Hunter (Broken Bad Boys 1): A New Adult Bad Boy Romance (25 page)

There is a commotion behind me and then two skinny arms surround me, sharing the pain, taking some of it away and instead filling the place in my heart with light. The darkness slowly recedes, pulling me back into the world of the living. I cover the hands with mine, the matching paint speckles taking away another piece of darkness. I lean back, and Lizzy’s small frame is surprisingly strong as she holds me. “What are you doing here?” The whisper is rough and I don’t think she’d have heard me if she wasn’t this close.

“I had to save you.” Her words breathe life into me and I’m finally able to move.

“Save me?” I’m not sure who of us needs to be saved more. I turn to her, wrapping an arm around her back, hiding my face in her neck. She smells so good, she feels so good in my arms. At the same time… This is so wrong. I’m wrong for her. It’s wrong for me to hold her like this at Tessa’s grave.

“Yes. Save you from the darkness.” She strokes my face with her skinny fingers, fingers that make magic happen. Then she puts her lips to my forehead and we breathe together.

It takes a while longer before I become aware of our surroundings again, of Tessa’s parents behind us, talking with Lola. I take Lizzy’s hand and we stand up.

Everyone’s eyes are on me, on what I’ll do, how I’ll behave, how I’ll act. I know they expect danger, I know they expect me to go insane, but I don’t. “I feel like I should say something important, something profound. But I can only come up with ‘thank you’.” It’s weird to see the worlds that I’ve kept separate for so long, combined right here. Tessa’s parents and Lola, my past, and Lizzy, my present.

Tessa’s parents’ eyes fall on Lizzy, on our hands, still holding on strong. I want to let her go, but she won’t let me, instead facing Tessa’s parents head on.

Tessa’s mum lets out a regretful smile, but then steps closer and wraps her arms around Lizzy. “Thank you for taking care of him. It’s good to know that he’s not alone anymore.”

My mouth drops open. This, this I did not expect. I expected all sorts of things, but never this. How can they be so calm about all this? How can they just accept Lizzy?

Lizzy eyes me, also unsure. She was ready for a fight, and instead she got a hug. She wraps her arms around Tessa’s mum, holding her too.

This is strange and I’m not sure how to react to this all. We’re all still, looking at each other, looking away from each other, awkward.

Tessa’s dad saves the day as he steps forward and holds out the white box. He opens it and reveals cookies. I can’t help but smile—they’re snickerdoodles, Tessa’s favorites. “I thought that cake wasn’t a good idea, but this is still an anniversary, even if a sad one. So I thought that this would be a better idea. Tessa loved these, she used to sneak whole packets of them into her room.”

“I remember. There were always empty boxes under her bed.” I smile, the memories bittersweet. Tessa had such a sweet tooth.

Tessa’s dad hold out the box to Lola, who takes a cookie, then me, then Tessa’s mum and finally Lizzy.

I hold my breath, ready for Lizzy to turn the offer down, but she carefully takes a cookie, a rueful smile on her face.

“I loved these too.” She takes a nibble and closes her eyes as she enjoys the taste, savors it in a way I’ve never seen her do before. I realize that I’ve never seen her
enjoy
food.

I can’t move, I can’t keep my eyes off of her and I’m fighting to keep tears at bay. Tears of… pride? Surprise?

Lizzy opens her eyes and looks at me, a frown forming on her beautiful features. “What?”

“Nothing.” I can’t suppress my grin, the way that my heart just got a little lighter. I stuff the cookie into my mouth to hide it all.

Today was supposed to be about Tessa and me. But it has become so much more, and for the first time, it doesn’t all seem so dark any more. For the first time, maybe the future isn’t that bad at all.

* * *

“
Y
ou sure
you can’t come with me?” I’m about to return home. The rain that I expected has started to fall. Tessa’s parents left as soon as the first drops hit the ground, but Lizzy, Lola and I have been standing under a tree waiting for the worst to be over. It felt surprisingly good, combining old and new together—it felt freeing. Not hiding anything any more.

