Hurting To Feel (Carpool Dolls) (23 page)

Her
whole life, Addison demanded to know more about her father. Even years later, when
she was a teenager, Addison doubted her mother's story and searched on the
computer for any information about Curt Stewart and fought with her mother for
every little piece of information about him.

Her
mother's story never wavered.

In
her child-like mind, Addison created a fantasy that someday her father would
come and save her from living with her mother. That, for some reason, her
mother lied because she still loved Curt Stewart and if she could only get them
back together, they'd be a happy family.

But
her mother swore that because Addison existed, her father turned against them.
Her mother blamed her for losing the love of her life.

And
Addison was repeating the cycle with Nathan.

Nathan
would allow nothing to come between them. He'd told her many times to trust him
and not to worry about their relationship. Yet, what if she got pregnant?

Some
day she wanted a husband and kids. At least one.

Their
kind of relationship was no place to bring a child into, because she feared
turning into her mother. She pressed her face into her knees. She had to get
away before it was too late.

A
door slammed in the front of the house. She raised her head and held her
breath.
Nathan!

She
jumped to her feet and hurried down the hallway. In the foyer, she came to a
stop. Her heart raced. Shocked, she couldn't even move.

A
tall man, wearing a flannel shirt half-undone and a pair of jeans so faded,
there were holes in the knees. She stared into brown eyes that were checking
her out. A slow smile came to the man's whiskered face and he came forward.

She
stepped backward into the wall. "Who are you?"

"Are
names so important?" He reached out and hooked her waist, pulling her hard
against the front of him. "Hell, if I knew we could keep you in the
family, I would've come by sooner."

"Let
me—"

His
mouth came down. Her knee came up.

He
chuckled against her lips as his thighs caught her leg before she made contact
with his balls. She pushed against him, pulled her head back, and screamed.

At
the same time, the man flew away from her and landed on the other side of the
foyer. She shrank back. Nathan's back blocked her view of the other man.

"What
the fuck?" The man kicked the coat rack across the floor.

Nathan
brought back his arm and punched the man. She turned her face away from the pop
of knuckles against cheekbone.

"She's
mine." Nathan grabbed the bent man by the shirt and brought his knee up to
the man's stomach, sending the guy to the floor, coughing. "Next time,
I'll kill you."

Without
further concern for the intruder, Nathan turned and grabbed her arm, pulling
her out of the room. She hurried to keep up with his longer steps. He set her
in a chair and moved over to pour a glass of water.

He
returned to her side, put the drink in her hand, and squatted in front of her.
"Are you okay?" he asked, softly.

She
shook her head. No, she was anything but okay. "Who is he?"

"My
brother, Donny." He rubbed his thumb across her lips. His eyes hardened.
"That will not happen again."

"Oh,
my God." She took a sip of water when Nathan helped her lift the glass.
"You hit your brother."

His
brows almost met in the middle. "Yeah."

"I-is
it always…violent between you two?" She set the glass on the table and
grabbed his hand, running her fingers over his knuckles.

"Not
since we were younger." He looked at their hands together on her lap. "He
touched you. I told you I'd allow no one to put their hands on you."

"Oh,
God," she mumbled. "God, I'm sorry."

His
gaze whipped to her face. "Did you kiss him?"

She
stiffened. "No, of course not."

"Did
you want him to come on to you?" he asked.

She
shook her head. "No."

"Then
he deserved what he got." Nathan stood. "I should've done more to
knock some sense into him. From now on, he'll have to talk with me before he's
allowed in the house, and only when I'm here."

"Nathan—she
rose and touched his arm—it's okay. I'm going to go home."

He
inhaled with impatience. "Sit. You're not going anywhere."

Donny
staggered into the kitchen. She sat. The cockiness and anger gone from Nathan's
brother, he seemed less threatening.

"Do
I get ice or are you kicking me out?" Donny held his jaw, opening his
mouth and closing it again.

"Freezer.
There's a towel by the sink." Nathan ignored him, and turned to Addison.
"Are you okay with him here for a few minutes?"

She
nodded, glancing at Donny who seemed more interested in tying the towel into a
makeshift icepack. "I'll go. We can talk later."

"No."
He pulled a chair out from the table, and held her hand, guiding her to him.

She
sat on his lap, highly aware of his brother in the room. Yet, she relaxed
against his chest, knowing he was here. It gave her time to study Donny without
any worry.

The
only similarity she could see was their height. Both men were around six foot
two inches, although Nathan's shoulders were broader and he carried more
muscle. Where Nathan was all blonde, icy eyes, Donny had brown hair and dark
eyes.

The
subject of her study turned, and with the return of his boyish grin, he raised
his brows at Nathan. "A lot has happened to you since we talked."

Nathan
linked his fingers with Addison's. "She's mine."

Donny
saluted. "I get that."

"Put
the key on the counter." Nathan waited while Donny dug in his pocket and
tossed the key on the tile.

"Donny…"
Nathan paused. "This is Addison. Addison, this is my younger brother,
Donny, who is going to apologize to you."

She
cringed. "Nathan, it's not—"

"It's
okay, Addison." Donny swung his arms out. "I'm in the king's castle.
It's how he does things."

"Fuck,"
Nathan mumbled, but his jaw twitched in humor. "Get on with it."

Donny
placed his hand on his chest. "Please forgive my lack of judgment on
seeing a beautiful woman and thinking today was going to be my lucky day. I
should never have placed these lips on your plump, luscious, wet—"

"Donny,"
Nathan said, a warning hidden in the low growl.

