I Call Him Brady (13 page)

             
Drowning in my own thoughts I was barely aware of the door opening or the sound of footsteps as May came into the room.

             
She didn’t say anything. She just lowered herself down to the floor and lay down on her side facing me.

             
“Jessa?” My voice was strained like I’d been shouting for hours.

             
“Margo.”

             
And so we laid there. No questions, no explanations. Just silence and the comfort of her presence. And just like that, sleep came.

              When I woke up the room was pitch black. May had placed a blanket over me, but aside from that, nothing else had changed. I was still in the exact same position I had been in before. I slowly moved my hand to move the hair from my cheek where it had matted and stuck to my skin after getting soaked in my tears.

             
It seemed ridiculous to move so gingerly, but my physical body felt fragile somehow, as if I’d literally fall to pieces from the inside out if I moved too rapidly. It was stupid, but it felt real.

             
Carefully, I lifted my body up until I was standing upright. I felt dizzy. Probably from lack of food. I didn’t bother searching for the light, but moved until I found my way through the darkness of the room and into the hall that would lead to the door.

             
I gazed up at the stairs like they were freaking Mount Everest for what felt like an hour, but was probably less than sixty seconds. When I finally made it to the top, there seemed to be a delay between my brain and my hand and I eventually reverted to thumping my forehead on the door to get someone’s attention.

             
May opened it just as I was leaning in again. I nearly fell flat on my face.

             
“What are you doing?”

             
“Knocking.” The bright light was blinding me and I had to shut my eyes. The dizziness came back. “I need to sit down.”

             
May grabbed for my elbow as I stumbled forward until I reached the living room and landed on the couch.

             
“I’m so sorry,” I wept.

             
“What are you talking about?” She was almost horrified by my admission.

             
“I just dumped everything on you today. And Jessa…she probably doesn’t know what the hell is going on.” I buried my face in my hands as the tears I thought had dried up for good made a successful comeback.

             
“First of all, you didn’t dump anything on me. I took everything from you. I could have easily peeled you up off of the floor and made you do all your own shit, but I didn’t want to. Second, Jessa is fine. She was worried about you, but I told her you were just really tired after going out last night and needed some rest. She’s having a sleepover at Margo’s. Last time I checked they were watching Mary Poppins for the third time already.”

             
I sniffed. “Thank you.”

             
“Don’t be stupid.” She turned and walked back into the kitchen. I could hear dishes clanking and water running. Before long the kettle whistled and I knew there would be a hot cup of tea in my near future.

             
She came back shortly after and handed me a warm mug. At first the lack of appetite made me want to vomit at the thought of even taking a sip, but once I forced the first one down, the heavenly liquid began to soothe away the physical aches. The heart ones I would have to live with.

             
“Why?” It wasn’t an accusation. She was sitting right next to me, facing straight ahead.

             
I cleared my throat. “There was a moment when things got heated. Austin and I moved at the same time and I wound up flying backwards into the kitchen cabinets. Brady lost it. He lunged for Austin and pinned him to the wall by his throat. Before that he threatened to break his neck.” I had to bite my lip to keep from breaking down again. “Turns out Austin was expecting something like that. He had his phone in his shirt pocket. Recorded the whole thing. Said he would go to the media with some bogus story and use the recording to back it up.”

             
My head fell to my chest. “I don’t get it. How did Austin even know?” I didn’t really expect May to have the answer.

             
“It was all over the internet. You and Brady. Someone took pictures of the two of you leaving the gallery last night. You were kissing.”

             
“Oh.” I should have known. Maybe being followed by the paparazzi wasn’t normal by my standards, but I’d googled Jack Cole often to know it was by his.

             
“Why didn’t you just tell Brady the truth?” I knew she wasn’t questioning the choice I had made, she simply wanted to know.

             
“He never would have left. He would have just let Austin slander him thinking it would eventually blow over. But I know Austin. He would have never let it go. You know how he is. How people respond to him. People would have been eating out of the palm of his hand just sucking up whatever bullshit lines he spewed out. He wouldn’t have stopped until he ruined Brady’s career.”

             
“Embers, he was devastated. He would have ditched Hollywood in a heartbeat to be with you,” she said quietly.

             
“I know that. But how would I live with myself? How would I feel ten years from now knowing that I was the reason he gave up everything? Even if he thought it was worth it, I would never see it that way. Love shouldn’t have to come with that kind of sacrifice. Besides, it only leads to resentment in the long run. If he’s going to hate me for something, I’d rather it was this.”

             
She reached over to take the empty cup from me and place it on the coffee table beside her own. Then she came back for my hand and held it tight in hers. Only this was the first time in my life I didn’t think she’d have enough in her to fill the void in me.

