I Am Forever (What Kills Me) (28 page)

Shaking, I sat on her mattress. My chest ached. Bloody tears soaked my face. I called her name again.

Beside a small television on her dresser she had put a framed photo of us as kids. We were in matching pink puffy winter jackets, hugging, our cheeks pressed together. I didn’t remember the photo being taken, but I loved how we looked, mouths open mid-laugh and almost off balance. The frame’s glass had her fingerprints all over it.

I touched her blanket. I strummed her necklaces, which she’d hung on a pussy willow branch. I stared at the poster on her wall, which read: “Keep calm and carry on.”

Feeling faint, I leaned on her windowsill, my tears raining onto the cream carpet. I pressed my forehead against the cool glass.

Where are you?

Heavy snow filled the backyard. The lawn was white, pristine, except for a few paw prints from a rabbit passing through. My mother’s mountain ash tree had sprouted blood-red berries. Four inches of snow sat on the fence, like layers of icing on a cake. Except it was uneven in one place.

What?

Shoe prints. On top of the fence.

I ran from my sister’s room, jumped over the banister and landed on the first floor.

“My lady, what’s—” San began.

I rushed through the kitchen and opened the back door. My feet disappeared in the snow. The cold startled me. Light flakes settled on my face. White clumps were caught in the cedars. Amid the mounds, familiar faces peeked out—the ears from a deer statue, the twisted grin of a garden gnome. I could hear the fast breath of a bunny; following the noise I found him under a bush, his feet tucked under him, compact and unmoving like a loaf of bread.

The wind chime hanging from a plum tree was still. A dollop of snow sat on top of it. Scanning the yard I turned to the house and saw the shoe prints on the roof, leading up and over to the other side. The prints were smallish, with tread marks in the heel and toes, like those made by soccer runners.

I’m going to find you. And if you’ve done something to my family, I’m going to tear you to pieces.

I sucked the air in through my nose and it prickled my lungs. I wished the cold could numb me. Freeze my fears. I tried to tune everything out. I imagined my parents inside the house.
I had a dream they were kidnapped. Did that happen? Did I somehow dream that into existence? But there was no blood anywhere so the kidnappers didn’t hurt them. Not here at least. Oh God. Don’t think that way.

A rolling wave of fear swelled until it crashed over my head and I started to sob uncontrollably. My knees buckled and I sank into the cold. Droplets of blood hit the snow, creating red splotches around me. I couldn’t stop.

Suddenly the snow crunched in the front yard. I shot up. I hadn’t heard anything through my own wailing. No approaching car. No engine. The shaky footsteps came around the side of the house. I squeezed the tears from my eyes to clear my vision.
Mom?
Dad?
I listened to the person’s heartbeat grow louder.

A small figure appeared.
Could it be?

My best friend was standing in the snow.

Ryka.

Ryka clutched the collar of her navy parka. Her head was capped with a white beret.

“Tiffany, is that you?” she said.

“Ry,” I managed to whisper.

She took a tentative step toward me in her sheepskin boots, her gait robotic and unsteady in the snow. Her eyes scanned my body, my torn dress, my bare legs, and her lips parted.

“Ryka, it’s me.”

She squinted. “Who—”

“It’s Zee.”

“Zee?” The tension in her face disappeared and the shock appeared to stop her breath. Two seconds passed before she gasped and ran to me. She struggled through the snow as if she was running through waves, kicking up powder.

“Zee!” she cried, throwing herself at me.

I let her hug me, afraid to hurt her. She was so soft—and flimsy. Like twigs wrapped in cotton. Her cheek pressed against mine, and when I asked what she was thinking, a flicker of her memories jarred my brain. My mother crying. Ryka in my room and her broken voice saying, “Please come home.”

“My God, Zee!” She peeled herself from me. “You’re bleeding.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“What?” She rubbed my face. “Just come inside quick. Come.”

She took my hand and led me into the house. I saw San backing away from the kitchen window and then he was gone.

Ryka sat me down at my dining table and knelt before me. Red patches spread up her neck and burned her cheeks. Tears poured out of her dark brown eyes. She smelled like herself—berries, soap, and her mother’s cooking.

Her words tumbled out and she started to cry. “I can’t believe it’s you. You have no idea how worried we were. God, we were so worried. You’ve been gone and we looked for you and we couldn’t find you. I thought you were dead.”

You’re not wrong.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said. “What happened? Oh God, look at you. Why aren’t you wearing shoes? Geez, you’re hurt!”

She removed her mittens, stained with my blood. I had forgotten how tiny her hands were.

“I’m fine, Ry.” It was amazing to say her name. “It’s so good to see you.”

“You’re covered in blood,” she said. She went to the sink and grabbed a dish towel. She wet it under the tap. “What happened?”

She tried to dab my face and I caught her hand. Even though I held it as if I was cradling a baby chick, I still must have gripped it too hard because she flinched.

“Ry, where’s my family?”

“What?”