"My
apologies, babe." Donny's smile faded. "I had no idea Nathan staked,
uh, was getting serious or I would've kept my hands to myself."

She
bit her lip. Despite being scared out of her head, and traumatized over the
violence, Donny's boyish charm fascinated her. She had no idea how Nathan lost
his zest for life, and his brother retained his humor when they'd both grown up
together.

"Apology
accepted." She pressed against Nathan.

"Cool."
Donny leaned against the counter and crossed his ankles. "So what's with
calling me so fucking early in the morning?"

Nathan
shifted to the side, and removed a paper from his back pocket. "Clean
up."

Donny's
gaze shot to Addison and then back to Nathan before he schooled his expression.
She watched Donny, because she knew Nathan wouldn't give anything away. Her
throat tightened. She was right.

Something
had happened in the night. Something big enough Nathan hid the truth from her.

Understanding
passed between the brothers. She pushed off Nathan's lap. "If you'll
excuse me, I'm going upstairs."

Without
waiting for an answer, she hurried away. She could've stayed in the hallway and
eavesdropped, but the time for being curious was over. Once Donny left, she was
leaving.

Nathan
could keep his secrets.

Chapter
Twenty-Six

Addison
waited while Nathan shut himself behind his office door for two hours. She'd
indulged him when he informed her they were having lunch together on the patio.
Now, Three hours after Donny left, she was done with him pushing their talk
until later.

Determined
to approach him civilly and keep their separation to a healthy level without
the back and forth, she waited and waited. Even she had a limit on how much she
could take from Nathan.

She
stood in front of his desk. "Curt Stewart called the house this
morning."

Nathan
leaned back in the office chair. "I'll make sure that doesn't happen
again."

She
swung her gaze to the window and clamped her lips together. Unbelievable.

"Did
something else happen?"

"Uh,
yeah." She crossed her arms. "Where were you last night?"

"Out.
I told you I was leaving, and when I'd be home. It took longer than I thought,
and instead of calling and waking you up early, when I knew you had to work, I
didn't think it would be a big deal." He kicked his feet up on his desk.
"Apparently, it is and I'll make sure I call you next time."

"Next
time?" Her jaw fell open and she clamped her lips together in unbelievable
shock.

"Look,
if this is about Donny, I've got that covered. He won't touch you again,"
he said.

"This
has nothing to do with your brother—although a little warning next time would
be appreciated—or my father calling and having to talk to him like everything
is freaking perfect. You know I can't be around him. He can't find out who I
am." She uncrossed her arms and fisted her hands. "I also don't like
how you can come and go, and I can't even go to my house without okaying it
with you first. Then when I finally talk you into letting me pick up my stupid
clothes or water my plants, you act as if I've disturbed your life."

"What
should we do about you hanging on to your house then?" He put his feet on
the floor and leaned his elbows on the desk. "I think it would be a good
idea to move you completely here, and you can either sell or rent it. Renting
would probably be better, because the real estate market is at a low right
now."

"Nathan!"
She inhaled deeply. "I want to move home."

"No,"
he said.

She
stared at him in disbelief, even though she knew he'd go there again. "Are
you going to keep me here under force?"

"No."

"You'll
let me walk out of this room and call a taxi?"

His
gaze hardened. "No."

"You're
about to see me turn into a bitch." She marched to the door and whirled
around. "I tried, but I'm the one doing all the changing in this
relationship. Every little detail about my life revolves around you. You take
me to work, you pick me up. I sleep in your bed, when I have a perfectly good
bed in my house. Instead of staying far away from the asshole who fathered me,
I'm thrust into his lap because you do business with him."

She
paused, hoping he'd say something, anything. "You're messed up, Nathan.
It's all take, take, take with you. You haven't given me anything. Last night
was proof. I was ready to leave you, and you overpowered me."

"I
fucked you on the floor and again in bed. You came three times," he said.

"It's
not all about sex. I can use a vibrator and have half a dozen orgasms overnight."
She hung her head and exhaled. "I want you, not your body. I want inside
your head, and as long as you keep secrets from me, there is no relationship. I
won't settle for anything less."

"You'll
settle for what I give you and be happy. Your job isn't to worry about me. I
can take care of both of us," he said.

"You're
not listening." She raised her gaze and whispered, "I'm going to grab
my bag, walk out the front door, and phone a cab. I have no problem calling 911
if you try and stop me."

A
growing lump of emotion lodged in her throat. She called herself all kinds of
names for hesitating. There were a hundred things she wanted to tell him, but
he'd closed himself off to her.

His
refusal to open himself when their relationship was on the line killed her. She
looked in his eyes and knew whatever shadows bound him to a life of solitude
were stronger than she could chase away.

She
squared her shoulders and walked out of the room. Her throat constricted
painfully, keeping the sourness from rising. He'd shown her everything he had
to give. Power, control, strength, and an insatiable hunger, and she wasn't
immune.

She'd
fallen for him. Heart, soul, and head, she'd wanted everything he could offer,
and he could offer her a lot. But, he chose not to.

Her
bag was already packed and sitting on the end of the bed. She gazed longingly
at the rumpled comforter and watched the vined print on the material blur. Rapidly
blinking her eyes to dispel the tears, she walked out of the room.

Nathan
stood in the hallway, leaning against the wall. "I left you in bed last
night, because I was afraid of letting go with you after spending twenty-four
hours worrying over you leaving. I didn't want to scare you any more than you
already were," he whispered, keeping his gaze on the floor.