“I need to return to the clinic. If I go into the city now, I won’t be back on time for dinner.” Lizzy shrugs, then she straightens her back, as if conjuring up strength from deep inside her. “You can come to the clinic with us, if you want to. They don’t mind feeding another person.” She colors darkly and I’m quiet for a moment, surprised by the offer. It seems that everyone is taking chances today. Her face falls. “Bad idea?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m just surprised. I never thought that… I don’t even know what I thought.” I reach out, touching her cheek. “I’d love to come. Thank you.” Today really is full of surprises. And I think they may be good ones. If Lizzy hadn’t shown up just now, I don’t know what would have happened. The guilt might have lessened, but the darkness of Tessa’s loss was still strong, but Lizzy made that go away, or at least bearable. She took some of the pain away and now I can breathe again. And for the first time, I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to hide from the world.

We walk to Lola’s car. I somehow expected them to have come by bus. I don’t know why I’m surprised by this. I guess because it means that they planned this instead of it just being a random occurrence. I get into the back seat as the Benton twins sit up front.

“Why were you here?” The words spill from me, even before I meant to ask them.

Lola looks at me through the rear view mirror. “I wanted to pay my respects to Tessa, and I guess I wanted for Lizzy to see who she was too. The girl I was friends with, the girl you loved.”

I eye Lizzy, who looks uncomfortable. “What’s wrong?”

“I guess I wanted to see who the girl was who kept you bound to her. My competition.” She lets out a sound as she quickly looks away from me, covering her mouth with her hands, glaring out the window. Not meeting my eyes.

Something inside me changes. Lizzy’s competition? Was there ever a competition? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of Tessa and Lizzy in the same way. Both are so different and my feelings for them too. I keep silent because I’m not sure that anything I can say will be right. What can I say when I don’t even know the answer?

Are Tessa and Lizzy in competition?

T
he drive
back to the clinic is awkward. I shouldn’t have said that about Tessa and me being in competition. That was stupid, especially today, especially after we were just at Tessa’s grave. Of course we’re not in competition. Tessa is the one he loves, I’m just a girl he has classes with.

I open the car door and get out, not so sure about inviting Hunter any more. Why did I even do this? I let out a sigh, and then Hunter is right next to me.

“I never expected it to look like this.” He looks at the building in front of us. We’re part of a larger rehabilitation center that is near a hospital. But the clinic is in a side wing. It’s surrounded by some fields and even places to play sports. It’s all very modern and doesn’t look as stuffy as you may expect from a rehabilitation center.

“It’s a good place.” I shrug and then Hunter’s hand is on my back, just a moment, before he pulls back. “Shall we go in?” I start walking and Hunter and Lola follow me. It feels weird, showing Hunter this side of me. But after I saw him at his lowest, twice, I feel it’s only right to share this with him too. Not because I have to, but because I want to. If I want to get better, I need to learn to share, even the not-so-good parts of me, even with people whom I want to see me as strong, not weak.

We make our way through the hallways—first the main hallway and then we take a right into the clinic. Here, there is another nurses’ station. They look at me, and then their eyes fall on Hunter. I immediately recognize the look in their eyes. Lust. Which I’m not surprised by. All the women I know look at him like that…

“Let’s get in then. Or they’re gonna get annoyed at me for being late.” We walk to the dining room. I’d normally have dinner in the clinic’s dining room, even with Lola. But with Hunter here too, I feel like doing something a little different. “Give me a moment.” I quickly dump my coat and bag in my room. Then I search for Lauren or Janine. I find Rose instead. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She smiles. “How was your day?”

“Good. But, eh, I’ve got guests, I’d like to have dinner in the cafeteria.” When we have people over, we usually eat in the cafeteria, both out of respect for the people who still have issues with eating around other people, but also because we can’t house that many people here. “I’m sorry it’s so last-minute.”

Rose smiles as she nods. “I’ll call it in, no worries. You go enjoy yourself.”

“Thanks.” I return to Lola and Hunter. Hunter looks relaxed, which surprises me for a moment, but then I remember that his younger brother was ill for a long time before he passed away. Hunter must be used to being in hospital settings, which immediately takes some of the excitement away. What if being here gives him bad memories? “I’m ready. Let’s go. We’re going to the cafeteria.”

“Ah.” That word Lola utters makes my cheeks heat up. She knows. She knows that I’m doing this for Hunter. And that makes it all a little more awkward.

We wind down hallways until we reach the cafeteria. I turn to Hunter and Lola. “You two go get something to eat. Lola knows how it all works. I’ve got to pick up my dinner there.” I point to the other side of the hall, to a special spot near the kitchen. That is where everyone who needs a special dinner picks up their food, not just people from the clinic, but also people with special diets and allergies and stuff.