“Where are my mom and dad?”

“I don’t know. They’re not here?”

I shook my head.

“I was at Raj’s and I was on the way home when I saw a strange car in your driveway and all the lights on in your house. I was coming up the driveway when I heard crying in your backyard. I thought it might be your sister. They’ll be so happy to see you, you have no idea.”

“But they’re not here, Ry.”

“I don’t know. I’ve come by every week since you disappeared. They never go out in case you call. Zee, where have you been?!”

“Something...something happened.”

“What?”

I tried again but almost the same words emerged. “Something bad happened to me.”

“What happened, Zee?”

“I...I can’t explain.”

“Try.”

Ryka sat next me and put her hand over mine.

“You’re so cold. Let me get you a sweater.” She got up and I grabbed her sleeve, ripping some of the stitching in her jacket.

“No, Ry, really, I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine! You’re bleeding and in a dress in the cold and...you look different.”

I couldn’t imagine what she saw. A bloody girl in a red silk dress with dirty bare feet.
Do I look like a monster?

“You look weird...your eyes...your—Zee, are you on drugs?”

“What? No!”

“Oh God, you’re on drugs.”

“I’m NOT on drugs.”

“Because I would never judge you.”

“Ry, I am not on drugs. You know me.”

“All I know is that I was afraid I’d never see you alive again.”

And you never will.

San cleared his throat. He and Lucas were standing in the living room. They had wisely put their weapons away.

“Oh my God,” Ryka said.

“No, that would be her,” San said, pointing at me. I shot him a dirty look.

“Uh, who are they?” Ryka said.

“Ry, these are my friends. This is San and Lucas.”

“Hello,” San said. Lucas gave her a nod.

“Guys, this is my best friend, Ryka.”

I was happy to be able to introduce her to Lucas. Ryka looked them up and down and then looked at me. I knew that look.

“Listen,” I said, “I got into some trouble and they rescued me. They helped me get home.”

“Oh, okay. Because I was going to judge you for disappearing with two guys for three months.”

“I know what you’re thinking, but that’s not what happened.”

“Is one of these guys the dude you met that day, the last time we spoke online?”

“Which dude?”

“That gorgeous guy you were gushing about.”

“Which guy was that?” Lucas asked.

“Oh, no no no. That guy turned out to be really, really bad.”

That guy turned out to be a vampire. Paolo. That vampire turned out to be my killer.

“Plus, I found someone better,” I said. “Ry, Lucas is my...”

I scrunched up my nose.
Boyfriend? Vampire consort?
“Lucas and I are together.”

Ryka smiled. It was a beautiful, perfect grin, triggering a longing in me to see it again and to laugh with her. It made me want to go back to being just a girl with her best friend, shopping, going for gelato, talking about being roommates in university.

“Which one is Lucas?” she asked.

“The less handsome one,” San quipped, pointing his thumb at Lucas.

“Well done, Miss Zee,” Ryka said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lucas. You’re a lucky man.”

“I know,” Lucas said.

San raised his hands. “My lady, I don’t mean to interrupt—”

“My lady?” Ryka’s eyebrows shot up. “How gentlemanly.”

“—but we shouldn’t stay here for long.”

“I know, San. There were tracks on the fence and on the roof.”

“What does he mean?” Ryka asked. “What are you talking about?”

I put my hands as lightly as possible on either side of her arms. My hands were dirty. She opened her mouth to protest, but I quickly said, “Ry, we have to go look for my family.”

“Maybe they’ve gone looking for you. As soon as you disappeared, your father went to Italy for a month. Maybe they took another trip?”

“He did?” My voice wavered. I blinked against the pressure behind my eyes. I couldn’t cry blood in front of Ryka.
Dad. You came to find me. I’m so sorry I caused you so much pain.

“Just wait and maybe they’ll be back,” she said.

“Ry, you don’t understand. I don’t think so. I’m afraid for them.”

“Zee, you’re scaring me.”

“This is my fault. There’s so much I wish I could say.”

“Then tell me. There’s nothing you could say that would change the fact that I love you and that we’ll be best friends for life.”

For life.

“I...I think my family was—”

There was a light thud on the roof. Only San, Lucas, and I heard it; we all looked up.

“What?” Ryka said, searching the ceiling.

“Wait. Shh,” San said.

We listened as the vampire crossed to the back of the house. I ran to the kitchen, Lucas and Ryka following behind, and San went to fetch his sword. The vampire dropped into my yard. As he walked, one of his feet broke through my father’s frozen pond. I heard the splash and then cursing.

We looked out the window and saw him shaking his leg. He was wearing a black jacket with a fur hood so I couldn’t see his face.

“Stay here,” I told Ryka. San returned with his sword and her eyes widened.

“What the hell?” she blurted.

We opened the back door and walked onto the deck. The vampire flipped back his hood and bent forward, hand on his chest.

He’s with the Monarchy.

When he straightened up I recognized his face. It was Brogan’s brother.