Hush - Fighting Fate #2 (39 page)

I
panted heavily as a hand was pressed to my lower back, and then in one hard thrust, he filled me.

The suddenness of it took my breath away. My head swirled and I swore I saw stars.

Noah grunted. “Fuck!”

His hands gripped my hips, his fin
gers digging into my flesh as he pulled out and slammed back into me. Holy mother of mercy! I had no idea if it was his piercing, the depth, or the angle he was stroking, but holy freaking shitballs I was so freaking turned on I thought I might actually combust.

“Kaeli!” Noah choked out. “Fuck-”

The sound of his arousal was more than I could handle. Pushing back against him, I urged him harder. His fingers tightened even more, leaving no doubt in my mind I’d have bruises the next day, but I needed it just as much as he did.

His rhythm turned frantic, a fast, heavy pounding that drove me further and further up the bed, until I had to use my hands to stop myself from being driven into the headboard.

I was so close to climaxing. It throbbed inside me, so close to the surface I wanted to scream. I clenched my muscles around him, begging it to come. Noah roared and pumped even harder. Then releasing one hand, he reached around and pressed his fingers to my clit.

Fireworks exploded inside my body. I think I screamed, or cried, or both. I was too far gone to really know. Somewhere in the distance I heard Noah call out my name
as he found his own release, then I collapsed, all energy gone.

Chapter 64

Noah

The instant Kaeli’s body slid down on the bed, I knew I’d fucked up. I couldn’t believe someone as beautiful as she was
had given me a chance and I’d just thrown it away by acting like a fucking animal.

I had no idea what the fuck had come over me. It was the same as when I’d picked her up. I just wanted to brand her. Make her mine.
I’d acted like Mitch, and he wasn’t anywhere near deserving of her.

And it seemed neither was I.

Forcing myself to release her instead of hold her close to me like I desperately wanted to do, I rolled to the edge of the bed and hung my head.

Fucking Mitch!

Why couldn’t he just go the fuck away? Was this job going to fucking curse me until the day I died?

“Fuck!”

Pushing myself to my feet, I stalked to the other side of the room, shoving my hands through my hair. I knew I needed to apologize to her, but I was fucking scared of looking at her right now. If I saw one ounce of fear or disappointment in her eyes I was going to lose it. But I knew it would be there. How could it not?

Jerking around to pace to the other side of the room, I grabbed at the back of my head. “Jesus. Kaeli…I’m so fucking sorry…”

Rubbing my hands over my face, I tried to force myself to look at her, but I just couldn’t. I was a fucking coward.

But then she was in front of me, naked, wrapped in my sheet, concern and worry etched on her face.

“Noah. Stop,” she said, her voice slightly uncertain. “You’re scaring me.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said again. And I’d keep saying it until it was ever enough.

She grabbed my wrists, holding firmly. “I don’t understand why you’re sorry. Tell me what’s going on.”

I shook my head. I was so fucking angry with myself. “I can’t believe I did that to you. You deserve so much more than that.”

Her brow creased and her gaze flickered from one of my eyes to the next in rapid succession. “Noah, you’re not making any sense. Are you saying you regret what we just did?”

“
Kaeli, that was fucked up. I took you like a fucking animal. I took you like Mitch! I thought that part of my life was gone, but obviously it’s not. And I don’t know if it ever will be. It’s…fucking scarred me or something. I’m no good for you. You need to get far away from me. Find someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

She blinked up at me, her lips slightly parted as I panted with panicked breaths.

Slowly, she licked her lips and inhaled, still clutching the sheet to her chest. “Let me get this straight. You think you’re bad for me because of what we just did.”

“What
I
just did,” I said harshly. There was no way I was going to let her take any of the blame for what I just did.

Her eyes narrowed like she was growing angry. Good. She should be fucking angry.

“Noah…if you think you’re horrible for taking me the way you did, what does it make me for liking it?”

My mind went blank for a minute. I didn’t understand the words she was saying. “What do you mean you liked it?”

She sighed. “Noah, you’re never going to get rid of Mitch, if that’s what you’re thinking. He’s a part of you.”

“I know! That’s what I’m saying. That’s why you should leave me, Kaeli. I’m bad for you!”

“No,” she said steadily. “That’s not what I mean. I mean that Mitch is a part of
you
. That he’s probably always been a part of you. Like an alter ego. Everyone has different personalities that come out to help them cope with different situations. Mitch is strong, hard, protective, and knows exactly what he needs to do to get results. He was the perfect choice for you to make when choosing who you needed to be to get through your time in the Den. If you think back before you went undercover, you’ll probably find he was there a lot.”

I stared at her. Why did
that make sense? But, no…I couldn’t. Mitch was bad. He’d done bad things while I’d been undercover. I shook my head. I couldn’t let her confuse me. I was right. She needed to be free of me.

Her expression hardened. “Where’s your
cell?”

What? My
cell? Why was she asking that?

“Where’s your
cell, Noah?” Without waiting for me to give her an answer, she spun, searching the room, finding it on the floor beside my discarded jeans.

Before I could figure out what she was doing with it, she was pushing buttons and the sound of ringing came through the loud speaker.

“Noah?”

I blinked at the sound of Adam’s voice. Why was she ringing Adam?

“Adam?” she said, placing the cell on the dresser. “It’s Kaeli. Noah’s fine. I just wanted to ask you a question if that’s alright?”

“Uh…you do know it’s like one o’clock in the morning, don’t you?”

