I Am Not Junco Omnibus: Books Four - Six (90 page)

A shiver runs through my whole body and I want to die of sadness so bad, that’s how much this touches my heart.

“Three,” he keeps going.

“Four,” we say together as we breathe in and out. “Five… in, out, six… in, out, seven…”

I sink into him a little so I can hear the beats that go with the numbers. I close my eyes and my cheek rests against the soft chubby thigh of the little green-eyed baby.

The last number I remember us saying together is sixty.

Chapter Thirty-Four—TIER

The Stag

It takes every last bit of willpower to scoop up Junco and the baby and take them back inside. She’s gonna hate me for drugging her when she wakes up. The guard gives me a sympathetic smile as he opens the door and lets me pass. Everyone is waiting around looking a little confused and then Junco’s mother rushes up and takes the baby. She cuddles and coos at her as she walks back over to the glass room.

It’s not hard to see things from Junco’s perspective. I understand how she’s feeling. And I want what she wants just as bad. More, maybe. It’s killing me to have everything I ever wanted and not have it be permanent, but Lucan’s words come back to me. Whenever I’d complain about things not lasting long enough—stupid things, like a game with Ashur when we were small or time off to do fun things with no work—Lucan would always remind me that nothing lasts forever. And I always thought that was stupid coming from him. He’s eternal. How could nothing last forever if you’re eternal?

His answer shut me down every time. And I’d like to give it to Junco but somehow I don’t think she’d take it as a gift. Because Lucan’s answer was always the same—
I live for now, Raubtier. Because even though I know I’ll be here tomorrow, that doesn’t guarantee the things I love will be here with me
.

That might send Junco over the edge.

But it’s true. It’s so, so true.

“Annun,” I say, walking over to him. “Get the weapon. Ashur,” I call. He nods to me from across the room. “I’ll talk to Gideon and then you. Let’s get this moving.”

“I’ll be here.” Ashur sends me a half-hearted smile and I feel his sadness too.

I nod to Gid and he pulls himself away from the a cage where Subjack and Carolinia are getting the baby settled to walk over to me. “This it?” he asks.

I nod. “This is it. Where should I put her?” I ask, nodding to Junco. “I drugged her with the wings, but it won’t last.”

He beckons me to follow him down to her bedroom and I place her on top of the covers. I lean down and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear. “I loved every moment we spent together, Junco.”

When I pull myself away Gideon is out in the hallway waving me into his childhood bedroom.

“OK, spill,” he says in a fatigued, but matter-of-fact way. “I can’t take it anymore. Just tell me what the order is.”

I have every intention of doing so, but somehow a whole other set of words comes out of my mouth. “What’s yer purpose here, Gideon? What? Ya work for Inanna and you took care of Junco, why?”

“Why?” he laughs. “I love her, Tier. She’s a part of me. I practically raised her. When things got rough, I was her comfort. When she needed help, I was there. I spent my whole childhood, from the day she was born, trying to hold it together for her. I taught her how to talk, did you know that?”

I watch his eyes as he says all this. They dart back and forth to my own, shifting, not able to stay in one place for very long. I don’t answer him even though he’s waiting.

“She couldn’t talk for a long time, much longer than most babies. They started thinking she was gonna be uncommunicative, and that was never gonna work for the training she needed.” He stops to swallow hard, like he’s building up the nerve to say what’s got to be said. “Matthew was always looking for reasons to put her down like a dog. Any little thing and he’d jump on that idea. He reported to Inanna. Him and I. But no one else did. Not Subjack or Carolinia, not James or Dale. Only Matthew and I had that pleasure. And the rules were very clear. We were to prepare her for this order. This one final order that would come from someone other than us.”

He stops to look at me harshly for a moment, maybe weighing all the times he’s resented me for being the one to hand her the final punishment for doing what she’s told.

“But Junco fought us at every opportunity.” He laughs a little now and so do I, cause I can just picture it. “She fucking rebelled like that was her only purpose in life, ya know?”

I nod out a yes.

“And the no-talking shit was just the beginning. She could talk. Hell, once I made her admit it when she was three, she never
stopped
talking. But she never wanted to give us what we wanted. She always wanted to do the opposite. If I said wake up early, she’d wake up late on purpose. So finally we just started telling her to do the opposite.” We laugh again, this time a little longer. “
You have to eat that dinner, Junco.
She had these medical tests all summer when she was seven. They required her to fast, but if we said she couldn’t eat until tomorrow she’d find a way to sneak some food and ruin everything. So I’d tell her to eat that damn dinner. And she’d refuse. Problem solved. Right?”

He’s looking at me with a weird expression. Almost pleading with me to agree. “Gideon, as much as I can appreciate the cuteness of a defiant baby Junco…” It’s my turn to stop and smile, picturing her with HOUSE. “I mean, I can, really, really
can
appreciate that. And I find her almost… adorable in a psychotic killer kind of way. But I can’t afford for her to play games this time. I need her to follow yer order, so tell me, because if you don’t think she’s gonna do it, we need to know this before I stand in front of the being who technically owns this planet, and defy him in a very big way.”

