Hush

When I was younger, I read a story about a demon who lusts for a young, beautiful girl.  One night, the demon steals away the girl, trapping her in a realm not for the living but not for the dead, holding her prisoner.  The girl could walk through her world, see her home, her friends, her family, but she was invisible to them.  Her loved ones searched and searched for her to no avail.  They believed her to be dead yet she was standing right in front of them.  She was forced to watch them grieve in silence.  Having only to extend her hand to wipe their tears, but she was unable.

 I don’t remember how the story ended.  I don’t remember if the girl ever made it out of the demon’s clutches, if she was ever released from her torturous purgatory, or if she was reunited with her loved ones.  I don’t know if I even finished the story.  I couldn’t bear the thought of it, being so close to it all yet so far away; being so disconnected.  It terrified me and for many years, I feared I would succumb to the same garish destiny.

 Why I assumed such a monstrous thing would happen to me, I don’t know.  As I grew older, wiser, I found that logic and reasoning diminished those nightmares.  I hadn’t thought of that girl for many years, until her fate became mine.

“Let’s keep an eye on that,” I said, looking at Ana’s hemoglobin reading, talking to my nurse.  “That’s still a little lower than I want it to be.  I think, what was it last time?  Wasn’t it just a little higher?”  I looked over Janet’s shoulder as she scrolled through Ana’s file on her laptop to the last test results.  “Oh yeah.  It’s slowly dropping down.  Let’s do another test in the morning.  We may have to think about a transfusion.”

Janet nodded, making a note on Ana’s file.  Joyce, another nurse in the office came around the corner.  “Dr. Reinbeck, there are some gentlemen in your office here from Make-A-Wish,” she said.

“Oh, damn, they’re here already?”  I looked at my watch.  Time was a concept I’ve never had a handle on.  It was always slipping right out of my grasp.  “I’ve got to stop in to see Dalton really quickly and I’ll be in.  Could you let them know it will be a few more minutes?”

The elderly RN nodded with a smile and turned back, heading for my office.  I moved from the small nurse’s nook out into the hall and knocked on Dalton’s door before letting myself in.  I smiled cordially at Dalton’s parents, Mike and Cheri.  Dalton’s small little body was tucked under the crisp white hospital sheets.  Tubes erupted from the brim of the blankets. 

“I see he’s still asleep,” I whispered, making my way over to the bed.  A nurse was ticking away at the room’s computer, keeping track of his vitals.  I leaned over her shoulders to see his progress.  “Shouldn’t be much longer and the anesthesia will wear off.”  I pulled back the covers, holding them up to conceal the iodine-stained skin surrounding the ivory gauze placed strategically on his abdomen.  I examined the surgery site, looking for excessive bleeding and was thankful to find none.

“You’ll want to change this when he wakes,” I whispered to the nurse.  “Bring in the instructions at that time and show his folks how they’ll want to do it.”

“Everything looks great.” I said, turning to Mike and Cheri.  “He’s going to be very weak and peaky for the next couple of days.  Children generally bounce back from these types of surgeries much quicker than adults.  I’ll be back to check on him before I head out today,” I assured his parents.

Dalton was recovering from a colostomy at the age of four.  He suffers from a disease of the intestines.  He was born without the proper nerve endings in the cilia of the intestines which causes blockage as food tries to digest and move through the system.   He’d be fine now.  He’d never be the same again but the most of his and his parent’s worries were over, unlike the majority of the patients I saw.

I made the conscious decision to stop by the restroom before heading to my office.  Being the youngest practicing oncologist in the office, I tried too hard to keep my appearance up.  I looked in the mirror.  My long brown hair hung lifelessly and pretty dull down my shoulders and back.  I teased it a little with my fingers, but knew it was no use.  These men would look at me and see exactly what everyone else saw; a twenty-one year old girl trying to look like a thirty-something doctor.  My face was still youthful, my figure was still petite and toned, and though I tried to dress more conservatively and hide the youth with chunky-framed spectacles, there was no hiding the truth.

I hurried to my office and pushed open the door.  I had only occupied this space for less than a year so it was still very bland and forgetful, especially since I spent most of my time in the patients’ rooms than anywhere else, not giving me much time to decorate.   Three men, two sitting in chairs and one standing in the corner, perked up when I walked in.  “So sorry to keep you waiting,” I said as the two men stood from their seats and turned to greet me.  Holding my hand out, I approached the shorter, and older of the three.  “I’m Dr. Reinbeck.”

The man’s eyes widened in surprise as he took my out-stretched hand.  “Steven Phillips, Make-A-Wish,” he said.

“Steven, nice to meet you.  It’s great to put a face to the name after all of our email correspondence.”