I go and get my dinner—it’s nothing fancy, rice with chicken, vegetables and some sauce. I look at it for a moment, but I can push the tightness in my chest away. I’m going to eat this in the cafeteria, but the people who are with me are special and don’t care how long I’ll take. That makes me breathe easier. I turn around and Lola and Hunter are waiting for me in the middle of the cafeteria, looking at me with smiles. It’s like I’m the cool kid in high school and they’re my lackeys and waiting for me to decide.

I grin at my own thoughts and join them.

“What’s so funny?” Lola slightly bumps into me.

“Nothing.” I can’t help it and keep smiling. We walk to the back of the cafeteria and sit down. Lola sits next to me and Hunter across from me. Hunter chose some pasta and Lola also has rice and vegetables, like me. I stab at my food a couple of times, looking at Lola and Hunter, suddenly self-conscious about this all. I don’t eat out here often, usually I just stay in the unit. I take a deep breath and take a bite of my chicken. It’s not very interesting, but it’s not that bad either.

Both Lola and Hunter start eating too, quietly, keeping their eyes on me mostly.

“You don’t need to look at me. I’m okay.” I take a deep breath. “I’m okay.” And I am. Lola is my sister, I love her, I trust her. And Hunter… Hunter is Hunter, I guess. We’ve been odd and strange from the start, although I don’t know if he feels the same. I keep my eyes on my plate, keeping my thoughts to myself. We eat in silence for a while longer, until both Hunter and Lola have finished their food and I’m the only one still eating. They don’t pressure, they just let me be.

Then Hunter’s leg pushes against mine and I look up at him. “So this is where you’ve been staying?”

I nod. “Yeah, they’re really good here.” I think anyway.

“Good. I guess I was sort of worried after everything that happened. It’s good that it’s good here.” He nervously licks his lips and the corner of his mouth curls up slightly. It’s not a smile, but almost.

“Thanks.” I flex my hands. We’re messed up, aren’t we? Both of us. There are just so many things wrong. And all I want is for him to hold me.

Hunter reaches out and takes my hand. “Thanks for coming today. It means a lot to me. And you sharing this too. It means more than you can imagine.” I try to find a hidden meaning in his words, but no matter how much I look at him, he seems to be honest.

I nod, a knot in my throat. I force the last few bites down, too nervous to eat now, but I still need to finish everything or I’ll get in trouble.

Lola touches my arm, her face troubled. “I gotta go home. Mum just messaged me. She needs me for something.”

I turn to her. “What’s wrong?”

She rolls her eyes. “No clue. But you know her, she won’t tell me until I’m home.”

“True. I guess it can’t be helped.” I let go of Hunter. “I guess I’ll see you both another time.”

“Do you want to go, H?” Lola starts packing up her things.

“I’d like to stay a bit longer. If that’s okay.” He looks at me, and my stomach makes a little jump. Alone time, with Hunter… That’s been a while, and it’s scary.

“That’s okay.” I shrug, trying to get myself back under control.

“Good.” Lola smiles. “I’ll see you soon.” Lola bends over and takes me into a tight hug. “And I’ll see you at college.” She inclines her head in Hunter’s direction. Then she grabs her tray and leaves.

I look after her, watching her walk off. We’ve been slightly off the last couple of days, things just not going exactly right. But I guess that seeing someone you know getting stabbed and then some secrets being revealed does that. I wasn’t really angry, just annoyed. In the end, I guess I now understand why she doesn’t date. I’ve been wanting to ask what exactly happened, but I don’t dare to yet. The way she looked… she was so scared.

Hunter’s fingers caress my arm. “Hey, you want to have dessert elsewhere?”

I look at him, really look at him. Then I nod. “Yeah, let’s.”

He grabs both our trays and hands me the two desserts. We’ve got exactly the same ones. I’m not sure if it’s a coincidence or not. “Show me the way.” He grins as he leans back and waits for me.

We first drop off the trays and then we make our way back to the unit. I know where I want to take him. A place that is safe and not as clinical as other parts of the hospital.

I talk to the nurses at the front office to the wing with the clinic. “I’d like the key to the art therapy room.”

They look at me, at both of us, but I also know that I’m allowed to go into the room whenever I want, as long as there aren’t other people who are doing therapy there. I just need a key. They hand me the key. “As long as you’re back before nine.”