He sighs. “I know, but here’s the thing, Tier. I don’t control her any more than you do. I will give the order you tell me to, and I will do my damnedest to make sure she chooses to follow it, but there’s just no guarantees with this girl.”

I glare at him, not in anger, but determination. “Gideon, I need a guarantee. Ya understand? I’m putting myself up there, but if Junco won’t do her job then I can’t do mine. We’re twined in this way, in our destinies. We depend one on the other to complete them. And if she refuses, then my job won’t get done, the Earth will be overridden with Angels, and one particularly nasty man named Aesin will kill every sentient being on this planet. So can you make her follow yer order even if she wants to refuse?”

“No,” he says with no emotion. “I can’t make her, but I’ll use every bit of power and pull I have over her to try my best.”

I huff out some air and turn away.

Junco is staring at me from her doorway.

“You were gonna leave me, weren’t you? And not say goodbye.”

“Junco, I love ya, darlin’, but this is not about us.”

She nods her head but stays silent. A quiet Junco is almost worse than an irate and angry one.

“So when Gideon tells you to complete the mission, no questions—”

“Just be a good little soldier, right?” she quips before I can finish. “Just say
yes, sir
and
more please
?”

“Yes. Yes, that’s what I need you to do, Junco. How much more clear can I make it?”

She shrugs this off like it’s nothing. “I’m not gonna do it.”

“You will.”

“I won’t.”

“Junco, I swear to God—”

“There is no God, so you can swear to anything you want. I do not care. I quit.”

“Ya don’t quit! This is a military fucking mission and you are still my warrior! You will follow the order and you will—”

“No!”

I grab her by the shirt and shake her. Gideon puts an arm between Junco and I, and then pulls her away. “Enough of that, Tier.”

“Junco, you will obey!”

“I won’t.”

“Then you’ll kill me, is that what you want? Ta kill me? Ya want to be the one who finishes me off? Because if you refuse, Junco, that’s what’ll happen. OK? You understanding this, princess?”

She glares at me for the insult but I wait her out.

“You’re lying, I can tell. I won’t kill you if I refuse.”

“Ya will, darlin’. Ya will. I’ll die and it will be all yer fault.”

Annun walks up with the weapon and Junco folds her arms across her chest, defiant. I take the weapon and hand it to Junco. It’s longer than she is tall, but she takes it with a look of awe on her eyes. “What’s this?”

“That’s your sniper rifle, darlin’. It holds a SEAR knife. Yours and yours only. You load it, you shoot the target, you save the world. You refuse, we all die. And I’ll be the first, because I’ll be the one up there in Peaks standing for Lucan.”

I turn to Gideon, so angry I’m shaking. “You wait forty-five minutes, then ya take her to Peaks.” I look over at Junco. “To the hotel you and HOUSE stayed in before Rikan found ya and brought ya back to the Subjack Mountain. You remember?” She nods, her eyes trained on mine. I can see the soldier in her coming through, even though she doesn’t want it to. “Ya stay on the roof, set up the rifle—it’s a simple bolt-action, just like the ones ya used in sniper school, Junco. The SEAR is the same size as the rounds used for yer .50 caliber. Understand?”

She never takes her eyes off me, and they are still defiant. But she swallows down her rebellion and nods.

“You load it, you aim, you shoot, you save the world. It’s that simple.”

She does not believe me, but she keeps quiet and I guess that’s the best I can hope for at the moment.

“Gideon, you have thirty minutes to get her one hundred percent compliant and I’ll send Annun to the hotel roof with the target. I’m leaving now. Annun, get the demon Iliana and meet me in Peaks in ten minutes.” I stop to stare Junco in the eyes and she looks a little panicked. “I’m leaving,” I repeat. “And you better get on board, Junco. You exist for this moment in time. Everything you’ve ever done is tied up in this last command. So when yer handler here tells ya, you will complete the mission, soldier. You will do yer job or my death, my blood, my torture and pain will all be on yer hands. And you’ll have to spend eternity with that fact. That you could’ve saved me but ya didn’t.”

I walk away before she sees the lie behind my words. Because I need her to believe this more than anything. I need her to believe that what she’ll do will save me, not condemn me to hell. I stride into the big room, leaving Gid and Juncs to sort it out, and make my way over to Ashur and Selia who are sitting at a table. I pull Selia to her feet and look at Ashur. “I’m taking Selia. Lucan gave her to Caleb as a gift. I’m sorry, brother, but you’ll thank me later.”

And then I port away, stealing his woman and setting off a chain of events that will count down the minutes until total annihilation.

Chapter Thirty-Five—LUCAN

Outer Solar System High Order Ship

The Reliving was both a blessing and a curse. I had not specifically thought about Amelia since I made her replacement. My wife, my Amelia who is now a captured soul with Crage, is not the Amelia I fell in love with. I reminded myself of this fact over and over again relentlessly for more than a thousand years after Gib helped me create the AI that would run our capital habitat after Sera and I had a falling out.