“Yes, I’d have to agree,” Steven replied.

I turned to the younger man standing at his right, whose face was all-too familiar to me.  “No need to introduce yourself.”  I smirked widely at him, placing my hand in his.  “Pleasure to meet you, Damien.  I’m so pleased you could make it.  We’re all big fans of your music around here,” I gushed.

“Oh how nice of you to say,” the toned and tanned singer gushed back at me, genuinely it appeared.

“And you are?”  I asked, pulling myself away from the Adonis to the stiffly professional gentleman with the hard jaw and contradicting soft eyes. 

“I’m Callem Tate,” suit introduced himself.  He was a bit older than Damien, but younger than Mr. Philips.  “It’s nice to meet you, Doctor.”

I smiled kindly before stepping back.  “Thank you all so much for coming.”

“Yes,” Steven spoke up.  “We’re glad this all worked out so well.  Damien is in town for press of his new movie and we hear Ana is in need of some cheering up.”

I nodded.  “Yes, she had a bit of a crash earlier this week and has been admitted to our care since then,” I explained.

“Now, I thought she was in remission?”

“She is, but we’ve run into a bump in the road, which isn’t uncommon, and it sort of rerouted us.  She’s in good hands here.”  There was only so much information I was able to give to Make-A-Wish and the fact that Ana may need a blood transfusion due to her hemoglobin level wasn’t one of them.

“What is it that she has?” Damian asked.

“It’s called Rhabdomyosarcoma,” I responded easily.

“There’s today’s million-dollar word,” Damien added.

I smiled.  “Yeah, it can be a mouthful.  It’s a cancer of the skeletal muscle where malignant tumors are formed, usually around the neck or somewhere on the head.  Ana’s tumors were in her ears and they’ve since been removed.  She has hearing issues now, but if we hadn’t caught the tumors when we did, she may have lost her hearing all together.  She does have to wear hearing aids, probably for the rest of her life.  I’d say that’s a small price to pay when considering the alternative.”

“And how is she today?”  Steven asked.

“Doing great.  I stopped by her room this morning.  She’s in a good mood.  She’ll be so excited to see you.” I couldn’t tame my smile at the thought of Ana’s excitement.

“Do her parent’s know she was selected for the program?”

I nodded.  “Yes.  I informed them when I got the news.  Like I said, we just weren’t expecting you this early.”

“You can blame that on me,” Damien started.  “I wasn’t supposed to be in town today.  I had a change of plans and I’ll be making an appearance at the ‘We Are Music’ concert tomorrow night.  I figured since I was here, I could make my stop, you know, while I’m in town.”

Though Damien was a pop singer who seemed like a completely shallow based on what I’ve seen of him in the media, I couldn’t help but to swoon a little as our eyes locked.  He really was something to behold, almost mesmerizing.  I had to remind myself to blink.

“Well, do you want to follow me?  I’ll take you to her room,” I said, gesturing to the doorway.  I had the fleeting feeling that three sets of eyes took the moment to survey my figure as I turned my back on them all.  Vultures.

“So how is it you’re so young yet in the position you’re in?”  Damien asked, quickening his pace to walk alongside me.

“Oh, I’m just ahead of the curve, is all,” I said jokingly.

Damien laugh, cocking his head back slightly.  “No, I’m serious.  It’s pretty crazy that you’re doing a job like this at your age.  What’s your secret?” he asked, leaning in as if trying to conceal the truth eavesdroppers.

I smiled.  “I’m a bit of a whiz kid,” I mumbled.  I had explained that to so many people that it felt scripted as the words fell from my smirked mouth.

“You’re like some kind of prodigy?”

I shrugged.  “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“What, you graduated high school at like 15?” Damien went on teasingly.

“I was 12 actually.”

Damien’s brows raised.  “You’ve got to be kidding me, and you knew all that time that this is what you wanted to do?”

I nodded.  “Yeah, I kind of did.  I just really wanted to work with kids and medicine just kind of clicked for me from the beginning.”  I shrugged, not sure how else to explain it.

Damien nodded.  “That makes sense.  So how long have you been working here?”

“I’ve only been on staff for about six months.”  I steered the group of curious men around a corner, stopping them outside the first door on the right.  “Just give me a minute.  I’ll bring her parents out first.  I want to make sure Ana’s doing okay before we go in,” I explained, knocking on the door lightly.

“Come in,” I heard a deep voice say from the other side.  Pushing open the door, I was greeted by two strong smiles, stronger than they’d seen earlier this week.  Greg and Cassie were Ana’s parents and had been with her all week.  Cassie was a stay-at-home mom and Greg was an actuary for a firm in Los Angeles.  They had a sweet 16-month old little guy named Shace who’d been spending a bit of time in the hospital with Ana, making her laugh and keeping her company, but he spent most of his time with Cassie’s parents, who lived here in Huntington Beach.

