry.”

“Don’t threaten me. I have had enough of you thinking you’re her protector. She is mine!”

“Then let go of your stubbornness and your pride and be her mate! Rebecca is my friend and if I have to help her stay away from you, I will interfere again.”

Tossing his hands up in the air with a look of disbelief, Eric shook his head. “I don’t have time for this. I’m going after her.” Turning to Chris, he said. “Find Jason and get him here.” Moving to shove past Damon, the sound of Chris calling after him caused him to stop.

“I can’t.” Chris said with an unsure tone.

Turning at the waist, Eric looked back at Chris with quirked an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“That’s just it. I can’t. I don’t know where Jason is.”

Moving back toward his beta, Eric looked confused. “He’s missing?”

Nodding, Chris replied. “He never checked in after the Gathering. I can’t find him anywhere and he’s not answering his phone. I believe something happened to him. It’s not like Jason to just disappear.”

“Find him.” Eric commanded before turning to leave once more.

“We don’t have the man power to; at least not anymore. Many of our trackers and hunters have left the pack and Elder Peter has disappeared. If we are going to find him, we need you, Alpha.”

Right then and there, Eric was prepared to damn his responsibilities as Alpha and go after his mate, but he knew deep down that he couldn’t. Jason had been by his side when others refused to. He’d fought alongside him and even traveled to Darkwood Springs to assist Doyle’s mate when asked. He couldn’t abandon him now.

Where ever Rebecca was going she would be safe for the night and tomorrow. He could go after her and beg for her forgiveness after he’d found out what had happened to his friend. There was still some time before the full moon, but it was time that he didn’t have. With a groan of loathing, he turned toward Damon that watched the interaction between him and his beta with concern.

He couldn’t believe he was about to do this.

“I need a favor.” He practically spit the foul tasting words out of his mouth.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Damon smirked at him. “The great and powerful Eric Daniels is asking me a favor? I wish I had a camera to capture this moment.” He said, looking up musingly.

“I am serious. I had Jason tracking the men that attacked my family and me at my home. If he has disappeared I need to know what he found. I ask that you watch Rebecca. If I do not come for her after tomorrow, I need you to bring her back here. Human transformations are unpredictable. The change could come over her before the moon even rises. I need someone to be there for her if I cannot. Can I trust you with this?” he asked with a hard glare. His wolf snarled at the thought of allowing this rival near his mate, especially since the binding thread had not bound their souls together. But if his beta was in trouble, he couldn’t desert him to his fate without at least trying.

Damon’s face softened with seriousness as he nodded firmly. “You can always trust me when it comes to Rebecca, Eric. I want only for her to be safe and happy.”

Tilting his head in agreement, he turned back to Chris who looked at him with a shocked look. Ignoring his look, he moved straight into Alpha mode. “Gather half of any trackers and hunters we have left. Half will be coming with me to follow Jason’s trail. The other half will remain here under your command until I return. I will not leave our pack unprotected if this is a trap.”

Striding from the room, Eric moved toward the kitchen to tell his mother of the situation. He had no doubt she would protect her grandchildren with her life. Once this mess was cleaned up and Jason was safely back within the pack’s borders, he would devote everything in him to earning Rebecca’s forgiveness. He refused to lose his mate after finally finding her.

“Get that stuff away from me.” Rebecca groaned in agony, from her fetal position on Damon’s couch. It had been two days since she’d fled from the pack’s lands back to the city of Ravenwillow. For some reason this morning, pain had begun to rack her body worse than anything she’d ever felt before. Taking a seat on the couch beside her, Damon reached out to help her up into a sitting position, thrusting the steaming mug of some sort of tea at her. God, it smelled awful. She’d been raised to always be grateful when someone went to the trouble of making one something. But there was no way that rule applied to
this.

Grasping her hands, Damon forced her to take hold of the steaming mug. The foul liquid was a mud brown with a leaf and root or two swirling amongst the other contents. Gulping past the bile that rose in her throat at the smell, she attempted to pass him the mug back.

“There is no way in hell I am drinking that!” she exclaimed as she dry heaved at the smell.