M
y buddy Cris met me at the airport when I got back. It was barely five in the afternoon, but all I wanted to do was go to bed. He tried repeatedly to get me to go out and blow off some steam, but he didn’t get it. He hadn’t ever had a girl like Embers and then lost her.

             
After finally giving in, he brought me home. Cris walked in with me where I left him standing in the foyer to go find my bed. I dropped down onto the mattress fully clothed and passed the fuck out.

             
When I woke up the next morning I noticed the television was playing before I even opened my eyes.

             
“What are you still doing here?”

             
Cris was sitting on the small sectional in the corner, dozing to the sound of Gilligan’s Island’s theme song. His eyes popped open when he heard me.

             
“You were acting fucking weird last night. I wasn’t sure I should leave you here alone.”

             
Crisco and I had been friends since middle school. His real name was Jeff, but he had made everyone call him Crisco starting back in sixth grade. Guess he had thought it sounded badass or something. That was before he found out it was lard. By then it was too late. No one ever called him Jeff again.

             
“You didn’t have to stay, but thanks.” I was inching my way over to the edge of the mattress. A shower would be good. Cris was still watching me like I was a patient at the mental ward.

             
“She really fucked you up, didn’t she?”

             
I stood up and nodded. “Yeah, she really did.”

Despite my arguments, May had forced me out of bed the next morning and insisted I actually eat something. We were in the middle of breakfast when we heard it. That loud bleeping sound big trucks made when they were backing up. It was so close we had no choice but to assume a semi was about to come crashing through the walls.  Stupidly, we ran straight for it. Well, the window anyway.

It was hard to believe what we were looking at. A large tow-truck was delivering our food truck straight to our front door.

“Guess news travels fast even without the paparazzi.” May opened the window and leaned out. “You bring the keys for that thing?”

The guy unhooking the chains connecting our truck to the one towing it, lifted his free hand, waving a thumbs up. “In the driver’s seat.”

I should have felt elated by the sight of our truck sitting in the driveway, but really it was just another reminder of the fact that I would never see Brady again and what my mistakes of the past had cost me and my future.

We were headed down the stairs to see the truck up close. After it had been with Austin all this time, there was no telling the condition it would be in.

“How much you think it cost Austin to have that thing towed up here? I mean, why not just drive it back himself?” May pushed the front door open and a warm breeze brushed over me. A strangely pleasant sensation reminding me that I was still alive, even when parts of me didn’t feel like it.

“I doubt he paid anything. Probably knew somebody. Whatever car lot he’s working at these days, I’m sure they have cars brought in that way all the time. Besides, I’m glad he didn’t bring it himself.”

Aside from the fact that the truck was completely empty and needed to be stocked in everything from condiments to paper plates, it was in surprisingly good condition. It even looked as if it had been wiped down fairly recently.

Grateful for something to do that would monopolize my mind, but would actually require very little thought, I got ready and we headed out to load up on all of the needed supplies.

We weren’t the only ones relieved to have the truck back. Grilla was so stoked, he volunteered to come out and give it a full on scrub down to make sure it was health department approved in time for that night.

May didn’t waste even a second in getting the word out about our resurrection, blasting the news all across the internet. The outpouring of excited foodie fans was overwhelming and instantly put to rest any fears we had had regarding the demise of our beloved food truck business.

That night we made and sold more food than we ever had and for the first time in Funky Fresh Foodie history, we had to close down early. It was the most amazing welcome back we could ever have hoped for. And
it made me realize that there was yet another good bye I had to say. One I’d been putting off for long enough. One I knew was unfair to avoid any further the moment I’d felt the pain of letting go.

After dropping Grilla back at his car, May and I made the drive back home. I was sure to pick the driver’s seat because I knew it would help me keep my shit together if I had the road to focus on and not May.

“Tonight was incredible.” She rolled down the window and let the warm air come in and fill up the cab.

“Yeah. It was.”

She turned to look at me. “You know you’re not always going to feel this way, don’t you?”

I nodded. “I do.” I turned onto the highway. “The thing is, you can’t stick around until that happens though.”

“What are you talking about?” May was nearly coming out of her seat. Yet another reason I wished she would wear her damn seat belt every once in a while. If not for her own safety, at least for mine.

“I’m talking about the fact that I can’t keep letting you put your life on hold. You need to move. Go and be with Marshall.” I refused to take my attention off of the road. I knew I would lose it any second and if I did, trying to convince her I would be alright on my own would be pointless.