“Sure.” I’m not planning on being in there that long. I motion for Hunter to follow me and we make our way through the hallways, through the different parts of the wing. Then we’re in front of the art therapy room. “We’re here.” I open the door, step inside and turn on the light. The room is pretty bare, apart from some art supplies, chairs and easels. “Welcome to my hideaway.”

Hunter follows me and smiles as he looks around. “Nice place. So this is where you do your magic?”

I nod, acutely aware how close he has stepped, how near he is.

“It looks nice.” Hunter puts his hand on my hip, holding me loosely. “It must be relaxing, creating art. Does it help?”

“Yeah.” My voice is low and I clear my throat. Then I turn around and, even though I don’t mean to, we’re chest to chest. My breath catches as I look up at him. He looks like hell, and still every part of my body wants him, wants to feel him, touch him.

He shows me a slow smile and wraps both his arms around me, putting my head under his chin and holding me tight. My breath comes out as a shudder and I can’t do much as I’m still holding the desserts. “You’re one special girl.” There is something in Hunter’s voice. Regret?

I try to look up at him, but he just holds me, not letting me sneak a peek at him. “Hunter? H?”

“I’d rather you call me Hunter.” Now I’m sure there is something going on. His heart’s beating like crazy and he won’t let go of me. “For you, I’m always Hunter.” And just like that, he lets go of me, steps away and crosses the room, looking out the window, out over the fields.

I’m not sure what just happened and I follow him. I put his dessert in front of him on the windowsill.

“I’m sorry, I may not be in the best mood today.” He sighs and opens his dessert.

“That’s understandable. I get that.” Some days can be worse than others. And today, it’s got to be one of Hunter’s worst.

He finally looks at me, and I want to take the pain away, right then and there. His eyes are dark and then he blinks. “Sometimes you seem to be the only one who does. The only one who doesn’t put up with my bullshit, but also doesn’t push.” He reaches out and touches my cheek, caressing me. “Thank you.”

I reach up and hold his hand against my cheek, then I lean against it. I’m not sure if I’m glad or scared that he feels exactly the same way. He pulls me closer, and then we slide to the floor, me sitting between his legs as he holds me close. I curl up against him and he keeps holding me.

So who is saving who now? I thought I had to save Hunter today, but maybe he wasn’t the only one who needed saving. My chest is tight and the tears start. Everything that has happened in the last few days, in the last couple of weeks, it all comes out. I’ve kept everything inside so strongly, held on so tightly, that when it does come out, it almost empties me. And I know that I’m not the only one right now.

* * *

“
I
s this okay
?” Hunter sits next to my bed, leaning against it as he looks at me.

“We’re not doing anything, you’re not in my bed, we’re both dressed. They can’t really complain.” I shrug as I pull the blanket up higher. I’m exhausted, exhausted and cold. So we went back to my room, and while I know they frown on taking boys into our rooms, the door isn’t closed and we’re not doing anything, just sitting here. There was just so much that happened that I couldn’t stay awake any more.

“This won’t get you in trouble?”

“A little, probably, but nothing too bad.” I try to smile, but the look in his eyes stops me. Without words, so much has been said between us. I want to tell him that everything is okay, that everything will be okay. But we both know that it won’t be. We won’t ever be okay, but together, we may be a little bit better than before.

Hunter reaches up and runs his fingers over my face. “You look like a ghost in this light,” he whispers, his lips moving in the dark.

“I’m not though. I’m right here.” I turn my head and run my lips over his fingers.

He pulls his hand away and that pained look crosses his face again.

“I’m sorry.” I pull back a little more. I don’t mean to make him look like that.

“Just… not today.”

It hurts, but I nod. Today is not the day to do things like this. To force myself onto him, to make him look at me like that. There is another girl in his head today. One I learned a little bit more about today in ways that I didn’t even imagine I would. Like how Tessa and Hunter used to be, how different that is from how he is right now, but also how he was before this all started. It’s hard for me to really combine all those things into the person I know as Hunter. How are these the same people? And especially if you combine it with the things that Tamara has said. I don’t recognize those people in the Hunter I know, though I’ve seen them in his eyes sometimes. Like the darkness right now.

I want to take it away, but there is no way for me to do so. So instead I keep my mouth shut, lying in bed and staring at him, at his beautiful features and the way he moves, at the way his body moves under his clothes. Imagining all the places I want to touch him, I feel a blush creep up my cheeks…