Flashing a firm look, Damon’s hands held hers around the mug as he pushed it toward her mouth. “You will and you will now. This will help with the pain, just be the big girl I know you are and drink it.”

Unable to pull away, the rim of the mug was pressed to her lips, forcing the warm contents down, leaving her no choice but to swallow it. Instantly her stomach attempted to rebel but she was able to force it to calm.

When Damon pulled the mug from her lips, she made several gagging sounds as she tried to rid the taste from her mouth.

“What in God’s name was that crap, you dirt bag?!” she exclaimed.

Setting the mug aside on the coffee table, he grinned at her grossed out expression. “It’s an herb concoction that we usually give children before their first transformation. In the past in rare cases we’ve had to use it on the few human mates that shifters turn. The main ingredient is wolfs bane.”

“You’re making that up.” She groaned as another wave of pain it her. Narrowing her eyes at him, she stilled. “Isn’t wolf’s bane poisonous?”

“To some; yes, but for shifters it can slow down a first time transformation. You are already a shifter, Rebecca. That’s why you feel this pain. Your bones are growing stronger and so is the rest of you. Once you transform tonight, it will go away. The tonic will dull most of the pain, but not all.” When she curled back onto her side, he crossed one leg over the other, resting his ankle on his opposite knee as his arm stretched along the back of the navy colored couch. “Eric called earlier. He wanted to know how you are doing.”

Pressing her lips together, she shook her head. “I can’t talk to him right now.”

Sighing, Damon scratched absently at his chin. “You won’t have a choice tonight.”

The heavy weight of sadness filled Rebecca’s chest at the thought of Eric. Even after everything that happened the day she left, fleeing to the seclusion of Damon’s hotel room, she missed Eric. She longed for his touch, his embrace, his kiss, and even the sound of his voice like a drug. But the pain at knowing he considered her inferior, an outsider; prevented her from going back to him. If he couldn’t see her as an equal, as his mate; what hope did they have?

Doubts and fears of what the night would bring her began to creep into her mind, making her stomach knot painfully. She knew the reason Eric hadn’t come charging after her was because Damon had told her that there was trouble at the lodge that had pulled Eric away from Ravenwillow. What would happen to her if he didn’t return when the moon rose tonight? How would she get through this without Eric?

“Damon, you once told me that if I ever needed anything you'd help me.” She stated, her voice shaking.

Damon nodded. “Yes and I stand by that promise. Do you want me to go get Eric on the phone for you so you two love birds can make up?" He teased with a playful smile.

“No.” she answered, shaking her head. Closing her eyes against the next wave of pain that exploded down her back, she breathed out, “I want you to kill me.”

She knew she’d shocked Damon with her request, but her fear of transforming, of losing what she was, terrified her. There was a slight pause before Damon finally answered. “Come again?” Damon’s features froze at Rebecca's haunting words.

“In less than a few hours, I'm going to be forced to become something else. I have no control over it. I can feel something pressing at my mind like a cool touch of a hand and I know what it is. I can’t do this if Eric won’t truly accept me. I can’t live my life like this. What if I can’t control it? I couldn’t stand it if I turned into that monster that killed my family and nearly killed me. Don’t let it come to that, Damon. I beg you. I want you to kill me.”

Gripping her upper arms Damon jerked her back into sitting position before he shook her gently, “Are you insane?” When tears filled her eyes, forcing her to look away from him, he growled slightly before he released her.

"First of all; shifters—even newly turned shifters can change whenever they want. The full moon has no sway over that. It’s more like a special occasion that we use and the lunar energy from the moon helps to draw out our beasts the first time. The shifter that attacked you did so of his own choice, not because the beast within him forced him to. Just because you become a shifter doesn’t mean you have no control over your beast. It is part of you, it
is
you.” He stated harshly, his fingers stabbing at his heart.

“Secondly; your mate will be there to guide you. Whatever argument you too had, won’t even matter after you transform. Eric is bull headed, you knew that going in. It’s your job to give him a kick into reality when he gets out of line.” He said with a light teasing note.

