Hush (11 page)

I followed. “You didn’t strike me as a beach dweller. What with the whole…” I motioned to his long sleeves and jeans.

“I’m not. I bought this place as an investment. But I thought that- I thought you may enjoy it,” he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Oh.”

He grabbed his bag and I grabbed mine. I followed him up the steps to the front door. He put in a key and swung the door open.

The floors were a light, beached, wood. A staircase led upstairs directly in front of me. The family room to the left was painted a pale yellow as were the walls in the small foyer. I could see the kitchen from here and the walls there were painted a pale blue. Out back I could see a white pale stretch of beach.

Siva closed the door and flicked a light switch. I looked above me at the sudden light. It looked like an old fashioned lantern.

“Do you like it?” asked Siva, almost shyly.

“It’s great,” I said. “Homey,” I added.

Siva put his bag down by the step and I put mine beside it.

He put his hands on his hips and glanced around the place. He rubbed his neck and sighed. “I used to love the beach. Before…” he said quietly and tugged on his long sleeves.

“You shouldn’t be self-conscious,” I said. “Everyone has scars. Some you can see… and some you can’t,” I said looking at the floor.

“Still,” he said, “it bothers me. I can’t help it.”

“You don’t have to hide yourself with me,” I said.

He looked up at me, startled.

I wrung my hands together, my cheeks flo
oding with color
. My heart was beating a mile a minute. “I want to get to know you,” I said, “The real you. Not the businessman. Scars and all,” I said.

“Scars and all,” he repeated as if in a trance. “No one’s ever wanted to get to know me before.”

“I do,” I said.

“What if I’m not the person you think or want me to be? I’ve done some bad, crazy, shit in my life,” he asked.

“Siva, you are who you are. I am who I am. Our past makes us who we are. I want to know why you are, well,
you,
” I said.

He came towards me, hope in his eyes. “Do you mean that?” he asked.

“I never say anything
unless I mean it,” I swallowed and my heart beat like a twitchy little hummingbird in my chest
. His inquisitive violet eyes bore into mine.

I suddenly found myself pushed against the wall by the steps. His arms
were
suddenly around me
.
His lips hovered a breath away from mine.

“You confound me,” he breathed.  My heart fluttered and my eyes lowered. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. He
confounded me
, not the other way around
.

“I-” I tried to say something, anything.

“It’s
killing
me, Sloane.”

And then his glorious lips were on mine.

Chapter Seven

I felt light headed.

“Sloane,” he said pulling away when I started to fall out of his arms. “It’s killing me to fight this. I can’t. I don’t want to. Not anymore.”

I swayed and his arms steadied me.

“Are you okay?” he asked.
His lips quirked.
“I might have to refrain from kissing you if you’re going to faint.”

“No, don’t,” I found my voice and twisted my fingers into his light green sweater plastering my body against his. He bent his lips to mine once more.

I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. My knees were weak. My toes were curled.
And my lips… oh my lips.
Nothing had ever felt this good before. I felt tingly all over. I had never been kissed like this. I could feel passion rolling off of him in waves and I was sure he could feel my desire.

“Siva,” I moaned and my fingers moved from his shirt to tangle in his hair. The scent of sandalwood, of Siva, invaded my airways rendering my brain useless.

He groaned in the back of his throat and desire pooled in my belly.

He pulled away, his lips lifting, and his scar standing out prominently.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he said.

“I’m glad you finally did,” I said breathless.

He kept me there, against the wall, staring into my eyes.

“Let’s go to beach,” Siva said.

“Scars and all?” I asked.

“Scars and all.”

* * *

We carried our bags upstairs. There were three rooms. Siva took the master and I picked the yellow room. I was noticing a reoccurring theme of yellow and blue. Siva gave me a peculiar look when I went into the room but didn’t comment.

I closed the door, put my suitcase on the bed, and looked
for my bikini. When Siva told m
e to pack he had told me to be sure and have a swimsuit.

The orange bikini was the only one that I currently owned. Dev and I had bought it at a little boutique near his dad’s beach house. Dev…

Would Dev approve of my relationship with his brother? Oh, God. What was I going to do? I was falling hard for Siva. In fact I had never felt like this before. But was it fair to Dev?
Was
it fair to me? How could I give up on this fledgling relationship I had with Siva because Dev might not approve?

Sloane, Dev’s gone… gone-
gone, as in not coming back…
Dead, Sloane.
You have to move on. You have to live your life. That’s what Dev would want. He’d want you to live.
To find love again.
It’s not your fault that you found
something
in his brother.