After greeting Greg and Cassie, I looked over at a wide-eyed Ana who was enveloped in her iPad.  “Hey, can I talk to you two outside for a moment?”  I asked, still standing in the doorway.

Greg and Cassie exchanged uneasy glances before heading in my direction.  Usually when doctors ask parents to step away from their children for privacy, it means they’re receiving bad news.  As soon as they stepped outside the room, their fears were diminished.  Cassie’s eyes immediately widen as they found Damien standing behind me.

Greg hurried her out and closed the door to the room while Cassie gasped in excitement, even pulling Damien into a hug.  “I can’t believe you’re here,” she gushed.  “Thank you so much.  Thank you.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Bowman, I’m Steven Phillips from Make-A-Wish, how are you?”  Steven shook Greg’s hand while Cassie loosened her hold on Damien long enough to shake his hand also, wiping away tears.

“Thanks for being here,” Greg said in his usual cool, calm, monotone manner.  “Ana’s going to love this.”  Their smiles were infectious.

“There’s really no need to introduce Damien, is there?”  Steven added causing the group to break out in a chorus of chuckles.

“No, not at all.  We know who you are,” Cassie said, still gushing.  “Ana is such a big fan.  She’s got your albums on repeat on her iPod.  Oh, this is going to be so great for her.”  Cassie’s eyes still filled with tears of excitement.

“Well I can’t wait to meet her,” Damien said, clapping his hands together with anticipation.

“Shall we?”  Steven asked.

I waited in the hall as Cassie and Greg reentered the room.  I could hear them tell Ana they had a surprise for her.  I could hear her gasp from the hallway as Damien made his grand entrance.  Mr. Tate and I stood outside for a minute, giving them time to meet each other.

“So do you do this often, Mr. Tate?” I asked, breaking the silence between us.  “Personal security for celebrities?”

“Sort of, yes,” he said, clearing his throat.  “You can call me Callem.  I actually own the security detail along with transportation and an airline, all catering to a more luxurious crowd.  Politicians, movie stars, diplomats, CEOs, those are the usual customers.”

“Oh okay,” I nodded.  “And you’re catering to a pop star today?”

He sighed heavily, smiling slyly.  “For the weekend.  I would have pawned him off on one of my other guys, but they’re all on other assignments.”

“So this is a rather large enterprise?”

“It’s growing.  We’re not much now, but I’m looking to expand.”

“There's probably a high demand for your services in this area, isn’t there?”

Callem nodded.  “We’ve been keeping very busy.  You get one good client who gives you a good review and those kinds of praises are heard by the right kind of people.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

Before he could answer, Greg was at the door.  “Uh, Dr. Reinbeck, Ana wants to see you.”

“Excuse me,” I mumbled to Callem as I made my way back into the room.  Damien had taken a seat next to Ana’s bed.  I nearly gasped at the sight of her.  I’d never seen such a big smile on that little girl’s face before.  She was positively glowing.

“Dr. Reinbeck, did you know Damien was here?” she clamored.

“I did.  Was this a good surprise?” I asked, stopping at the foot of the bed.

“I didn’t know he was coming to see me,” Ana spouted, before turning her attention back to Damien.  They posed for pictures, he signed some autographs for her, brought her some of his merchandise.    She was in another world with her idol, unaware of the crowd watching the two of them interacting.  It was such a heartwarming sight to bring so much joy to a little girl who’d been through so much in her short life.

I lost complete track of time, surprise, surprise, and ducked out of the room a few minutes later.  I had a few appointments I needed to prepare for.  I hurried to the nurse’s station, got the files I needed, and went back to my office.  Before long, there was a knock at my door.

“Yes, come on in,” I called, not looking away from my computer screen.  I’m used to nurses walking in and out of my office throughout the day so seeing Callem walk into my office was a little bit of a surprise.  “Oh, hi.”

“Hello, I hope I’m not bothering you,” he said.

I shook my head.  “No not at all.  What can I help you with?”

“Damien wanted to know what you’re doing tonight,” Callem asked quickly, looking almost uncomfortable asking.

My eye brows rose and I was at a loss for words for a moment.  “Uh, excuse me?”

“Do you have plans for this evening?  Damien doesn’t perform until tomorrow, but is going to the concert tonight and wanted to know if you’d like to join him.”

I sat back in my chair.  “Like a date?”  Callem shrugged.  “Does that sound like a date to you?”

“I’m just the messenger,” Callem said, leaving all opinion to himself.