I could see her shaking her head stubbornly out of the corner of my eye. “I’m not moving to fucking Detroit! Do you know what the winters there are like?”

“Stop it. Just stop. No one here buys that bullshit, and honestly, I’ve accepted it as a real reason for far too long. It was selfish. I needed you here and it was easy to believe that you never intended to leave, but we both know
if it wasn’t for me and Jessa, you would have moved to Detroit a long time ago.”

May was staring out of her own window now and I suspected she had started crying herself. She was anxiously chewing on her nubby little fingernails and I realized that perhaps staying hadn’t been entirely selfless after all.

“You’re scared.”

She nodded.

“Why?”

She sniffed loudly. “Because. It’s going to sound so dumb…but I’ve never gone anywhere without you. I mean, it’s been just the two of us since we turned eighteen and Mom moved back to Germany to take care of Omi.  Sure, you got married along the way and had Jessa, but I always felt like first and foremost, we were each other’s family. Leaving would mean letting go of that. It would mean trusting Marshall with your job. And I love him, but I don’t think he’s up to the task.”

Tears were basically gushing out of my eye balls at this point, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “May, he can handle it. I mean, I’m honored you place such high value on the part I play in your day to day life, but the truth is, he is more than capable of filling my shoes. Besides, I’m always gonna be just a phone call away.”

She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie. “But what about you? I can’t just leave you. Not now. Not after what happened with Brady.”

“May, that’s exactly why you need to go now. I’ll never be able to feel okay about letting you stay here for me ever again. Not when I know what it feels like to be apart. I promise I’ll be fine. I’ve got the truck back and Grilla and I can run things until we find a third person to help out. The business is solid now. I won’t have to worry about how to pay the bills. You did that for me. You helped get me to this place where I can take care of my daughter without having to depend on Austin. Soon I’ll buy the truck from him and then he won’t be able to interfere ever again. It’s time. It really is. I want you to go.”

We didn’t say anything else the rest of the ride home.

The next morning, May called Marshall and told him she was ready to make her next visit a more permanent one. I don’t think he even waited to get off of the phone before jumping in his truck and making the drive down here.

It took all of us less than three days to sort through all of May’s belongings and figure out what she did and didn’t need, and more importantly, what would actually fit into Marshall’s truck and the hamster mobile.

By the time we were done, the place was still furnished more or less, but the essence of May was gone and all of the walls had been stripped of her Beatles memorabilia. I had to swear to her repeatedly that I would wait at least six months to paint the walls, just in case. Marshall didn’t even flinch every time she voiced her concerns. At one point he smirked and said I better wait nine, to which May responded by punching him in the arm before being swept up in what was probably the hundredth or so dramatic kissing scene I’d seen since he’d arrived. I guess there was something to that old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder. For my own sake, I hoped it didn’t always apply.

When it was finally time to say good bye, I carried Jessa out into the driveway. I pretended I was doing it to comfort her, but the truth was I was much less likely to completely lose it if I was in total mom mode. Somehow it
was always easier to put my own feelings aside for hers. It had been that way from the moment she’d been conceived. Having a baby totally eliminates your selfish streak…well, if you do it right.

I had explained the whole thing to Jessa as best I could, but she still didn’t really seem to understand why her aunt was leaving. And she definitely didn’t like it. We had to promise her repeatedly that she’d be able to Skype May daily and that May would be back home with us to celebrate her sixth birthday. We hadn’t broached the topic of Christmas yet, but I suspected it would come up sooner or later during a Skype chat.

There was one last thing I needed May to do for me and I had put it off to the very last minute. Not because I thought she wouldn’t do it, but because I had to gather up the determination to go through with it.

“Switch with me.” I held out my phone to her.

“Why?” She pulled her phone from her pocket, weighing it in her hand waiting for my explanation.

“Because. I already deleted his number, but if he should decide to call me at some point, I don’t want to be tempted to answer.” I held it out farther, shaking it at her. “Please. Just take it.”

May looked like she wanted to say something regarding the stupidity of my phone swap idea, but she kept her mouth shut and took the phone while handing me hers. It was done.

We rushed the hugs and farewells along as fast as we could, but it was pointless. We were all blubbering messes by the time May and Marshall finally got into their vehicles and drove off.

Jessa and I stood there waving at the empty driveway long after they were out of sight. Somehow, turning and walking into the house made things so final. I don’t think either of us was ready for it. So, we stood there. And when it started to rain, we went to Margo’s.

We stayed next door until Jessa fell asleep. I carried her back to our apartment in the dark, but I liked it better that way. It was easier not to have to see May’s door and know that she wasn’t sitting on her couch watching some stupid reality show right behind it.