I Am What I Am (23 page)

(As it turned out, though, costume and I still had to do a little tucking on the day of the shoot, because when Jack rises from the ashes and faces Gwen, Ianto and Rhys, ‘my boys’ were clearly visible.)

The temperature on the day we were set to film was typical of the Cardiff climate: bloody cold. After the set designers did their initial prep work of the scene, they realized the problem I was going to have was with a different set of balls – the balls of my feet. The rocks were razor-sharp, and after Jack emerges from his tomb,
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he must walk barefoot towards Gwen, Ianto and Rhys.

While the cameras weren’t rolling, a strategically placed towel covered my bare bits. As far as Gareth, Kai Owen (who plays Rhys) and Eve were concerned, underneath that towel was a jock – worn to protect their innocent eyes when Jack rises up
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from the rubble and walks towards them.

Cameras roll. Sound runs. Action.

Jack climbs naked out of the rubble and walks towards his rescuers, who, if you watch the scene very carefully, are not just smiling broadly because they’re thrilled that Jack is back and in one complete piece, but because I failed to tell them
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that I had decided not to wear a jock. Their expressions are priceless, and they get even better when they try not to acknowledge that I have Always sanitary towels with trimmed wings stuck to the bottom of my feet.

The relationship between Jack and Ianto has grown over the series to become one of the strongest plot threads that you’ll see in any dramatic TV show, and I’m so proud to be part of it given that it’s between two men. In ‘Children of Earth’, the subplot and the banter surrounding Jack and Ianto’s couple status brought humour and pathos to the episodes. I particularly loved the fact that in ‘Children of Earth’, the writers presented viewers with two distinct relationships at different points in their evolution – Rhys and Gwen contemplating buying a house and Gwen’s pregnancy, and Jack and Ianto becoming a more public couple – and each was given the same emotional depth.

Fans have been devastated by Ianto’s death and the tearing asunder of this iconic TV relationship. As a fan and as Captain Jack, I share their sadness, I really do – but I also like to think that Ianto and Jack’s groundbreaking relationship will have set precedents for similar partnerships to be created in other TV shows. Plus, never underestimate the power of an imagination, especially Russell’s. Who knows what (or who) is in Jack’s future?

Nevertheless, the filming of the scene in which Gwen identifies Jack and Ianto’s bodies was a heartbreaking one to film for the three of us.

The moment needed lots of tissues and a bit of humour to get Gareth, Eve and me through it.

Cameras roll. Sound runs. Action.

Gwen kneels next to Jack’s draped body, which is spread out among all the dead from the 456’s attack on Thames House.
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She steels herself against what she’s going to find. She gently lifts back the sheet. And I pop up in a fake beard and moustache, belting out ‘Everything’s Coming Up Roses’ – with jazz hands.

Another poignant and brilliant experience I’ve had on a set as Captain Jack was the filming of ‘Journey’s End’: the finale of
Doctor Who
series four. All the Doctor’s companions – Catherine Tate’s Donna, Billie Piper’s Rose, Noel Clarke’s Mickey, Freema Agyeman’s Martha, Elisabeth Sladen’s Sarah Jane, and Jack – came back to help the Doctor save the world … again.

I never feel complacent about filming on
Doctor Who
– because no matter how many times I’m invited back, for a big or small part, I’m thrilled. I love the fact that Captain Jack has become a mate of the Doctor. Every time I step on the
Doctor Who
set, time morphs for me to late on a Sunday night in front of a TV in a small suburb of Chicago, and I’m ‘Wee John’ curled up on the couch – with a cushion poised for maximum scare coverage – watching the Doctor battle Daleks, Autons and Davros.

For me, playing Captain Jack on this episode in particular, and in the series in general, has given me many memorable moments. One such was when all the companions were standing unified on the TARDIS, and we were all controlling it. Unless there’s some kind of special anniversary episode in the future, when we all lumber onto the set with our zimmers leading a charge, such a gathering will never be seen on the TARDIS again.

Another was the moment when Sarah Jane and Jack came face-to-face with Davros. For my money, Davros was always more diabolical
than the Master, darker than Darth Vader, and more evil than the Joker. Davros is the pinnacle of villainy, and Jack and the Doctor kicked his arse. How cool was that?

