I Am Not Junco Omnibus: Books Four - Six (4 page)

I wanted to vacation here. And now that this is where I ended up—it’s not enough.

It’s never enough with me. It will never be enough with me.

Something is wrong with me.

Lucan clears his throat to pull me back to him, but he seems reluctant to start the conversation so I start instead. "So,
do
you have horns?"

He puffs out a laugh. "I can if you want me to."

"But would you ever, I mean, if no one ever asked you to have them?"

He nods. "Yes, I have horns at times."

"How about hooves?"

He looks down at me, his eyes bright with laughter. "Hooves, too. Is that scary?"

"Hardly," I snort. "But it is sorta cool…" We stand in silence again so I ask another one. "Is it that bad? That you can't bring yourself to say the words?"

His smile fades and he nods. "Let's do it another time. Is that OK?"

"Hey, it's your party, right? As long as it won't kill me to not know, I'm good with denial."

He laughs again. "It will not kill you."

"Good, then let's talk about Tier. Where is he?"

"In the Band. On Amelia. He's been running the worlds since I left. I've been back a few times, mostly to fight with Gib and Rache. We are like brothers in that respect. We often fight, but nothing too serious. They've forgiven me for leaving."

Oh. That was an unexpected revelation.

"But," he continues, "they have never cared for Tier, so they are still angry about that."

I snort at this. "Yeah, I guess. I mean the whole Deliverance thing, right?"

"Right. Yes. But it turned out better than expected?"

The question mark at the end surprises me. "You have to ask?"

"You came out behind on that one, Junco."

He's right. I'm the only one who lost that fight, besides the people I killed to get the privilege of killing myself, that is. "Well, I'm glad you and your brothers are on better terms and all, but when can I see Tier?"

"He will come soon. Let's not talk about Tier, let's talk about the future."

"I thought that was for another time?"

"No, that was a conversation about you, Junco, and what you are now. That can wait, I think. But the future is upon us. We must get ready for it. Very soon the High Order will be here to judge me and if we're not ready for them, it will not turn out well."

"Not turn out well, as in… they might be angry? Or not turn out well as in the end of the world?"

"The latter."

"Oh." Well, that's just wonderful.

"But we have a plan and we will require your help. Will you help us?"

I shrug. "Sure, I guess. Is it difficult, what you need?"

He shakes his head. "No, not difficult, it just requires accurate timing."

"OK." I mean, really. What am I gonna say? Hey, thanks for rescuing me from my evil mother who violated my body for two years, no, sorry I can't help you evade aliens when they return to Earth to punish you, whatever that means?

No, obviously I'm not going to say that. "What happens if we don't have the timing down?"

"Many people will die, Junco."

"How many?"

"It depends. Tens of millions if we are lucky and all goes well. Tens of billions if we are unlucky and are unable to get things working in time. Everyone, if we fail to initiate."

"Oh."

He looks down at me and brushes a fingertip along my cheek. The chills run up my spine and burst out onto my arms. He notices and the heat rises in my face. "I need you, Junco. I require your help. Will you help me?"

His words are so soft I almost don't recognize them as Lucan. "How could I ever say no? I mean, I will help, want to help, but you don't really think I'd refuse, do you?"

"I don't know you very well, I have to admit. You are capable of quite a bit more than I imagined. Gideon has revealed some things and…"

I lose track of his words for a moment. "What things?" I ask, interrupting. "What did Gideon tell you?"

"You had a difficult childhood, that's all."

I frown. "Please don't ask about that. It's my past, do you understand? If I wanted to share it, I would. It feels… wrong for you to know things that I've kept close."

"I do understand, Junco. I've kept things close myself. I didn't ask, he simply… offered. As a way of explanation."

Explanation of what?

I know he hears that question inside my head but he chooses to ignore it.

"I have to go now. I cannot stay, but Ashur is around, just ask Gideon or Selia to call him if you need anything."

I nod. "OK."

"Try and relax for a few weeks, Junco. Think of this as a vacation. Rest. Will you rest?"

Oh, the irony is back. I almost laugh but I’m afraid that might cause Lucan to worry about my sanity. So I simply shrug. "Sure, whatever."

He leaves me there, a look of hope across his face.

I almost feel guilty for the lies of omission.

Almost.

Chapter Four

The sunset leftovers still cling with blurry determination to the edge of the fading horizon, mixing perfectly with the deep azure blue of the Sargasso Sea beyond the breakwall.

I've been sitting out here all evening feeling a little sorry for myself but no one seems to have noticed. Not Selia, who’s been busy all day with her pilot lessons. Not Gideon, who barely knows I'm alive these days. I might as well stayed in the tank for all the attention he gives me. Not Lucan. He's been missing since that talk we had out on the terrace a few weeks ago.

And no one else has even bothered to visit. No one.

Unless you count Isten's memories.

So I sit around here on Sargassum, this massive artificial island resort that for some reason Gideon decided to make his home base years ago. And when I think about it too long it really pisses me off. That he'd come here. To paradise. While I was back in the RR falling to pieces and going insane with the lies and the guilt and the violence.