“So, you’re saying you won’t kill me.” she stated emotionlessly

Releasing a fake sigh of regret, Damon released his hold on her to lift a hand up to his face as though to examine it. “Well, you see I just got my nails done.” Damon teased, before lowering his hand. “What’s the real problem, Rebecca?"

“What if I can’t control it? I can’t go to Eric for help, he doesn’t want me anymore and I don’t know what to do.”

A silent pause swept between them as Damon fought against his need to comfort her. According to pack law—he wasn’t allow to interfere between Eric and Rebecca; at least, not any more than he already had. More importantly; Rebecca's first change was a sacred thing. It was meant to be shared between mates, not friends. He wouldn’t be allowed to be there with her when the time came. But what could he do? Without direction she could hurt herself or even die.

Groaning, he knew he didn’t have a choice. Deep down, he knew that Eric would move heaven and hell to be there for Rebecca tonight. But even if he wasn’t; this was something Rebecca would have to face on her own, with or without her mate. Turning to look out the window, he saw that the afternoon sun hung low in the sky. Dusk would be upon them in just a few hours. He had to get her back to the lodge where she could transform safely.

Patting her knee, he rose to his feet. “Get ready to go, Rebecca. Dress in something that’s easy to remove.”

Giving his retreating back a quizzical look, she asked. “Why?”

Turning back to look at her over his shoulder, he replied, “It’s time.”

* ~ * ~ *

An hour later, Damon had quickly gotten some food forced into her and ushered her to the car. It was a long drive from the heavy populated section of Ravenwillow, and the sun had already begun to set. With each second, she could feel the pain of her muscles and bones fade to an icy burning. Fear sought to choke her, but she fought to remain calm. She had Damon with her; he would never let anything happen to her. It would be fine.

Rebecca found herself taking in an unfamiliar sight as Damon carefully pulled off the back road he’d taken into a heavily wooded area. He’d told her that he would bring her back to the lodge, but this looked nothing like the familiar forest that surrounded the property.

“Where are we?”

“This is the wood toward the back of the lodge’s property.”

“Why didn’t you take me straight to the lodge?” she asked, concerned. She didn’t like how Damon wouldn’t meet her gaze. What wasn’t he telling her?

“I don’t want to risk some resentful member of Eric’s pack thinking they can take a run at you. This part of the wood will offer you the seclusion you need.”

“This was your idea?” she asked, hesitant to get out of the car as she fearfully took in the sight of the darkening forest in front of them.

“It was Eric’s idea.”

“Will you be with me? When it happens?” she asked, turning back to look at him. This time, he met her gaze with a sad look.

“No. I cannot. This is one of the most sacred of our laws, Rebecca. This is something you must face on your own. It’s too personal for me to be a part of. Your wolf will know what to do. I have no doubt that Eric will be close by, ready to be at your side when the moon rises.”

Shaking slightly at the finality that his words held, Rebecca undid her seat belt. Opening her door, she shifted to get out of the car, but froze. Reaching out, Damon’s hand settled on her back in comfort.

“What is it?”

“What am I suppose to do?”

“Start walking into the forest until you find a place within the forest that feels right to you and your wolf. You will feel it deep inside when you get there. After that; when the moon is at its highest, you will feel your wolf rising. Don’t fear this. Accept it and let her come forth.”

Releasing a shuttering breath, she nodded. “Anything else?”

“Be certain you’re naked.”

“What?!” she exclaimed, unsure if he was teasing or not.

“Just a little piece of advice for you to remember,” he said with a grin. “Now; this is the part of the evening where I kick you out of my car and leave you in the middle of the woods.” With a shooing motion, he motioned for her to get out.

With a look of uncertainty, she climbed out of the car, slamming the door closed. Not a moment later, Damon’s engine roared to life, his headlights turning on as he slowly put the car in reverse and back onto the road. With a final wave, he disappeared down the road, leaving Rebecca standing at the edge of the tree line with a heavy stone sinking in the pit of her belly.

Turning to look in the distance, she saw the last of the day’s light was quickly fading. Steeling herself, she turned back around, looking straight ahead. Inhaling a steady breath, she took the first step.