My conscious had never made so much sense before. It was mystifying.

I fingered the orange material. I could see Dev. His dark wavy locks and dark brown almost black eyes. He smiled at me.

“Sloane, you would look amazing in this. I love you in orange. It brings out the highlights in your hair,” Dev said.

“I’ll try it on,” I said to please him. He grinned.

I took the skimpy fabric from his hands and strode into one of the empty dressing rooms. I closed the door and shimmied out of my khaki shorts and army green polo shirt. I slipped on the bikini.

“Let me see,” said Dev standing outside the door.

I opened it, blushing.

He whistled. “You look amazing. I’ll buy it for you,” he leaned towards my ear and whispered in my ear, “If you promise I get to take it off of you later.” My tanned skin blushed crimson. Dev could always do this to me. His long fingers played with the strings holding the material securely to my chest. His dark eyes were hypnotizing me.

“Deal.”

I snapped back into reality. I dropped the bikini onto the bed. I couldn’t wear it. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t wear something that Dev bought me around Siva.

“Hey Siva?
” I called.

“Yes?” he said coming out of the master bedroom in a pair of navy swim trunks and a long sleeved, white, V-neck shirt.

“I need a swimsuit,” I
said softly.

His eyes flashed from violet to gray.

“I thought you had one,” he said.

I scrambled my brain for a plausible lie. “Uh… it has a stain on it.”

“Sure,” he said. “There’s a place right down the road.”

At least he didn’t seem angry.

He had on a pair of black flip flops and sunglasses stuck to his shirt. He padded down the steps and I followed along.

Right down the road turned out to be two miles so we took the NSX. That was fine by me. The car was a dream. Siva pulled up outside the store. It was exploding with hot pink and green.

“You can wait here,” I said.

“I think I’ll join you,” he said climbing out of the car.

“
Oookay
,” I said to the empty car.

I climbed out of the car and followed him into the store. Some kind of pop music played over the speakers. The girl behind the counter moved with the music while she checked someone out and obnoxiously popped her gum. The store was full of beach clothes, swimsuits, sunglasses, hats, anything you needed for the beach could be found here. I headed for the rack that was full of swim suits and scanned it. I pulled out a gold colored bikini that reminded me of my eyes.

“That will look great on you,” said a voice over my shoulder. Startled I jumped.

“Siva! Don’t do that! You scared me!” I h
adn’t been this jumpy before Mac
tried to rape me. Now everything scared me.

“Sorry,” he said and his eyes darkened. No doubt, he knew why he had scared me.

I didn’t bother trying it on. I knew it would fit. I plopped it down in front of the teenage girl working the counter along with a floppy hat to keep the sun out of my eyes. She snapped her gum.  I waved my hand in a ‘can we speed up the process’ way. She blew a bubble with her gum and scanned the items. I paid her and she handed me the bag.

We drove back to the house and I changed into my new swimsuit. I looked at the orange one that I held in my hands.

“I’m sorry Dev,” I said and tossed it in the trashcan.

* * *

Siva was standing in the kitchen sipping a beer. “Ready?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said tugging on the loose bikini. I gu
essed I should have tried it on
. I had lost weight since
the incident
and I hadn’t factored that in. But hopefully I would start eating again and get back to my normal weight.

Siva slid open the back glass doors and we stepped out on a deck and then down onto the beach. A family played nearby with their dog. A couple of teenagers were setting up a volleyball game. Many people splashed in the water. Siva picked out a spot and laid down a couple of beach blankets. He plopped down on one and I sat down beside him. It was hot out.
But not
Georgia humid hot.
I put on my sunglasses so I wouldn’t have to squint and stuck my floppy hat on to keep the sun from burning my face.

I tugged on the sleeve of Siva’s white shirt. “Scars and all,” I smiled.

He sighed and began to tug off his shirt. His gloriously toned chest greeted my starved eyes. Siva was tall and lean but not bulky. But there was a current than ran over his skin that would make me very afraid to get in a fight with him. I didn’t know how he had the time to work out. All he did was work. He’d usually finish dinner and then disappear into his office where I could hear him in a shouting match with someone on the phone. His scars speckled his arms and chest, his legs and feet, he was riddled with them.

“You’re beautiful.”

He laughed harshly. “Hardly. I’m flawed Sloane.
Inside and out.
For you to understand that you’re going to have to know my past.”

Siva had never volunteered any information about his past. He never asked about mine either. I had a feeling that Siva wasn’t one to live in the past but more one to move forward and strive for the future.