The water laps gently against the flat black rock I sit on. The security of the seawall prevents the sound most beach-loving people crave. Breaking waves. There are no breaking waves on the interior atolls of the resort. And this small, privately funded and guarded island is far inside the protective circle.

A flyer passes over and my eyes track it as it lands on the tall building behind me.

Who could that be? My heart beats a little quicker. Maybe they didn't forget? Maybe it's my dad!

Junco?

Yeah?

Come home. Now.

My face brightens. The flyer
is
for me. I gather up my towel and jump across the rocks until I make the sand. My feet dig in as I jog back towards the massive high-rise and then I force myself to stop and walk calmly as I pass the guards and wait for my elevator.

My guard today is Sho—some warrior Gid has kept close over the years for whatever reason. He's the one I was afraid of that day I came out of my room. I'm still afraid of him to be honest. I'm pretty much afraid to talk to anyone these days so I don't look at or speak to him as he follows me into the elevator, I just tap my foot impatiently as we ascend and when the doors open my heart is buzzing with excitement.

I catch a flurry of black wings ascending the terrace stairs, going up to the flyer pad on the roof, and look over to Gid for an explanation.

Gid looks away.

My legs kick into high gear and I take the steps two at a time and burst up to the pad just as he's about to climb in his waiting flyer.

"Tier?"

He stops mid stride but doesn't turn.

"Are you leaving? Without even saying hello to me?" My eyes burn and my throat clenches up as the words leave my mouth.

His head drops and his chest heaves a little. And then he turns and I step back.

He's glowing green with anger.

"I didn't come to see you, Junco. I had a message for Gideon."

"Oh." I feel the tears but control them. "Well, you can stay now that you're here."

He shakes his head. "I'm not staying."

"Why? I mean, are you mad at me?"

He laughs. "Is that a real question?" He storms over to me, pushes his body up against me and stares me down, emphasizing the height difference between us. I have to tip my head up severely to meet his gaze.

A challenge. He's challenging me.

I squint up at him, annoyed. "What the hell are you doing?"

His hair is cropped short, much shorter than when I saw him last and he's wearing a black uniform but it's not Aves like we used to wear. It's got a lot of little things dangling off it. Like a service uniform. Or an officer's uniform. An officer of excessive rank. He is definitely running something, and it's not just some elite warrior team, that's for sure. From the ribbons and medals I'd say it was an army.

"I'm doing my best not to smack ya down to the ground, Junco. That's what I'm doing." His growl comes out with such venom I step back and look away. "I came here to deliver a message and believe me, if there was anyone else to deliver it, I wouldn't have come."

I keep my head turned. "Why? Why are you acting like this? Why haven't you come to visit?" I look back and wait to see if he will answer. "I've only been here a few weeks, Tier. I have no way to leave. I'm stuck in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. How could I have found a way to see you on my own?"

"Fuck, yer so stupid."

The shock leaves my body as a gasp. "What?"

"Ya think I want ta see ya after what ya did? Really, Junco? Ya think I'd just forgive something like that?"

"Something like what? Like what, Tier?"

His face dips down to mine and he bares his teeth at me. They are not the same teeth I remember. Fangs, almost. "You had a choice back there in the Runout valley, Junco. Us or them." His head motions behind me and I turn to find Gideon and Selia standing at the top of the stairs.

I swallow. "That's not fair."

"Not fair, eh?" He pushes me this time and I stumble backward. "Not fair? What's not fair is the baby ya killed when you let that bitch take ya."

Now it's my turn to growl. "Fuck you.
Fuck you!
I didn't let her do anything!"

He storms towards me again and Gideon covers the distance between us at a run. "Don't touch her again, Tier. Or I fucking swear—"

Tier's bright green eyes look up and find Gideon. "Ya swear what? What? You'll do what, exactly, Gideon? Because I'd like nothing better than fight ya to the death right now." He clenches his fists and turns away from me, still talking. "You had a choice, Junco. I told ya." He turns his rage back to me. "I told ya I wanted ta quit. So we could have a normal life. And what did you do? You chose chaos and death, just like ya always do. This incessant fascination you have with death, it makes me
sick
."

I'm silent.

"That was my child too."

The tears slip out.

"And ya killed it." He breaks our stare and looks over to Gideon. "For him."

My chest starts to heave as breathing becomes difficult.

"Gideon told me what ya said."

I look over to Gid and he turns away.

"That you killed yerself because you just wanted to die. You never cared about saving me."

I shake my head, but he continues.

"Ya never trusted me."

I'm breathing funny now, the air coming and going in gasps.

"You only care about yerself, Junco. And I can't live like that. You don't need me because ya don't need anyone. You only want what you can't have and ya know why? Because then you can blame yer failure to get these impossible things on yer horrible fucking life. On all the things those people did ta ya. Ya never look at yerself and ask how you contribute to yer own unhappiness."

Lucan appears behind him in his ancient armor and black wings, looking like Satan straight out of Dante's Inferno.