Kaeli flinched a little, but she looked determined. “I’m sorry, but it’s important.”

“Okay. What do you need to know?”

“Would you agree with me that Noah has more than one particular type of personality?” she said, her eyes never leaving mine.

“Uh…of course,” Adam said, clearly confused.
“Kaeli, what’s this all about?”

“I know it’s probably confusing, but I need you to
bear with me for a second, okay?”

There was silence for a split second before I heard Adam’s voice again. “Yeah, okay, but just tell me, is Noah alright?”

“He’s fine. He right here, listening to you. So, other than the fun, happy, playful Noah we all saw yesterday, what other personalities would you say he had?”

Adam exhaled heavily over the line. “Shit, well, there’s the pissed off, grumpy Noah when he’s tired…the serious, caring Noah he shows to those who mean a lot to him…there’s a really immature, childish Noah that could be mistaken for the playful one you saw yesterday…
uh…I guess there’s angry Noah too. He comes out when you push him too far, but I think that one’s mostly reserved for brothers…” He paused, chuckling a little, making the corner of my lips twitch. “There’s flirty Noah. That one was quite prominent while he was in high school…And then there’s bossy Noah…”

Kaeli’s lips curled a little. “What
was bossy Noah like?”

A soft laugh floated through the speaker. “Exactly how you’d expect the youngest of five boys to be like, having to continually prove he’s tough enough to p
lay with the big boys.”

“Did bossy Noah like to be in control?”

“Hell, yes.”

Looking me right in the eye, she went for the kill. “Did you think it was a bad personality trait to have?”

There was silence for a few heartbeats. “Of course not. That side of Noah may have been bossy, but he was loyal as hell. You messed with someone he cared about, bossy Noah made you regret it.”

I stared at Kaeli for a long time. I still had absolutely no idea why she was here with me. She was amazing.

“Noah…” Adam’s voice broke into my thoughts. “I think I might have a little bit of an idea what this is about. You should listen to Kaeli. She’s right.”

Kaeli’s lips curved up even more. Yeah, I was starting to think she
might be. Walking over to the dresser, I lifted my finger to the screen.

“Thanks, Adam,” I said. Then I pressed the end button.

Chapter 6
5

Kaeli

Noah’s gaze didn’t leave mine the entire time Adam was on the
line. It was as though he needed to watch my every movement to make sure I honestly believed what I was saying.

I was so thankful Adam had backed up the point I was trying to make. I knew it could’ve backfired on me in a massive way, but I didn’t know what else to do. He
’d looked so tormented.

Slowly, he moved towards me

“Do you really believe what you said?”

“Yes, I do,
” I said without hesitation.

“But don’t you see? Mitch isn’t a great guy, Kaeli? He did some bad things. Really bad.”

I shook my head. “Noah, what Mitch did was what he needed to do to survive. To protect himself, to protect you, to protect me, to protect your job. Tell me, did he enjoy doing those bad things?”

Pain flashed across his eyes. “Sometimes.” His voice was almost a whisper.

I searched his face, trying to understand what was going on inside his head. “What parts?”

“Putting
a bullet in that guy’s head who was about to slit your throat.”

I swallowed, my breath shaking from the memory. “Was that enjoyment or satisfaction? Because there’s a difference, Noah.”

His eyes narrowed a little as though he was beginning to understand what I was getting at.

“He liked beating the fuck out of the people TJ ordered him to,” he countered.

I steeled myself. He wasn’t going to win. I wasn’t going to let him. “Why did he like it?”

“Because they were fucking scums,” he bit out, the distaste he had for those people more than obvious. “If they weren’t selling shit to kids, they were picking up young girls off the streets and pimping them out.”

I held my breath, letting his words sink in as I hid the horror of what he was saying from my face. “So, you’re saying all the bad things Mitch did was ultimately to right a wrong? A payback for those who’d been abused? To protect those who hadn’t been able to protect themselves?”

So many emotions flashed through his eyes as he tried to process my words. I watched them all, silently waiting for him to accept it. I could see he was struggling, and I wanted to keep pressing, to get him to see just how amazing he was, but I also knew he needed to do this on his own.

So I let him stand there, within reach, as he silently went through the motions. After what felt like an eternity, he took a steadying breath and slowly exhaled.

“How do you do that?” he said quietly.

I stepped forward and placed a hand on his chest. “By being honest.”

He sighed. “You shouldn’t have to put up with my fucked up mood swings, Kaeli.”

Moving my hand over the hard contours of his pecs, I gave him an easy smile. “Believe it not, but your mood swings make me like you more. They tell me you’re real, that you’re open and honest. I want to know what’s going on with you. Good and bad.”

With hesitant hands, he reached out and softly touched my hips. “You want to know all the shit that goes through my head?” he said, his tone slightly disbelieving.

“Always.”

He exhaled long and slow as he watched me, then with an unsure touch, he gently ran the back of his hand down the side of my face.
“Let me love you properly, Kaeli.”

My heart stumbled. The combination of his words
along with the adoring look in his eyes was doing something strange to it. “Okay.”

Then he kissed me.

It was the sweetest, most gentle, most loving kiss I’d ever experienced. It took my breath and melted my insides. It made my heart go from a stumble to a flutter.

Both his hands caressed my face, holding it as gently as he would butterfly wings.
Almost reverently. His fingers were so careful, his touch so tender, as he laced them in my hair.

“I don’t know what words to use to t
ell you how much you mean to me,” he whispered against my lips. “I don’t know how to explain what you make me feel.”