I realize that writing this next paragraph may plunge me even deeper into the valleys of geekdom,
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but here goes anyway. I think the scene where Davros shoots Jack and he falls, and the Doctor, and everyone else watching, knows that Jack can’t die, is an immeasurably important one when it comes to the Doctor’s perception of Jack and their relationship. By using Jack in this way, the Doctor is finally admitting that Jack may not be a completely ‘impossible thing’ after all. The Doctor has finally accepted Jack for who he is – no longer only a ‘fixed point in time and space’, but a complex, deeply flawed, compassionate … human being. As a
Doctor Who
fan, filming this scene was like playing with live action figures – and I was one of them.
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Liz Sladen, who plays Sarah Jane, and I were standing together on set when Davros first came out from effects. Instinctively, I grabbed her hand and immediately she squeezed mine back. Davros freaked out both of us, and for a few seconds we stood and stared in terror as he moved in closer and began to speak.

The first time I met Liz was a couple of years earlier: I was in the lift going up to my flat in Cardiff Bay, which was also where she lived when she was filming
The Sarah Jane Adventures
. I apologized for my gushing even before I’d gushed.

‘I’m really pleased to meet you. I’m a bit gobsmacked that I’m standing in front of Sarah Jane.’

‘The feeling’s mutual,’ she replied. ‘I love Captain Jack and John Barrowman.’

I offered that maybe Jack could do some work on
The Sarah Jane Adventures
some day, because I think they’d have good fun together, and I meant it. They would have an intriguing chemistry because Sarah Jane doesn’t like or use violence and, well, Jack does.

Then there was the day I first met Catherine Tate, on the
Doctor Who
set. One of the ADs said, ‘Catherine, this is John Barrowman.’

I couldn’t help myself. I walked right up to her and said, ‘Aw … rieeght,’ mimicking the yob character she made famous from
The Catherine Tate Show
.

I regretted it immediately. I wished for a black hole to open up and swallow me right there – or, better yet, I thought about crawling inside the TARDIS, seeing the light and letting myself be disintegrated. Instead, I put my head in my hands, and moaned.

David Tennant stepped up next to me, and in a hushed voice he said, ‘Don’t worry. We’ve all done it.’

Catherine knew how iconic her comedy characters had become and she was fine with an occasional burst of dialogue or antics from her show seeping onto the set. She and I had a good laugh when we were working together.
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She was naturally funny, plus she loved to sing. In fact, one day, after a particularly rousing rendition of ‘9 to 5’ from Catherine,
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I rang Trevor Jackson at Sir Cameron Mackintosh’s office. I let him know that if there was ever another anniversary performance of
Les Mis
, Catherine would like to play Madame Thénardier. In fact, Catherine’s a closet musical-theatre fan. Loves a bit of the sparkle, does our Catherine.
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Of course, changes are afoot on
Doctor Who
. I’ve no doubt when we look back on the new Doctor’s first exploits, we’ll all remember that we may have vented a bit about Matt Smith and how he’s just not like David, but sometime after those initial little rants, we’ll have adjusted and grown to love him, and we’ll be travelling with our new Doctor wherever he may take us. It’s the nature of the character that change is inevitable.

In my mind, Christopher Eccleston may have been the Doctor who launched Captain Jack, but David Tennant was my Doctor, the one I sailed with. Give me a moment or two, please.

The first time I met the new Doctor, Matt Smith, he’d come to the
BBC Television Centre in London to meet with the public-relations department. I was in the same office, reviewing my interview schedule for
Tonight’s the Night
. I introduced myself and we chatted for about ten minutes. He said he’d love for his Doctor’s and Jack’s paths to cross in their futures. We laughed about a couple of our favourite
Doctor Who
moments, I wished him great success, and he left. As soon as he disappeared
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down the hall, I turned to the others in the office and said, ‘I feel as if I just cheated on David.’

The year between early 2007 and mid 2008 became ‘the year of awful endings’ for me. Russell T. Davies and Julie Gardner announced they were stepping away from the helm of
Doctor Who
; David Tennant revealed he was moving on to other galaxies; and, as I’ve mentioned, three of my beloved dogs passed away.