“So tell me,” I said. “Make me understand.” I lifted a handful of sand and then let it fall back down through my fingers. I didn’t want to push him but I was immensely curious. I had picked up on bits and pieces here. Like when he told me about being pushed through the window and about his sister but that was it.

He seemed to be gathering his thoughts. He had one leg stretched out and the other propped up at the knee.

“My dad… is… well you know him. He is who he is. He wasn’t quite so bad when we were little but he was still like this. My mom was the complete opposite. She was happy and light and she always smelled like home. But my dad didn’t really want a wife or kids… He just wanted us for show. He wanted to appear as a family man. My mom was okay with that and so were my siblings.

“But I wasn’t. I didn’t want to be controlled but when I was young I didn’t have much choice. He made us go to the best schools, boarding schools so were weren’t in his way, and he made us learn an instrument. He picked piano for me.”

“I’ve never seen you play,” I said remembering the grand piano in his flat.

“I actually like it… But I’d never tell my father that. I don’t play much anymore… It brings back too many memories. Bad ones. I hated feeling like a show pony and that’s the way our father treated us. I’m the oldest. He wanted me to take over the business. He wanted my brother to work beside me and my sister to stay home and have kids. He had our lives planned out. We weren’t supposed to object. Devak and Saia were fine with it. Even as teenagers. But I wasn’t okay with being controlled.” He laughed roughly. “I guess I’m too much like my father in that way.”

“You’re nothing like Rajas,” I said.

He continued like I had said nothing.

“I rebelled in typical teenage fashion. Well maybe worse… I was drinking and partying and smoking or snorting every substance known to man. I got in with the wrong crowd… the really
wrong
crowd. My dad reported me to the authorities and I spent some time in jail. It was
probably the best thing my father ever did for me. When I came out of jail I tried to turn my life around. And then Saia was raped… She changed… a lot... after it happened. She went from being this carefree spirit to this… dark hole of nothing. She finally confessed to me what had happened… I hate to say that I wanted to go back to my old ways… nearly did. But Saia talked me out of it. She didn’t want me to ruin my life for her. You see… I wanted to track down that son of a bitch and put a bullet through his head. He deserved it…” He turned to face me. I listened intently “It was my father’s business associate that did it. It wasn’t just some random street thug. It was someone we knew… someone we trusted! I think he raped her again… she had been getting
better
and the next thing I knew she was dead. I never told my father who did it. I figured he wouldn’t believe me. He still thought I was a lying thug. At least he had Devak.
Golden boy Devak who could
do no
wrong.
He was a kiss ass that’s what he was. He couldn’t see our father for what he truly w
as… Did you love him?” he asked suddenly, stopping his tirade.

“Who?” I asked entranced by his story.

“Devak. Did you love Devak?” he growled at me.

“Yeah… yeah I did. We were always happy.”

He glared at me. “Then it wasn’t love Sloane. Not really. You may have loved him but you weren’t
in
love. When you fall in love with somebody you fall…
hard
and you can’t get back up. You feel sick and breathless. You’re the farthest thing from happy,” he spat.

My heart stuttered in my chest because if what he was describing was right then I was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with him.  Could he possibly feel the same way? I wanted to ask him but then he started talking again.

“I got into it pretty bad with my dad one night after Saia died… My mom… he had to put her in a home after Saia killed herself. My mom couldn’t handle it. He got even meaner and one day he just went over the edge and shoved me too hard and I went through a window. No one else was home. God, there was blood everywhere and I hurt so
bad
. At least he didn’t push me through a second story window. He looked at me and… he did nothing. He left me there to die. I probably would have… He left and I made it to the kitchen and called an ambulance. Then I passed out. I woke up strapped to the bed three days later. My dad said it was self-defense on is part. That I went off on him. He was rich and everybody believed him. He got away with nearly killing his son. When I got out of the hospital I moved in with friends, went to college, and built my business from the ground up.”

“Did-” I paused and
wet my lips
. “Did Dev know what really happened?” If he had and he’d still chosen in his father then I didn’t really know Dev.
Not at all.

“Devak didn’t know.” He rested his arm on his knee. “My dad… he paid me off so I wouldn’t tell Devak. I took it. I needed the money for university. But once my business took off I paid him back and then some and tried to contact Devak but he would have nothing to do with me. Father’s sticky tendrils were in too deep.” He laid down on the towel now and put his hands behind his head. The movement did amazing things for his chest muscles. “What about you Sloane? Tell me about your life.”