Hungry for Love (44 page)

Was he destined always to be alone
?
  His sudden lurch toward Laura
,
if it had been what she
’
d assumed
,
some sort of desperate attempt to settle for next best
,
was as pathetic as she
’
d presumed.  And so was he.  Perhaps he would have to come to grips with the idea that this part of his life was over.  And it was just so terribly sad.  For it wasn
’
t just the idea of not being with the love of his life that he missed
,
it was the togetherness
,
the family activities
,
the couple activities
,
the companionship.  If the one and only love of his life was dead
,
did that mean all the casual stuff that accompanied a great love affair was beyond his reach as well
?
 

He did have the kids of course
,
and they would always be a family
,
so he didn
’
t lose that.  But somehow it had seemed that being with the wrong woman was better than being with no woman.  So those were his choices—being a dad but not a husband or inflicting the wrong woman on his children so he could have some tepid adult companionship
?
  It all seemed so bleak.  His prior resolve to remind himself that everything would all work out seemed to have dissolved and he was back in the abyss of loneliness
,
emptiness
,
and misery.

It was quite tempting to allow himself to sink down into that depressed state of mind
,
but Bill had been there far too long and he chose instead to get a grip.  Perhaps his days with the perfect mate—or any mate—were over but he could find some happiness
,
he would have to try to find happiness
,
to do things that he
’
d enjoy
,
in groups or even alone
,
when he wasn
’
t spending time with the kids.  He could take the sort of advice he always gave lonely patients—do something
,
take a class
,
find a hobby
,
reach out to casual acquaintances and turn them into friends
,
throw a party.  Well
,
maybe not that last one.

Bill lumbered through his day
,
concealing the emotional issues that weighed on him from his patients—and Kevin
’
s patients—for Kevin hadn
’
t shown up and the confrontation had thus not taken place—and he managed to smile
,
to do his job
,
and to take care of everyone.  He
’
d engaged a housekeeper perhaps too quickly
,
but she came well recommended and thus someone was there with the kids after school.  He was getting a grip
,
at last he was doing that.

He dialed Laura
’
s number.  At the least he owed her an apology.

“
Hey there
,
Bill
,”
she said without any preliminary hello.  Apparently she was now checking her caller ID.

“
How are you
?”
he said. 
“
Doing okay
?”

“
Sure
,
I
’
m okay.  You
?”

“
Coping.  I
’
m really calling mainly to apologize.  I
’
m so sorry for my behavior the other night.  I know it was tacky.  I hope you can forgive me.
”

“
It
’
s okay. I know you
’
re stressed and desperate.
”

“
Gee
,
stressed and desperate.  If only I were doing a resume.  Or a personal ad.
”
  Bill laughed.

Laura laughed too. 
“
Well you know what I mean.
”

“
Did you make up with Kevin
?
  He hasn
’
t been in to work.  In fact I saw a lawyer today.  When they say breaking up is hard to do they mean it literally.
”

“
So at least one of us is divorcing him
,”
said Laura a little ruefully.

“
You mean only one of us is
?”

“
All I
’
ve done so far is hang up on him.  For all I know he
’
s in
Haiti
divorcing me.
”

“
So would that be a bad thing
?”

“
Probably not.
”

“
I
’
m really sorry.  I feel responsible somehow.
”

“
Why—did you screw him too
?”

Bill laughed. 
“
He probably thinks I did.  Or that I will.  Looks like if I want my divorce I
’
ll have to move because I can
’
t really make him move.  Of course I haven
’
t seen him to discuss it.
”

“
Give it some time
,”
said Laura reasonably.

“
So you
’
re saying just take him back
,
don
’
t end the partnership
?
I can
’
t do that.  It
’
ll be a pain in the neck but it has to be done.  And I might need your help—real estate—need to find a new office.  I
’
m sorry to be asking forgiveness and another favor simultaneously.
”

“
Yeah
,”
said Laura
,
“
How dare you!
”
Then she laughed and gave him the name of a real estate person. 

“
Thanks
,
hon.  You
’
re always prepared.  I love that about you.
”

“
Yup
,
once a Girl Scout….
”

Laura sounded truly miserable Bill thought. 
“
I wish I could do something to cheer you up
,”
he said. 
“
Would you want to have dinner
,
with the kids maybe
?
  I could cook or we could go out.
”

“
Oh I dunno.  I
’
m not exactly hungry.
”

“
Is there anything I can do then
?”

“
Suggest a good vet for neutering maybe
?”

“
For the puppy
?
  Is it that time already
?”

“
No
,
for Kevin.
”

-
      
TEN –

Kevin had faith in the justice system.  They didn
’
t make twerps judges
,
of course they didn
’
t.  During this entire nightmare he had been dealing with the wrong people
,
well in fact a single individual
,
that idiot boy in blue.  Now he would have his day in court and he could envision himself explaining rationally the horrific situation to a kindly elder jurist
,
someone with experience
,
wisdom
,
and intelligence.  Then it would all be over
,
except for the warrant for the arrest for that rogue driver
,
which Kevin did realize would be difficult to fulfill because he didn
’
t have so much as a digit from the license plate or a description.  But those were just the details
,
weren
’
t they
,
not the actual fact.