David’s moving on made me melancholy for a while. I have to admit his leaving felt a bit like the other brother in the family leaving home. But then I realized that I love the show, I love David, and in the end every Doctor leaves us. David had lots of other things he wanted to do in the entertainment business, and I could understand and completely respect that.

When David came to see my ‘An Evening with John Barrowman’ concert in Cardiff, I made sure he was in a private box
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because otherwise he’d have been mobbed. Playing the Doctor has changed his life, as much as playing Jack has changed mine, and David’s genuineness and his compassion have never faltered.

For example, when it was announced this past year that mobile-phone numbers were going to be published, David texted all his friends who were actors, telling us which website to visit to have our numbers removed. I thought it was so sweet that he’d think about all of us in that way. That’s the kind of dish we share on
Doctor Who
.

I was not surprised at Russell’s announcement to turn the Doctor’s universe over to Steven Moffat, a great writer who helped me to find Jack’s voice. Russell and I are alike in many ways and one of our
similarities is that we not only embrace fresh challenges, but we actively seek them out. For Russell, like David, it was time to move on to something new. I must admit, however, that the part of his news that did come as a shock was learning that his new challenge might take him to work in the US.

I’d love to be sitting at an outdoor table at The Ivy in LA when Russell takes a meeting with a group of American producers and cuts right through their Hollywood bullshit. Russell doesn’t conform to anyone’s expectations but his own, and, like his writing, he sees a metaphor in most things, and most people’s metaphors don’t fit his expansive and creative way of thinking.

Russell’s co-executive producer on
Doctor Who
and
Torchwood
, Julie Gardner, moved to the US to run BBC Worldwide, so I imagine Russell will be collaborating again with Julie.
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If you want drama that pushes boundaries and is brilliantly written, you want Russell T. Davies on your script.

I’m never surprised when people move on. When I think back to some of my closing nights in the West End, I can still see two or three people who would sit, sobbing, on the couches in the corner, or stand gutting themselves at the bar, crying floods because the show had ended and things would never be the same again. I’ve never been like that. I get emotional, but I’ll do it over a celebratory glass of champagne – not into a hanky. I’m always moving, and I’m always moving on to the next thing.

One of the newer areas I’ve moved into recently was to record a series of BBC Radio 4
Torchwood
specials. The request came from BBC Radio through Gavin. Funnily enough, it arrived not long after I’d had an experience that related to the plot of the radio script.

I’d been invited to CERN in Geneva, Switzerland, by Royal Society Research Fellow, brilliant physicist, ex-D:Ream keyboard player, and really cool guy, Brian Cox, to visit the Large Hadron Collider
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– where they hope to recreate and then study the conditions of the universe’s creation. Scott and his parents, Sheelagh and Stirling, travelled with
me, and each of us was able to step inside the collider tunnel itself, which is about seventeen miles long and runs deep underground along the French and Swiss borders.

On behalf of Captain Jack and myself, I planted my feet directly on the spot where the opposing particle beams will collide, recreating the Big Bang and obliterating that fixed point in space and time forever. I felt an incredible rush standing on that spot. In years past, what these scientists are now planning would have been the stuff of science fiction – only seen, perhaps, by Captain Jack in one of his futures – but yet here I was, standing on the site where a mind-blowing reality would take place.

Scott and his folks loved visiting the Hadron Collider at least as much as I did. In fact, for the Gills, I think it’s safe to say that this visit to CERN to see the consequences of decades of scientific research, creativity and hard work ranked in their top-five all-time best experiences.

When I read the script for
Torchwood ‘
Lost Souls’, the first BBC Radio 4 special, I loved it and immediately agreed to sign up. Because of my visit to CERN, I was able to describe vividly to Gareth, Eve and Freema what I’d seen in the collider, helping them to visualize what we were performing.

The day I was in the studio for
‘
Lost Souls’, relating my trip, I had one of those moments when you know it’s you speaking, but it’s as if you’re listening rather than talking. I sounded as if I really knew what I was talking about! I could hear myself describe and explain in ‘showbiz words’
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what it was hoped the collider would achieve and what scientists might learn from it; sadly, three days later I couldn’t tell you what I’d had for lunch that day. My brain works that way sometimes when it gets overloaded.
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